How much longer can I do this?

LegacyUser

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and it still hurts so much and I miss him so much everyday. He still contacts me but I've contacted him very very little. Some weeks there has been just a few calls/texts from him and other weeks there's been many (somedays he's rung me a couple of times a day). I'm sure he doesn't want to get back with me but all the contact does give me some hope and also I hate to think of my future without him. He's also helped me out with some stuff too in order to have an excuse for the contact with me I think.

At the same time, its been 3 months now and I'm not accepting its over but I really don't want to feel this way in another 3 months. I've tried to not reply to texts or to not answer calls but I still love him so I'm delighted when he rings or texts me cos he must be thinking about me and still care cos I don't contact him so he could easily just stop ringing. But he doesn't. The reason for breaking up was that he said he didn't feel the same way but I know now that other stuff was going on too which i think is the more accurate reason.

I guess I'm just asking for opinions here cos I can't go on feeling sad and getting my hopes up every time he contacts me.

LegacyUser

Difficult issue OP.

What age are you guys?

Usually a guy will only keep contact if he's still interested (in some way) but if you are both very young he may not have learned the rules yet. Assuming he still feels the same as did at break up time then his motives are friendship/guilt/loneliness/wanting to keep options open/any combination of these... but none of these are good enough for you in your vulnerable state.

There's only one reply: take a piss or get off the pot.

In fact next time he texts that should be your reply. He'll get the picture. If his response is not appropriate your next (and final) response is: stop contacting me. Ignore any subsequent texts.

I'm assuming you're young. You'll have lots of other boys to wreck your head in future. I know its hard but don't let this pain drag on. BTW he will be back - it may be six months or fifteen years (oh I've seen it all before!) but being his 'friend' will only make things worse now. You want to be the girl-who-got-away, not the girl-who's-always-there-for-him.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

What age are you guys?

OP Here...

We're not that young at all actually !! Both very late 20's.
I really hate the thoughts of no contact with him but I know I have to try.
I'm just so sick of missing him. When will that end?

Eve_Dublin

Unregistered wrote: »

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and it still hurts so much and I miss him so much everyday. He still contacts me but I've contacted him very very little. Some weeks there has been just a few calls/texts from him and other weeks there's been many (somedays he's rung me a couple of times a day). I'm sure he doesn't want to get back with me but all the contact does give me some hope and also I hate to think of my future without him. He's also helped me out with some stuff too in order to have an excuse for the contact with me I think.

At the same time, its been 3 months now and I'm not accepting its over but I really don't want to feel this way in another 3 months. I've tried to not reply to texts or to not answer calls but I still love him so I'm delighted when he rings or texts me cos he must be thinking about me and still care cos I don't contact him so he could easily just stop ringing. But he doesn't. The reason for breaking up was that he said he didn't feel the same way but I know now that other stuff was going on too which i think is the more accurate reason.

I guess I'm just asking for opinions here cos I can't go on feeling sad and getting my hopes up every time he contacts me.

Hey OP, if you read through previous PIs you'll see that a hell of a lot of people have been in your position, myself included and the advice from other Boardies is ALWAYS the same: the ONLY way you're going to get over this fella is to cut ALL contact with him. I know from personal experience that it hurts like hell but I've the benefit of speaking from hindsight and I was torturing myself whenever I fooled myself into thinking I had a chance of getting back with an ex when he sent me a text or phoned or emailed. 3 months has passed and I don't mean to be so harsh but he would have tried to get back with you by now if that's what he truly wanted.

You HAVE to ignore all his efforts to get in touch...you need to go cold-turkey when someone breaks your heart and let me tell you OP, you'll read thousands of "success stories" of people who've had their hearts ripped apart and who fretted on here that they'd never get over it...but they have. It took time, sometimes more than a year but the pain is never constant, you'll have good days and bad days and over time, the bad days will become fewer and fewer and the pain will ease bit by bit and I PROMISE (if you cut contact with him) you won't recognise yourself right now, you'll shake your head in disbelief that you ever let this guy have SUCH an affect on you. You're as strong as anyone here so don't doubt yourself that you won't get through it but you have to help yourself.


Speaking from his point-of-view, I've also stayed in touch with an ex I finished it with when I should have left them to it to get over me and the relationship. Truthfully, I only stayed in touch to ease my own guilt about breaking their heart and it was pure selfish, even if I didn't realise it at the time...I was using them as a crutch to ease myself back into the single life when I thought I was being mature about it and fooling myself and them into thinking we could remain "friends". They never made a stand against my carry on so I carried on until they told me 2 years later that they still had feelings for me and I realised there and then just how selfish I'd been. I'd been giving them false hope the whole time while I was busy getting over them.

Now that I'm older and wiser I would never do that to someone again. You have to hear an outsiders point of view on this OP and heed to their advice because you don't think straight on a broken heart...you do everything to avoid the pain (understandable) like giving yourself false hope where there is none. Nobody wants to go through the tough times in life but you have to tough it out and get through this (which you will) and it'll make you a stronger person down the line.

Cut all contact...it'll be like a plaster being ripped off quickly but it has to be done. Good luck OP!

LegacyUser

OP, I am in a very similar situation to you so I feel your pain. Me & the ex broke up about 6 weeks ago (although it feels so much longer). I asked him not to contact me so I could move on and get over things but he constantly does. Initially I suggested that we get back together given we bothe say we love and miss each other but he says he's too afraid to...yet he keeps contacting me. It really does get draining.

Even though I'm not too good at practicing what I preach, the next time he contacts, be polite and say that this is your last communication to him and that for now you need to cut contact to give yourself some time/space/perspective and try to be strong about it.