Where do I sign up for a new life?

LegacyUser

I have no qualifications in anything. I can't get a job. I have no money.

Years ago, when I was in school, I had no confidence. I couldn't socialise well. As a result, I was left out of everything, left behind. I had no real knowledge of the world, how everything worked. I had no idea how to get a job. My few college years were a disaster, lived in dread of the lack of ability to fit in with everyone else. As a result, I learnt nothing, flopped exams, and wasted my time.

I find it hard to study. When I do something I like, I am a hard, dedicated and reliable worker. But I have been in too many jobs where I was underpaid and abused. I am afraid of going back to college, for a number of reasons.

First, I have no money. No money at all. I am already in debt. I can't afford to speculate money I don't have. Second, I have absolutely no idea what I'd like to do. Third, I am afraid after a week I would find it difficult to attend to studies and exams, and flunk them like I did years ago. When I am under pressure, I am inclined to snap, and drop everything and go off into a corner. It's how I am, I can't change that. With hindsight, I don't think college is for me. But I need a qualification in something.

I would dearly, dearly love to have the self respect of a good job, a reasonable income, and a life. I would repay it in buckets by my reliability and good character. But I feel like the fish that fell out of the basket, and is lying on the quayside, gasping and dying, no use to anyone, waiting to be stepped on.

What do I want? I suppose I want to talk to someone who can direct me where my talents lie, and how to harness my particular interests and abilities. I have spoken to various career advisers over the years, and none of them were ever any help to me.

I will never be an accountant, for instance, or a corporate sales manager, or a tax auditor, or a suit in an office. I will never be a salesman, as if I cannot sell myself, I will never sell anything else successfully. I don't want any of those things, either. I cannot adapt to be something I have no interest in. But I don't want to spend my life driving a Transit van either. What a waste of life. I'd rather stay at home than that.

I am a caring type, if that's a help. I am scrupulously honest, too honest for many situations. I am good in a one to one situation, but out of my depth in groups. I don't take authoritative demands well, but will work under anyone who is honest and realistic. I will not last two days working with or under bullies, where I snap and cause ructions. I despise bullying and dishonesty, and have had the misfortune to end up in such situations all too regularly, where I simply upped and left.

Now I have the added bad luck of this recession, to make things even harder. I am deeply unhappy. In fact, I feel completely broken and depressed. I never found my place in life, and haven't a notion how to find it. I would love a job that I would look forward to going into every morning. Sadly, I walked out of almost every single job I ever had, due to atrocious working conditions and bullies. I would rather be a hermit than spend my life living like that. Life is too valuable.

I have spent the last few months at home on the pc, in a deep depression. I know what that is doing to me. Believe me, I understand what that means. But to be honest, I have lost interest in life. Nothing excites me or interests me any more. Everything is shallow, nothing of any importance is valued in this world. If I was out with a nice bunch of people, working, and involved with the world, with some self respect, I would be far better off.

But I have spent years searching for that, and never found it. I still don't know where to begin to find it.

suspectpackage

Sit down and think about what you want, then think about what you're going to have to do to get it.

I hate to break it to you, but in these harsh times (and more to come), you're going to need qualifications to succeed and that may mean going back to college or doing some other type of course. Either way, you have no other choice but to get back into an educational system of some kind.

Do not let life pass you by.

I think a helpful way to look at things would be to look at them from a different perspective. You are a wiser person now and you will be much more able to get what you want, when you know what it is. In the past you have made mistakes and that is very common. What matters is how you respond from here on out.

What do you want to be? Doctor? Dentist? Physio? Scientist? Actor? etc. Find it and then work towards getting into college to study these subjects. Once you know exactly what it is that you want, thats half the battle.

Oryx

From your post above, you know very clearly what you dont want. You know what you are not capable of, or what you would dislike doing. All very clear and all very negative.

Forget about work, and think about what you like to do that eases your mind and makes you happy. Is it a solitary task, is it methodical, does it involve buzzing social space, music, literature, mountain climbing? If you had a magical day planned tomorrow doing just what you like, what would that be? Im just trying to get your mind out of its negative funk and thinking more positively about what you can do and what you would like. In order to be happy in life, we have to find a niche where our daily work takes us to something we enjoy anyway. For some thats quantum physics, for others its a chatty shop counter. Some people find it by becoming a fitness instructor, some do couples counselling. You know yourself well enough to know what your positive aspects are and what will work for you.

When you have that thought in your head, then decide: by this time next year I will be doing 'x'. Be realistic. No point deciding youll be fast-tracking a degree course in something if study is not your forté. But tell yourself youll be on your way. It will be scary to leap into something new, but not impossible. You may have to suffer a job your not keen on in order to progress or pay your way through to your goal.

Even if at first the recession holds you back and work is hard to find, the fact that you have a plan and are going towards something will be far better for you than continuing to stare at your pc. A nice bunch of people and a lovely job are not going to knock on your door. Youll have to get out of there and make that happen for yourself.

Other than that, learn assertiveness. Either with a counsellor or course or even buy a book. Once you learn how to not behave like a victim, you wont have problems with bullies.

LegacyUser

Ah, but what does it mean to 'succeed?' Make lots of money? Have the 2.4 kids, the dog, the holiday? I used to think that was what life was about. Now I don't think so any more.

I don't want to be a doctor or a dentist. To be honest, if I had a job now mowing the lawn in a convent somewhere, I'd be happy. I have been in some high pressure situations, and didn't cope well. I don't think I can face pressure any more.

I feel like I'm giving up on life, and everyone suggests I 'go to college,' 'get a degree,' 'get a big job,' 'earn lots of money,' etc. I tried that. It didn't work for me. I am afraid of wasting my life chasing more of the same, and getting even more depressed.

I can keep looking, and I might find that lawn-mowing job if I'm lucky. But I have the sense that society is going to reject me for that. I will be a nobody, with no ambition, and life is all about aggressive achievement and money. Life is too short to spend it under pressure trying to please other people.

I'm not deliberately trying to be awkward. It's just that my values seem to be entirely different to the norm, and I am having terrible trouble 'fitting in.' It's so much easier to let the world pass by, and drop out. But that's what I feel I will be judged as, a 'dropout.' It depresses me.

dellas1979

I just have a couple of things to say and a few questions.

First of all, you do not need to be physically on a campus anymore to get a qualification. There are plently of places that do distance (open university fir example). This would allow you to be free for employment.

Second, would you be up for any volunteer work? This would keep you busy and also would give you a "trial" so to speak to see if you liked anything.

To he honest the real reason I replied to this thread is that I can identify with you on alot of levels. I am early 30s now and I am in college. I spent most of my 20s worrying that I hadnt found my "vocation". Most things I worked in I didnt like. And I had a variety of jobs.

I was mad that I didnt seem to fit in with regards what I want to do with my life-and you know what? I am none the wiser now about this than I was then, but my attitude has changed. This may sound hippy dippy in a way, but mate, the way I see it is that my life is going to be an adventure. I may take the wrong road, I may make wrong decisions, but I am going to see it all as a big huge adventure. I learn (at least try to) from my mistakes. So, do you want to be sitting there in another week with the same feelings and attitude or do you want to do something about it?

Money wise-I cant say anything there unless you want to be a bit more specific about your situation. What age are you anyways?

We all feel down at times, sometimes even all the time. We all hurt at times, again sometimes all the time. We all feel left out at times, even all the time. You just got to want better things for yourself and be prepared to make changes. No one said it would be easy, but isnt it better to try than not try at all?

Karen_*

Just a thought but if you've walked out of every job you ever had then its no big surprise that you don't have one. In your next job maybe be a bit more tolerant? Everyones job isn't a bed of roses with hearts and flowers everywhere. We often have to work with people we dislike and resist the urge to get up and walk out. If you've walked out of many jobs then what is the common denominator?

quickbeam

I agree with Karen, you need to stick out your next job even if it's not everything you want it to be. Unless you work on your own, there's always going to people you work with who you don't get along with. You just have to accept that, and learn to deal with the difficult people. Colleagues are a bit like family - you don't get to choose them, you just have to make the best of things with those you're thrown together with.

I can empathise with you though - for a long time I never knew what I actually wanted to work at. I still don't, and I may never figure that out. But at the moment I have a job that pays the bills and that's enough until I decide on something better. We spend nearly half our waking life at work, so it's worth doing something we enjoy. But that still leaves a whole other half of our life that is not at work, and if we can be fulfilled in that area, then any crappiness in work will not seem as bad. So maybe try to focus on getting your personal life sorted as well as your work life.

Best of luck.

wylo

OP, do you think life should be handed to you on a plate? Granted in your post you may have been venting, but you sound like your just expecting everything to fall into place for you without you having to put in the hard time.

I think this is a problem for many people who grew up in the boom as teenagers to early 20s, we just expected it all to work out grand because "theres plenty of jobs, plenty of money,bla bla" And now reality has hit us!!

I suggest you look into starting a trade. I got out of the 'suit' world and into a trade and have never been happier. Granted its a fresh start im very broke and the job outcome doesnt look good at the moment, but you know what ? Im gonna fight on with it because Ive no choice and this recession is bound to end some time. Theres nothing else there anyway.

Your honesty will pay off in the long run dont worry about that.

But overall, welcome to the real world, now please stop feeling sorry for yourself.

rantyface

I think you could be a writer! Maybe news reporting or something? You don't need specific qualifications for that.

If you are the caring type, would you consider care work? There are a few home care assistant agencies you could apply to.

Also, I know people in the same situation as you who are quite happy. Maybe you should see a doctor about your depression. It can get in the way of clear thinking.

Faith

I'd suggest looking into a trade. It's a career that you learn, rather than study for. It might be the best option for you.

And as Karen said, you need to learn to stick with things. Lots of jobs are hard or unpleasant or underpaid, but we have to stick with them until something better comes along.

LegacyUser

OP, I do sympathise with you and I don't mean to be insulting, but you've walked out of every job or been bullied in every job (that's the impression I get). You're the common denominator there as I presume they were all different employers. Maybe you need to work on being a bit more tolerant and flexible.
You probably do need a qualification, but you can take online courses these days. Why don't you try writing in the meantime, as you're obviously quite good at it.
Life is what you make it. I personally want lots of kids, and enough money to be comfortable. And by comfortable I don't mean driving a Merc, living in a mansion and taking 6 holidays a year. I mean enough to do what I enjoy and have a family. You don't have to achieve other people's standards of happiness, find your own and aim for them. Once you're happy, that's all that matters. You don't have to prove yourself to other people and tbh, once people realise you actually are happy, they accept that and are happy for you! I work in a fairly high pressure job for the last few years, and as one of my friends said recently (he's in the same job) " I'd take a 9-5 job with a 10,000eur drop in salary rather than stay on at this job". There's more to life than your job. you've got to be happy with yourself and what you're doing.

Dexterm99

rantyface wrote: »

I think you could be a writer! Maybe news reporting or something? You don't need specific qualifications for that.

If you are the caring type, would you consider care work? There are a few home care assistant agencies you could apply to.

Also, I know people in the same situation as you who are quite happy. Maybe you should see a doctor about your depression. It can get in the way of clear thinking.

OP, there is a common thread running though your post which others have commented on. You run away from your problems....

You don't know yourself that well and as a result of it you don't know what you are capable of. We all have bad days. We all feel like giving up and constantly ask what is it all about.

Do you think we are all blissfully happy 24x7? You have to take the good with the bad.

Cut through all the crap. It's not difficult. Decide what you want to do and go after it.

Don't give yourself any excuses and don't have any regrets.

suspectpackage

Johnnynomates wrote: »

Ah, but what does it mean to 'succeed?' Make lots of money? Have the 2.4 kids, the dog, the holiday? I used to think that was what life was about. Now I don't think so any more.

I don't want to be a doctor or a dentist. To be honest, if I had a job now mowing the lawn in a convent somewhere, I'd be happy. I have been in some high pressure situations, and didn't cope well. I don't think I can face pressure any more.

I feel like I'm giving up on life, and everyone suggests I 'go to college,' 'get a degree,' 'get a big job,' 'earn lots of money,' etc. I tried that. It didn't work for me. I am afraid of wasting my life chasing more of the same, and getting even more depressed.

I can keep looking, and I might find that lawn-mowing job if I'm lucky. But I have the sense that society is going to reject me for that. I will be a nobody, with no ambition, and life is all about aggressive achievement and money. Life is too short to spend it under pressure trying to please other people.

I'm not deliberately trying to be awkward. It's just that my values seem to be entirely different to the norm, and I am having terrible trouble 'fitting in.' It's so much easier to let the world pass by, and drop out. But that's what I feel I will be judged as, a 'dropout.' It depresses me.

You don't know what you want though... so how are you ever going to get anywhere? You are making the very big mistake of focusing on what you don't want and that is causing more and more negativity.

You are right about not trying to please others and thats a problem I think we all suffer from. Its a hard one to shake off, but you just have to do what is right for you.

You don't have to have a high paying job and good qualifications if you don't want them. But the fact is, you need to be able to pay the bills.

If you are happy being a postman and you make enough money to get by, then thats all well and good. However, I think you would still be depressed because you care too much about how society would view you.

LegacyUser

It's a lot more serious than simply 'not getting on with work colleagues.' I was working in an industry where 90 hour weeks were the norm. I worked 110 hours a week sometimes. I was like a living zombie. My eyes burned red, I couldn't concentrate, I became physically unhealthy. I wrecked my car coming home from work one night, I was so tired. That was bad enough, but then I had an even more serious accident involving a number of people. I don't want to be more specific, naturally enough. I am talking about pressure. Real pressure, that nobody should be put under. I didn't do it for money. I had no option, if I wanted to keep my job. Give me credit for sticking it out at all. People glibly tell me I should stay in a job, but when is enough is enough?

When you work 90 or 100 hours a week, your life is a living hell. You live for a glimpse of your bed. You stumble from one situation to another. You make mistakes. You eat badly. You become ill. There isn't a spare moment to formulate any kind of a plan going forward with your life, it is all a matter of simply surviving the day and getting to bed as soon as possible.

I pleaded with people to tell me why life was like that, and I was more or less told the same thing, that to stay in the job was better than to walk out. Eventually I burned out, and now I am a physical wreck, sitting in front of my pc, feeling physically and mentally worn out. I look around and see people going to work, coming home, and having a life. I don't know what I did wrong, but I always seemed to choose jobs that demanded my entire life on a plate, and now I have no intention of ever doing that again.

I am floundering around, with no purpose in life, my confidence shattered. Every time I build up confidence in life, circumstances seem to deal me a crippling blow. There is so much I don't want to mention here. I know a lot of it is based on the decisions I made, and the mistakes I made. But when you've lived life, and made a whole series of bad decisions, one after another after another, eventually you break, and you don't want to make any decisions any more, because you are afraid.

I'm messed up. I'm trying hard to sort myself out. And sometimes I feel I am. But I have tried lots of different jobs and career directions in my life. I know my lack of confidence always shone through. Latterly I thought I was dealing with it. But what happened to me in my last job nearly broke me altogether. I don't want to be specific, but let's just say the pressure and responsibility was simply enormous. When I went into it, I knew it was doomed, and it crashed spectacularly, and I felt responsible. There was nothing I could have done, but I continually beat myself up about it. And all the effort I made to become more confident in myself, was dealt an awful blow, and I feel shattered again.

I'm not sitting back waiting for a dream life to be handed to me. I have tried everything I could, and either I have been spectacularly unlucky, or else I am simply not fit to make decisions for myself. Right now I am afraid. I can't face another start in a new direction, and all those feelings back again. I just want to push a lawnmower somewhere, and stay out of trouble. But I am surrounded by people who tell me I have no ambition, who know nothing about how hard I tried to find a good life for myself.

I feel a complete failure, and every new thing I try to do in life only serves to reinforce that. I need just one positive thing to happen in my life to help me through. One tiny little success.

lisajane

Ah, I feel for you. Was there ever anything you always wanted to do? Any interests? It doesn't matter what it is. The only thing that matters is its what you want. It doesn't matter what other people think of it and if you think it does, don't tell them. Choose something and go for it.

And as for qualifications, some of the most successful people i know has never been to college.

I have been in a similar situation, not knowing what to do with my life. Stuck in a dead end job. Nothing seemed to interest me. I wasn't into becoming doctor, lawyer, nurse and the hundreds more professions one can get into.

I always had an interest in animals and i am hoping to do animal care/vet nursing. For a while though i wasn't getting anywhere and i considered other careers, but nothing was for me. I don't think i would have gotten very far in life if i choosed animal care after school, cause i was always quite,shy, lack the confidence, never asked anything of anyone. Now that i am older, well 26, i will do anything to get what i want and i have no fear in asking and doing whatever it takes.

Just a few reasons why i can't work with people.
Animals never bully you, they are loyal, they are honest, they don't care what you look like, they don't care if don't have money, they don't care if you have any qualifications, and you can care for them too.

artvanderlay

My advice is try to figure out what do you enjoy doing or studying and look to explore that avenue without going totally out on a limb. I always liked Maths and got a certificate in Maths from the Open University which I am quite proud of even though it's not going to get me a job anywhere by itself. The courses were reasonably priced and I was working at the same time. You could start off with a 30 point course which wouldn't be too demanding. You obviously write quite well so maybe consider studying something that will let you utilise that talent. I don't think I'd recommend going straight into full-time education as it can be a shock to the system and it might be better to get your confidence up first.

I'd also recommend that you clear your life of any clutter that is making you unhappy. If you feel that the pc is dominating your life now, cut off your internet connection and go to an internet cafe when you actually have reason to use the net rather than just surfing. Volunteer to walk some dogs at an animal shelter, learn a musical instrument, take a holiday anywhere. If you do one thing to improve your life you will feel better and things will snowball from there.

wylo

after reading your second post Ill take back what I said about life being handed to you on a plate.

OP, you sound exhausted tbh, you need to sort your head out first as opposed to worrying about jobs , etc. Because the more you beat yourself up the more damage you will do to yourself.

I would recommend you take a break and see a councilor or a hypnotist. It'll take a weight off your shoulder. You dont sound like a lost cause , just someone who had a bad run who needs to get himself back together

sunnyside

Are there any people you know/friends/acquaintences who you feel jealous of? Use this as a starting point for working out what you do want, is it something someone else has? Often we are jealous of people who have the things we want.

LegacyUser

Looking at your thread I think you would be suited to a job in Human Resources. You said your good with one and one, Your honest and you despise bullying.

I think studying this, there is a little psychology involved and it might teach you a few things about yourself while your at it. If your the caring type it might be exactly what you need.

I know this quote is from Rocky but it says it better than I could and i think its relevant:

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody"

Basically don't take the easy option and do a runner every time something arises that rubs against the grain!

LegacyUser

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I will never be an accountant, for instance, or a corporate sales manager, or a tax auditor, or a suit in an office. I will never be a salesman, as if I cannot sell myself, I will never sell anything else successfully. I don't want any of those things, either. I cannot adapt to be something I have no interest in. But I don't want to spend my life driving a Transit van either. What a waste of life. I'd rather stay at home than that.

I am a caring type, if that's a help. I am scrupulously honest, too honest for many situations. I am good in a one to one situation, but out of my depth in groups. I don't take authoritative demands well, but will work under anyone who is honest and realistic. I will not last two days working with or under bullies, where I snap and cause ructions. I despise bullying and dishonesty, and have had the misfortune to end up in such situations all too regularly, where I simply upped and left.

Jeez, you have just described me perfectly there. I am 37 years of age and have never heard anyone describing themselves / wants / needs so well and so simply eloquent. It seems like you are already half way there - you know your own strengths and weaknesses and the world would be a much better place if there were more people like you in it. You may not have all the trappings (yet) of what is deemed to be a successful life in conventional circles but you're certainly on the right road. Your happiness is just a little bit further away BUT when it does come, because you are so true to yourself, it will be permanent and authentic. Take your time, figure it out, be strong, you are your own best counsellor...it will come.

coadyj

<snip>Think of something you enjoy doing. See how do people make money doing it, then do that.

LegacyUser

Johnnynomates wrote: »

Ah, but what does it mean to 'succeed?' Make lots of money? Have the 2.4 kids, the dog, the holiday? I used to think that was what life was about. Now I don't think so any more.

I don't want to be a doctor or a dentist. To be honest, if I had a job now mowing the lawn in a convent somewhere, I'd be happy. I have been in some high pressure situations, and didn't cope well. I don't think I can face pressure any more.

I feel like I'm giving up on life, and everyone suggests I 'go to college,' 'get a degree,' 'get a big job,' 'earn lots of money,' etc. I tried that. It didn't work for me. I am afraid of wasting my life chasing more of the same, and getting even more depressed.

I can keep looking, and I might find that lawn-mowing job if I'm lucky. But I have the sense that society is going to reject me for that. I will be a nobody, with no ambition, and life is all about aggressive achievement and money. Life is too short to spend it under pressure trying to please other people.

I'm not deliberately trying to be awkward. It's just that my values seem to be entirely different to the norm, and I am having terrible trouble 'fitting in.' It's so much easier to let the world pass by, and drop out. But that's what I feel I will be judged as, a 'dropout.' It depresses me.

Hi OP,

I relate to you also, and i feel in this recession time people are questioning living in the rat race and asking whats all this 9-5, money mortgage cycle all for.

Big thing to realize and you seem to ...is that everyone is different, you do seem to know yourself and you do seem confident in your own way, you may be in the wrong environment surrounded by the wrong people with the wrong mindset for you.

i would encourage your thinking about success and how it is measured, There is a more better best mentality out there, its so relentless!

I had to realize society was not going to understand my unconventional thinking or ways, and when i accepted that- my depression lifted, the answers lie within for what you should do next,

I have made some radical decisions to give up my job, move to the country from dublin in search of a more spiritual slower pace of life in nature. I would prefer to live in a little cottage by the sea then to work in this rat race any longer,

I had to give myself permission to take control of my life like this and live how i wanted.


There is nothing wrong with not having a job right now, dont let the pressure from others force you into another job you hate, give yourself time and allow that, I told people i was working when i was not because it is no ones business what i was doing and i did not need the criticism added to how much i was already criticizing myself.


The most amazing life direction and outside of myself help i have received is from the writer Eckhart Tolle, his principles in life gave me permission to be me and live my life the right way for me, If you can embrace this guy his teachings really will guide you,

here is a link to his website with links to some of his conversations.

http://www.youtube.com/user/EckhartTeachings

Dagon

I would second the advice of the previous poster and recommend Eckhart Tolle - his stuff is amazing. And if you want to get into what he teaches at a practical level, you can get it for free by doing a 10-day Vipassana course (they are regularly run in Ireland freely). It's pretty much the exact same teaching, only with some differences in the description. And you don't need to hand over any cash unlike some of the money based teachings or courses in this country. It will probably give you a lot of peace, time to relax, recharge the batteries and a totally new, fresh perspective and thirst for life.

von Neumann

Read "Fooled by Randomness" by Taleb. this is one of the few books that genuiely changed the way I see the world and hopefully will change the way you see it too.

prinz

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I have no qualifications in anything...
...My few college years were a disaster....As a result, I learnt nothing, flopped exams, and wasted my time.

So you dug the hole for yourself..

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I find it hard to study.

Do you think everyone else finds it easy or enjoyable?

Johnnynomates wrote: »

But I have been in too many jobs where I was underpaid and abused.

Probably because you have no qualifications, no decent experience, probably no worthwhile references, you find it hard to be social and have a work relationship, and you have serious self absorption issues.

Johnnynomates wrote: »

Second, I have absolutely no idea what I'd like to do.

You think everyone else was born knowing what they wanted to do with their lives?

Johnnynomates wrote: »

Third, I am afraid after a week I would find it difficult to attend to studies and exams, and flunk them like I did years ago.

Why would you find it difficult to attend? How do you think everyone else does it?

Johnnynomates wrote: »

When I am under pressure, I am inclined to snap, and drop everything and go off into a corner. It's how I am, I can't change that.

And when you don't get your own way, and when someone gives you an order..... and you call that attitude good character?

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I would dearly, dearly love to have the self respect of a good job, a reasonable income, and a life.

So go and work/fight for it it. It's not going to fall into your lap ffs.

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I have spoken to various career advisers over the years, and none of them were ever any help to me.

Once again, everyone is at fault but you. They are there to advise, not give you the magic answer.

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I cannot adapt to be something I have no interest in. But I don't want to spend my life driving a Transit van either. What a waste of life. I'd rather stay at home than that.

So you're ignorant, as well as lazy and self obsessed. You've wasted your own life pal, many people don't get the opportunities you've had in life, and you've done nothing but squander them all. A friend of mine had to drop out of the college course of his dreams because his parents were killed in a car crash and he had to go to work to provide for his siblings. Guess what, he got a job as a driver, because a license was all the qualifications he had, and you have the balls to call his job a waste of life?

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I am good in a one to one situation, but out of my depth in groups. I don't take authoritative demands well, but will work under anyone who is honest and realistic. I will not last two days working with or under bullies, where I snap and cause ructions.

So you haven't conquered your social problems. I can only imagine what it was like being your employer.

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I despise bullying and dishonesty, and have had the misfortune to end up in such situations all too regularly, where I simply upped and left.

Probably because you seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder about pretty much everything.

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I would love a job that I would look forward to going into every morning.

Doesn't everyone? Difference is other people try to get that job.

Johnnynomates wrote: »

Sadly, I walked out of almost every single job I ever had, due to atrocious working conditions and bullies.

Once again... as others have said, common denominator is you.

Johnnynomates wrote: »

If I was out with a nice bunch of people, working, and involved with the world, with some self respect, I would be far better off.

Except you don't work well with groups right? You don't take orders well? You walk away when things get difficult instead of rolling up the shirt sleeves and getting stuck in.

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I would repay it in buckets by my reliability and good character.

Yeah good one mate. Thanks for the laugh. The only thing you're consistent at is walking away....

Stuxnet

you may laugh but...

Whatever your origins, nationality or religion might be, whatever qualifications you may or may not have, whatever your social or professional status might be, whether you are married or single, the French Foreign Legion offers you a chance to start a new life.

http://www.legion-recrute.com/en/

LegacyUser

Prinz, I could not even quote your post because you wrote so much,


If you really judge people that harshly then you have no acceptance of others, especially people who are different. Who are you to judge the OP's life and experience of it?

Why are you so angry?

SLUSK

Prinz: Who are you to judge the OP? Nobody!

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

So you're ignorant, as well as lazy and self obsessed.

This is a guy who posts on the Christianity forum, claiming to have 'returned' to Christianity.

Well I don't know what kind of 'Christianity' you study, but it's a million miles from any type of Christianity I ever knew.

You sound like a prize hypocrite. You have no idea of my background, or what brought me to all the various formative times of my life.

But I'll tell you one thing, you are one sick bastard to come onto the PI forum with a diatribe like that, no matter how justified or not, or who it's aimed at. I can't figure out if I can report your post anonymously, so consider this a report to the mods. Sick f*cks like you can do serious damage on here, and then sidle off in self satisfied anonymity, while seriously depressed people end up soul destroyed.

With kind thanks to all the decent support and suggestions from everyone else here, unfortunately the world is full of weird f*cks like this, sapping the good out of God's creation.

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

So you dug the hole for yourself...

I was bullied to a state of near terror in school. My confidence was shattered, and it took me until my thirties to finally get over it. My school days were lived staring at the clock, in dread of the long walk home through the most fearful half hour of my day, every day. Lessons and study were the last thing on my mind.

EDIT ease up there please.

Christianity my arse.

Wibbs

OK folks lets breathe and count to 10 here. This is helping no one. And prinz a little more helpful advice and compassion. High horses help no one.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I posted in your defense i thought prinz's post was very insensitive, Back on topic, there are negative attitudes out there and it is our job to believe in ourselves no matter what people think, you come across a lot stronger than you may think, I failed my leaving cert and felt like such a failure and had a fear of failure for a long time, i went back to college as a mature student and graduated with an honours degree, I thought it would somehow make me feel like less of a failure but it didnt, the self esteem issues can be deep rooted, once i confronted them i realized my happiness was in accepting and loving myself.

I did some therapy which really strengthened me as a person and my anxiety panic and depression lifted, i no longer suffer anymore because i have a more positive self image, I was also bullied in my home and it had drastic effects, would you consider some therapy, I really do get the impression you are a strong person and building your self esteem up will really enhance you and free you.

Again, not everyone out there is devoid of compassion to people suffering from a depression of some sort, I found all the issues i had made me a compassionate person and it is a trait i now have for others, you can learn from the horrible things that have happened to you, sometimes it can shape our personality,

Sending you love and support today!!! xxx

LegacyUser

I just came on once more to apologise to Wibbs and the board. It's hard not to react like that when someone does such a carefully worded and constructed demolition on your entire character. Look I am personally quite strong, I can usually pull myself out of the doldrums. But there are very depressed, maybe even suicidal people who come onto this board. We can't advise them. But we can listen. The very fact of trying to put into words the mass of contradictory feelings rolling round in your head, can help to shine a light on things, maybe help see things from a new perspective. That's the basis of counselling. To help you sort yourself out. Not to do it for you. Occasionally though, other people may have lived through the very same problems as you, and CAN offer specific advice, about what to expect, or what they did for themselves.

Depression is like bad weather. You can be sitting in the garden, in the sunshine, happy and enjoying yourself. Then you see a dark rain cloud approaching. Sometimes that dark cloud sneaks up without you realising. Other times, you see it coming and recognise it. But you can no more stop the cloud of depression falling than you can stop a summer rainstorm. You cannot simply click your fingers, and have it go away. It will pass, eventually. Sometimes, speaking to someone, or writing your feelings on a place like boards, is all that gets you through.

People who come across PI, and idly read some of the stories there, and then make a carefully constructed character assassination, can do very serious and even irreparable damage. How would it be, to have someone's suicide on your conscience? Because you couldn't spare a moment just to listen to them, but rather, seized an opportunity to demolish them, to raise your own stock an inch or two? Because that's what bullies do. They suffer the same torments as the rest of us. Unfortunately, they have chosen the far more destructive path of pulling everyone else down lower than them, to artificially elevate their own self worth. It is unfortunate early encounters with bullies like these, that leave people later in life struggling with their own self worth, stalled in their lives, with no idea how to move forward.

I was a very happy child in my early years. It was unfortunate for me that I encountered one of these bullies in only my second year of school, in senior infants. I was six years old. He was ushered into class one morning, the new boy. To my eternal misfortune, he was put sitting beside me. He never laid a finger on me. But he dominated me so much, with his whispered threats of violence and horror, that I was broken in my formative years. For two years he sat beside me in school, and I couldn't tell another soul, out of sheer terror. Later, after I moved school, I was so terrified of encountering another person like him, that I began to see elements of him in every loud or extrovert boy, many of whom would have been very decent, but confident types. I was cowed, and crawled into a little box like a terrorised cat, and never came out of that box until well into my thirties.

This is the damage people like this do. They do it in your formative years, leaving a scar that can affect every thread of your life. They can come back in later life, as you try to pick up the pieces, and with one fell kick, scatter the pieces again. You have to keep picking up the pieces. But it would be nice if one day, these people could have a moment of enlightenment, and see that their time would be best spent being honest with themselves, facing up to their own demons, instead of creating false demons for everyone else. What a wasted opportunity that is.

Dexterm99

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I was a very happy child in my early years. It was unfortunate for me that I encountered one of these bullies in only my second year of school, in senior infants. I was six years old. He was ushered into class one morning, the new boy. To my eternal misfortune, he was put sitting beside me. He never laid a finger on me. But he dominated me so much, with his whispered threats of violence and horror, that I was broken in my formative years. For two years he sat beside me in school, and I couldn't tell another soul, out of sheer terror. Later, after I moved school, I was so terrified of encountering another person like him, that I began to see elements of him in every loud or extrovert boy, many of whom would have been very decent, but confident types. I was cowed, and crawled into a little box like a terrorised cat, and never came out of that box until well into my thirties.

This is the damage people like this do. They do it in your formative years, leaving a scar that can affect every thread of your life. They can come back in later life, as you try to pick up the pieces, and with one fell kick, scatter the pieces again. You have to keep picking up the pieces. But it would be nice if one day, these people could have a moment of enlightenment, and see that their time would be best spent being honest with themselves, facing up to their own demons, instead of creating false demons for everyone else. What a wasted opportunity that is.

I am going to hazard an educated guess and say that a lot of kids are bullied in school at some stage. It's sad but it is part of growing up.
Again, I don't see you tackling a problem. You had many options to deal with the bully but you choose to do nothing. As I said before, you are running away from your problems.

On your tendency to constantly look at the past, you need to look forward not backward. You have no control over the past, but you have control over what you do from now. You go onto talk about bully's experiencing a moment of enlightenment. It does not matter if they had or not.
What matters is that you have one.

prinz

Wibbs wrote: »

And prinz a little more helpful advice and compassion. High horses help no one.

Apologies Wibbs, but seemed to me from the OP that a dose of reality was in order, it wasn't about high horses or character assassination. The OP could have done with including some of the latter info in his opening post, as a background to why so many opportunities were wasted, rather than listing one thing after another that he ran away from.

If you suffer from depression seek professional help. Sounds to me like you have serious issues and waiting for the perfect job or life to fall into your lap is not going to solve them. Not once in your posts have described doing anything to help yourself.

unfortunately the world is full of weird f*cks like this, sapping the good out of God's creation.

Unfortunately for you, I am not the one looking to sign up for a new life.. opportunities are there to be taken not run away from. I fail to see what "good" I am sapping from anything.

Also, I'd like to point out that you know nothing about me, any troubles I have had in life, or my personal situation, and as for bringing my faith into it, you're right, I don't like seeing people intentionally wasting God's gifts to them.

Xiney

prinz wrote: »

Also, I'd like to point out that you know nothing about me, any troubles I have had in life, or my personal situation, and as for bringing my faith into it, you're right, I don't like seeing people intentionally wasting God's gifts to them.

Which is fine because these issues are completely irrelevant to the OP's concerns.

Unless you refrain from posting antagonistically in this thread in future, I would ask that you stay away from it entirely.


Ta.

Xiney

DenMan

You do sound profoundly sad OP and frustrated with your development as an individual. I know you may have heard this before but in order for you to move forward with your life you need to first look at what you’re missing and what you have to offer.

I can only speak from my own personal experience. Like you I worked in some places which I didn’t like and left some of them. Last year I made the decision to return to college to better myself and give me a fresh start. I have just finished my first year and am over the moon.

You need to look at the positives in your life…not dwell on the negatives; they will only tear you down. What are you good at? What makes you comfortable? Any hobbies you like that you could use to further your career? If you like writing, then do a creative writing course. If like music, then learn an instrument. Also volunteering is a great way to develop your people skills and interacting with others will help you. Don’t forget as a volunteer you have volunteered to help others in a skill/situation you have that they need. It works both ways.

There is so much out there for you to explore and you have already started the process of change, whether you know it or not. You came here and are looking at what is missing in your life and are asking help from strangers. Well done to you man. Fair play buddy. That’s a great step.

Returning to Uni/College especially in this climate is the best thing to do from a professional point of view…..and from personal point of view; only you can answer that question. A lot of things haven’t worked out for you and you know that. No more regrets about what you have done in the past, now is the time to seize the moment and make the right decision for yourself.

Identify what you like doing and research the options that are available to you. Hope it works out.

Another thing for you to consider is think about registering here. There is a wealth of information and resources available to you no matter what interests you.

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

If you suffer from depression seek professional help. Sounds to me like you have serious issues and waiting for the perfect job or life to fall into your lap is not going to solve them. Not once in your posts have described doing anything to help yourself.

<snip>
I am in the depths of depression at the moment. I have sought medical help, and am presently learning how to deal with it. When I am good, I am just as normal as the next person. When I get low, nothing can stop the depressive feelings from sweeping over me. It is obviously something in the body does that. It doesn't last, it always passes. With hindsight, I realise I have probably suffered from it for years, but only recognised it recently. When a wave of depression passes over, logical thought goes out the window, everything is black. But it always passes, till the next wave.

<snip>

Thanks everyone else who posted. <snip> Do what you will with this thread.

Xiney

OP, are you requesting that I lock the thread?

prinz

Johnnynomates wrote: »

I am in the depths of depression at the moment. I have sought medical help, and am presently learning how to deal with it.

Excellent. Sincerely best of luck with that. Counselling would be worthwhile, even if it's just to blow off steam every now and again, which might help you dealing with others.

Get into the right frame of mind and everything else will start to fall into place.

Affable

You are sensible to know what doesn't suit you and what not to do.
I recommend a good talk with a counsellor and maybe some kind of careers advice another go at. Secondly, and most importantly, find supportive people. You're not the only one in that boat, don't have to be defined by the past.
You can achieve more with good support and someone you trust. Never mind what anybody thinks.

Hope this helps, and keep going.

dellas1979

I had a bully hit a hard book across my head. I had them steal my coat/clothes. I was taunted by bullies too. I just did my own thing. I look back now and wonder how in the heck I had such a blase attitude towards them - I do get angry sometimes but there is nothing I can do about it. I can only look to the future.

I am quite an introvert with people, especially people I dont know. Im talking very shy. People think this is snobbery or being on my high horse, but if you knew me youd know very different. I dont know if my being an introvert is as a result of bullying or I am naturally like this. I do feel sometimes that I am an outsider. I still do my "own thing". I aint hopping to anyone else's beat but my own. I dont care what people think about me. So how are you going to deal with your situation OP? Or are you just going to lock this thread and run???

LegacyUser

OP, I think you have a gift in your writing, and regardless of education (which is not the same as intelligence, and you have intelligence in spades, going by your writing) I think this is a talent you could develop. Just reading your post, and the analogy of the fish on the quay, has described how I have often felt. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do and what direction you choose to take, but I do hope you consider writing, coz your clarity and description has certainly helped me this evening. Thank you.

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

OP, I think you have a gift in your writing, and regardless of education (which is not the same as intelligence, and you have intelligence in spades, going by your writing) I think this is a talent you could develop. Just reading your post, and the analogy of the fish on the quay, has described how I have often felt. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do and what direction you choose to take, but I do hope you consider writing, coz your clarity and description has certainly helped me this evening. Thank you.

+1

LegacyUser

Hi OP.

Well I have to say , I am in a very similar position to you at the moment!!! Thank god there i someone else. I left a high pressure job a while back and since then i think i have also drifted into a depression and spend all my time on the old PC, hoping ill come across my dream job on it or something!!! as if!!! I was bullied in school by my teacher when i was younger, i lack confidence and i am qualified to be in a job which requires confidence..... i dont know what to do with my life either, and i know what you mean about the cloud coming and feeling depressed ,
I also had a crap time in college and felt out of it and it haunts me to this day. i really want to put it all behind me and start a fresh. im trying to deal with it all,
just wanted to say thanks for posting, at least you have helped someone out there (me!) who is in a very similar situation to yourself......i hope very soon you find happiness..... life is hard but im determined to get through the storm, we will

LegacyUser

Hi Op - Im a little late joining this thread..

Im sorry to hear how you are feeling. I hope there is some comfort in knowing how many people are in a similar situation. I know I am, and can see myself and family members in some of the feelings you expressed.

I had a fairly traumatic ten years with an abusive family member and a lot of moving around. I think the whole family are depressed in their own way. Some worse than others. I don’t think an outsider would know that about us though. I have coped better than the others as I tend not to think about it and I make friends easily (think the moving a lot helped) so I am busy a lot. At certain times though, when I am on my own the dark thoughts and feelings of inadequecy creep in and I have many, many low moments where I cannot even pinpoint one particular reason for my depression. But I try to be my own counselor and talk myself out of it, I walk or play music or try to focus on my family. I am having fewer and fewer of these, even a bad breakup with my boyfriend didn’t break me as I feel I can come out the other side of anything.

My brother is in cognetive therapy and it seems to be the only type that has gotten through to him. A lot of the time I think the problem is being too cerebral. You sound intelligent and articulate, and that’s probably part of the problem. Thinking and worrying all day wont help you. Try to still your mind and surround yourself/spend time with people who inspire or stimulate you. Perhaps you would like to do something creative. I think everybody should really. There is so much pressure to be successful, but I don’t think everyone needs to be, and there are different versions of what that means. You say you would be happy pushing a lawnmower in a monastry (in Italy perhaps?) I think that sounds great, maybe I could take on half of the grounds!...but I think maybe office work isnt for you, it can be so depressing at times. A job where your on your feet, or perhaps a part-time job and then also writing as a free-lancer (blogs, web-copy). At what point did we all except this stress of nine to five. (sorry its half five now isnt it!?Cheek!).

I lived in Australia for a while, and people are a lot more laidback about work and careers, its not as critical or ‘snobby’ as Ireland. Maybe its because of our class system and Australia doesn’t seem to have that. I definitely see a difference in importance with my Australian mates and my Irish ones in terms of attitude to careers. It shouldn’t be important what you do, I was hardly asked that over there.

Anyway I wish you all the best.
Sorry for all the spelling errors.

LegacyUser

Sit down with a pen and paper and don't get up until you have 100 things you are grateful for.

Every night keep a diary of 10-15 things you are grateful for that day. Perhaps, someone smiled at you or a car stopped to let you cross the road or you had a conversation with a friend you enjoyed.

It is the small things that give life value, not the big things. Doing this simply comes to help you see this clearly. Gratitude for your life AS IT IS.

Good luck.