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Getting Past Arguments

  • 13-06-2009 3:52am
    #1
    IlikePostcards
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭


    So i've been in a relationship for just over 8 months, and while we have pretty much everything going for us (we click, we never run out of things to talk about, the sex is mindblowing, our families like each other, and we enjoy the same stuff), the fights we have are pretty epic.

    It's hard because we have the extra problem of being a long distance couple, but I'm just wondering if anyone has any sure fire ways to move past the BIG argument. The logical part of me says that these fights may hint to an underlying problem, but after the fights, we are back to being the golden couple that everyone wants to be. I want to have this work out, more then anything.

    To be clear, these are not violent fights, and would never be, however, we do hurt each other, and at the end, for me at least, i have little to no feeling left, and just don't know where to go from here.

    I love him, always will, but it kills me when we hurt each other.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Is the long distance couple turning into the "OK now we're together, whens the argument?" thats fine for brother/sister type relatinionship but not for ye.

    Sounds like you've both strong personalities & neither wish to back down when the "discussion" becomes heated, at this stage ye should be looking to solve before the argurment becomes the fireworks display... ye both should be seeing the warning signals & looking to form an alliance form the discussion & forging your relationship.

    This does NOT mean you should now be backing down to make the relationship work as you will be focusing to keep "happy families" instead of enjoying yourself and your relationshop

    We've a rule of no arguement goes into next day (99% it works... she'd say 95%)


  • #3
    turgon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,762 ✭✭✭turgon


    I am a firm believer that arguments that drag out are indicative of deeper problems. My theory is that these fights are escalated and/or dragged on because those involved want to fight for reasons other than the specific issue at hand.

    Ive been in relationships where this sort of crap goes one, with big and long fights going on for silly reasons. Im now at the stage where I can look back and realise it was because of innate unhappiness, not the particular issue of the day.

    I also see couples fighting and crying on nights out for long periods (the other night I was witness to a circa 30 minute argument). And heres me thinking that their out on a night out and what issue could be that bad on warrant a 30 minute argument? I mean, if it was cheating or something that bad they wouldnt even be talking. What was so bad that an apology could not be simply uttered?

    So anyway, have a look into it. Be honest with yourself and pick out things you arent happy with in the relationship. Talk about it with your OH.


  • #4
    prinz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    IlikePostcards wrote: »
    but I'm just wondering if anyone has any sure fire ways to move past the BIG argument. The logical part of me says that these fights may hint to an underlying problem, but after the fights, we are back to being the golden couple

    Does that mean the issue that you were fighting about is satisfactorily resolved for both parties? Or does it mean you get tired of fighting and leave the underlying issue for a couple of days and then start all over...
    IlikePostcards wrote: »
    To be clear, these are not violent fights, and would never be, however, we do hurt each other, and at the end, for me at least, i have little to no feeling left, and just don't know where to go from here.I love him, always will, but it kills me when we hurt each other.

    An 8 month relationship, and long distance to boot. You should not be consciously and repeatedly hurting each other. Warning signs tbh.


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