Internet profile still active

LegacyUser

hi, not been in this situation before and need advice.
Started seeing a guy that i met on internet dating site. had few one on one dates and all going really well. have got to the stage where he had me meet his sisters who he is pretty close to and i got introduced as the girlfriend!!( smiling like chesire cat!!)
So i went on the site and removed my profile. Since it now seems i'm in a relationship.
For some mad reason i did a search this morning and have to be honest to see if he was still active and unfortunetly he is. in the last 24 hours as well!!!
we're seeing each other bout 6 wks now quite regularly, 2-3 times a wk.
Should i say it to him that i seen he was still active? can i ask him to not be on site or is it bit ott of me. maybe he was just checking on up on me as i was on him?
Anyone had this happen to them too??

LegacyUser

A lot of people stay on these sites after meeting someone...usually just to keep in tocuh with people they have been chatting with..

I wouldnt see any harm in it..you have been introduced as 'the girlfriend' so all is well..just enjoy...and for the love of God (experience speaking here..) dont go checking up on him..just trust him !!

LegacyUser

oh i am hurt. i see what ya mean bout plenty of time. like the odd evening we wouldnt txt at all. god knows he could've been off on another date!!
Im a big sap when it comes to people. always see the best in them and that.
been screwed over before by men(hence the internet dating) but suppose they all the same really.
cheers for relpy.

LegacyUser

I did the whole internet dating thing a few years ago (I'm a guy). It's a lot of fun. I found there really was something of the "sweet shop mentality" to many people on it. Even when they meet someone... they're tempted to keep talking to others.

Having said that for anyone got into a relationship but wanted to stay on the site (eg to keep in touch with new friends and social scene) there was a fairly striaght forward way of dealing with it: add to your profile in a prominent way: "not looking anymore, i'm in a relationship". That clears up any confusion.

In your case I can understand why you deleted your profile but what I did when i first started seeing someone from the site was ask her what she wanted to do. It was no big chat... we just both agreed to stop emailing other people and me made it clear on our profiles that we were taken.

If someone who's in a relationship doesn't make that clear on their profile, isn't it similar to going into a singles bar without their other-half and acting like they're single? It seems a little dishonest.

Please don't feel hurt. You don't know for sure what your b/f is doing. Just ask him out straight. Be calm about it, don't confront. Just tease out the issue as has been done in this thread. Mention the "sweet shop mentality" and ask him if he feels that view is correct. Ask him (totally matter of factly) how he would feel if you left your profle up and were talking to other guys? If he says "ok", then you have your answer as to what he's doing. Then ask him if he would mind you seeing other guys.

Look at it this way. It's something you need clarity on. Was he long on the site before he met you? I ask because if he's only new the temptation to keep emailing/meeting other is much stronger until he gets it out of his system. You know.. the novelty of all that attention (as the previous poster said).

Anyway... stay positive. It's all going well. What you said about meeting his sister was good. Hang in there... get this calrified and what ever the answer it know that you'll be fine. And if it doesn't work out with this guy... there are plenty of better fish in the sea. Good luck :-)

One final thing.. the first girl i met on the site and started "seeing exclusively" agreed to stop emailing other guys. However... she keep emailing one guy "as a friend" (yeah..right). It came to a head a few weeks later when she told me about him.. he was visiting dublin and wanted to meet her "as a friend"!! She said she told me about him because she felt a little guilty. I was pretty pi**ed off but it was more my ego because in the end i didn't care. We split up over it and to be honest i just wasn't that into her. Not saying this to make you feel bad just want you to be aware ultimately it's a trust issue... i trusted her not to email others yet she just couldn't resist. Pretenting to herself it was "friends" was crap... I guarantee the guy she was emailing didn't think of it as "friendship". Anyway.. good luck with everything.

LegacyUser

thanks for all your replys. feel better now having other opinions on it. it is a trust issue for me and if i dont ask i wont know.
here's hopeing anyway and sure met him on the site. plenty more out there.
cheers. xxx

.

G86

I'd get rid, asap. He has no reason to be on it and I'd find it hard to believe any excuses, but it's your call. Good luck x

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks for all your replys. feel better now having other opinions on it. it is a trust issue for me and if i dont ask i wont know.
here's hopeing anyway and sure met him on the site. plenty more out there.
cheers. xxx

.

You said it - you have to ASK !

I find it endlessly bewildering how many people develop issues and worries and anxieties over incidents, comments, information and whatever and DON'T ASK ! How can we find anything out if we don't just ask ? How can we ever hope to build any kind of relationship if we are not talking from the very beginning ? and the sooner the better. Don't put things off, ask straight out and directly and most stuff gets sorted out there and then.

On the topic of the profile thing, I see plenty of perfectly reasonable reasons. They are not all suspicious or bad.

To people who advice dropping people without giving them any chance of responding or explaining I say utter utter nonsense.

All the best.

seamy_orr

Unregistered wrote: »

oh i am hurt. i see what ya mean bout plenty of time. like the odd evening we wouldnt txt at all. god knows he could've been off on another date!!
Im a big sap when it comes to people. always see the best in them and that.
been screwed over before by men(hence the internet dating) but suppose they all the same really.
cheers for relpy.

Give the lad a chance ffs. You're only seeing him 6 weeks, just because he could easily have overlooked removing his profile on one dating site does not make him unfaithful. I mean who keeps their facebook, bebo or whatever other online profile bang up to date? You'll be single for a lot longer with that bunny boiler approach.

Victor

seamy_orr wrote: »

bunny boiler

We promote the "telling it like it is", but this is a bit too harsh.

Rb

seamy_orr wrote: »

Give the lad a chance ffs. You're only seeing him 6 weeks, just because he could easily have overlooked removing his profile on one dating site does not make him unfaithful. I mean who keeps their facebook, bebo or whatever other online profile bang up to date? You'll be single for a lot longer with that bunny boiler approach.

Absolutely.

This behaviour is borderline psychotic for a 6 week relationship, OP if I were you I'd hang back a little or like the above said, you're going to find yourself single and out of resources before you know it.

Victor, I do believe it to be quite accurate, the guy is barely with the girl and could still just be logging on to even let others he used to chat to know how his new found relationship is going and yet the girl is suspecting he's doing the dirt.

This won't end well, not at all.

poindexter

because you get rid of your profile he must jump and get rid of his straight away too?? how long was he on there?? very possibly he has made some good friends on there, i know i did when i was on it and would still keep in touch with them.

calm yer jets and don't wreck what could be something good. you were referred to as the new girlfriend, don't turn out to be some psycho please, coz all you'll do is chase him away.

poindexter

Unregistered wrote: »

oh i am hurt. i see what ya mean bout plenty of time. like the odd evening we wouldnt txt at all. god knows he could've been off on another date!!
Im a big sap when it comes to people. always see the best in them and that.
been screwed over before by men(hence the internet dating) but suppose they all the same really.
cheers for relpy.

if thats your attitude to guys you're probably best just chucking it just now. keep thinking that we're all the same and you're only going to get screwed over, you can guarantee it will happen. i suggest you change your outlook on it before it's too late, self fulfilling prophecies can be dangerous

because you get rid of your profile he must jump and get rid of his straight away too?? how long was he on there?? very possibly he has made some good friends on there, i know i did when i was on it and would still keep in touch with them.

calm yer jets and don't wreck what could be something good. you were referred to as the new girlfriend, don't turn out to be some psycho please, coz all you'll do is chase him away.

DamoKen

Unregistered wrote: »

Im a big sap when it comes to people. always see the best in them and that.
been screwed over before by men(hence the internet dating) but suppose they all the same really.
cheers for relpy.

this is a ridiculous thing to say, and also a bit self pitying. Learn from bad experiences definitely, but judge anyone new as more of the same until proven otherwise? If you always see the best in people why tar this new lad with unfortunate experiences from your past that have absolutely nothing to do with him? Believe it or not the majority of people have been screwed around by a member of the opposite sex at least once. But you learn and move on from that, and judge new relationships on their own merits. Think we'd probably be extinct otherwise :rolleyes:

Ask him about the profile if you're worried. It's not that unreasonable if you've been together 6 weeks.