whats best for baby?

snowy2008

Just a question, i dont have a baby but my friend just had one, now since the baby was born shes been out every weekend and leaves the baby with her parents at any opportunity, its her first baby and I thought time should be spent with the baby, you know, watching it grow and loving it but she says she needs her time as the baby is very demanding of her so shes booked a hoildiay for her and her partner and leaving the baby at home, i thought this was normal for a babies needs, is she being selfish?

Moonbeam

I am no expert but I think your friend might be over whelmed by being a mammy. And maybe if baby was not planned she doesn't want it to change her life too much or maybe she is depressed.

gowayouttadat

Like Moonbean I'm no expert either but being pregnant can be hard work and the 9 months can seem like they go on forever. Maybe your friend just needs to bit of a break having been sick, tired, hormonal etc for the last 9 months.
I am 7 months at the moment and I'm planning a holiday with my bf 3/4 months after the baby is born and we will leave the baby with my folks. It's not a case of not wanting to bond but I think it'll be good for us to have a small bit of time on our own after a few hectic months.

lalalulu

gowayouttadat wrote: »

Like Moonbean I'm no expert either but being pregnant can be hard work and the 9 months can seem like they go on forever. Maybe your friend just needs to bit of a break having been sick, tired, hormonal etc for the last 9 months.
I am 7 months at the moment and I'm planning a holiday with my bf 3/4 months after the baby is born and we will leave the baby with my folks. It's not a case of not wanting to bond but I think it'll be good for us to have a small bit of time on our own after a few hectic months.

You may find you don't want to leave the baby. I had planned a little holiday after babs was born and i just couldn't go thru with it! I didn't want to miss a thing with her. It's funny how much they change you

OP.. Maybe your friend has post natal depression? It might be an idea to sit down and have a chat with her see how she's feeling?

John Mason

what best for baby is a happy mother.

gowayouttadat

lalalulu wrote: »

You may find you don't want to leave the baby. I had planned a little holiday after babs was born and i just couldn't go thru with it! I didn't want to miss a thing with her. It's funny how much they change you

OP.. Maybe your friend has post natal depression? It might be an idea to sit down and have a chat with her see how she's feeling?

I know I won't book anything until afterwards to make sure baby is happy and healthy etc and I know I might change my mind but at the mo that's the plan.

taram

Found with my cousin she was used to having her own life, doing her own thing and that tbh her baby was just a bit much for her, so for the first few months she left her with myself, or other relatives for some evenings/weekends. She got over it by about 5 months, and settled down nicely and is happy out now. It was just a massive change to her life and she had to ease into it.

**Caroline**

I agree with most of the above. I can't say for sure (as I don't know your friend on a personal level), but I think it's just the prospect of being a new mammy is hitting her like a ton of bricks. It's such a life changing experience that carries huge responsability and maybe she just feels like she needs a breather. It can all be a bit much at the start and most women do experience post-natal depression to some level (although it affects everyone differently).

I do understand your concern though! But at least baby is being cared for by his/her grandparents when your friend does feel the need to take time to herself. And hopefully she's just going through a passing phase and will fit into motherhood a bit better in the months to come.

wolfpawnat

I have to say as a 22 year old new mother I believe your friend may not be accepting of her new role. Babies alter your life in every way, all relationships are tossed into the air.

I left my son with his nan for a weekend 2 weeks ago because I had to get stuff sorted for our new house. I couldn't even call to see how he was because the thought of it alone made me cry.

I am supposed to be going to London for 6 days at the end of July without him but I really don't know if I can leave him that long yet.

She really doesn't seemed to have formed a bond with the baby yet and perhaps as others have said due to PND doesn't want to come to terms that she should be home more often with her baby. A Lot of younger mums I have talked to have told me they do not form a bond with their child until they are 2-4years old. Not all mums are like that though.

And every parent needs time to themselves but to say that the mother deserves every weekend to herself is not right. A small child deserves a parent that will be there most of the time.

nadin278

Teresa, what is your problem?

You dont actually have a baby yourself, but somehow you are judgin your friend for being selfish?!! do you know what its like to be pregnant 9 months, and then go through labour. Why do you think there are so many articles and research about postnatal depression?

You know, i tell you. It is her business at the end of the day, and to be honest, as long as the baby is healthy, and is in good hands, it should not concern anyone.

Sowhat she wants to go away. May be it is overwhelming for her to be the mother, as it is huge responsibility, may be she needs time off.

May be she is not maternal type?

Why do people always want to judge make comments give advise etc.

Itell you, i am heavily pregnant myself, still working and going back to work shortly after birth. And always, alsways get dirty looks from people, and recommendations and etc, tha ihave to take it easy, and baby comes first, blah blah blah...

Sick and tired of it myslef.

The most important think is that baby is healthy, well looked after, fed changed, loved by parents, and has a happy mother, even is she is not with her baby 24/7.

Dont judge your friend

snowy2008

easy there tiger, i was asking a question not stating my opinion, read my post again! im sure your a fantastic mother but again, i was only asking a question!!!

nadin278

Why are you asking those types of questions? Do you not have anything better to do?
dont understand it. Sorry, but i have no time to be thinking about my friends being good or bad mothers/parents, and what is the best for their babies. Its their business, dont you think?

snowy2008

seriously, chill out, your taking this really personally, and infact, dont you have anything better to do than to reply to this, what an over reaction!!!!! .... take deep breaths and count to ten nadin278......

nadin278

teresa2008 wrote: »

seriously, chill out, your taking this really personally, and infact, dont you have anything better to do than to reply to this, what an over reaction!!!!! .... take deep breaths and count to ten nadin278......

Actually, you are right, i dont have anything better to do for the moment.

I am taking it personally because i suffered alot from people like you( dont take it in a bad way), who are always concerned about smthg has nothing to do with them.

That's all there is.

Sorry if i was abit harsh..

snowy2008

its cool but i was only asking, end of

sachamama

at the end of the day if the baby is with someone who loves it, then thats what is best for baby. If the mother is overwhelmed or depressed she might be better off away for a while to get herself together. Although having experienced depression, i found spending more time with the baby much more helpful. I went on holiday with my last baby to somewhere sunny, and just being away from home and family demands, giving me space to get to know the baby, really really helped me.

Another point: I breastfed all 3 of my babies and plan to feed the next one too. Thats why I wouldn't dream of thinking of being away from the new one for even a second. But everyone copes in their own way, and if your friends parents are willing to take on the responsibilities a newborn brings, she's got a good relationship with them, which isn't the sign of a selfish person.

we all do the best we can with what we have. And its ok to ask for help when we need it, too.

xzanti

Yeah, I'd go with 'mind your own business' theory

LegacyUser

xzanti wrote: »

Yeah, I'd go with 'mind your own business' theory

id go with "read the post again" give the girl a break, she was only asking an opinion, ive two kids and its a life changing experience, god forbid anyone might question it

xzanti

Unregistered wrote: »

id go with "read the post again" give the girl a break, she was only asking an opinion, ive two kids and its a life changing experience, god forbid anyone might question it

Gotcha, OP

IsThatSo?

I have to agree with other posters, whats best for baby is that its mother is happy and relaxed, and if she needs some time to herself? what harm!! The first child is a shock, no matter how well you think you are prepared for motherhood its still a shock. Subsequent children just kind of fit in but the first turns your life upside down :eek:

OP, whatever you do, don't even hint at your thoughts (or questions) to your friend. She really needs support right now and even though it looks like she is living the high life it could be the complete opposite. Why not take her out one evening yourself, somewhere quiet, and have a chat and catch up on the news etc. It might give you some valuable information as to her actual state of mind (good, bad or indifferent, we don't know yet)

Then post back here if you have concerns and parents can give you tips on what helped them and might help your friend