Jealous

LegacyUser

The boyfriend was around at my place the other night and i have photos up on the wall of me and a few friends on nights out, holidays etc.. One of the girls has been living away until recently and he hasn't met her yet and when he saw her in a photo he started on about how she looks really good and is she like that in person? He's never said anything like it about any of my other friends.

I'm probably overreacting but he's never been one for giving me compliments and to hear him on about her got to me. I'm not a jealous person, far from it, but he's never said to me anything like what he was saying about her.

Does he not fancy me at all? Why be with me so?
Maybe he's just shy about giving compliments? But why had he so much to say about her so?

This sounds so pathetic when I read it back to myself....

LegacyUser

Typical boys!...just being insensitive and just not thinking about the implications of what they say!

I bet there'd be a different reaction if you told him one of his friends was attractive!!

I'm not a v jealous person either...but my boyf always does that to me...saying how hot some girls are...and no amount of hints make him realise what he's doing!!Try not to get hung up about it...maybe try and talk to him about it the next time he mentions something/tell him you dont appreciate it-that she's your friend.. without overreacting!!

Its easier to compliment someone else than saying something nice straight to your face...especially if its early days-he wont want to make a fool of himself!!

I think sometimes guys like to make girls jealous...esp if he really likes u!

SarahSassy

He sounds very immature tbh....

SS

PS as an aside - why would you want to be with someone who wont / cant even give you basic compliments... Sounds like he is emotionally immature / stunted.

Otis Driftwood

Jeebus,he said one of your friends was good looking.

Nearly every girl Ive ever been with has had at least one very good looking friend and I would have no hesitation in saying they are good looking.

Would you not say anything if you saw a good looking guy?

If he kept on and on about her then I can understand why you might feel a bit put out but if it was just a once off then you are over reacting IMO.

As for not fancying you,that sounds a little insecure TBH.He is your boyfriend,what makes you think he doesnt fancy you?

eleven

In my experience it seems to be atypical. Boys think (if they were to think about it all) 'I'm with her, ergo I fancy her the most' Girls think, 'We're together, but as he doesn't express it* in words maybe he's losing interest'

*It being expressions of love/lust/attraction/appreciation/etc

In my opinion, boy should make more effort to be sensitive, girl should make more effort to be not so sensitive. Problem solved. ish...

nmesisca

eleven wrote: »

In my experience it seems to be atypical. Boys think (if they were to think about it all) 'I'm with her, ergo I fancy her the most' Girls think, 'We're together, but as he doesn't express it* in words maybe he's losing interest'

*It being expressions of love/lust/attraction/appreciation/etc

In my opinion, boy should make more effort to be sensitive, girl should make more effort to be not so sensitive. Problem solved. ish...

... wow. i think you classify people way too much.

messygirl

you just have to say it out, women speak a different language to men and when they expect men to be mindreaders every one is going to be disappointed, men don't understand that some stuff is wrong to say, you HAVE to just say, "its really annoying, i know i dont look like angelina jolie but i dont like that you compliment my friend and keep on about her, especially when you never complimented me like that." i like goodnight texts, my boyfriend doesnt see the need for them, so i tell him, i know its not important but i really appreciate them, can you please send me a few goodnight texts, they make me feel nice. subliminal mind techniques aren't going to work, and of COURSE he finds you attractive, he wouldn't go out with you if he didnt, but men are programmed to look at other women, you dont have to like it but you have to let it slide once in a while (the discreet glances, any ogling should be nipped in the bud directly!) No point ruining a good thing, its if he starts becoming secretive about it i would get worried

eleven

nmesisca wrote: »

... wow. i think you classify people way too much.

well, I might say you make snap judgements

Basically gave my opinion based on my own experience, which related directly to what the OP posted, and explained my point in generalities.

coadyj

ah well boys will be boys,

maybe your other friends aren't as good looking as you and your mate

don't freak out, guys are not like girls, its in our nature to scope out attractive girls, doesn't mean he is less attracted to you. Jealousy on the other hand is an annoying trait and something that is completely unattractive

sorry for being blunt

Dudess

Aaaand a massive genderalisation again.

Unregistered wrote: »

The boyfriend was around at my place the other night and i have photos up on the wall of me and a few friends on nights out, holidays etc.. One of the girls has been living away until recently and he hasn't met her yet and when he saw her in a photo he started on about how she looks really good and is she like that in person? He's never said anything like it about any of my other friends.

Well he must think she looks better than them.

I'm probably overreacting but he's never been one for giving me compliments and to hear him on about her got to me. I'm not a jealous person, far from it, but he's never said to me anything like what he was saying about her.

Some people aren't great at expressing that kind of stuff to the very person they're with.

Does he not fancy me at all? Why be with me so?

Wo... Jump back a few steps there! Why could this mean he doesn't fancy you at all? And why have you asked "why be with me so?" as if the answer is definitely no?

Maybe he's just shy about giving compliments? But why had he so much to say about her so?

Because she's not there and he finds it easier to praise people behind their backs?
Did he really have that much to say about her? Because all you're telling us is "she looks really good, is she like that in real life?"

Typical boys!...just being insensitive and just not thinking about the implications of what they say!

Boards genderalisation #157,114.

I bet there'd be a different reaction if you told him one of his friends was attractive!!

My OH wouldn't give a hoot - because being human, I've the right to admire other things/people and find other things/people attractive. It's not akin to cheating.

my boyf always does that to me...saying how hot some girls are...and no amount of hints make him realise what he's doing!!

Ok, when he overdoes it, it's a bruising to the ego, but it doesn't seem like the OP's boyfriend has overdone it.

I think sometimes guys like to make girls jealous...esp if he really likes u!

Sometimes PEOPLE like to make other people jealous.

you just have to say it out, women speak a different language to men and when they expect men to be mindreaders every one is going to be disappointed, men don't understand that some stuff is wrong to say, you HAVE to just say, "its really annoying, i know i dont look like angelina jolie but i dont like that you compliment my friend and keep on about her, especially when you never complimented me like that."

Well firstly, MASSIVE genderalisations and secondly, the OP didn't say he "keeps on" about her friends.

i like goodnight texts, my boyfriend doesnt see the need for them, so i tell him, i know its not important but i really appreciate them, can you please send me a few goodnight texts, they make me feel nice.

So you're happy with insincere goodnight texts that your boyfriend feels pressurised into sending?

men are programmed to look at other women

People are programmed to look at attractive people/things.

Look, I agree ogling and non stop singing a girl's praises is not on... but a look now and again, a complimentary few words now and again - these shouldn't be so analysed.

LegacyUser

I was about to get defensive and ask what in the name of moses is wrong with a guy being open about someone looking good in a photo........but then Dudess posted everything I wanted to say!

SarahMc

Its totally natural to look and admire etc., but friends and family are off limits.

He does sound immature, of course there is bound to be people in your circle he finds attractive (has he no friends you think are cute?), but mentioning this to you is a faux pas.

Rb

How is that immature?

I suppose in a way it could be, given that he's showing absolutely no regard for his girlfriends apparent insecurities, which I suppose could be viewed as immature.

Apart from that, look at it in a good way, it's how lads talk amongst themselves so he obviously sees you as a good friend as well as a partner.

If you constantly need compliments, that's your own problem and not his.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

The boyfriend was around at my place the other night and i have photos up on the wall of me and a few friends on nights out, holidays etc.. One of the girls has been living away until recently and he hasn't met her yet and when he saw her in a photo he started on about how she looks really good and is she like that in person? He's never said anything like it about any of my other friends.

I'm probably overreacting but he's never been one for giving me compliments and to hear him on about her got to me. I'm not a jealous person, far from it, but he's never said to me anything like what he was saying about her.

Does he not fancy me at all? Why be with me so?
Maybe he's just shy about giving compliments? But why had he so much to say about her so?

This sounds so pathetic when I read it back to myself....

There's nothing pathetic about it. I note you don't mention how old you are so I suggest that one or two of the posts above are a bit quick to accuse him of being immature. I suspect you both are quite young.

Some good comments above also, if I may say so.

Firstly it is true, boys will be boys. What does that mean ? it means boys talk a different language than girls (that is a major learning curve that LOTS of guys and girls don't learn about until they get much older - I wish they would tell us about this in school!). They don't connect admiring a girl in front of you with any sense of diminishing you, mainly because it actually doesn't. It means he is comfortable enough with you to say it in front of you, mixed with a complete obliviousness to the fact that you, as a girl, might read more into it. He clearly doesn't realise girls are not boys as much as you don't realise the reverse.
Secondly your other issue seems to be that he doesn't compliment you. Lots of young guys (especially) have never learned how dependent girls are on a regular stream of compliments. Boys show their feelings in their actions, and don't naturally express them in words. You need to learn to read him and, if he does indeed like you, tell him straight out that he needs to say so. If a guy is not taught by his parents about girls then sadly it's left to girlfriends to enlighten them. That's life I am afraid.

All the best.

Dudess

SarahMc wrote: »

friends and family are off limits.

Why?

messygirl

sorry dudess i think you might have picked me up wrong,
yes i do prefer goodnight texts all they say is goodnight love you miss you, i expect that much to be the truth, and we live in different countries and see each other once every three weeks, so its more about letting him know we need to talk more to make things work because its hard not being around, its hard not being there to have him show he loves me (by making me a cup of tea, giving me a hug or just kissing me goodnight or morning, so

sorry about the massive generalisations, i have a few bloke friends and talking to them about their relationships makes me think you have to be completely blunt with them, but i would say men have to be honest what they want and how they feel, when i was 19 i did not like talking about feelings or what upsetted me or what someone was doing to annoy me and then as a result the annoying behaviour continued and i ended up getting more and more pissed off, so in my case i was definately not saying what annoyed me and didnt work on it, now at the ripe age of mid twenties if something is annoying me i let himself know and it makes things easier

Eve_Dublin

VaioCruiser wrote: »

There's nothing pathetic about it. I note you don't mention how old you are so I suggest that one or two of the posts above are a bit quick to accuse him of being immature. I suspect you both are quite young.

Some good comments above also, if I may say so.

Firstly it is true, boys will be boys. What does that mean ? it means boys talk a different language than girls (that is a major learning curve that LOTS of guys and girls don't learn about until they get much older - I wish they would tell us about this in school!). They don't connect admiring a girl in front of you with any sense of diminishing you, mainly because it actually doesn't. It means he is comfortable enough with you to say it in front of you, mixed with a complete obliviousness to the fact that you, as a girl, might read more into it. He clearly doesn't realise girls are not boys as much as you don't realise the reverse.
Secondly your other issue seems to be that he doesn't compliment you. Lots of young guys (especially) have never learned how dependent girls are on a regular stream of compliments. Boys show their feelings in their actions, and don't naturally express them in words. You need to learn to read him and, if he does indeed like you, tell him straight out that he needs to say so. If a guy is not taught by his parents about girls then sadly it's left to girlfriends to enlighten them. That's life I am afraid.

All the best.

I've had exes (male) who have got sulky and jealous if I made a one-off, casual comment on how I thought another guy or a friend of theirs was "handsome" and they felt I was inadvertently putting them down, which I wasn't intentionally trying to do, just like OP's boyfriend. I personally don't buy into these sweeping generalisations we make about both sexes such as women needing a regular stream of compliments (because we're all essentially insecure perhaps?). You're speaking for yourself on that one.

I'd say we're a lot more similar then we were brought up to believe. I don't think we give lads enough credit on how much they're aware of, imo and I feel they probably get away with too much in this regard. We tend to take them for fools sometimes and view them as big, stupid, simple-minded oversized babies who don't know any better, but men are just as capable of being irrationally jealous as women in my personal experience. I think these are myths we've created for ourselves to excuse their behaviour that we don't like and I'd say the same applies to them.

If this was a one-off, then ignore it. What he said was not a comparison. Perhaps he believes that it should be a given that he fancies you because he's chosen YOU as his girlfriend but I would agree with you that it's nice to hear now and then. Out of curiosity, would you compliment him on his looks at all? I believe lads need as much resassurance in this regard and are just as capable of being insecure as us ladies but perhaps they might be less vocal about it.

. If this on-going, then something has to said and you've every reason to feel insecure. I would agree with other posters that perhaps your boyfriend might find it harder to compliment you to your face instead of someone that's not present.

clairemcbear

I don't think it was fair of him to go on about her ESPECIALLY since he's not one for the compliments when it comes to you...Maybe you should talk to him about paying you little compliments and don't bring the friend into the conversation as this isn't about her it's about you two. A compliment here and there is always nice