What to do (one for the boys)!

LegacyUser

Hi can I have your opinion as to whether I am wasting my time here or what you think?

I snogged a guy on sat night that I have know for donkeys years and this flirting and banter has gone on for a long time but timing has always been off (or maybe I'm dreaming) ..... this is the history

...........this guy is a friend of my friends husband
...........we meet about 5 times a year in a crew and always get on really well and have great chats about anything
...........people comment on the banter and flirting he does with me and i suppose i to him
...........we both would love to settle down into a relationship (we are both out of long term relationships a few years)
...........He is a lovely guy and I would have no reason to think he is a player or someone to play with your mind.
...........He is quite a deep thinker (possibly too deep)
...........We dont ring each other but do send the odd mail to say hi and see how we are
............He is extemely attentive to me when we are in company and always asks my friend if I am going to be at an event
...........We live about 3 hours drive from each other .....

So to cut a long story short .... we were at an event on sat night and we ended up the only two still going strong and he stayed in my house and we had a snog and stayed the night .... next morning we were fine and shared a lovely breakfast and chatted the way we would always chat without any mention of the snog .... We then went for a lovley walk (as pals do) and when he was going he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said he'd a lovely night, thanks a mil for putting him up and the lovely breakie, I told him to have a safe journey home and we both hopped into our perspective cars.......

Now I would like this guy but I dont want to create an atmosphere with him as we will be meeting for the rest of our days at christenings, communions etc ........ I therefore have not said anything to my friend although I havent seen her yet.... I'm sure she'll ask ....... Do you think its a case of " he's just not that into you"!!!!! ................ I have thought of just being me and sending a usual mail but then if he is thinking about the situation he might decide that I regarded it as a one night stand and am back to normal with him when I would take this a step further if he was interested .......

I have heard nothing from him since sunday ..... Would you leave well alone?

So sorry for the big long winded tale .... We're not kids by the way (in fact the opposite, both 40 and both out of longterm relationships but I think the association of pals is making us shy about this , well i should only speak for myself there )

Just wondering from a guys perspective, would you have been in touch by now or would you possible weigh up all the pros and cons in risking taking this further and if all went belly up creating an atmosphere in the future plus the long distance relationship ......

Thanks hope you can make sense of this......

Nevyn

Boy are you well into making castles in the clouds on this one.
Ask him out on a date, make clear it's a date, if he accepts you know where you stand.
Don't let it build in your head or your heart into more then it is currently is.

LegacyUser

Thanks Thaedyal

lol! promise I'm not a bunny boiler !!! Funny thing is I am normally a very straight up and practical person...... Its just the whole friends connection thing .....I think if I called him to ask him out and he's not interested he could be the type that would nearly have a meltdown!!! lol !! and suddenly stop going to events because of this......... I would be fine to just forget it happened if he's not interested so thats why i dont know if i should just let it go if he dosent contact me .....

SarahSassy

I would think that if he is interested he will contact you... Dont mean to be mean but he is big enough and bold enough (as my Mother woudl say) to let you know if he wants more... Its a waiting game but I personally would not make a move...

LegacyUser

A wise person once said if you don't ask you'll get nowhere.. in this case though I wouldn't go in with all guns blazin'... subtlety for some self preservation in the event he says no.
Even if he does say no it only becomes a deal in ones head.self esteem...Think of it that it's his loss if he don't want to give a ya a go... :-)

dvpower

SarahSassy wrote: »

I would think that if he is interested he will contact you... Dont mean to be mean but he is big enough and bold enough (as my Mother woudl say) to let you know if he wants more... Its a waiting game but I personally would not make a move...

Hes probably posting a similar question on another discussion forum ... and receiving a similar piece of advice to this:rolleyes:

coadyj

....you must remember this, a kiss is but a kiss.....

sounds like he might like you, but don't go over obsessing about it, guys are shy. How long was the kiss for? how come if he stayed at your house it didn't amount to more?

Ive had a few friends who I have snogged and it has been nothing more. He may be someone who like to flirt with he friends wife's friend.

either way you will find out at the christening

Langer Dan

3 day rule, if he hasn't got in touch by today hes not that interested.

Rb

I agree with SarahSassy, don't do anything.

Men will let you know if they're interested, he's not going to be playing games at his age so if he doesn't contact you then he's probably not all that interested.

Wait and see what happens but don't build this into something it's not, and don't be the one to ask him out if you're going to see him a few times per year for the forseeable future.

LegacyUser

He may just be a gentleman and waiting for you to move things along.

stixand7bits

ok from a mans point
i would like to think of myself of a gentleman most of the time
you said this was at the end of a party last 2 standing
a kiss + drink maybe he is not sure on where things are
was it the drink? the question he has asked
he does not want to upset the cart
give him clear signs or just ask him out
most good guys are shy
and fear is hard to over come
3 day rule is bull
if your lost in ur car you ask for directions ya just have to ask
the 2 of ya probaly have the same fear
if skirt round it ya will never know, ask point blank
i had feelings for a lady didnt know if she felt the same
we had a dunkin nite and we didnt say any thing the next day carried on as normal she is now married
dont want the (if i did)
do something;)

kevmy

No one here can say what he wants or doesn't want. The only one who can say that is him.

From your post you don't really say if your interested in him or what?
If your did get into a relationship what would you want, f buddys, a fling, something serious?
In my mind with something like this to take a risk you would have to be thinking that something serious may be possible.

If you do like him and would like to see where it goes ask him.

From what you said he could definitely be open to something.

Send him a mail saying you enjoyed the last night and maybe the next time he's around you could do something. Because you won't find out anything until you firmly put the ball in his court

LegacyUser

what about sending him a mail laden with innuendo (but not too laden!!)

if he's into you he'll bite, if not no harm done.....

Home4Life

Girl (sorry, I dont know your name!)

as a guy, I say "go for it!"
You will never be glad you left an opportunity like that slip by.
From the list you wrote, its clear to me that you're really into this guy,
so dont throw it away due to fear of rejection.
Because you are close friends he's unlikely to reject you in any mean way,
and dont worry if it doesnt work out- any awkwardness when you meet at occasions will fade away.

Go for it!
Just make sure you post back here and let me know how you get on.
I have a feeling you'll do well !

H4L