Sexy friend

LegacyUser

Basically I have a friend who I went on a few dates with and kissed a few times but no further 8 months ago. He then moved away for a year. Been in consistent weekly contact since then. Have seen him for two nights since he's been gone and on one of these nights about 2 months ago we had sex. He's still at the other side of the world and will be for at least another 4 months. He text and chat a few times a week at this stage. I'm still not calling him a bf because it is obviously a little complicated. The other day we were texting each other and he signed off with Goodnight my sexy friend. I didn't know whether or not to be insulted. I kinda assumed we were more than just friends with benefits even with the complications. Is it likely that he just thinks of me that way even with all the contact and the obvious lack of sex?!
I know I should talk to him about it but I am waiting to find out where my job is taking me in the next couple of months as it is looking increasingly more likely that I'm moving to mainland Europe in the coming months which would mean at least another year living in different countries/continents. I guess I want other peoples perspectives on the liklihood of this being a relationship or not? I know I'm mad about him and he seems to be the same about me but every now and then he uses the word friend which leaves me boggled.

I_am_Jebus

To be honest, I wouldn't let it bother you so much.

I think without an official conversation and "agreement" that you are in fact an item, it suggests to me that you are two people enjoying each other's company. Under the circumstances, I don't believe you can be in a proper relationship at the moment.

Why not tell him how you feel? Until you do that, you won't know where you stand and until you know where you stand you're single. By all means tend to the "friendship" and try develop it, but don't invest all your time and emotions in it until you have a clear undertanding of the situation and how he feels

LegacyUser

I understand what you are saying sunflower. I guess I'm at a stage now where I'm regretting sleeping with him even though it felt right. It was soo much easier before that. I don't think I was clear in one sentence earlier. I don't see us presently as a relationship but I did see us as a potential one. I guess its not helped by the fact that all of our friends tell me we are perfect for each other. I'm not sure he sees me as just sex(perhaps naively) especially because we went for dinner, coffee, chats sooo many times before we got there and we have know each other for quite a long time before any of this complication came into it.

I am still calling myself single but I haven't actually been chatting to other guys. I guess we do need another chat. We did have one before he left and his feelings back then were strong but I really don't know about now. I'm also afraid to bring it up as I think he is rather depressed at the moment feeling a little isolated. We are both grown adults and yet right now I feel like a lost 15 yr old!!

doubtfir3

Confused lady wrote: »

I don't see us presently as a relationship but I did see us as a potential one.

Confused lady wrote: »

I'm not sure he sees me as just sex(perhaps naively) especially because we went for dinner, coffee, chats sooo many times before we got there

Confused lady wrote: »

I am still calling myself single but I haven't actually been chatting to other guys

I think the problem here is that neither of you know quite how to "define" your relationship...

Before he went, you chatted and he sees you as more than a friend.. you don't see it as a relationship now, you're not sure how he sees it now..

The "my sexy friend" comment just confirms this.. you don't know how he feels about you, he doesn't know how you would feel about him calling you (potentially) his girlfriend.. so he's trying to find a happy medium.

All in all, very understandable given your current circumstances.

I remember a similar situation with ax ex girlfriend.. at the start we weren't quite sure.. then we developed strong feelings for each other.. she was moving home within 6-8 months, so we weren't sure how it would go after that.

She didn't want to be my "girlfriend" because we both knew she had to return home. Neither of us saw it as being just friends or friends with benefits.. and in the end I just called her by a nickname.. that's all.. when you can\t define something you make up a word for it!

I think you need to chat, and see what you both see in this friendship, and if you can see/want it to become more than two good friends.

TBH, I think you both want it to be more, and just don't quite know how to say it to each other..

reprazant

Honestly, I think you are reading far too much into this.

I have called my girlfriend my sexy friend many times before. The fact that he is on the other side of the world is making you think too much about it.

Have you actually talked to him about how you feel and what he feels or is it all up in the air?

shellyboo

Confused lady wrote: »

The other day we were texting each other and he signed off with Goodnight my sexy friend. I didn't know whether or not to be insulted. I kinda assumed we were more than just friends with benefits even with the complications. Is it likely that he just thinks of me that way even with all the contact and the obvious lack of sex?!

Pretty sure that's just a figure of speech. Like if you were grumpy he'd say "Goodnight my grumpy friend", or if you were drunk he'd say "Goodnight my drunken friend."

It's a compliment. No need to get all worked up about it.

starchild

i would also say its just an expression and a nice one at that

just talk to him properly, who knows if he feels the same both of you might go to mainland europe

SarahSassy

Hmmmm, think he means what he says - he finds you sexy but you are in the friend bracket... No one here can tell you and if you want the truth you need to ask him but I would not be happy with that definition. Good luck

LegacyUser

reprazant wrote: »

Have you actually talked to him about how you feel and what he feels or is it all up in the air?

We initially had a how we felt chat before he left and we had one just before he came back and I saw him. Since we slept together we haven't actually had a proper chat about it all. I will talk to him though can't right now since its the middle of the night where he is.

Shellyboo I have to admit my thoughts didn't really wander that way at all. It does make sense though. He said this to me over a week ago and I didn't really think about it til today. Its silly. I shouldn't be analysing it I haven't analysed anything about us up to now but I guess it does happen at some stage when you can't see someone on a week to week basis to have a proper chat.

I'm slightly petrified of definition for it though as my last relationship fell apart with a long distance twist.Also because we have a lot of work related mutual friends which would be awful complicated. I will though cos I will drive myself mad if I don't.