Roughhousing

tagoona

So a major source of disharmony (read shouting and silence) has erupted between me and my wife.
I love my daughter (3 and a half) dearly, and we play cinderella (i get to be the prince and or the duke), we do colouring, playdough.... read stories etc.
She seems to prefer playing on her own when it comes to dolls (maybe I don't do that right

Anyway, sometime we play pretend rubgy (chase with a rugbyball, pretend tackle and fall down, pulling the ball/tickling) nothing really rough.
Inevitably elbows/heads bang, but nothing too serious that a cuddle doesn't sort out.

Last night however, things took a turn for the worst. She was hanging onto the pockets of my jeans and following me around. I turned around and she let go.
Cue a trip to A&E for 3 stitches to a nice deep gash in her forehead from the fireplace. I've never felt so guilty/mortified in my entire life.

The problem arises when my wife says that she disapproves of roughhousing in the house altogether. She has always mentioned it, telling us to be careful, etc., and we usually are.
Now however she seems to have the moral highground and is talking of banning playing like that in the house at all. TBH it could just be an initial worried/angry reaction and I do see her point that it could be dangerous.

However from my POV, knocks/scrapes like that come with the territory. I'm not rough with her at all and do try to be careful, but I can't see myself agreeing to no playing in the house. What's next, no running in the house?

Anyway, I'm trying to see all points of view here, so lay it on me.
Thanks in advance

stovelid

A bit of roughhousing is fine imo. I loved that kind of play when I was a kid. Maybe it's a male thing.

Perhaps your wife is just a bit touchy in the aftermath of the accident.

Why not compromise and do it in the garden/park where there is less chance of coming into contact with a hard surface?

itsallaboutme!!

a bit of roughhousing is ok in my opinion.
you cant wrap your child in a bubble they are going to fall and end up with cuts and scrapes at some point. in my opinion its better to be with your child when they do fall.
your wife is probably just still a bit upset since the incident understandably but like i said you cannot prevent your child from getting minor injuries especially at that young age.

tagoona

I understand we could take it outside. That's okay for about 2 months of the year though, when the grass is dry and it's warm enough not to need a ski suit.
I would do this if we even had the opportunity to take her to the playground even twice a week for most of the year.

Kashkai

In 99.999% of cases, kids get knocks, they have a cry and they just go back to what they were doing. I've 3 girls (9, 3 and 1) and a boy (3) and I'm always throwing them round and they love to jump on top of me (especially in the trampoline where they bounce on me). Its just a bit of fun and yes sometimes someone gets a knock (including me!!!) but thats no harm as it'll toughen the kids up (boys and girls) and when they go to school, they won't be afraid of getting into boisterous group games. A little common sense is all thats needed to prevent any serious injury.

I've a neighbour who only has the one child (aged 8) and she is literally wrapped in cotton wool. Any time this child sneezes, the parents think its swine flu and are off to the doctor (no kidding or exagerrating). She fell in her back garden last weekend (on grass) and from the howls of her, you'd swear her leg was broken. It turned out that she had gotten grass stains on her hands. My daughter (who is this child's only friend)was playing with her at the time and couldn't understand why she was so hyper about it. This child has only come into our house a couple of times as she "is afraid of my smaller children" (as her mother told us). I think this child is heading for a couch session with a shrink in a few years if she doesn't get out and act like a normal child soon.

January

To be honest if it was my daughter I'd probably be saying the same thing right now... but in saying that, I know I'd relent because little girls love playing with their Daddy's.

Your wife is just upset right now, her little girl had to go to hospital, it is a bit of a shock for both of you. Just leave it lie for a while and have a chat about it in a few days.

Nevyn

tbh all kids need a bit of horse play as we used call it but you as the parent have to be aware of the risks and dangers of where you are with her and what might happen esp in the house. Maybe your partner doesn't think you are aware of some of the risks and aren't thinking 3 steps ahead and when you are the person who does think 3 steps ahead and have to be the constantly calling the other parent on possible immanent dangers it's get tiresome real fast.

metrovelvet

Maybe compromise and put padding on all sharp corners.

tagoona

Thanks for the responses everyone.
Re adding padding, the fireplace was already padded with a blanket because of a 10 month old who's starting to cruise.
I take your point Thaydeal about warnings becoming tiresome to the issuer.
If i was gung ho about the location that would be something, but it's usually a safe corner of the carpeted sitting room.

January

tagoona wrote: »

Thanks for the responses everyone.
Re adding padding, the fireplace was already padded with a blanket because of a 10 month old who's starting to cruise.
I take your point Thaydeal about warnings becoming tiresome to the issuer.
If i was gung ho about the location that would be something, but it's usually a safe corner of the carpeted sitting room.

Maybe something like this for the fireplace??

tscul32

Maybe you should have a look over on rollercoaster.ie - your wife is looking for opinions over there. Most reponses are that they understand why she's upset but that she didn't really react in a constructive manner and that rough play is a part of life and that accidents happen.
You're both obviously upset about the whole thing so maybe you need to talk and sort it out.
-and she does mention what a fab dad you are!!

tallaght01

Honestly, as someone who's worked a lot in paeds A+E, almost EVERY accident that a child gets while playing with a parent results in one parent being in an absolute rage with the other. You wouldn't believe how normal that is.

You know your missus, and you'll know the best way to approach her. But a compromise I often suggest on the sly to dads is to cut back on the roughstuff for a short period of time, just until she calms down.

Then slowly upgrade to normal levels when she's feeling a bit less tense. As kids we even learned this in our house. We used to batter each other like you wouldn't believe. I remember even dropping my brother right onto his head from quite a height. We used to get banned from wrestling etc in the house all the time.

So, we'd play very gentle initially, so our ma would relax a bit, and slowly ramp up the intensity

Bit of give and take is all it needs. Kids need to live life on the edge a bit. It's your job to keep them safe. It's not always possible. BUt if you're on the ball, this will give you enough of a scare that it won't happen again.

deisemum

+1


Ease up on the rough and tumble for now and then just be a bit more aware of potential accidents once things calm down. Talk to your wife and listen to each other and work out a compromise.

My boys loved wrestling and all sorts of rough stuff when they were younger especially if their Dad was in the middle of it with them and no matter how many times I'd comment that it would end in tears they still continued anyway and come back for more. There were many times when my boys would be in another room and I'd hear a racket and go running in thinking they were killing each other and they used to reply that they were only wrestling and were enjoying it.

If I'm gardening and pick up a rake my children start "beware mam's got a rake" because they know that when I was young I hit my brother down the head with a rake and he ended up with a row of puncture wounds.