Caught between two guys

LegacyUser

I have got myself into a right pickle and dont know what to do. Im a 23 year old woman just finished college. Some background to my problem, I started going out with boy A when I was 16 years old and was with him for almost four years. I broke up with him then as he cheated on me and felt we didnt have much in common anymore. This guy is very attractive and a little bit crazy but doesnt have a lot of male friends which i find weird for some reason. Started going out with B when i was 20 and went out with him for a year until he left me for America. I knew he was going before I started going out with him but it still hurt me. He is a complete contrast to the other lad. He has a real dry wit very funny, intelligent but says it like it is. Whereas boy A pampered me and spoiled me all the time ringing me constantly asking me what i was doing B could be out with the lads four nights a week and might ring me once a day asking me how i was? When we were together though I loved it he was very nice to me on my own ribbing each other and having a laugh and on the odd occasion he would do something that would really surprise me like bring me away for a weekend. Whereas boy A would tell me he loved me almost 5 times a day B might say it every few weeks.
Thats the background anyway i always kept in contact with boy A even when I was going out with B and while A was in America I started meeting boy A again even though he had a new girlfriend even though i thought i would probably by with B when he came home. Long story short B comes home wants to be with me until his friends tell him that I was with A all the time while he was away and now wants nothing to do with me. The two of em dont get on so for a period i was left with meeting A the odd weekend where his girlfriend was away. Had forget about B until one night i was out with friends and we ended up in the same place. We had a good talk and he tells me that he still likes me and we meet up the following day. Next day he tells me that he will only start seeing me again if i stop talking to A altogether. At the same time A tells me that he is breaking up with his g/f to be with me. So i tell B that I cant do that and start going out with A again. Now im a couple of weeks in and realise im after making a terrible mistake. All B's friends hate me, my own female friends are not happy with me and i want to be meeting B. Should i stay put or try patch things up with B?

Taltos

Hi OP.

You've made a mistake here - or at least you think you have.

My recommendation is for you to finish with A.
I also suggest you leave B alone.
You both might end up together later - but do you really want to be known as yer wan who spends her time jumping from A to B?

B needs time now to sort through his hurt feelings.
You though really need time alone to yourself - with no contact from either to figure out what / who you really want.
Maybe in a few weeks once you have your head straight you can offer out the olive branch - but to stay with A in the meantime is not a nice way to behave, A might be a bit of a prat (he did cheat yrs ago) but no one deserves to be treated as a filler.

Hope it works out for you. Just remember mistakes do happen and everyone at some point in time has made the wrong decision. If B really cares for you he will see this, maybe start slowly with him - he might have changed while in the US - but don't go jumping into another relationship quite so soon.

Gone Fishin

Ok you are young but you are basically hedging your bets and to make it worse you don't know what you want. You have been meeting one of them whilst his girlfriend was away, which is really nice of you. Quite frankly, I don't blame B for blanking you - he is right to do it. You need to be honest with everyone and most of all with yourself. Right now, you can't be honest because you don't know whether you are coming or going. Fair enough one of them cheated on you and you don't deserve that but it doesn't give you a divine right to p&*s all over someone else as a result. Choose what you want - boyfriend or friend, one or the other. If you choose one as a boyfriend, its not going to work to be in contact with the other. Or else you could choose to be friends with both but thats it. Your own friends and A or B's friends are right to not be happy with you, what you are doing is nasty. If you are going to be a player, then be up front and tell them honestly that you are not interested in a relationship.

You are probably as well to get the two of them out of your system for while, that way you won't be wrecking your head or anyone elses. Book a holiday somewhere with your friends and get the frustration out of your system. Take time out and decide what you truly want. If you ask me, you should not be in a relationship.