Taken aback: Now very confused.

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a girl for about a month now and I've met up with her a good few times. After every date I never kissed her.

At first I didn't want to rush things because this is the first I've really liked in about 2 years and didn't want to ruin things.

Last week I was leaving her and I kissed her on the cheek maybe hoping to get a "proper" kiss if you will. It never came but I wasn't disappointed or anything.

I got onto my bus home and I texted her saying that I'm sorry that kiss was so awkward and she said "don't worry about it. I just find it hard to let my guard down". I knew exactly where she was coming from and I fully understand.

Met up with her today and things were going well as per usual. We got some coffee and then went for a walk in the park. We sat beside a tall tree in a fairly secluded area and was thinking to myself that this could be the moment. So we sat there for about an hour and a half talking and we then went.

I walked her back to her bus stop and I got on my bus and I texted her saying "I'm sorry if you were expecting a kiss. I was going to move in for one but I didn't want to feel like I was rushing you into anything because I know what you said before."

A while later I received a text from her saying that it was ok and that we should just be friends. I was really taken aback.

She told me before that she really liked me and she told all of her friends the same thing. I don't know where this came from as we've always been holding hands and saying how great each time has been since we started meeting up.

I now feel like I completely fcuked this up somehow. She's a great girl with a great personality and is stunningly beautiful. I'm not the best looking guy and I was half thinking that maybe she felt like she was too good for me.

I know it was only a month but I felt like this could have become something more. I'm just very confused as to why she would just want to be friends unless she's found someone else and the whole letting her guard down thing was just an excuse.

Mozart1986

You're obviously young. I over-think these things as well. The worst thing you can do is act like there is something that you did wrong. Act like nothing happened. Forget about her. Look for someone else. If she likes you she'll come crawlin' back but don't get your hopes up.

Gyalist

Very Confused wrote: »

I've been seeing a girl for about a month now and I've met up with her a good few times. After every date I never kissed her.

At first I didn't want to rush things because this is the first I've really liked in about 2 years and didn't want to ruin things.

You sound very young/clueless so I'll try to show you where you went wrong in the hope that you won't make the same mistake again in the future.

I fail to see how kissing her on the first date would ruin things.

Last week I was leaving her and I kissed her on the cheek maybe hoping to get a "proper" kiss if you will. It never came but I wasn't disappointed or anything.

Were you waiting for her to give you permission? You are a man, you always lead your relationship in the direction that you want it to go. If you want to kiss her, just do it. If she isn't interested, she'll deflect it/offer her cheek, etc.

I got onto my bus home and I texted her saying that I'm sorry that kiss was so awkward and she said "don't worry about it. I just find it hard to let my guard down". I knew exactly where she was coming from and I fully understand.

Met up with her today and things were going well as per usual. We got some coffee and then went for a walk in the park. We sat beside a tall tree in a fairly secluded area and was thinking to myself that this could be the moment. So we sat there for about an hour and a half talking and we then went.

I walked her back to her bus stop and I got on my bus and I texted her saying "I'm sorry if you were expecting a kiss. I was going to move in for one but I didn't want to feel like I was rushing you into anything because I know what you said before."

Your biggest error was taking her words literally. Then you compounded it by apologising for your bungled attempt to kiss her and then texting her about her expectations of a kiss. You either do it or you don't - just don't keep going on about it as it reeks of uncertainty and indecision.

A while later I received a text from her saying that it was ok and that we should just be friends. I was really taken aback.

She told me before that she really liked me and she told all of her friends the same thing. I don't know where this came from as we've always been holding hands and saying how great each time has been since we started meeting up.

I now feel like I completely fcuked this up somehow. She's a great girl with a great personality and is stunningly beautiful. I'm not the best looking guy and I was half thinking that maybe she felt like she was too good for me.

I know it was only a month but I felt like this could have become something more. I'm just very confused as to why she would just want to be friends unless she's found someone else and the whole letting her guard down thing was just an excuse.

Well, I have to say that I'm not in the least surprised at her reaction. It's unlikely that there is someone else but what's more likely is that she quite rightly interpreted your behaviour as headwrecking and indecisive.

Oh, btw, quit with the negative thinking that anyone is too good for you.

starbelgrade

Very Confused wrote: »

I've been seeing a girl for about a month now and I've met up with her a good few times. After every date I never kissed her.

At first I didn't want to rush things because this is the first I've really liked in about 2 years and didn't want to ruin things.

That's where you went wrong.

Very Confused wrote: »

I walked her back to her bus stop and I got on my bus and I texted her saying "I'm sorry if you were expecting a kiss. I was going to move in for one but I didn't want to feel like I was rushing you into anything because I know what you said before."

And that's where you really slammed the door shut.

Move on dude... but next time, move a bit quicker unless you like sitting round feeling miserable for yourself.

It's a lessonn learned, a hard one grant you, but a lesson learned is always a positive thing.

For every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction.

Wibbs

Gyalist wrote: »

You sound very young/clueless so I'll try to show you where you went wrong in the hope that you won't make the same mistake again in the future.

I fail to see how kissing her on the first date would ruin things.



Were you waiting for her to give you permission? You are a man, you always lead your relationship in the direction that you want it to go. If you want to kiss her, just do it. If she isn't interested, she'll deflect it/offer her cheek, etc.



Your biggest error was taking her words literally. Then you compounded it by apologising for your bungled attempt to kiss her and then texting her about her expectations of a kiss. You either do it or you don't - just don't keep going on about it as it reeks of uncertainty and indecision.



Well, I have to say that I'm not in the least surprised at her reaction. It's unlikely that there is someone else but what's more likely is that she quite rightly interpreted your behaviour as headwrecking and indecisive.

Oh, btw, quit with the negative thinking that anyone is too good for you.

+1000. Indecisiveness is irritating in either gender, but romantic indecisiveness in a man is one of the biggest turn offs for women as a general rule.

That_Guy

If the OP is young then of course he's going to be nervous. Honestly I'd probably be the same if I hadn't seen someone in 2 years.

Indecisiveness isn't uncommon really and yeah sure it can probably be a bit annoying but if I went in for the kiss after her telling me that she finds it hard to let her guard down or whatever it was she said, she'd probably give out to me seeing as she told me before.

VaioCruiser

Very Confused wrote: »

I'm just very confused as to why she would just want to be friends unless she's found someone else and the whole letting her guard down thing was just an excuse.

Hi.

I feel your pain . . I really do. Confidence is a tough tough thing to have when you don't naturally have it. I know from experience.

I see a combination of two things here. You are sensitive and empathetic. Younger women don't really respond to this at the start. They want a guy who is confident and quite assertive. You wonder, should I kiss her now... or maybe she will not want it and I will lose her ... right ? Wrong. This is the point when you have to just dive in and pray for good luck. You can't prevaricate and hesitate.... and you must convince yourself that if it doesn't work, you can take it and move on. The second thing I see is a girl who wanted a guy to take the initiative. Most girls like this and quite often lose respect for guys who hesitate. Silly ? yes, but true in my experience.

With this girl, gorgeous as she may be, you can never go back. Girls just don't move backward once she turns off you.

You have had a great, if painfull, learning experience here. You will feel crap for a week and then you have to get back in the saddle and get out there again, with the lesson learnt, ok ? I wish you good luck !!
And by the way, there will be other painfull lessons along the way, but it will get better, I promise.


All the best.

LegacyUser

its not too late to save this, firstly dont come on too strong like "i love you" way just let her know you feel you messed up and you would like one last shot, dont mention gooey words like destiny fate meant for each other soulmate, (not that you would probably but just in case) if she liked you before that wont have changed she will probably just have been annoyed and thinking you were playing games, take her out for something relaxed and easy like mexican or italian or wagamamas, then a pub have a few drinks loosen up and then move in for the kill (and this time for the love of god DO IT!) just think the little mermaid "dont be shy you gotta KISS THE GIRL!" shalalala. and please do not text her saying im sorry i didnt kiss you dont apologise unless her feelings are hurt, it reminds me of this story i read about a woman who said she wanted the guy to kiss her and then it ended up ruining hte moment, dont over think it, but you gotta hurry or you'll loose your chance, if she says she just wants to be friends take her out as friends and then try and kiss her (on the lips properly!) and worse thing that happens is you get embarrassed but better than never knowing,