Girlfriend had abortion, now I regret it

LegacyUser

My girlfriend got pregnant about six months ago, it wasn't planned and we were only going out about a year (though we had know each other a lot longer). We talked it over at the time and agreed that though we were committed to each other it wasn't the right time for us to have a child. We both agreed that an abortion was the best thing at the time. Since then we have only talked about it a few times though I never got the impression that my girlfriend felt that we hadn't done the right thing. Our relationship is still very good but recently I have been thinking that it might not have been the best thing to do.There is often discussion about how a woman feels after an abortion and there is counselling and support available but its very rare that a guy says that maybe we could have taken a different decision. I know most people will say that it is ultimately a woman's right to choose (am still pro choice) and I respect that but I cant help thinking of what might have been. I am afraid to tell my girlfriend what I think now and wonder am I the only guy who has ever felt like this. Should I just try and forget about it and move on.

neuro-praxis

Yes, you should talk to your girlfriend about how you are feeling, but this is tricky. You made this decision together and you don't want her to feel condemned because you regret it. Be honest, but tread carefully.

Secondly it sounds like you are grieving for what could have been, and it would be a great idea to avail of some post-abortion counselling, just for you.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

I pretty much know what you're going through. Almost exact same situation except I had the abortion six months ago also, again my boyfriend and I agreed that it was for the best. We are still together, in love but having a baby then was not the right timing!

Because I'm talking from the perspective of the girl I would strongly suggest that yes you move on and forget about it. You say you've discussed it and that you agreed at the time, there is no point in telling her that you regret it - what will this do for both of you? There is nothing you can do about the abortion at this point so there is no point in potentially making her feel worse by telling her of your regrets. It's an incredible sensitive issue.

My advise to you is to forget and move on, learn from the experience and most of all continue to show your girlfriend your love and affection - it can still be a raw and emotional issue even after many months! Just my two cents...

Das Kitty

I really think you need to talk to your girlfriend about your feelings. If your relationship is strong, no subject should be off limits.

It's possible (but not guaranteed) that she feels the same and that you could help one another grieve.

You need to let yourself go through the process of grieving and not keep the stiff upper lip over this. You may need outside help, but what you definitely need is the support of your partner, regardless of her feelings on the whole thing.

Be clear that there is no blame being laid though, it's just something you feel sad about and need to process.

Sugarlessfifi

You never know, she could be regretting it too. Start on the subject lightly, perhaps by asking her if she ever had regrets.

It's natural to regret something like this.

LegacyUser

I'm a similar situation as you OP. My girlfriend got pregnant by accident when on the pill but we decided to keep it. Then after a month she lost it. We were devastated. I always think what if. There's so many possibilities. We had a good talk about it and I feel slightly better but I still wonder. A lot of the time the men are forgotten about.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

There is often discussion about how a woman feels after an abortion and there is counselling and support available but its very rare that a guy says that maybe we could have taken a different decision.

There is post-abortion counselling and support for men too. Well Woman Clinics provide counselling (and sexual health services) for men as well as women, as do One Family and Positive Options.

http://www.wellwomancentre.ie/

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/home.php

http://www.onefamily.ie/men-crisis-pregnancy.htm

I agree with Das_Kitty ... you're under the "impression" that your girlfriend feels you did the right thing, she could have the same impression from you. And even if she doesn't, as a couple you can talk about it and then hopefully move on.

Take care