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Have i done the right thing??

  • 08-06-2009 9:31am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'll keep this short.
    Basically I broke up with my boyf last week,we were together 3 and half years.We were back together 3 weeks after a month break up.
    Basically he's changed alot and we used to want the same things and be very happy together but that's changed lately so i just didn't think there was any point in us staying together.I really do love him but I don't think it was working and for it to work he would need to make alot of changes but I can't make him change.
    The first time we broke up I was inconsoleable but this time for some reason I've been fine apart from yesterday when I really missed him.
    I know I will miss him and it will be hard at times but I do think I've done the right thing in finishing it as I feel I would have been doing it at some stage anyway!!
    I suppose I'm just looking for some reassurance that I have done the right thing and that I haven't been hasty!!
    I don't know I suppose it's just sinking in now that it's over


Comments

  • #2
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    What are the bits you feel he needed to change? Was there lack of commitment to a future for you both? Did he stay the same, but you changed?

    In any event it sounds like the romantic part is gone from the relationship on your side. You just don't feel it anymore. There's little he or you can do about that and it's not likely to come back for you. I suspect even if in the morning he did make all those changes there would be a lot of "too little too late" going on.

    Don't keep him around as a mate though, especially if he really didn't see this coming or want it. It'll make it harder on him. Take a complete break from each other. Get some distance. If for any reason you would be right together time apart will tell you that. If it is all over, then it gives you both time to heal.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Basically I come pretty much last on his list these days, he doesn't seem interested in making any kind of plans with me or doing stuff with me but he will with his friends. And the biggest thing for me is we had always planned to live together as soon as we could after I finished college but now that we can do it he no longer wants to he'd prefer to live with one of his friends. I just think he really started taking me for granted and I also think I've grown up alot and he has alot of growing up to do.
    Maybe some day if he does some growing up we could sort things out but for now I'm sick of being second best so I know I've done the right thing


  • #4
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    I'll keep this short.
    Basically I broke up with my boyf last week,we were together 3 and half years.We were back together 3 weeks after a month break up.
    Basically he's changed a lot and we used to want the same things and be very happy together but that's changed lately so i just didn't think there was any point in us staying together.I really do love him but I don't think it was working and for it to work he would need to make a lot of changes but I can't make him change.
    The first time we broke up I was inconsolable but this time for some reason I've been fine apart from yesterday when I really missed him.
    I know I will miss him and it will be hard at times but I do think I've done the right thing in finishing it as I feel I would have been doing it at some stage anyway!!
    I suppose I'm just looking for some reassurance that I have done the right thing and that I haven't been hasty!!
    I don't know I suppose it's just sinking in now that it's over

    You answered your own post really :-)
    Girls find guys and want to change them. Guys find girls and want them to stay the same. Such is life.... I am afraid.
    Dating for an extended period of time is not just a relationship. It is a way of life. You are connected with his life, his friends, his activities. The same for him. You have a pattern in life - you have a companion and and a pattern to follow each day and each week.
    Even when we break up for a good reason, breaking up this pattern is really hard. Suddenly you lose that companion, that daily and weekly pattern of life and you have to start all over again from the very start.
    It sucks.
    But that is what we have to do. Get back on the saddle and launch ourselves back into life again.
    The only lesson I can offer is how important it is to stay in contact with our other friends, to maintain social activities separate from our date. That way it makes it a lot easier when things come to a natural end. Until of course, hopefully, we find the one.

    All the best.


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