Is she hiding from feelings????

LegacyUser

I'll try and be quick. Basically ive been friends with this girl for a few months now, i do like her and she has said she liked me too, but she has had alot of stuff to deal with over the last few months, long term break up / probs with family etc. so she said she wasn't ready for anything, didn't know when she would be and it would be better if we were friends as it wasn't fair to lead me on etc.

Fair enough, she's new to my city and didn't have alot of friends, we kept meeting once or twice a week for simple walks, few drinks things like that. (when we did meet for drinks we often ended up kissing etc. but nothing major if ya understand me) Thing is in the last few weeks everytime something like this happened she would kind of freak saying the next day that it shouldn't have happened etc..

Anyway last week we met for a few drinks which turned into more then a few and hey presto ended up back in hers again, again nothing major happened(i was trying a bit but only in a kind of playful way) all seemed fine rang her the next evening too make sure she got through the day at work ok, didn't answer the first cpl times then got a text saying she was fine how was i etc. no probs right?

she went home for the weekend i think, tried to ring her on the monday...cancelled my call, ok thiught she was in the middle of something, tried later no reply, tried the next day no reply again, tried a fw more tmes and still nadda, so i was a bit annoyed and sent a txt which was kinda harsh i spose but warrented to a degree i feel as i think its rude not answering calls....., so she replys saying that its fair enuff, but what was so impportant that i had to keep ringing her, and that she had other things to be at.....

now maybe i was coming across desperate or something but it was ust cos i was afraid she was annoyed about something i had done....
anyway i told her by txt that i was sorry for the way id spoke in the previous one and that i had a cpl of things i needed to deal with and id ring her in a cpl of weeks(no reply)

keep in mind we had been in contact almost daily but this has been gradually dying out.

Just a small bit of backround info, there has been a similar episode a few months back when i tried to kiss her and she kind of freaked(not til the next day mind) when we met a week or so later she just said that we met at the wrong time and that any other time in her life it would be different and that i needed to calm down and ya never know waht might happpen, she said to me on a previous occasion that we shouldn't contact eachother for a few weeks that she needed space....later i find out that she had erased my number (whatever that meant i dunno, was she afraid of ringing me etc)

Also this is a girl who i feel has some self esteem issues, cpl of things that she has told me but i won't go into that here....

Look all i wanna ask is do ye think that A) all this is a ploy to let me down gently, maybe she doesn't like me anymore etc. or is she trying to hide from anything happening cos she's afraid of getting hurt (she's only out of a 5 year relationship since january (they lived together for 2 years in australia also so obviously it was farily full on)

Sorry for the rant its just my head is melted by this....i do really care about her now!

LegacyUser

Sorry for the bump but any insight here would be really appreciated, Think i might have blown this completly as there has been no contact at all since last week, im really struggling to keep from dialling her number but i know it the right thing at the moment....dunno how much longer i can hold out tho!!
Its really hurting me now!

dblennon

Sorry man Your not going to like this,

She has no interest in you romantically, she only scores you when she has had a few to drinks and tells you after she is not interested!!! lots of people fall into this situation and drink is always blamed as the reason, because it is.

You have scared her off and in a bad way, an emotional reaction to the situation recently, will make her see that you have a romantic connetion to her.

There is a subtle difference between chasing a girl and what you have done, you need to give her lots of space, if you want to save the friendship, next time you are out and you run into her be friendly and chatty for 5-10 mins then leave her, and enjoy the night with your friends, if she comes to talk later still keep it light suggest lunch another day,...... maybe then tell her you had/have feelings for her and you have to deal with them etc.

Polleta

I have to agree with the previous. A girl regretting a kiss the next day is not a good sign. Us girls are confusing creatures at the best of times but this particular girl seems all over the place at the moment.

The best thing for you to do is stop calling her and texting her. She has your number so if she wants to talk let her contact you.

As dblennon says above leave it to a 5 minute normal chat if you see her and move on to your other friends.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies, i know ye are probably right, only things that keep me holding out some hope is that i've asked anumber of times over the last few months was i wasting my time...she said i wasn't but that she's confused and needs space...granted i prob didnt give her enough...regret that now but i did try,
she said to me recently "why don't you just give up on me?" i asked did she want me to, she just replied by asking did i want to.
shes also recently sent me a message when i said i wasn't able to meet that night cos i had to drop someone somewhere along the lines of......who are ya dropping well well.......
i responded asking was she jealous...in a jokey way and got no reply, which led me to think she might have been.....i dunno was never really able to figure her out,
i do know that there has been good signs in the past....and even the last night when she was drunk she said that she did like me but wsn't ready....to be fair she has said this from day dot its just recently she has been pulling away....i tried harder out of desperation and fear that ive blown it for good now, which sucks as i really like this one and it isn't often i ca say that, for gods sake a polish model i met the other night asked me to go for a drink with her tomorrow night and idunno will i even bother....thats shows how highly i rate this one.
(hope she dont read boards by the way cos your gonna recognise the situation if she does)

Wibbs

My 2 cents? And pardon my bluntness..

She doesn't want to know, beyond the odd snog to make herself feel like she's attractive and she gets emotional feedback. You're in friendzone with extra snoggage. Everything she is saying is bull. She's consistent about it, I'll give her that. Confused/needs space/not ready/etc is all BS. 99.99999 % of the time. Like that movie "Hes just not into you" referring to men, well this is the version of what some women pull. It amounts to the same thing. I guarantee that if a guy came along who sparked her interest she would get stuck on to him like sh*t on a blanket and any "confusion" would be gone.

Dont believe me? Well then back off. Dont snog her when drunk. Damn well meet that polish woman tomorrow nigh(or Ill hunt you down:)).

Back off and watch her reaction. You will likely get two extremes. 1) she'll give up on you completely, 2) and the much more likely one, she'll up the emotional guff to try and keep you in the box she's used to having you in. She'll start to pursue you if you keep it up(while being pleasant to her of course). This will tell you all you need to know about her attitude to you.

This is a common enough one. I would say damn near every guy has done it with one woman they thought was the be all and end all. I have. We all have to some degree. Learn from that. No woman and I mean no woman is special. Not one of them. Yes you treat them with respect and courtesy, but you do not treat a woman as special just because she's a woman you have the hots for. You treat a woman as special only if she treats you special back. She isn't, therefore she's not. So why waste energy on her?

Meet the other women tomorrow. Meet other women. Get out more. Leave this one to her confusion and let her be confused or not with someone else.

Oh The Humanity

Look all i wanna ask is do ye think that A) all this is a ploy to let me down gently, maybe she doesn't like me anymore etc.

Yes.

or is she trying to hide from anything happening cos she's afraid of getting hurt

No, definitely not, for a start all that 'Im afraid of getting hurt' stuff only gets said to people you would never be with.
If she was really into you:
1. Afraid of getting hurt wouldnt come into it.
2. You would know.

As i read your post i cringed a bit, sorry but she has started trying to avoid you and distance herself. Dont build hope on nothing. There is nothing there, so go out with the Polish 'model' and forget that woman cos she is not interested.

VaioCruiser

Sorry about this... but it looks to me like you are way too intense, for a start. I do understand that emotions sometimes push us along and we want to stay in touch every day, and wonder if we said something right or wrong or are misunderstood and another hundred reasons ... but we have to learn to get a grip on our emotions when we see this happening, and back off ... and allow the other person to breath. This way we can judge if they really like us or not.

All the best.