Friends With Benefits?

Mrs Shankly

Hi all,

What are your opinions on "friends with benefits"?

An ideal stop gap between relationships, or doomed to failure?

Am curious to hear others thoughts!

Wibbs

How is this a relationship issue that's personal to you? It's not a forum for debate in general. Perhaps if you are looking for a debate not advice, humanities is more the place for it.

Mrs Shankly

Hi Wibbs,

Sorry about that, probably should have been clearer on that- it is personal to me, as I am currently embarking on something where the guy has made it pretty clear what he is interested in- i.e 1 thing only!

Am new to these parts, so will make sure I am totally familiar with etiquette, etc before I post again.

Sorry again.

ohdelightful

Hey,

Friends with benefits can be very beneficial But usually one side of the party develops feelings for the other so just beware and make sure everyone knows where they stand. Dont go for it in the hope it will led to somrthing more!!!

Mrs Shankly

Thanks for the reply!

I'll try and go into it with open eyes, but am worried I may fall for him and feel crap when nothing further comes out of it..

Should I just cut my losses? Don't know what to do!!

LegacyUser

Are you going into this hoping a relationship will develop?
If so this is unfair on him and you.
It will not develop into a relationship in all likelihood.

If you are just wanting casual sex till something better comes along then go for it.

Wormking2002

well i'm in one of those suitations and i have no intention of ever going out with her but on her side she says she loves me...now i dont invite her round if i think i have a chance with other chicks...it causes hassle as my mate who i live with always invites her round...tread careful i say..always keep distance..

Nevyn

Mrs Shankly wrote: »

Thanks for the reply!

I'll try and go into it with open eyes, but am worried I may fall for him and feel crap when nothing further comes out of it..

Should I just cut my losses? Don't know what to do!!

If you can set yourself a set of checks and balances and stick to them and thread carefully and set yourself rules to stop yourself from getting to emotionally caught up then fine.

IF you can't, then don't.

beks101

I say don't do it. You're already worried about developing feelings so a part of you might already know you don't have the capacity to do the no-strings thing. It's not worth the risk of finding out, if you ask me.

I've been there and swore blind I wouldn't get emotionally involved, but whadda ya know, it's not that easy. I'd say at least 80% of women are this way.

Personally, I ended up feeling used, and that was my own fault because I knew what I was getting into and ignored the part of me that wanted more.

Mull this over a LOT before doing anything.

LegacyUser

I've become involved in something similar recently & I have to say I'm finding it difficult to keep feelings out of it so I've decided to give up on it. I'm female by the way & maybe I'm wrong, but I think it's harder for females to keep sex & emotions seperate.

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

If you can set yourself a set of checks and balances and stick to them and thread carefully and set yourself rules to stop yourself from getting to emotionally caught up then fine.

IF you can't, then don't.

That sums it up for me.

themadchef

Mrs Shankly wrote: »

Thanks for the reply!

I'll try and go into it with open eyes, but am worried I may fall for him and feel crap when nothing further comes out of it..

Should I just cut my losses? Don't know what to do!!

Exactly what Thaedydal just said.

I'd like to add that if you are the emotional type then don't do it. Friends with benefits can work exceptionally well. You both need to be clear about everything from the start, and fair play, he's in no way leading you on.

Basically it's sex with someone you trust. There is no chase, no "why didint he call me" it's quite simple. Cold in some peoples eyes, but relatively simple.

If you do decide to go ahead with it my advice would be keep it to sex, no texting or calling, no "how was your day" no "so when will i see you again" it is what it says on the tin.

If both of you are on the same wave length it is possible to have a FB relationship and go back to being just friends when either of you decide it. This only happens though if you have had a clear line of communication all the way through.

Personally, yes, i think it can work, but, i think from the line i underlined above, that you feel invested in some way already. This is not a good start. I do think you want more and in that case you are open to a world of hurt as he has been quite clear with you. Of course, i could be wrong, but you need to decide if it's worth the risk of heart break.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Mrs Shankly wrote: »

Hi all,

What are your opinions on "friends with benefits"?

An ideal stop gap between relationships, or doomed to failure?

Am curious to hear others thoughts!

Would you like to be used as "an ideal gap between relationships"? How would it make you feel to find out that someone was only with you till someone better came along? You're asking a silly question tbh.

Blue_Wolf

Mrs Shankly wrote: »

Hi all,

What are your opinions on "friends with benefits"?

An ideal stop gap between relationships, or doomed to failure?

Am curious to hear others thoughts!

Best thing since sliced bread!

If someone is looking for emotion than go for a relationship, if someone is looking for physical than go for friends with benefits.

cosmic

That's how me and my OH started out! We've been going out now for 2 and a half years and are happy out. I think we're one of the exceptions though. I'd be very wary, you don't want to end up getting hurt or ruining your friendship.

VaioCruiser

Mrs Shankly wrote: »

Thanks for the reply!

I'll try and go into it with open eyes, but am worried I may fall for him and feel crap when nothing further comes out of it..

Should I just cut my losses? Don't know what to do!!

Hi there. In my experience, it is a very very unusual person that can have sex with someone regularly and not develop strong personal feelings or them. Guys talking about with bravado, and nowadays girls are starting to as well. But imho it is a complete myth for the vast majority of people.

Keep in mind that you are investing quite a lot of time and emotional energy into a situation. Ask yourself if you would be better investing the same time and emotional energy into a guy that you really like and that likes you.

I am not being judgmental at all. Just posing the question for you.

All the best.

LegacyUser

I've had a "friend with benefits" on and off for about four years now. I'm not sure why it works, we're both very into each other but very independent people. I wouldn't say our situation is void of emotion, it's just extremely casual. I do think things have become more serious, certainly in the last few months because we're both older and coincidentally not seeing anyone else. It's worked for me but, please be careful. If you feel yourself getting emotionally attached and there is no hope of the "relationship" progressing to a serious level, get yourself out. If you know you won't get hurt then enjoy it while it's fun. Be warned though.. I've seen my "fwb" kiss three other girls passionately in my presence, him knowing that he was in full sight of me. Is he an ***hole? Probably..!

Mrs Shankly

Hi all, thanks for all your comments, I've been very honest with myself and I don't think I can detatch myself from the emotional side, so its probably best to break away before I get really hurt.

Its hard though, keep thinking "its better to have him in my life even on those terms than not at all"- But I really need to snap myself out of that way of thinking.

Plus, would probably start to eat at me after a while, I'd be wondering what was wrong with me, why he didn't want a relationship...

Micky Dolenz

Mrs Shankly wrote: »

Its hard though, keep thinking "its better to have him in my life even on those terms than not at all"- But I really need to snap myself out of that way of thinking.

Never sell yourself short.

dvpower

Mrs Shankly wrote: »

I'll try and go into it with open eyes, but am worried I may fall for him and feel crap when nothing further comes out of it..

I feel sorry for Mr Shankly in all of this.;)

LegacyUser

If you have a shadow of a doubt, then dont do it... there is a guy out there that will want you full on or maybe not, but this can be really really painful if you go start ot feel things and he doesnt , its like unrequited love ...but just worse

Bottle_of_Smoke

Reading between the lines. Stay well away from it. Just be mates if you want that. Some good advice about threading carefully but I personally I wouldn't trust myself to thread carefully with someone I was developing feelings for. Cut your losses while you still have that option!