Post travelling blues

eleven

Hi everyone. Not sure if I'm posting this in the right place or not.

My boyfriend has come home from travelling - he was away for 2 years, and was mostly in Australia, but also Thailand Laos etc.

He's been home now for just over 6 months, and the boy is sad! I'm in college and will be for another 4 years so there's not much chance of us going off anywhere soon. He left in the boom, but has come back in the slump and he cant deal with the depressing attitude in the country. He has a callcentre job which is a bit pants, but obviously he can't leave it.

Have other people felt like this when they came back from travelling? I haven't known many people who went travelling, but from my friends friends it seems like a lot of people have this post travelling blues thing. Is there any way over it apart from leaving again??

Thanks for any suggestions.

drunkmonkey

It's shoite, happens everyone I think, i'm looking forward to retirement, it's all that's keeping me going, roll on 2045:(

Firetrap

Well, he was basically on holidays for 2 years and now real life has come back to bite him. The rest of us have to make do with 20+ days annual leave every year and make the most of it. Can he not go anywhere in the next 4 years? Even a weekend somewhere?

eleven

Ah yeah, of course we'll get away for a few days here and there. Not for a while though. I'm a student and he's paying off his debts!

It might sound easy to tell him 'Too bad, welcome to the real world!' I have said that... But, the guy is havin a hard time, and I want to be able to be supportive. I just wondered if anyone had any tips for being able to pull out of that post travelling blues thing?

buccsboyo

Hey don't worry it happens us all. I returned from 14 months away last year and took a while to adjust ( I actually bought Lonely Planet Africa to help me cope! I don't know why as hadn't a penny to go to Africa :pac:)

I know its all gloom at the mo but at least we Celtic cubs have got to go away and see so many different parts of the world, those our age in Laos,Bolivia,India will never get that opportunity or have that privilege to travel in our lifetime at least.

Here is an email that is circulating between me and my former travel buddies that will hopefully give you a chuckle and cheer your bf up

Back packer withdrawals

For all ex-backpackers!!!
Having trouble readjusting to life back at home now that the
travelling is over? Here's a few handy hints to help you settle back in:-

1) Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds, and every night
invite Random people to sleep in your bedroom with you. Ensure at least
once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the top bunks.
Remove one by one as the weeks go by.

2) Sleep in your sleeping bag, forgetting to wash it for months.
Add some bugs in order to wake up with many unsightly bites over your
arms and legs.

3) Enlist the help of a family member to set your radio alarm to go
off randomly during the night, filling your room with loud
talking.This works best if the station is foreign. Also have several
mobiles
ringing,without being answered. To add to the torture, ask a friend to
bring plastic bags into your room at roughly 6 in the morning and proceed
to rustle them for no apparent reason for a good half an hour.

4) Keep all your clothes in a rucksack. Remember to smell them
before putting them on and reintroduce the use of the iron SLOWLY.

5) Buy your favourite food, and despite living at home, write your
name and when you might next be leaving the house on all bags. This
should include mainly pasta, 2 minute noodles, carrots and beer.

6) Ask a family member to every now and again steal an item of
food,preferably the one you have most been looking forward to or the
most expensive. Keep at least one item of food far too long or in a bag
out of the sun, so you have to spend about 24 hours within sprinting
distance of the toilet.

7) Even if it's a Sunday, vacate the house by 10a.m., and then
stand on the corner of the street looking lost. Ask the first passer-by of
similar ethnic background if they have found anywhere good to go
yet.

8) Finally stick paper in your shower so that the water comes in
just a drizzle. Adjust the hot/cold taps at regular intervals so that you
are never fully satisfied with the temperature. Because of this
frustration,shower infrequently.

9) When sitting on public transport (the DART, The Luas or Bus Eireann
would be ideal)introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you,
say which
stop you got on at, where you are going, how long you have been travelling
and what university you went to. If they say they are going to Dublin,
say you met a guy on the central line who said it was terrible and that
you've heard Meath is better and cheaper.



I hope this will help with the withdrawal from Backpacking life...

wylo

buccsboyo wrote: »

9) When sitting on public transport (the DART, The Luas or Bus Eireann
would be ideal)introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you,
say which
stop you got on at, where you are going, how long you have been travelling
and what university you went to. If they say they are going to Dublin,
say you met a guy on the central line who said it was terrible and that
you've heard Meath is better and cheaper.

so so true!!!

OP, Ill try and help you be supportive based on my own experiences of coming back.

1. Hes probably way more liberal and open minded regarding clothes, opinions, class, race, even sexuality. Coming home is tough because he sees the "Irish" haven't changed a bit and are still blind and ignorant, truth is , it would be the same coming home to any country, its just hes been surrounded by backpackers who are all open minded no matter where they're from.
-So try and be more open minded about things in general. Try and learn to appreciate stuff that you wouldn't have before, e.g. ,music etc.

2. Hes been probably drinking alcohol most nights for the whole time he wasnt working. This could cause mild alcohol depression, this he will get over!
-But dont be afraid to have a couple of beers on a weeknight, or any night sitting in with him, just a treat, and to really be interesting, do stuff like buy loads of foreign beers, just for a change. There's some great offys around that specialize in foreign beers.

3. Traveling isn't like a long holiday, as its a completely new way of life, constantly immersed in new cultures, new worlds, doing and seeing something different every week etc. Hes also constantly surrounded by other backpackers who are appreciating this as much as he is. Then all of the sudden hes home and no one gives a sh1t about anything more than their job, the local nightclub , and big brother. Its really tough, and sometimes they dont even feign in an interest in what you've experienced. Its a punch the wall feeling.

-So try and be interested in his life the last 2 years. Don't just pretend it didnt happen as alot of people do when you arrive home. Ask him questions about specific places, read his lonely planets, or even buy one, they are actually great reads anyway. Let him talk about stuff , ask him about tubing in Laos!!!(and don't pronounce the 's'). And when organizing small holidays, don't suggest something like a week in Santa ponza, go for something like a city in Europe, or Morocco or something less touristy.

I might add that that works both ways, people coming home are often just as rude as the people that are home about whats been going on the last year or 2. That's just ignorant and if hes acting like that you have to call him on it.

4. He has seen some cool stuff by now, both historically and naturally. He probably has more appreciation for that now.
-Suggest to him all the cool places in Ireland we as locals choose to ignore even though they are just as impressive, like Cliffs of Moher, Ring of Kerry, Giants Causeway, newgrange. Suggest a night in out in Dingle, climb carrantouhil or the galtees. He will then be again surrounded by that backpackery way of life.

Hope this helps, just to remind you though, he may have had different experiences to me coming home!! And also , as I said if hes just being an ignorant moany prick then tell him cut out, both sides have to make an effort.

eleven

Wylo! Wow, we've been havin a few fights lately (we went out for over 3 years before he left, were on good terms while he was away and never really fought), and I can see every row stems from one of your points.

Thanks so much for your post!

Buccsboyo, thanks as well!

I might give him a few days to get over his bein bummed and then forward it on

LegacyUser

i know a guy who came back from australia five years ago and completely changed. was much happier the first few days home and gradually was destroyed by depression. he took up and left 2 weeks ago and headed to the middle east.
you need to understand that ireland is only an island and was never ment to be inhabited.
when you see the rest of the world you understand how small and disconnected from the rest of the world it is.

bushy...

Don't take this the wrong way but - if he has been to some places like mentioned here :

buccsboyo wrote: »

those our age in Laos,Bolivia,India will never get that opportunity or have that privilege to travel in our lifetime at least.

and you haven't

eleven wrote: »

It might sound easy to tell him 'Too bad, welcome to the real world!' I have said that...

he might have seen a lot of stuff that would make some stuff you'd be arguing seem very trivial.

eleven wrote: »

Wylo! Wow, we've been havin a few fights lately (we went out for over 3 years before he left, were on good terms while he was away and never really fought)

Depends on what ye were arguing over though of course

eleven

Ah, I guess I meant that there was a couple of silly disagreements about music or whatever that wouldn't have happened before he went but have since. Maybe he thinks he's showing me the worlds viewpoint and that I should be more open to it and I haven't been interested. Or I feel that my opinion is equally as valid despite me not having been to oz or thailand.

I have definitely been guilty of not caring or listening properly about what happened while he was away, sometimes his memory's are hurtful to me - girls he was with, or experiences he had for the first time without me etc., I try not be like that and I am trying very hard to be supportive and kind. It is hard sometimes though. The 'too bad, welcome to the real world' remark, well I hope I wouldn't put it as baldly as that to him myself, but there is an element of truth in it. What he finds hard about Ireland is what all of us live with in a day to day capacity, and really do deal with. It is the real workaday world.

Thanks though to wylo for pointing out *why* the transition is so difficult...

podmu80

Maybe he should be grateful he had the chance to go travelling in the first place, & for two years at that. Come's back & has a job, not a job he likes, but a job. And a girlfriend!
Always look on the brightside. He's better off than a lot (me included!) at the moment.

eleven

Ha! Good point

LegacyUser

You know, one of the worst thing about coming back from travelling is that you don't meet lots of random people who are all doing the same thing as you, are mostly open minded and you have something in common with i.e. the fact that you are away.

Also, you can change as a person when you are away, you can grow into yourself a bit more and then when you get back people can expect you to just fall back into place.

It happened to me. I returned and found it hard to adjust to just hanging out with my old friends who while fine, the nights out didn't excite me. I had just grown away from them - I didn't see heading out one night a week and getting trashed as particularly appealing.

Your fella needs to find some people to hang out with. Me, I found surfing. I meet people away every weekend. I surf with a bunch of chilled laid back people who are similar to a lot of people I met while travelling.

I head west at least one day every two weeks and the people I hang out with have a love of our "hobby"... it's the nearest buzz to travelling that I have experienced.

I don't think any traveller prefers being here mid-winter in the cold and wet when they've experienced the joy of being in a hot climate and the freedom that brings. Maybe he should book a holiday to somewhere hot over Christmas for a few weeks to get through it.

Monkeybonkers

This post travelling depression has happened to me every time I've come back too, even if I've only been away for a short while. It's the fact that there's no 'buzz' any more, nothing new or exciting that you're going to be doing the next day, no new people to meet.
The depression dies away slowly but that feeling of loss of something, that desire to be away, never really leaves me. I think that gradually your fella will get over the worst of it but the feeling will always be there. I know it is for me anyway.
He is lucky that he has a gf and a job, it's a lot more than some people have at the moment. I think just give him time and he will re-adjust to Ireland again, bad and all as it is at the moment. Good luck.