To vibrate or not vibrate

LegacyUser

Im seeing my OH for half a year now and i love her and we get on very well. Recently my OH went to one of those ann summers parties as part of someones hen night. We had much joking on the run up about what to get and i had asked her previously about it and she said she wasnt into vibrators / masturbating etc. I took it on face value. So she texts me during it about getting a vibrator and i reply with more shock than anything saying i thought she wasnt into it. I didnt knock it and i didnt say no. But i did say that if she thought it would add to our sex life then it would be a good thing but if it would make me redundant then maybe not such a good thing. we're at the stage where sex (or lack of it) is being brought up every now and then.

She is now mad at my reaction at me saying no and i tried explaining my side of it. I was brutally honest on the phone and said i probably wouldnt want to be replaced by a 10 inch thing that does everything and more but she was still angry and didnt see it from my side at all. She just was angry at my reaction to the whole thing.

My question is two fold i suppose. Was i completely a jackass in how i handled it? And i suppose my second question is for the female side of things. Honestly, getting a vibrator, does it enhance or take away from your sex life and by sex life i mean once you get one do you find it a substitute for sex?

LegacyUser

To be honest, I got one as a joke before & even used my boyfriends credit card to buy it! We'd kinda joked about what we'd do with it etc, enhancing our sex lives or whatever, but when the thing arrived, both of us were scared out of out minds. I dunno, the idea of this enormous purple spikey twirly thing going near me just didn't do it for me!!

It's still sitting in the box & me and by boyfriend never mentioned it again. Chances are thats what will happen anyway, those things are bloody scary!!!!

LegacyUser

I don't know why she needed your permission to get a vibrator tbh. Why didn't she just go ahead and get one at the party without texting you??

For your part, you are being very immature about it. A vibrator is not a replacement for a sex life. It can be an enhancement if used during sex, but if she uses it on her own, its no different than you ****.

I think there are issues here other than whether a vibrator is being bought.

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

Im seeing my OH for half a year now and i love her and we get on very well. Recently my OH went to one of those ann summers parties as part of someones hen night. We had much joking on the run up about what to get and i had asked her previously about it and she said she wasnt into vibrators / masturbating etc. I took it on face value. So she texts me during it about getting a vibrator and i reply with more shock than anything saying i thought she wasnt into it. I didnt knock it and i didnt say no. But i did say that if she thought it would add to our sex life then it would be a good thing but if it would make me redundant then maybe not such a good thing. we're at the stage where sex (or lack of it) is being brought up every now and then.

She is now mad at my reaction at me saying no and i tried explaining my side of it. I was brutally honest on the phone and said i probably wouldnt want to be replaced by a 10 inch thing that does everything and more but she was still angry and didnt see it from my side at all. She just was angry at my reaction to the whole thing.

My question is two fold i suppose. Was i completely a jackass in how i handled it? And i suppose my second question is for the female side of things. Honestly, getting a vibrator, does it enhance or take away from your sex life and by sex life i mean once you get one do you find it a substitute for sex?

Was your reaction a bit jackass like?
Yes,but it was also probably a common enough reaction for alot of blokes.TBH Ive never viewed vibrators as a threat and they can really enhance sex with your partner.As for the 10 inch thing,you are looking at vibrators as they are in porn.Any girl Ive ever been with thats had one has never had a massive one because they really arent neccessary.The first 2 inches of the vagina and the clitoris are 2 of the most sensitive areas so 10 inches isnt needed.
And its not a substitute for sex either.As Ive already said,they can really enhance your sex life and can actually take some pressure off you!

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Im seeing my OH for half a year now and i love her and we get on very well. Recently my OH went to one of those ann summers parties as part of someones hen night. We had much joking on the run up about what to get and i had asked her previously about it and she said she wasnt into vibrators / masturbating etc. I took it on face value. So she texts me during it about getting a vibrator and i reply with more shock than anything saying i thought she wasnt into it. I didnt knock it and i didnt say no. But i did say that if she thought it would add to our sex life then it would be a good thing but if it would make me redundant then maybe not such a good thing. we're at the stage where sex (or lack of it) is being brought up every now and then.

She is now mad at my reaction at me saying no and i tried explaining my side of it. I was brutally honest on the phone and said i probably wouldnt want to be replaced by a 10 inch thing that does everything and more but she was still angry and didnt see it from my side at all. She just was angry at my reaction to the whole thing.

My question is two fold i suppose. Was i completely a jackass in how i handled it? And i suppose my second question is for the female side of things. Honestly, getting a vibrator, does it enhance or take away from your sex life and by sex life i mean once you get one do you find it a substitute for sex?

Her getting a vibrator is no different to you masturbating tbh - believe it or not we might need help getting there on our own!
yes, you were completely a jackass. I can understand where you're coming from, but it shouldn't have any impact, and she should most certainly NOT be needing to ask your permission. In fact it can be use to enhance your sex life together. Personally I love my toys a LOT but I'd pick my bf any day of the week, there's no substitute for that intimacy.
Also, she might be able to further show you how to please her even more (in case that was ever an issue) by experimenting on her own.

Miss Fluff

OK well to my mind there are a few things at play here.

Firstly she told you she doesn't masturbate so you were obviously surprised when she then said she wanted to buy a vibrator (I would imagine that people get swept up in the moment at these parties and it may have been a case of her not wanting to be seen NOT to buy one when all her friends are, so maybe there was an element of bravado here).

Secondly, I think it's great that she was willing to buy one and now seems to want to use it....she wants to put the effort in to spicing up your sex life.his can only be a positive thing surely? It can only be of benefit to both of you if she starts using it solo and for you both to use it together.

Also, imho a vibrator can never replace the real thing. Of course it can't. Going solo is brilliant, a great stress reliever and keeps your libido on an even keel but nothing can quite replace the fun you can have with a real live pulsating throbbing c0ck to be honest;) and I think most women will agree with me on that.

A vibrator can however enhance your sex life - don't become fixated on the fact that it's a penis replacement, it is merely a TOY which you can both use to explore one another and try new things. To start with why don't you let her hold the vibrating part around your balls and ass while she sucks you off for example, I have a feeling it may get rid of some of your hangups.

Xiney

vibrator = CD
sex = live gig

LegacyUser

Thanks for you comments guys.

I do feel like a jackass.

She is the sweetest girl ever and iv been completely blown away by her and i am really happy to be with her. I have changed though. Im insecure Im nervy and as one pseron said i probably have been imature about this , i get anxious. I feel like i am that person that cant do anything without their partner. The past while i am living in fear of being rejected by her. I feel like im trapping her. I actually feel that. Like i am holding her back.

Her reaction to my simple texts was the reason i was shocked. She was angry with me. I over analysed it all. I thought it out in my head and just figured the worst.

She doesnt want to talk about it now. Understandable really.

I really wish i was the kinda guy that just has an on off switch that didnt over think everything.

gowayouttadat

I went to an anne summers party a while back and bought a vibrator. Myself and my bf joked about it beforehand and I didn't really know I'd buy it until I got there. I had no intention of using it as a replacement for my bf. I bought it enhance our sex life. We've always had a healthy sex life but you can always spice things up a bit. When it came we both got a great kick out of using it. I've never used it on my own but he'll use it on me.
Tbh it's a bit like any toy, after a few weeks you'll use it less and less. Well that's what I found anyway. If your gf was planning on making you redundant with it then she wouldn't have told you she was getting it. I presume by txting you and telling you from the outset she was planning on you both getting some enjoyment out of it and maybe just giving something new a try.

LegacyUser

Were you a jackass?
Yes!
I'm a female here...and masturbation is healthy! It's part of having a healthy sexuality.
I'm not sure why you are intimidated by that or even seem to dislike the idea of her masturbating. To be honest, that's a very backward view of women's sexuality (and she seems to share your view, unfortunately).
If anything, you should be encouraging her to explore her sexuality and explore her body.
I have to say, if she doesn't masturbate I would hazard a guess that she has never had an orgasm in her life...and that might be the reason your sex life is dying off.
My suggestion would be to embrace this new toy- use it as a means to spice up your sex life, and as a way to bring her to orgasm while you're having sex. These toys are FUN! They are inanimate objects so your jealously toward it is unfounded.
I think you should send her a kinky text asking her to put on a show for you with her new toy.
Think of all the fun and possibilities you can have. P.S. she can also use it on you!

Enjoy.

wasper

nedtheshed wrote: »

Was your reaction a bit jackass like?
Yes,but it was also probably a common enough reaction for alot of blokes.TBH Ive never viewed vibrators as a threat and they can really enhance sex with your partner.As for the 10 inch thing,you are looking at vibrators as they are in porn.Any girl Ive ever been with thats had one has never had a massive one because they really arent neccessary.The first 2 inches of the vagina and the clitoris are 2 of the most sensitive areas so 10 inches isnt needed.
And its not a substitute for sex either.As Ive already said,they can really enhance your sex life and can actually take some pressure off you!

And if a bloke gets a doll, all the females will be outraged.
The guy can't win. She told him that she wasn't into the vibrator. She goes into a party & get caught in the moment as other girls are buying stuff & goading each other. Then when she ask his opinion & doesn't like the answer she throws tantrums & how insensitive he is.

wasper

Unregistered wrote: »

To be honest, that's a very backward view of women's sexuality (and she seems to share your view, unfortunately).
I have to say, if she doesn't masturbate I would hazard a guess that she has never had an orgasm in her life...and that might be the reason your sex life is dying off.

So you are implying that the BF is inadequate.

LegacyUser

wasper wrote: »

So you are implying that the BF is inadequate.

No, I'm saying that firstly, this woman needs to take charge of her sexuality! Secondly, I'm saying as her partner he can help her explore her sexuality. I presume he wants her to orgasm..and if so, the vibrator is a good place to start.

tolteq

Unregistered wrote: »

Im seeing my OH for half a year now and i love her and we get on very well. Recently my OH went to one of those ann summers parties as part of someones hen night. We had much joking on the run up about what to get and i had asked her previously about it and she said she wasnt into vibrators / masturbating etc. I took it on face value. So she texts me during it about getting a vibrator and i reply with more shock than anything saying i thought she wasnt into it. I didnt knock it and i didnt say no. But i did say that if she thought it would add to our sex life then it would be a good thing but if it would make me redundant then maybe not such a good thing. we're at the stage where sex (or lack of it) is being brought up every now and then.

She is now mad at my reaction at me saying no and i tried explaining my side of it. I was brutally honest on the phone and said i probably wouldnt want to be replaced by a 10 inch thing that does everything and more but she was still angry and didnt see it from my side at all. She just was angry at my reaction to the whole thing.

My question is two fold i suppose. Was i completely a jackass in how i handled it? And i suppose my second question is for the female side of things. Honestly, getting a vibrator, does it enhance or take away from your sex life and by sex life i mean once you get one do you find it a substitute for sex?

if you arent comortable with it you arent comfortable with it. you should tell her. if she flys off the handle, thats her problem. she being childish. women automatically assume that a lot of men are sex crazed and will go for everything.

Xiney

tolteq wrote: »

if you arent comortable with it you arent comfortable with it. you should tell her. if she flys off the handle, thats her problem. she being childish. women automatically assume that a lot of men are sex crazed and will go for everything.

If he's not comfortable with her bringing a sex toy into their shared love life, that's one thing.

But if he's not comfortable with her using one alone, then that's ridiculous.

tolteq

Xiney wrote: »

If he's not comfortable with her bringing a sex toy into their shared love life, that's one thing.

But if he's not comfortable with her using one alone, then that's ridiculous.

"some" women on here complain when ther bf masturbates to porn.

maybe she fantasise about a man with a bigger ahem....appendage than her current partner. how rude.

Nevyn

tolteq, tolteq, tolteq really when will you learn.
Two previous bans from pi/ri and 4 infractions from the same in the last month.
This time it is for a month due to off topic and unhelpful posting.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for you comments guys.

I do feel like a jackass.

She is the sweetest girl ever and iv been completely blown away by her and i am really happy to be with her. I have changed though. Im insecure Im nervy and as one pseron said i probably have been imature about this , i get anxious. I feel like i am that person that cant do anything without their partner. The past while i am living in fear of being rejected by her. I feel like im trapping her. I actually feel that. Like i am holding her back.

Her reaction to my simple texts was the reason i was shocked. She was angry with me. I over analysed it all. I thought it out in my head and just figured the worst.

She doesnt want to talk about it now. Understandable really.

I really wish i was the kinda guy that just has an on off switch that didnt over think everything.

Wow, you could be my ex talking her...not about the vibrator issue but the getting insecure, feeling like you could be rejected, over analysing things...! Try to relax, you'll drive yourself into an absolute tizzy if you keep thinking like this. Your girlfriend obviously likes you if she's still with you and talking about ways to spice up your sex life so enjoy being with her instead of thinking it all could end.


As for the vibrator thing, just be honest and explain (face to face - texts are bad) that you were a bit taken aback by her suggestions as it simply surprised you. Say you've no problem her using one but you don't feel comfortable having it as part of your sex life. She has to respect that and can't force you into using something you don't want to

LegacyUser

apologise, say you were surprised and that for a minute you were afraid you would be replaced but you love her and you know that wouldnt happen, say you are sorry but let her know you are upset about her reaction because she asked your opinion and one minute said she wasnt into it and next did a 180 and talked about buying it, you are happy and comfortable with everything she decides. i said i wasnt into something changed my mind and when i told my boyfriend he had the same reaction as you but once i listened we came to an understanding ( it was really my fault but i wont go into it cos they are different circumstances too)

maybe offer to go with her to ann summers and look at them together and buy her one as an early christmas/bday present if you can afford it?(careful tough they range in price from 15-70) when you both pick it out you will see a lot are usually the size of lipsticks and come in all colours,

i highly recommend the pulsatron,

but dont ask if you can watch or anything, she might want to have time to play with it on her own first,

Taltos

My suggestion would be to try to talk about it once more time.

Maybe explain that you were merely surprised by her text and responded before you had a chance to think about it. If you had then you would not have been so insensitive.
Tell her you love her and would really like for her to try a vibrator if she would like to.

I have not been into the Ann Summers shop on O'Connell st - but have tried Miss Fantasia behind Powerscourt. My suggestion would be the Rabbit - fav of my o/h. As per some of the others though she might prefer to go alone and even to try using this alone - but she might also enjoy you helping her if you get my drift.

Due to our culture there tends to be a bit of shock around these things, but the thing to keep in mind is if it hurts no-one and gives her pleasure then there is no big deal.
By the way - these are NOT a replacement for sex - and can even be a great spice to add to your sexlife.

BOL
Taltos

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

We had much joking on the run up about what to get and i had asked her previously about it and she said she wasnt into vibrators / masturbating etc. I took it on face value. So she texts me during it about getting a vibrator and i reply with more shock than anything saying i thought she wasnt into it. I didnt knock it and i didnt say no. But i did say that if she thought it would add to our sex life then it would be a good thing but if it would make me redundant then maybe not such a good thing.

So you both discussed the possibilities and she knocked the idea on the head..... then she wants one, you're suprised at her change of heart, and she gets miffed over you?

tbh it would be like my OH who doesn't drink texting me from a party to ask me if she should tuck into a six pack of lager, my first reaction would be wtf? And my second reaction would be ok do what you want to do - just like the OP's. I don't see anything wrong with the OP's reaction whatsoever. He didn't say yes, he didn't say no, he left it up to her and now he's the insensitive one? I'm baffled.

Let's wonder at the alternatives...

(A) Our OP says yes buy one now! - Well was he not listening to his OH when she specifically told him it wasn't her thing? Is he that insensitive that he ignores what she made clear days before?

(B) Our OP says no, definitely not! - What an insensitive git, who is he to tell her what she can and can't get......

Lose-Lose-Lose.

coadyj

got to say, I not a big fan of the vibrators either. Ive have been with people that use them and its very hard to bring them off as they are so used to it. I find that the intercourse has to be a lot rougher, which is not my style at all.

I would personaly avoid, but its not the end of the world if she did get one.

Wibbs

There is that alright. It can be an issue if that's the only way they ever got off, which happens. Then things can take a while to work sans vibe. It's doable though.

LegacyUser

bit of a strange reaction, she shared the idea with you, therefore she was trying to inject some 'fun' back into the bedroom, you should have told her to enjoy herself and get whatever she thought would be fun and you'd be waiting up for her! I'm afraid by rejecting the idea you've removed her awakening open attitude to your sex lives. Not the end of the world, incense, candles, and massage oil with a bottle of wine over the weekend, pamper the hell out of her and admit to being insecure and thank her for showing some adventurous spirit!

LegacyUser

if she has never used one before i wouldnt go for the rabbit i woulld go for the external vibrators (that just massage the outside) pulsatron has attachments and everything,

im a girl and find it really hard to come with guys, no problem on my own or with the vibrator but i dont think vibrators make it harder for women to come, i would say its made it easier cos i know what i like i know im capable of having them and its not all about the orgasm with sex and foreplay cos i can get that on my own and i can just relax and enjoy,

i do agree he didnt do anything wrong but if he upset her they should work out why so they can avoid upsetting each other again

partyguinness

My current OH and my previous 2 long term have all had vibrators. No problem...if even bought one for an ex (her first...:) when she was 20).

I see it as a bit of fun and it doesnt threaten me. I even use it one her but the times we get it out are very few and far between nowadays. As we live apart she has telephoned me for some phone sex with the Rampent Rabbit in hand...;)..we have gone way way beyond vibrators at this stage and are even going to a sex fair in the UK next weekend...

Open your mind OP...just some fun.

p.s. You should be grateful to have an OH with an open imaginative mind...she might now she you as a boring prude..

prinz

Xiney wrote: »

But if he's not comfortable with her using one alone, then that's ridiculous.

It must be said though that the vast majority of threads about masturbation on this forum relate to women upset because their fella was masturbating.... when the shoe's on the other foot :rolleyes:

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

i had asked her previously about it and she said she wasnt into vibrators / masturbating etc. I took it on face value.

Unregistered wrote: »

So she texts me during it about getting a vibrator ... i didnt say no. But i did say that ... if it would make me redundant then maybe not such a good thing ... She is now mad at my reaction at me saying no

See what you did there? Is it possible you took it originally at face value because you're not into sex toys so it suited you to leave it at that and now that she's introduced the possibility ...? I'd guess she went to the party, got caught up in the excitement and "naughtiness" of it all, felt brave enough to bring the issue up again and was hurt by your reaction, simple as.

Unregistered wrote: »

we're at the stage where sex (or lack of it) is being brought up every now and then.

You're together "half a year" and you're at this stage?

Unregistered wrote: »

Im insecure Im nervy ... i get anxious. I feel like i am that person that cant do anything without their partner ... i am living in fear of being rejected by her. I feel like im trapping her. I actually feel that. Like i am holding her back

There is lot more going on here than a row about sex toys, your second post speaks volumes about you and your relationship and these are the things you need to be addressing.

SarahMc

prinz wrote: »

It must be said though that the vast majority of threads about masturbation on this forum relate to women upset because their fella was masturbating.... when the shoe's on the other foot :rolleyes:

Its the same reponses though - totally natural, not a threat etc - why the rolleyes?

prinz

SarahMc wrote: »

Its the same reponses though - totally natural, not a threat etc - why the rolleyes?

(a) Because I have never once seen a woman accused of being unable to sexually fulfill her fella in that scenario.

and

(b) How would you feel if your OH brought an inflatable doll to bed with you, reason being while sex with you is fun and all, he needs a toy to really do the trick. Now tell me the ladies posting on here would say 'sure 'tis only a bit of harmless fun to spice things up, stop being such a prude to have reservations!' Well, it would be totally natural, would it not?



tbh I would feel that a woman who could not orgasm without a toy has issues of her own, and there are many cases of that happening. Likewise pornography etc. for some men.

prinz

prinz wrote: »

tbh I would feel that a woman who could not orgasm without a toy has issues of her own, and there are many cases of that happening. Likewise pornography etc. for some men.

Men generally come during sex. Women often don't. Slight difference there, and by slight I mean astronomical.
Yes, she has issues if she cannot come from intercourse, and they're extremely common.

oldyouth

I'll keep it brief. Together 30 yrs now and I love OH to the bare bones. I've always got a kick of watching herself using a vibrator, me using a vibrator on us both and the thought of her using one when I'm away.
It's part of an active sex life, so enjoy (and no, I'm not 93 yrs old)

prinz

bluewolf wrote: »

Men generally come during sex. Women often don't. Slight difference there, and by slight I mean astronomical.
Yes, she has issues if she cannot come from intercourse, and they're extremely common.

Yes very common, but better to work it out with your partner no?

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

Yes very common, but better to work it out with your partner no?

someone knows very little about female anatomy! i pity your partners.

women do not orgasm as easily as men....and many women have their first orgasm much later in life than men...and with toys... in a number of cases it's because men think two licks and and a bit of intercourse and they're done.

toys are a great way to help women relax and to ensure orgasm.

newsflash for you prinz the majority of women DO NOT orgasm on their own during intercourse (i.e. without some other form of stimulation).

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

Yes very common, but better to work it out with your partner no?

As a woman, its sometimes not as simple as that.
A toy could be the only thing to help.

And in my opinion, there is a world of difference between a sex doll and a vibrator.

A vibrator gives stimulation which no human finger could ever give. And a sex doll?...

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

someone knows very little about female anatomy! i pity your partners.

:pac: my past partners were all more than happy with my knowledge thanks, and none of them had an difficulty enjoying themselves. What a ridiculous assertion :pac:

Unregistered wrote: »

And in my opinion, there is a world of difference between a sex doll and a vibrator.

Such as? If they're both used as external aids to achieve orgasm then IMO they fulfilling an identical role.

Unregistered wrote: »

A vibrator gives stimulation which no human finger could ever give.

To a certain degree you're correct, but isn't that exactly what has the OP worried about becoming slightly redundant in the first place?

Koushki

in fairness i understand why your gf's initially reaction was being annoyed at you, but she should have gotten over it once you explained your side.

the way i see it is, she went to an anne summers hen night party, so her and all her girlfriends were talking about sex so she decides she wants a vibrator, she told you because she was exited that you'd think it was really kinky, and be exited too, instead of moaning about how it may replace you.

just have fun with it, use it together.

thats just the way i see it. i dont think you were being a dick, your words were just badly phrased.

krudler

I have no problem with my girlfriend owning a vibrator, I bought her a rampant rabbit one day as a surprise and she thought it was very cool, her friends know I bought it for her too which knocked me up a few notches in their book We have great sex but she can find it difficult to come during intercourse as well,never a problem with me going down on her but rarely ever through sex with some other stimulation, I dont see it as an insult or view it as not being able to perform at all as other girlfriends I've had have been well able to come through intercourse and not so much through using a vibrator so its different for every woman, so we use it all the time, its a turning watching her use it and as long as she's happy and comfortable I have zero issues with it

shellyboo

Well, how she touches her own body in her own time and what implements she uses to do so... is simply none of your business. You've no right to dictate to her how she masturbates, or what with.

More sympathetically, I can see why you're upset - but you're not going to be replaced by a vibrator. I'd use the porn analogy. Presuming you watch it, is it a replacement for your gf? I'd guess not, it's a masturbatory aid. Same goes for vibrators, while they're lots of fun and sometimes necessary for women, they're not a patch on the real thing.

Rather than viewing this as a threat to your sex life, I'd say this is a positive, OP. She's showing more interest in masturbation, and the more orgasms she has, the higher her sex drive will become. If you can get past your insecurities (which are totally unfounded!) I think you could use this opportunity to completely kickstart your sex life. You just need to have the right attitude, and that's a positive one. Encourage her to use it and see if you can incorporate it into your sex life as it is. You'll see that it's nothing to worry about.

LegacyUser

Original Poster here

Thanks guys for a mixed bag of stuff there

Just on the last poster there, yeah with the porn analogy, fair enough but she did ask did i watch porn and she was kinda put out by it, i said sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and she was kinda put out by the idea of me looking at porn. That's completely as an aside thought to the main problem.

So anyways i had worked myself up to a frenzy over this. I have felt insecure about the whole lot and thinking that maybe she didnt fancy me etc. We sat down over the weekend and talked it out and she was very honest with me and acknowledged the fact that sex hasnt been on the top of the list and she said it had been unfair on me etc. She told me the reasons etc and it makes sense so we're gonna try to change what is making the problem.

I also acknowledged that maybe my reaction to the vibrator wasnt the best but i explained where i was mentally / emotionally taht she didnt seem interested in me and then she wanted to get a toy etc and anyway she saw it from my side and we talked a lil about it and didnt close that door off completely.

For those that replied saying that i was trying to dictate about what she does / masturbates. You COMPLETELY got the wrong end of the stick. There was no hint of that at all. Im not dictating what my gf does with her body or anything like that.

Talking about it took a weight off my mind. She brought it up first when it was hanging over me that i should say something about it which was also a huge help because if a bf brings up the whole 'we dont have sex anymore' subject it can lead to backing the GF into a corner and more agro.

Thanks for your comments and opinions again and i hope it works out!