Ex-help

LegacyUser

Went out with ex for 2 years, spilt 18 months ago. Haven't been in contact at all until recently when we began texting, maybe a few texts every few weeks.

Thing is, I now want to see if there is anything there between us. She has been busy lately so if I text a reply is usually a few days away. Although she seems positive enough about the communication it is still hard to tell if she is just humoring me. I want to suggest the idea of a meet up but I'm not too sure how to go about it, I don't like text as it is too informal but I feel its too early for a call which may scare her off a bit. Email, letter?

We were very serious at the time and had a horrendous breakup so I can understand her not showing her cards much. I know she is single and has a hectic schedule coupled with the fact she is prob wary after the way things ended.

So I am looking for any advice on my next move? I don't mind showing my cards but I'd prefer not to.

Any ideas welcome

dudara

Best suited to Relationship Issues

dudara

Boolana

I think if the break up was bad and she is still willing to be in touch with you then there may be some interest. However I would keep it at texts and let her decide if and when she wants to take things further.

quinevere

I was in the same boat same timescales as well terrible break up seen him for the first time recently and knew that i still liked him I was open and honest with him about it and he didnt feel the same way but it give me the push i needed to get over him.

So the solution is tell her and see what happen either way its a win win you cant live the rest of your life with what if's or you can try to work it out and live happily ever after

tolteq

I dont think it is a good idea. specially for your head. you said she was in a hectic situation. it may well be the same. i know i am something of a cliche rephraser lol. but tbh just thinking about your well-being (i know isnt that such a strange thing for a man to say to another man) i think u should move on.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the replies so far.

boolana- I see that was your first post! I would leave the ball in her court but she is usually hesitant with stuff like this so if I don't move it forward I don't think it will go anywhere.

quinevere- That has crossed my mind but if I realise that I do still like her and come clean right away I don't think it will work. If I find that I do still like her I want to bring her back into my life slowly as a friend and work it from there. If I find that there is no feelings there on my part then I will finally be able to move on without any what ifs

By the way, how did you approach the idea of meeting up?

tolteq- In a sense you are absolutely right but I know I can't move on until I am 100% sure that I don't like her anymore. It is affecting my well being a bit but I just have to know once and for all if there is a future there.


Thanks for all the replies so far, I will keep this updated. My main problem at the mo is getting her to think about and agree to meeting up, which is hard given the intermittent conversation!

LegacyUser

OP, ex and I met up after texting for a while. I was very reluctant...it took months for me to agree. He had broken up with me so I was wary.
I would say the dumper has to pursue it and show genuine feeling for a while.
Then ask for a meet-up. I wouldn't meet him except in a coffee bar one afternoon. It took some convincing I can tell you. Sometimes I wouldn't text back for ages prior to meeting..I was protecting my feelings.
We met up and he was a total gent...talked and talked. We haven't looked back........

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

OP, ex and I met up after texting for a while. I was very reluctant...it took months for me to agree. He had broken up with me so I was wary.
I would say the dumper has to pursue it and show genuine feeling for a while.
Then ask for a meet-up. I wouldn't meet him except in a coffee bar one afternoon. It took some convincing I can tell you. Sometimes I wouldn't text back for ages prior to meeting..I was protecting my feelings.
We met up and he was a total gent...talked and talked. We haven't looked back........

I think she might be doing the same thing by not texting back straight away. What convinced you to go for the meet in the end?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
what convinced me to meet up in the end was him apologising for hurting me and telling me that if I gave him just 10mins of my time he would be grateful. I think the key was him saying that he no matter who he was with following the split, he still compared them to me.
He never rushed me, he allowed me to vent my hurt and just told me that I could take as long as I wanted he would wait til I was ready to meet up. After meeting up I was still afraid but we took it slowly i.e. he didn't expect to just pick up where we left off.
We took a chance but I knew I would be playing the what-ifs in my head forever.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for that, how long were you broken up? I'm thinking to go the friends route first, then see how the feelings go. Did you ever ask him why he wanted to meet up at all?
Thanks again!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I think she might be doing the same thing by not texting back straight away. What convinced you to go for the meet in the end?

Maybe she wants to have nothing to do with you, and that's the reason for her not texting back straight away? I don't know what the situation is and who broke up with who, but just think about her feelings, and think about the possibility of her not having any feelings?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Maybe she wants to have nothing to do with you, and that's the reason for her not texting back straight away? I don't know what the situation is and who broke up with who, but just think about her feelings, and think about the possibility of her not having any feelings?

OP again. That's the first thing I considered. When we do text her replies seem restrained, as if she wants to say much more but holds back, which is why I think she may be protecting herself as suggested above.

If it turns out that she has no interest then of course I'll leave it but until I find out either way and determine my own feelings 100% then I have to pursue it as the "what if" aspect is driving me mad!