Disappointed with myself

LegacyUser

I've been feeling really down on myself lately.

I went to college a few years back and put no effort in whatsoever and ended up leaving after a few years into my course. It was a 4 year degree course. I just didn't apply myself and didn't try hard at all. I had a lot of inner issues back then I suppose. I was actually happy to get out of college and didn't are about getting a degree or not.

Now, a few years later I am 25 and have nothing going in my life. All of the things I tried to do have failed to materialize. The good thing is, I have found what I really want to do with my life, what I have wanted to do all along, and getting a degree is one step towards that dream future I want.

Now I am invigorated and really want to go back to college. I find myself reading over my old books and notes and trying to make sense of them again. I have applied to go back and am awaiting to hear back from the college.

I just feel like I have wasted so much time. Its depressing to look back on myself and see how foolish I was back then. I had a great opportunity and didn't take it. I think part of the problem was that I wanted to do medicine originally and nursing second but my father pushed me into another course because of how a man doing nursing would look on him. I should have been stronger. But thats my mistake and my lesson learned.

What I really want to do is to become a doctor, so doing nursing could have paved the way for me to get into a medical degree. But I am hopefully going back to do a science degree now and I'm going to use that to get into medicine.

On one hand I am actually happy that I have finally wised up and realize what I want and will do whatever I have to do to get it. On the other hand I have this overwhelming sense of regret and disappointment with myself for wasting my time and wasting my potential. Lately I've even been walking around a college campus in town and finding myself feeling really depressed over what I missed. I feel old at 25 and I just can't get over how stupid I was to be honest. I really should have my degree now and be doing a medical degree at this stage of my life. Instead I'm going to have to do 4 years of a science degree and then start a medical one.

I know I am lucky to have the opportunity to go back to college but sometimes I really just feel awful about myself. Its unbearable at times. I guess the good thing is that I will put my heart and soul into college now and get the grades I need.

I guess I wrote this for therapudic reasons, made me feel a bit better. Would like some advice as to how to get over these bad feelings I have about myself and stop wallowing in dispair and just take it all like a man!!

Paige Turner

OP firstly congrats on taking the initiative and doing something to achieve your dream. It cant be easy going back to education after being out of the system for a while and for that you have my complete respect. Next 25 is not old!!! My own mam decided on a career chang in her 30's and went back to college, and now owns her own business. The great thing is, and you have said this yourself, is that when you really know what you want to do, you will put your head down and do your upmost to get the grades. You also now have the maturity and life skills to bring with you too. These are so important.
Try to now concentrate on the joy of getting to go back to college and making your dreams a reality. I wish you every success for the future.

zxcvbnm1

I think teh issue here is that you are now doing the right thing.

You may have mnae a mistake in teh past - but you are cerytainly niot old now.

Imagine yourself at 50 - (when you will still be young then) - and you will look back at when you were 25-30 and it will seem a lifetime ago where you will be laughing at yourself for thinking you were old then.

You have to try to shift your mindset.
Many people gio back to college at your age and older.

Look forward to it and what lies ahead.

Good times are ahead.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the comments, they really help, they really really do.

I'll see how it goes with my application and then see what fees I have to pay and work from there. I am determined to do this, just wish I had this attitude back when I was 18. Still, it's not too late now. Maybe I can inspire people to do what they want to do and find their passions when I do become a doctor. I have to think positively and the rest will take care of itself!

Sometimes its hard though!

haemfire

on a side note, dont do a 4 yr science degree , do an arts degree and in 3 years you will have ur 2.1 and be eligible for the GAMSAT to get grad med, also look at

this

smk89

You should stop feeling guilty for the time you have 'wasted' because it isn't wasted at all. Your experience has taught you what you wanted to do and its amazing to hear how into it you are. If you had completed your degree you might not have realised what you want to do until you want to do.
Stop viewing your past as wasted but as your search for what you wanted to do and now you have found it
Im currently a med student and its great so i wish you well with your choice and good luck in the future

LegacyUser

You're on the pigs back op! You're only 25! The worlds your oyster!

LegacyUser

Some people hit their 50's or 60's and feel like you, 25 is young, life is only beginning, believe me you have nothing to be sad about!! Go for it with all you might and yank yourself out of this surface depression

af_thefragile

Hey OP, i'm a first year med student and firstly I should let you know that there are many people in my class who are over 25, some are even in their 30's who're doing medicine with me.
They've all either done some degree first and then jumped into doing medicine or they've gone back and done their leaving cert again to get into the college.

So at 25 you're still pretty young to get back into med school.
I say you should totally go for it!!!

Most med schools have very elaborate graduate entry programs too which are more kinda "fast paced" condensed medicine course for people who've done some science degree beforehand. They manage to complete the 6yr course in 4 years or something.

So its really not late or anything to go back and do medicine cuz trust me, there are many people like you in my college who're doing medicine now.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, especially the people who are currently med students... I've picked myself up and got myself together. I still feel the surface level disappointment but it's much less now because I have this goal outlined. My remaining science degree has 3 years left, so I'm planning on starting that in September and then getting into med school when im finished. I've been doing lots of research on it... I'm focused now and its a mission. Feels great to finally have my goal outlined. The only thing to worry about now is the college fees, but il overcome them. I have bookmarked this topic and its one of my life goals to update this topic when I get accepted into med school! So thanks for all the supportive comments, I will think of them over and over and come back to this thread during the coming months and years to keep reminding myself.

I've already been on the hunt for a job today and I think I got lucky, so that might help me a long way with the fees problem.

Anyway, thanks for all the replies again, you don't know how much they have helped!!

watna

OP - it was great to see your story. I didn't do very well at college either. I graduated but only with an ordinary degree because I was too stubborn to drop out. I scraped even getting the ordinary degree.

For years it has affected my confidence. I was very good academically in school and being so awful at the subject I did on college has really coloured my opinion of myself over the last few years. I am also going back to uni to do a postgraduate diploma, so I'm grateful now I stuck it out and got my ordinary degree. I'm really excited about it, although I will be doing it extramurally (i.e. by correspondance) with a big university here (I live in NZ). It's going to be tough to work full time and study but I'm determined to do well, not for my career (which this diploma will help me enormously with) but to get my confidence back and stop feeling like I'm stupid. I went through a phase of wondering what on earth I was thinking when I picked my college course and wanting to go back in time to change my decision - I had a place at a university in Scotland and I kept kicking myself for not taking that place. I've realised though that hindsight is a wonderful thing and I needed to make the mistakes I did. Things are going well now and I'm happy which is the main thing. It's best to do something to change your circumstances not have regrets about what you didn't do. Sounds like you've got your head screwed on well now.

I'm very lucky in that NZ has a government run student loan scheme where you get interest free loans for course fees and living costs. As a NZ resident I'm entitled to this and they have granted me a loan. If I wasn't eligible for this I think I would still be determined to do it.

Well done on realising your past mistakes and being so determined that you will succeed. That's half the battle. Best of luck!

Mrs Shankly

Hi OP,

Look forwards, not backwards! No point dwelling on what you could have done differently in the past, just concentrate on what you can control. Its great that you're taking the steps to get your Qualifications.

And I have been in exactly the same position myself, I totally messed up my first time in College, but a bit of life experience made me realise how important it was the next time around.

Best of luck with the course!

Cianos

OP,
Good to hear things are picking up for you. Dwelling in and regretting the past is only ever counter productive. You have achieved what most people in this life don't - a clear opportunity to do what you know you want to do.

This book is good for changing your view on the importance of the past and enjoying the time you are living in. I know it looks like a self help book but it's not, it makes a lot of sense. At least it did for me!

G'luck

eleven

Me too Op! I'm 25 and though I should/could have followed the college route while I was younger I didn't. But! I spent the last year in a course to prepare myself for college, and in September I'm going to start in the college that I have always dreamed of going to. I do feel a bit strange knowing that for the next 4 years my life is planned, I will be living in the same place and going to the same place and that I'll be 29 or 30 graduating, but this is life and this is how mine is working out. At least its working out well, and I'm not stuck in a job I hate!

Good luck

akkadian

Disappointed99 wrote: »

I just feel like I have wasted so much time. Its depressing to look back on myself and see how foolish I was back then. I had a great opportunity and didn't take it. I think part of the problem was that I wanted to do medicine originally and nursing second but my father pushed me into another course because of how a man doing nursing would look on him. I should have been stronger. But thats my mistake and my lesson learned.

...

Don't be too hard on yourself. To be juvenile when you're a juvenile is normal. After, brainwashing and excessive study, it's hard to make informed choices. :pac:
You're having your mid-life crisis now. Good, get it out of the way. The people that jumped into the first idea they had and "stuck it out" (tired of hearing that) will have theirs later, like everything else, most people always get their own, original ideas ..later. Ultimately, we're all struggling to swim in this uncertain current of society. There's no way to avoid that. You are possibly the honest and thoughtful sort. You may put more care into something if and when you decide to and do it properly, seeing the print between the lines. Unfortunately, society will not aid you. It's wrong to jump in early and have a family early in these times, but it's right to have a family, and to support families - the paradox.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, just to say go for it, I myself have finished a totally unrelated degree and now (hopefully) will be starting graduate medicine in september..amongst the individuals I know who are going down that route there's a huge age range, from those just finished their first degree aged 22 to parents juggling multiple children and facing the scary prospect of leaving comfortable jobs they've held for years to pursue their dreams. At the end of the day its what you don't do that you regret- not the path you take to achieve your goal.

eleven

Oh yeah, I meant to say- a friend of mine is starting (can't remember the exact title) Bio medical science? I think, and she's 25! You're are definitely not alone.