Just dumped...

Jessiegirl

Was dumped last night (MSN ... can you believe, but phone call as well) after 6 months. He had his reasons but bascially if a person dumps you surely no matter what they say you have to accept that they don't want to be with you/incapable of being with you. He has never sustained a relationship beyond a year or so. Then rang me & texted me this morning, didn't take call but texted back to ask him to leave me to rest. He wanted to know was I ok - guess to ease his guilt. Wants to stay friends
I'm ok now & have major personal issue which overshadowed things and I understand he couldn't cope with it. He has his own issues and I am not taking this personally as I believe he will find any relationship a problem so long as he continues to never take some blame in his inability to sustain one. I know I'm too blame too as I've always felt he wasn't fully 'in to me' despite telling me he loved me. I shouldn't have tried so hard to make it work.

What do you do after being dumped? Been 14 yrs since I've been here....have a lot to deal with right now and must focus, have a son, know I'll be grand and deserve the best etc. Maybe when these issues die down who knows for me and this man but I doubt it. It's wierd this ..... why do I not feel so bad about, it actually takes pressure off my situation which is do with son & ex. Think I will miss him much more in a few days to be honest. I cried my heart last night.

jacobtaylor84

Dear I completely agree with u when u get dumped by sum1 it really hurts no matter from how long u have been with that person. Now things are pretty clear with u so u have to come over it no 1 in this world can help u with thi issue Sooner u come over it better it would be for u
I completely agree that after ur break up u can never be friends with that person bcoz only old moments will come into your mind so get up and 4get wht happened in past just start a new phase
TC do well

panda100

I was dumped last night be email. First time I've ever been dumped and boy does it not feel nice! At least you got a follow up phonecall/text, I didnt :mad: Think it was a lucky escape all in all.

Seriously as my friends said to me, If someone dumps you via msn/phone and not afford you the decency of telling you to your face, do you really want to get into a commited relationship with someone this spineless?
I have dumped many guys but I have always afforded them the courtesy of meeting up face to face beacuse Im a decent person and this is what decent people do.

Lucky for you you have one man in your life- your son My plan is to have one night/day ONLY, wallowing in self pity (tonight) and then tommorow waking up with a fresh perspective. Every relationship you have, you learn something from which will help you when you eventually meet the right guy for you. Tommorow,Im meeting my two sisters and heading out for a night on the tiles in Limerick. There is no point focussing on what could have been or what you could have done different. If its over,its over just keep your self open to new people and new experiences

Jessiegirl

Thanks guys. Just wondering what to do if he contacts me again. He did the 'wanting to be friends' (we started like this for 1st 3 months but when I went to leave him he committed). Should I just reply in a friendly way if I feel I can cope with this, might need bit of time out though - guess just have to wait and see, am good at putting things in perspective after long term break up and lots of healing therapy?
He needs space and so do I. He's gone off for the day & I slept a lot. Have a major personal issues and will be in court soon & that is my focus. It's very sad really what happened to us was beyond my control and it feels unfair and I understand how he feels. Just haven't seen him face to face so hard to feel closure but he did tell me a few weeks ago he was not happy and I too have always found things hard at times and not quite right.
Still love him though and would happily work it out given the chance.

tolteq

a bit of positive psychology required here i think.....

a) there's many more fish in the sea
b) I'm an attractive girl
c) I have everything going for me
d) sure why cant i meet another guy. i can!
e) when you think of him. repeat a b c and d as necessary.

Jessiegirl

Thanks tolteq

I know I can meet another man, never been an issue. I'm no supermodel but I've had my share. 40 in October and you know what they say!! .... I'm just sad that the time was not right for us, we had lot of things good too. I always knew if he didn not put some of his demons behind it would be hard though and the stress I've been under has been horrific, custody battle.

Wibbs

Crying is good and natural. So is fear of the future. Both will pass.

Don't do the friends thing. Not now and possibly not ever. When you're completely over him, you'll likely find you don't want to have him as a mate anyway.

Tell him calmly you need space and time to move on and you don't want to see him in that time. If he objects he is only thinking of himself. Get rid of all physical memories of him. Try if you can to change your environment. Lick of paint, holiday if you're able and can afford it. Re ignite old freindships with people you may have lost touch with. Your current personal issue and the focus you need for that will help I reckon.

Jessiegirl

Thanks Wibbs, we're two hours apart which helps too.
This is nothing compared to the other things I've dealt/dealing with but I did hope for more.

If he contacts me again in next couple of days I'm happy to simply text back, think I'll be ok.

King of Kings

panda100 wrote: »

Seriously as my friends said to me, If someone dumps you via msn/phone and not afford you the decency of telling you to your face, do you really want to get into a commited relationship with someone this spineless?

i think this is a crock
unless you live 5 min from each other - what is the point in travelling to see soembody to say "you're dumped". I would agree if it was a serious relationship but anything less than 6 months - I don't see the need for face to face.
It says nothing about the personality of the person what way they do it.

I for one prefer the phone/msn route as dumper and/or dumpee.

Jessiegirl

Well in this instance he had gone all quiet for a day or so after being here a few days & I was the one who challenged him, asked what was wrong & why he hadn't called as usual. I guess I knew in my heart and he was right to respond. I appreciate the brutal honesty.
Very hard to maintain a relationship with all the stress too, takes pressure off me now re. custody. It might have been too quick a decision for him, I pushed him as I tend to but I'm sure he's relieved now and I hope his day out has given him head space. He told me he thinks I love him more than he does me - think that's a way of saying I don't feel same and maybe you smother me a bit with your love, too intense? who knows.....we all get mixed up at times.

SarahMc

I agree with not doing the friends thing. Give yourself some time to focus on the personal issue/court. Leave him that space also, to miss you (or not).

I may be off the wall here, but you may have been chanelling a lot of your stress, loss of control and worry about the future into the relationship, where it didn't belong, but belonged elsewhere in your life.

Panda is right too, give yourself a set time to lick your wounds and indulge in tears, ice cream and self pity, a day is way too ambitious though!

Jessiegirl

Thanks Sarah - but what do I do if he texts me etc?? No way am I going to ignore the man .... he's probably found this very difficult and despite how he may or may not feels has done what he feels best. I know he always tries to keep in contact with exes & 'be friends'.
If he texts shall I just reply nice and simple? I will not contact him unless he contacts me, I respect his decision but I know I will always hope for more but I will not pine over it.

SarahMc

The no friends thing will be easier as you live far apart. Text him back by all means, upbeat courteous texts, and not straight after he texts you. No phone calls though, and no meet ups.

Can I ask how old he is?

Jessiegirl

37 - if he phones I'll not answer it so for time being?

Jessiegirl

He's just on his way home from day out - texted asking am I ok again. What do you say to that? What does this mean this contact? Don't know how to answer that question he asks.

Jessiegirl

I simply replied - hope had good day out and never mentioned how I was feeling. He said he did and would email me pics - this I find strange and confusing, makes me anxious

LegacyUser

no contact is key! if he gets in touch ignore him..he is only doing this to make himself feel less guilty and yet still get what he wants which is still some contact and you in his life!

i dont mean to sound harsh, i am in the same situation. my boyfriend of a year broke up with me and after 3 wks of being broken up still refuses to stop contacting me. i ignore his texts emails everything! at the end of the day you need your space to sort your head out and come to terms with what has happend. im not saying never be 'friends' jus tfor the next month or two cut all contact because it will just mess up your head and wont help you in the long run

its tough i know but do try and trust me with each passing day you will get better!!!

Jessiegirl

Well he was doing the usual 'sleep well' last night so to end this I texted this to say I needed time to get over this, was a sad thing.
He replied that he was finding it hard too... well hello... so I reminded him that he broke up with me, I hadn't a choice, but if it made him sad we could find a way... then he said he needed to be alone for a while, that he didn't always make me happy...
I told him he needed to make himself happy, find himself, take this time for him... In other words - off you go and figure it out....

Maybe he is at a soul searching stage and just needs time out but I think it's more to do with the fact that he can't handle what being with a woman with a child entails & doesn't care enough if he's honest. I wanted to leave him at 3 months but he wanted to commit to me - thought he accepted me warts and all, my son too. Though this stress is too much for him - too much to put on him. Was cruel way to end it though but that's life.

Jessiegirl

Just a follow on. Boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. A very difficult personal issue for me overshadowed this.
He had told me he was unhappy, droped hints (never picked up but he told me after) about sometimes wanting to be single (who doesn't) then the other night he wanted a break, suddenly change to he couldn't stay in relationship with the problems going on, quite forceful & harsh etc. felt maybe I loved him more than he.

Now he's contacted me every day, but I've not contacted him & will not take call. From break up he's gone to needing time alone for a while now....I certainly will give him time, I need it too and the stress of what is happening to me was going to destroy us I felt anyway.
Just am not sure what is going on but I'll leave him lick his wounds while I am busy in my own life.
What would you think he's wants now, break or break up? ... all the contact to see how I am, apologising, wanting to be alone for the moment now...part of me doesn't care as I have far more serious issues to hand.

Zaph

OP, I've merged your two threads. You already started a thread, please use this instead of starting new ones.