Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen

LegacyUser

Is this true??
I know 5 women who've gotten engaged since last Christmas and all but one treats their boyfriend like total crap. Like I mean the fellas can't do a thing right. But they've all gotten engaged.
Whereas I treated my ex the best, of course we had short periods of huffing but no major rows, no name calling etc. I kept a clean house, I looked good, got on great with his family, I did anything I could for him. It's just driving me mad now to think if I'd exploded half the times I felt angry maybe he'd have treated me better?
I am going mad about what I should've done differently.

easyeason3

No I don't think this is true. There has to be a dominant person in a relationship & sometimes it happens to be a woman. Some guys actually like being in a relationship like that.

I know where you are coming from though. I know a few women that are nothing short of nasty to their bf/ husbands & I often wonder how they get away with it. I also have an ex that I couldn't have done enough for but to be honest looking back I was exhausted by trying to be perfect to suit him, it was a relief when we broke up.

Also I wonder about women & men who get into a relationship with a treat them mean keep them keen attitude. Why on earth would you bother putting yourself & your partner under that kind of pressure & mind games?

ManOfMystery

easyeason3 wrote: »

No I don't think this is true. There has to be a dominant person in a relationship & sometimes it happens to be a woman.

I wouldn't agree with this at all. Surely relationships are about equality? Speaking from my personal experience, any relationships I had where there was a perceived 'dominance' on one side didn't last. usually due to that very reason. My current one is fair and equal and I have every hope it's the one I'll be in for the rest of my life

LegacyUser

next time you have a boyfriend don't be that nice, put yourself first as they do. They see women as they see anything else: as a challenge.

Don't be bad to him, but don't be too nice. You don't have to be perfect, that was not required. To have their respect they have to see you as their equal, so give exactly what you are given (or a little bit less...). Why would you give any more? If you do, they think you are not worth because you are overcompensating.

So don't be mean, but don't be too nice either.

994

Unregistered wrote: »

It's just driving me mad now to think if I'd exploded half the times I felt angry maybe he'd have treated me better?

A disgusting idea. Perhaps he should have beaten you to make you into a better girlfriend?

tara83

Unregistered wrote: »

Is this true??
I know 5 women who've gotten engaged since last Christmas and all but one treats their boyfriend like total crap. Like I mean the fellas can't do a thing right. But they've all gotten engaged.
Whereas I treated my ex the best, of course we had short periods of huffing but no major rows, no name calling etc. I kept a clean house, I looked good, got on great with his family, I did anything I could for him. It's just driving me mad now to think if I'd exploded half the times I felt angry maybe he'd have treated me better?
I am going mad about what I should've done differently.

It's not about what you could have done differently they just weren't the right person for you. No point in thinking I should treat them mean. You can't keep a front up long term and the best thing is to be yourself in a relationship

Das Kitty

OP, deep down you know that you wouldn't want to be in a relationship where one party treats the other like crap.

Imagine yourself in the marriages you have mentioned, would you want to be like that just to have a wedding ring on your finger? I doubt it!

Relationships don't work out for a whole host of reasons, I doubt treating your ex like crap would have kept him around.

Rest assured that when your time does come you'll have a stronger more successful marriage / long-term relationship than those women you described.

Wibbs

994 can you explain yourself please?

helimachoptor

Wibbs wrote: »

994 can you explain yourself please?

I would think he/she is being sarcastic but not doing it very well...

helimachoptor

Just from my own view, I know lads that treat their girlfriends like s**t and girls that treat their boyfriends like s**t.

Just from my own point of view, with each relationship I've learned from the mistakes of past ones, I mean when I was in my first relationship I called my GF at the time fat.. Not something I'll ever be repeating!

Am I perfect no.. is she perfect no but do I treat her like c**p to hope that she stays interested not a f**king hope.

I try to be a good man for her but of course I f**k up now and again.

Slow Motion

Unregistered wrote: »

next time you have a boyfriend don't be that nice, put yourself first as they do. They see women as they see anything else: as a challenge.
Don't be bad to him, but don't be too nice. You don't have to be perfect, that was not required. To have their respect they have to see you as their equal, so give exactly what you are given (or a little bit less...). Why would you give any more? If you do, they think you are not worth because you are overcompensating.

So don't be mean, but don't be too nice either.

Sorry but you are talking crap and that's just playing head games which will never end well! OP from what you say your ex is the loser in this and not you. A real relationship is about being equal partners, stay exactly who you are and keep your self respect, don't lower yourself to levels you obviously percieve to be wrong. Be honest and stay yourself and if someone doesn't see the value in you then it's their loss and you are better off without!

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

next time you have a boyfriend don't be that nice, put yourself first as they do. They see women as they see anything else: as a challenge.

Too simplistic for words, but you're redeemed by the rest of the post (most of it anyway, since the bit I've crossed out is pointless and counter-productive game-playing.

Unregistered wrote: »

Don't be bad to him, but don't be too nice. You don't have to be perfect, that was not required. To have their respect they have to see you as their equal, so give exactly what you are given (or a little bit less...). Why would you give any more? If you do, they think you are not worth because you are overcompensating.

So don't be mean, but don't be too nice either.

Honestly, the way some women talk you'd swear that they were all-on for full-blown, suffocating relationships and it was only those nasty boy-folk that were making them hold back.

O.P. Be yourself and have fun. If you're compatible, great, and if you're not, then it was worth a shot and you'll have fun and then realise that it's not for you.

Treating me "mean" makes me walk - I've better people to hang around with than those playing games and being insincere.

Suffocating me makes me walk too - I have a life that I like and am not defined by being in a relationship.

But you'd swear it was an either-or with some women, instead of giving something a shot and finding your mutual natural balance between those two. :rolleyes:

Wibbs

Mozart1986 Clearly you missed the part about commenting on thread and dragging the thread off topic. You are new here so you're getting some leeway, but it's run out. Read and understand the charter of this forum or you will be taking a break.

LegacyUser

No no no.

I have mixed opinions on this.

i'm out of a long term relationship just there and i was most defiantly the more dominant one (i'm the woman)
i didnt treat him mean, but we would have lots of little stupid fights, and sometimes i would try to piss him off for a reaction, because after our tiff we would have a really great cuddle and tell each other how much we love each other for about half an hour. thats just the way my relationship was.
(the reason we broke up has nothing to do with the way we treated each other)


Now i am flirting with this new guy who i don't see what he see's in me tbh, he's always complimenting me, buying me flowers etc (i think he is being TOO nice as we're not going out yet) and i've said that to him and he didnt listen, so i literally had to be a bitch to him for him to get it.
now he still wont leave me alone cause he thinks its hot how ''powerful'' (his words not mine) i am.
when really im just being mean. and hes...well keen.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

Is this true??
I know 5 women who've gotten engaged since last Christmas and all but one treats their boyfriend like total crap. Like I mean the fellas can't do a thing right. But they've all gotten engaged.

I am going mad about what I should've done differently.

You dont do yourself any favours comparing yourself with others.

Getting engaged to get married isn't a race and maybe those other girls standards are lower than yours and you say their relationships are not particularily happy.

If marriage/getting engaged is your key goal in a relationship and if you are a homemaker maybe you need to date someone who feels that way in life.

It may very well be that for your ex that you did nothing wrong only that he felt the time wasn't right and got cold feet.

I dont think you should have done things differently really except if thats your goal to find someone who feels the same way.

There was no mention of love etc here -can I ask if you fell out over the engagement issue.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

sometimes i would try to piss him off for a reaction

Stupid games.

There's enough crap in life and enough misunderstandings that might piss someone off without adding to them to get a reaction.

Give me a real reason to be pissed off or annoyed, and believe me, I will be; but make one up and, if I find out that's what you've been up to, you'll get the door pronto.