Partner interested in someone else

LegacyUser

I met my same sex partner over seven years ago. In our 30's, neither of us were very experienced when we met. For various reasons, we never lived together but spent lots of time together and were very supportive of each other through ups and downs in our lives.

Inevitably sexual feelings were more intense early on and tapered off in recent times. While not idyllic, through our closeness and feelings for each other I thought we had achieved, if not exactly love, then a deep and satisfying affection between us.

Now my partner has said she's interested in someone else and is going to pursue that and we can continue being friends.

I cannot believe how devastated I feel after hearing this. As I said, I am inexperienced (in many things) and have not been battle-hardened by the scars of heartache and break-ups in the past, nor do I have the wisdom to read the situation clearly.

I don't know if I have a point here. As the nature of our relationship wasn't exactly common knowledge I guess I just need to "say" it somewhere. To acknowledge the hurt. And it is hurting. The not being free to talk about the pain and loss compounds the hurt.

I'm beginning to think our relationship was allowed drift along until something better came along for her. And when it did, she wasted no more time. I'm feeling like a bit of a mug and I'm having difficulty processing what's happened.

Stay friends? Right now I'm too hurt to even contemplate it. So I lose a lover and a friend. And given my world, I can't see meeting someone else is likely to happen any time soon.

So, Stay friends or not? I dont have many of them and a good one is hard to find. Or was the We Can Stay Friends just a line to soften the blow without any intention of it being a real option?

Have I been taken for a ride? Should I talk to her? I don't even know what I'd say at this point. And how long should I expect this feeling of devastation to last?
It sure is getting me down.

IRISH RAIL

i noticed you didnt put girlfriend there
were you actually going out or was it just sex etc??

Taltos

UnregisteredKC wrote: »

Have I been taken for a ride?

I don't think so.
By your own admission above you both let the relationship flow along.

In most/all relationships those initial feelings of lust etc do grow and get replaced. But all relationships need both parties to really work at it. It does not seem from your initial post that this is the case (sorry if I am wrong).

Wanting to know if you were taken for a ride - these questions are just fuel to add to your feelings of anger - just a mechanism for you to get over the pain.
I don't know if you can really be friends or even if you really want to. Chances are it will hurt every time you see your partner - so at a minimum I would take some weeks / months to step away and sort out yourself.

You never know - maybe at some point you could be friends - but that is not too common - at this point you would have shared so much - and possibly had dreams of a future together - that seeing her now will just cause pain to you.

Sorry.
T

anonymous_joe

Someone just dumped you. And it hurts.

Many of us have been there, and yeah, it's a nasty sting.

From the sounds of it, you weren't living together or really open about it, that's something that can grate.

All you can really do is try and move on, and that's not easy, but it's what you have to do. Otherwise you'll just be hurt.

cltt97

Friends is possible, but not straight away. you need time to recover and get over the relationship and once you're comfortable with that, then you can be friends with this person. I'm friends with my ex, but after ending a 7 year relationship we didn't communicate for 2 years because it would have killed both of us, we needed that time to get over the trauma. From what you're saying you're secretly gay and that's why you think it will be difficult to find someone new? Or did I get that wrong?

LegacyUser

Well OP, I don't know how open you were with your partner, but if mine, after 7 years was open about the fact that they felt 'if not exactly love, then a deep and satisfying affection between us'. I would be looking elsewhere for love.

LegacyUser

I started this thread.

Thanks for taking the time to read and to write.

Yes, my story does seem rather pathetic in these progressive times.

Yes I have been dumped. It's not a nice feeling. Clearly it's not unique but for me it is and I'll get over it, even if it takes as long as cltt97's astute and helpful post describes.

Right now, remaining friends seems unlikely. It is hard to think about her going off and being in a good place when I feel so miserable. I will try to put those thoughts out of my mind and to be more positive, to move on and let her go.

That's the theory anyway.

Taltos

UnregisteredKC wrote: »

Yes, my story does seem rather pathetic in these progressive times.

Story does not sound pathetic at all. It is never nice to be dumped.
Just try not to dwell on what could have / should have been - instead focus on getting past this and being happy again. You deserve to be with someone who will love you for you and who will stick with you no matter what - clearly this girl is not that person...

LegacyUser

I dont really have any further advice to add to whats been said. I dont think you can be friends with this person for the time being. Do try and find someone you can talk to about this.

I'd just like to give you a virtual hug as my heart goes out to you.

((hug))

tbh

UnregisteredKC wrote: »

Yes, my story does seem rather pathetic in these progressive times.

all pain is relative. The pain of someone who's just been dumped is as keenly felt as someone who's lost their partner through illness. It's not pathetic, it if were, PI and RI wouldn't be here

Right now, remaining friends seems unlikely. It is hard to think about her going off and being in a good place when I feel so miserable. I will try to put those thoughts out of my mind and to be more positive, to move on and let her go.
That's the theory anyway.

for sure. You're grieving, and you can't grieve properly for someone who's around you all the time, especially if they are feeling guilty and are trying to be friends. Best to cut off all contact for the moment I think. Best of luck, and remember, this too shall pass.