First Date? Are first impressions really important??

nicegirl

Not sure if anyone remembers me, but I went out on a first date a while ago. I really liked the lad, and therefore was extremely nervous meeting him, and for most of the date. I thought that having a few drinks might try and calm my nerves, I didn't get drunk or that, but instead started talking and talking for most of the evening. I was completely not myself, just a bag of nerves for the evening.
Sent him a message the next day just to say I had a nice time...don't work to hard...hope to see you soon.. Didn't get a reply. sent a message over a week later with which i just said hi, how was your weekend, in which case he said all is well with me...and said i don't think this (me and him) would amount to anything. I said it was ok and thanked him for a really nice evening when we went out together the week before.

That was a while ago, and I am still thinking about him, and wishing I was not as nervous as I was, because he never got to see, or got to know the real me (without my nerves).
Are the impressions on a first date that important?? If someone went on a date, and thought it went ....ok.... would you give the person another chance (second date) or just say no i never want to see that person again? Is there really that much pressure on a person on a first date to really try to create a good impression, or is this what first dates/dating has become?:(

Abi

nicegirl wrote: »

and said i don't think this (me and him) would amount to anything. I said it was ok and thanked him for a really nice evening when we went out together the week before.

Ok, well it sounds like he made his choice. So I'd leave it there.

That was a while ago, and I am still thinking about him, and wishing I was not as nervous as I was, because he never got to see, or got to know the real me (without my nerves).

I can understand why this date has made such an impression on you, you were so nervous and upset that it didn't work out.

Are the impressions on a first date that important??

For a lot of people, yes it is. In a situation where both parties are equally nervous, I'd expect it wouldn't be such a problem. But you said that you were so nervous, that you weren't yourself at all. Well he didn't get to see the real you, and judged you too quickly. Thats not to say that I think you should ask him for another date, some people do make up their minds pretty quickly. I'll hold my hands up and say, if I don't feel comfortable in a guys presence, the odds of me going back out with him would be slim to non-existant.

I think what is important is that you take something positive from all of this, learn from it. Being a little nervous is understandable from the point of view that, its the time that you begin to get to know somebody. You may have no idea what interests they may have etc. Its where you start to fill in the gaps. You have to learn to focus here, change your entire out-look of a first date. Rather than going into it with your head full of gibberish, you have to remember in many ways a first date is pretty much a marketing tactic. You have to lay out the details of your life so far and give them an idea of the kind of person you are. You should have the same attitude towards the guy, maybe you do or don't like what he has to say. Its not all about bagging a boyfriend for the sake of it (please don't take that the wrong way).

Be confident, dress confident, and speak slowly. When he asks you something about yourself, explain slowly and ending it with a question helps. Don't over-do it on the sauce either, because again - that can also give out a bad impression. I felt sorry reading your post, because I know its not easy. But if you change your whole attitude to first dates, I think you will do much better.

Best of luck (:

Birdsong

OP I can really understand what mean about nerves, I used to be so nervous it would really ruin a date for me, couldn't string a sentence together however I have been doing internet dating for a while now & while I have yet to meet someone, the main benifet I have found that now I am much less nervous.
As the previous poster said, it is really about selling yourself, and the more dates you go on, the more practice you get, you get better at that too.

jen_23

I'd try not to analyse it too much as that only serves to torture yourself.
Just learn for the next time and next time make a conscious effort to ask more questions to him where he can talk a bit about himself.

Before you go out think of 5 questions you would like to ask him
ie where he's from, what his family is like, his hobbies .... etc etc.. and you'l find after those 5 questions you'l be a bit less nervous.And you'l realise your doing less of the talking too

Also I wouldn't worry about it being you too much with the last guy as most guys sense your nervous and would put you at ease. So he prob just wasn't feeling it. Try not to think it's yourself too much sometimes these things don't always work the way you want them to but just learn and move on.

Good luck I hope the next date goes a bit better for you.

Otis Driftwood

To be fair OP it sounds like he simply wasnt interested in you because a girl being chatty is a hell of alot better than a girl saying nowt.

Dont be worrying about it and try and work on your confidence.

LegacyUser

As the others have said, don't dwell on it. it just wasn't meant to be. If he wasn't feeling it, it's better that ended it sooner rather than later.


As for first dates, I know of a guy who on their first date together, he was so nervous that he decided to try break the ice with the whole "if your hand is bigger than your face it means you get cancer" trick/joke. When the girl put her hand up to her face, he hit it so hard, he broke her nose!!!
So getting a bit tipsy isn't the worst thing you can do )