Should I stay or should I go?

LegacyUser

Im so confused and torn apart at the minute i really need some outside advice. Basically I applied for the "Chance" to study in Canada for my third year in college. I applied because I was unsure at the time if i really wanted to go but didnt want to be kicking myself after if I didnt put through an application. I also didnt think I would get the place as my grades are only average. I kept my boyfriend in the dark about it as I didnt want to bring up any feelings if nothing was definate something I regret deeply as he was so hurt I wasnt honest with him. I also thought that if we were so in love that he would wait for me to do my own thing, something i would be prepared to do for him. We live 5 hours driving distance form each other in the Summer so we are in a way used to long distance relationships.

Ive been offered the place and my boyfriend took it very badly. He doesnt want to be involved, says we would have to break up hes too young (23) and so am I (21). He is my first serious relationship and I am so madly in love with him, maybe im naieve but i felt i was going to marry him and so did he. We are best friends, inseparable so much that we spent the year sleeping in a single bed together!!

He was angry I didnt involve him in my plans and that I didnt suggest he come with me for the year and work but I would never dream he would sacrifice everything at home for me, his job, college, etc. He constantly says I am "fu!king" off on him, like im abandoning him and has made me feel very very guilty. I have been his back bone for the past few months as he has been having a rough time and sometimes gets depressed. I do realise its harder for the person being left at home. He feels like our relationship cannot grow and develop if we are so far apart. Our sex life has suffered as he finds it hard to get close to me when he knows we will have to end in August. I have asked him to support me but says he secretly wished i didnt get the place that i have hurt him too much by not being honest from day one. I will be back at christmas and suggested he come over at easter but its no good.

I have spent the last two months crying as I dont know what to do. I feel like i could be making the biggest mistake of my life if I go. We have had numerous talks and arguements, (although I am hesitent to even mention the country canada as I immediately get upset) but have come to no resolution. I am at absolute breaking point and think i shouldnt go to canada at all, why would i drive our love into the ground and let him slip away? I could do a masters afterall abroad when im older. Sometimes i think I should go that im too young to get so hung up and that if its meant to be we will be together when i come home. My love for him is the only thing stopping me from going. I would really appreciate some advice

She Devil

If the guy really truly loves you he will wait for you and support you!!!

Dont be silly hun, do not waste this opportunity, trust me you will regret it and if you don;t go, your relationship will suffer because you may not think it now but you will resent your boy. Also you are young, and this is your life. This is to make life better for you in the long run and you know deep down this is what you want to do.

My opinion : you would want to be mad not to go for this.

Tchaikovsky

Definitely go to Canada. It's a fantastic opportunity and besides, 6 or 7 months compared to the rest of your life is miniscule. If the relationship can't hold from being apart for a few months then you'll know it wasn't as great as you thought.

LegacyUser

Babe you will be making the biggest mistake of your life if you don't go to Canada.

Trust me, I did Erasmus to France ten years ago and it changed my life in so many ways for the better.

If he really loves you, you will survive and he will be there for you when you come back. If not, it wasn't meant to be anyway and you will not have wasted a amazing opportunity.

Go, go, go and don't let anyone tell you different. Life is real short so you have to take these opportunites when they arise cause they don't come round again.

Firetrap

Your boyfriend is emotionally blackmailing you. Surely he can see, as you've outlined to us, how you the course offer came about? Let's say you don't take up this chance to go to Canada and something arises in the future which involves you moving away, will he repeat this behaviour? Is he normally as possessive as this?

LegacyUser

Go to Canada!! It's natural that your boyfriend is feeling hurt and upset but really not fair the way he's reacting. This is a great opportunity for you and he should be supporting you.

What would happen if you don't go? You could end up resenting him and things could get very rocky them. And if you do give in, down the line, he could do this again to you to get his way.

It will be a tough but you need to make the decision and stick to it

Annie Bananie

One word: GO!

cnocbui

Many years ago, my then girlfriend, went on an overseas trip for a couple months. It was a chance of a lifetime and I never thought for one moment to be selfish and hold her back. It was tough for both of us but she had a great time and experience.

He's probably afraid you will meet a Canadian guy and that will be it for your relationship.

Go. if he's that selfish he can't take it, he isn't going to last the distance with you anyway. You mentioned doing a masters overseas at some point, he sounds like he would probably not be up for that either.

I don't know what your finances are like, but you could suggest if he joined you at Christmas and Easter, you could perhaps go skiing.

Xiney

Go to Canada. (Out of curiosity, which university is it?)

As a previous poster said, your boyfriend is emotionally blackmailing you. This is wrong of him. This is an incredible opportunity for you, you shouldn't pass it up! If he would stop being selfish for a moment, he could see that.