Back Home...grrr

LegacyUser

Anyone had the experience of living away and then moving back home? Has it totally wrecked your head?? Moved back home a few weeks ago and hate the lack of privacy and space. I'm just glad I have a car to get away sometimes. What do you do? Do you tell your family to give you breathing space? What if they continue what annoys you, do you put up with it? I'm not being ungrateful, I love them to bits but it's just a bit of a shock for me to be back under their roof!

kelle

I moved to London at 19, then after 4 years got a job in a local hospital so I moved back home.

It was a nightmare. No public transport, took me a few months to afford a car and that gave me a bit of freedom. Also, my brother had a girlfriend who was always "borrowing" stuff out of my bedroom, then I'd be searching the house looking for them! I really wanted to move into a flat, but I was saving to go to Australia (where I never went!).

The house was so small and v.messy, I couldn't invite friends over - anyway, it was better to visit them at weekends as it was a chance to get away.

In the end, I met my future husband and we moved in together.

I can understand how you feel, it's very difficult when you've been independent for so long and, no matter what, you are back under your parents thumb!

rainbow kirby

I moved back home about a year ago so I could live rent-free for my final year in college. I didn't particularly want to move back, but I didn't have much of a choice. It really is a shock to the system, living away from home does change you and it's very hard to go back to "my roof, my rules".

Firetrap

I did it for a while a few years ago and did find it tough going. There's not a lot you can do really unless you want to offend your family.

Otis Driftwood

Currently back home (dang recession) after a 6 year absence and Im slowly going insane.
My poor dog has never gotten so much exercise in his life.I feel your pain OP but hopefully both of us will get sorted ASAP.

chickenhawk

Yep I've had to move home aswell. But only another month left cause I got an apartment in dublin with a few friends. But ya the days can be torture. The dog gets walked and I go to the gym and hop into the car after that and go wherever!

tolteq

Unregistered wrote: »

Anyone had the experience of living away and then moving back home? Has it totally wrecked your head?? Moved back home a few weeks ago and hate the lack of privacy and space. I'm just glad I have a car to get away sometimes. What do you do? Do you tell your family to give you breathing space? What if they continue what annoys you, do you put up with it? I'm not being ungrateful, I love them to bits but it's just a bit of a shock for me to be back under their roof!

yes. its hard. i think one should try to make their situation as best they can.

how about going abroad?

LegacyUser

God, I'm so glad I'm not alone here! So glad, thought I was being a horrible b*tch.
I've thought about going on holiday, just to break the time up, like there's only so much walking ya can do!
I've the offer of college in September but it's close to town so I don't see a point in moving. Like the only good thing about being at home is saving a bit of money. But there's much more against it.

boris232

I moved home for a few months prior to getting married. Worst time of my life. I was even told to go to bed one night (and I am in my thirties!!).

The wedding day and the house being ready could not come fast enough!!!

LegacyUser

Your parents still think of you as their kid. It's probably best if you arrange an adult discussion with them to explain that you have grown up since they have last had you in their home, that there are certain things (personal freedom, privacy, etc) that you have become used to in that time. And, while you understand that you're once again living under their roof and must respect their rules etc, they should understand that being treated like a kid again is a source of frustration and discomfort for you.

LegacyUser

Ha, that's gas, imagine being sent to bed! That's the kind of stuff that parents do and then don't understand why you're annoyed.

I have a friend that my mother would rather I didn't see so I find myself lying or getting really nervous about leaving the house, even though I'm late 20's.

I was better friends with them and talked to them more when I didn't live with them. Now I'm silent most of the day and do 'yes' and 'no' answers as I don't want them knowing my business. But my sister is a total blab, like there's nothing she won't tell my parents so it portrays me in an even worse light because I seem so quiet and secretive.

I remember being told when I first moved out never to move back home because your parents think that you can't cope. Proving to be true...grrrr!

Funkstard

Away from home for college, moved home for the summer a few weeks ago.







Heading to Chicago in less than two weeks for the summer.

DancingDaisy

I'm feeling your pain. I moved home yesterday, after living away for the majority of the last year. So far I have taken the dogs on a three mile walk, and been informed that of course my mother can barge into my room, it's her house, and that I am not to take that tone of voice with her.

I was heading out to my boyfriends house last night, and was told to be home before dark.... and it's her house, so it's her rules.... I'm 22.

I think they forget that you are no longer fifteen.

boris232

Unregistered wrote: »

Ha, that's gas, imagine being sent to bed! That's the kind of stuff that parents do and then don't understand why you're annoyed.

Well I didn't go to bed, I went to the pub instead.:D

Otis Driftwood

DancingDaisy wrote: »

I'm feeling your pain. I moved home yesterday, after living away for the majority of the last year. So far I have taken the dogs on a three mile walk, and been informed that of course my mother can barge into my room, it's her house, and that I am not to take that tone of voice with her.

I was heading out to my boyfriends house last night, and was told to be home before dark.... and it's her house, so it's her rules.... I'm 22.

I think they forget that you are no longer fifteen.

Im 30 and still get questioned when going for pints.Not having kids I cannot comment but Id imagine a large part of it is just the paternal instinct kicking in.Doesnt make it less annoying though.

bronte

Whenever I'm home I can't step outside the front door without being asked where I'm going or what I'm doing. Drives me nuts! I'm 25 FFS! :mad:

The_Conductor

I sometimes visit the parents overnight (as they live a long distance away). If I'm going out the door at all- they would like to know where I am going. The inverse of this- if they are visiting and leave to get something in the local shop or whatever- they tell me where they are going. Its good manners to not make assumptions when you are in another person's house. There is a reason we leave home- so we do not have to abide by the rules and foibles of others. Parents naturally worry about their children- its entirely normal. The fact that you are 22 (or 25 or whatever) does not enter the equation (unfortunately).

bronte

Ah, they've always been overprotective, they're not half as bad with my brother and he's younger. Maybe it's because I'm a girl.
Will just have to keep visits home short and sweet.

LegacyUser

Grow up, everybody!

I'm 36 and back home since I was 34. It's brilliant! Mammy's cooking is the best in the whole wide world, as I gently tell my girlfriend every second day. ; -)

No expenses, just great cooking. And with wireless broadband I can be up here in me seomra codlata all the time writing and reading about the world. Perfect!

And it gets better: Mammy is always in asking me what would I like for dinner, tea and everything so I get all the food I want. What could be better? Sometimes Mammy and Daddy go off for holidays for months and I have the whole house to mé féin. And no nagging - ever.

Living at home with Mammy is heaven!

PS: Now that the market has finally crashed, and contines to crash, boy do I feel like I've also had a lucky escape in not buying when everybody else around me was pressurised into buying sub-standard cardboard boxes for €500,000. Long may it tumble!

LegacyUser

Mama's Boys wrote: »

Grow up, everybody!

I'm 36 and back home since I was 34. It's brilliant! Mammy's cooking is the best in the whole wide world, as I gently tell my girlfriend every second day. ; -)

No expenses, just great cooking. And with wireless broadband I can be up here in me seomra codlata all the time writing and reading about the world. Perfect!

And it gets better: Mammy is always in asking me what would I like for dinner, tea and everything so I get all the food I want. What could be better? Sometimes Mammy and Daddy go off for holidays for months and I have the whole house to mé féin. And no nagging - ever.

Living at home with Mammy is heaven!

PS: Now that the market has finally crashed, and contines to crash, boy do I feel like I've also had a lucky escape in not buying when everybody else around me was pressurised into buying sub-standard cardboard boxes for €500,000. Long may it tumble!

How come you're back at home at 36??? And for 2 years! I would find that very unattractive in a 36-year-old man - I would prefer someone to be way more independent at that stage in your life. Unless you're unemployed or have decided to go back to education, and your parents are kindly helping you out. I'd hate to move in with someone who had had every whim catered to by their mother. You'd become a surrogate mother to them.

I'm back at home temporarily after breaking up with someone, but I'm gonna move out again in the next month or two. I feel at my age, 30, I should be standing on my own two feet, regardless of the situation.

I can't believe how some of the other posters on here are treated by their parents - being told when to go to bed!! Hahaha! My parents haven't told me when to go to bed since I was 10 years old. Even before I ever moved out of home they weren't that intefering, as long as I let them know that I'm not dead in a ditch if I'm not home for the night, they're fine with that. I'm an adult, so it shouldn't be any other way.

Slutmonkey57b

Unregistered wrote: »

Your parents still think of you as their kid. It's probably best if you arrange an adult discussion with them to explain that you have grown up since they have last had you in their home, that there are certain things (personal freedom, privacy, etc) that you have become used to in that time. And, while you understand that you're once again living under their roof and must respect their rules etc, they should understand that being treated like a kid again is a source of frustration and discomfort for you.

No, it's better that a fully grown adult doesn't live with their parents full stop.
Consider squats or the underside of bridges, they're two options I'd definitely consider before moving home.

The_Conductor

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

No, it's better that a fully grown adult doesn't live with their parents full stop.
Consider squats or the underside of bridges, they're two options I'd definitely consider before moving home.

I'm not sure that I'd go to those lengths- but I would concur- its good to visit, but bad to stay too long........

Faith

I've been home less than a week and am already tearing my hair out. I was supposed to be getting a place with my boyfriend for the summer, but that's completely up in the air at the moment. I've just spent the last few hours looking up the cheapest rooms I can find on daft.ie. After tonight, I know that there's no way I can spend any length of time in my parents house ever again!

Mine are similar to a lot described here - demanding to know where I am, giving out to me if I stay in bed too late, giving out if I laze around for the day in my pyjamas, not letting my boyfriend of a year stay in the same room as me... I've been living away for college for 4 years now, there's no way I could go back to that.

Firetrap

It's the luck of the draw really, isn't it? Some people's parents are easy to live with and back off. Some are in yer face. Once anyone grows up and lives away from home as an adult, it is stifling to go back to the family home. That's not anyone's fault - it's just how it is. I went home to visit the parents over the long weekend and although it was very nice to see them, I was glad to be heading away again on Monday evening. It's the having to have meals at certain times, not being able to watch TV or a DVD in peace, the feeling that I couldn't really kick back and enjoy the sun because my dad was doing loads of work (stuff I couldn't help with). All anyone can do I think is try to make their own space and remind themselves that this current arrangement isn't forever.

LegacyUser

So many similar situations!
It's worse when you're unemployed and both your parents are unemployed, so they're around the house all day, it makes the situation much more intense and the days a lot longer!
It's been nearly 4 weeks and I haven't unpacked any of my stuff because I want to make it clear it's not a permanent arrangement.
I can't imagine being 36, still being at home and enjoying it, that would be hell on earth.
The only way living at home again can work is if your parents give you loads of space or if you have a job to go to and then something to do in the evening and at weekends so you spend as little time as possible in their house.

tbh

moved home from Oz at 27, lived with my dad for six months, probably the one of the happiest six-month spells of my life!

Susyblue

Unregistered wrote: »

How come you're back at home at 36??? And for 2 years! I would find that very unattractive in a 36-year-old man - I would prefer someone to be way more independent at that stage in your life. Unless you're unemployed or have decided to go back to education, and your parents are kindly helping you out. I'd hate to move in with someone who had had every whim catered to by their mother. You'd become a surrogate mother to them.

I'm back at home temporarily after breaking up with someone, but I'm gonna move out again in the next month or two. I feel at my age, 30, I should be standing on my own two feet, regardless of the situation.

I can't believe how some of the other posters on here are treated by their parents - being told when to go to bed!! Hahaha! My parents haven't told me when to go to bed since I was 10 years old. Even before I ever moved out of home they weren't that intefering, as long as I let them know that I'm not dead in a ditch if I'm not home for the night, they're fine with that. I'm an adult, so it shouldn't be any other way.

Ah now thats harsh, Im sure a lot of people in their 30s are in the same situation......................some just dont have an alternative but others just like it!!

Personally I find that living with my parents is grand (i'm 24), I've no desire to move out into a flat on my own or with friends or strangers. But as another poster said its the luck of the draw with parents..............I find they're good enough craic, some of my siblings older and younger are still at home and the others come and go often and I like the company of that..... They do check up on me every so often but I dont mind. And seeing the conditions in which some of my college friends have to put up with in student accomadation...................id take my nice warm bedroom at home anyday!

I work fulltime and contribute finacially to the household as well as doing various bits of housework..... And just because someone has never left home doesnt mean they can't take care of themselves!

LegacyUser

It's great to get on well with your parent's but I'd rather visit them than be stuck living with them again. I know people who have worked through their 20's and then moved out but I know more people who are out renting.
It's hard to make space. I've put miles and miles on the car since I moved back because I'm trying to keep out from morning to night.
If my parents house was somewhere I could call home maybe it would be better.
We moved a heap of times through our childhood and our stuff has been in and out of boxes more times.
My stuff is still in boxes. I feel like we're in permanent limbo because they could be on the move again. It would be great to have grown up in the same place, and have all your stuff in your own room. And my parent's present house is in a horrible part of town. There's daily tension over what the neighbours or their kids are at and I can't escape it like I used to.
Ideally, I would love to be paying money off my own mortgage but I'm not content at the minute.

BraziliaNZ

jeesh i dont know what sort of relationships you guys have with your folks sounds pretty bad if none of you can live with them for a while. I got back after 3 years away recently and have been staying with parents. They're absolutely fine, they dont annoy me, give me my own space, i do my own cooking and cleaning, everyone's happy.
The only issue i have with it is that i dont know what i'm going to do, i don't want to share with strangers and getting a place on my own is really costly, so im trying to get my job to transfer me out to west of ireland, where i could rent my own place no bother.
But yeah i think all of you need to work on your relationships with your parents, try to get along better.

LegacyUser

I'm definitely not like most people here. I lived at home all through University I never even thought about moving out having a car was always more important and I always had a place to stay for nights out if I didnt want going home. I then lived in London for a year and couldnt wait to get back home. Unfortunately I had to move to another city after xmas for work, but if I was working in my home county Id be living at home, I'm home almost every weekend though. The money Id save in rent alone would be worth it leaving me more money for getting my next car, nights out etc.

I have always got on very well with my parents and they wouldnt be bothered about where I was going or what I was doing etc.

lizzy_lass

I have to move back home because my boyfriend and i are saving for a mortgage and we cant do that when we're paying rent, bills etc!
Any tips to stop myself going crazy? please!!

mp22

spare a thought for us parents who thought we saw the end of kids!:D

Rebelheart

lizzy_lass wrote: »

I have to move back home because my boyfriend and i are saving for a mortgage and we cant do that when we're paying rent, bills etc!
Any tips to stop myself going crazy? please!!

Congratulations on being intelligent about it. There are so many unrealistic people who put their short-term pride before doing this. No advice except be kind to each other and don't feel you are "going back". Be optimistic and think of the longer-term picture. Meet your saving targets above all else. That is the new momentum in your relationship.

I've moved home to save money and my girlfriend is finding it very hard to accept it, or rather to accept that our life is going forward as a result of this. It's an unnecessary strain.

PS: Be kind to your parents as well. Listen to them. Be gentle. They are more vulnerable as they get older, more afraid. I've never been as conscious of this.

Soul Cake Duck

mp22 wrote: »

spare a thought for us parents who thought we saw the end of kids!:D

Mwah!! As when I broke the news to my parents my mother goes 'now I AM depressed'!!! For me I am just so bloody grateful to I have the option at all...I'm not saying it won’t be different though…

Slutmonkey57b

Rebelheart wrote: »

Congratulations on being intelligent about it. There are so many unrealistic people who put their short-term pride before doing this. No advice except be kind to each other and don't feel you are "going back". Be optimistic and think of the longer-term picture. Meet your saving targets above all else. That is the new momentum in your relationship.

I've moved home to save money and my girlfriend is finding it very hard to accept it, or rather to accept that our life is going forward as a result of this. It's an unnecessary strain.

PS: Be kind to your parents as well. Listen to them. Be gentle. They are more vulnerable as they get older, more afraid. I've never been as conscious of this.

Absolutely right. Remember this:
There is nothing more important than qualifying for a massively levereged loan and spending the next 30 years pressured to pay it off for the pleasure of owning a small cardboard box somewhere off a motorway. All over Europe you'll find people have exactly the same attitude to life.

Oh wait.

Rebelheart

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Absolutely right. Remember this:
There is nothing more important than qualifying for a massively levereged loan and spending the next 30 years pressured to pay it off for the pleasure of owning a small cardboard box somewhere off a motorway. All over Europe you'll find people have exactly the same attitude to life.

Oh wait.

You must be cold in that treehut in Carrickmines today....

suspectpackage

You are lucky to have the opportunity to move home. A lot of other people don't.

LegacyUser

What do you actually do if you are back at home, no immediate option to move out, can't get space and you are going nuts??

Munster_Gal

I moved home 3 months ago because of a breakup and it's driving me nuts - I understand where you're coming from OP
I don't get on with my sister and she tries at every opportunity to stir trouble (she's 22 going on 12) I hate having to watch TV in my room all the time as there's always someone in the living room - Don't have privacy - Feel like I have to give an explanation every time I go out or come home and then every time I answer the phone or open my mail I'm asked "who's that?" or "where's that from?"
I love my parents and I'm so greatful that they let me move home but I can't wait to get back out again! I'd be gone in a shot if I know where my job was taking me - Pretty much in limbo at the moment not knowing if my job is going to be made redundant!!!!

LegacyUser

Munster_Gal wrote: »

I moved home 3 months ago because of a breakup and it's driving me nuts - I understand where you're coming from OP
I don't get on with my sister and she tries at every opportunity to stir trouble (she's 22 going on 12) I hate having to watch TV in my room all the time as there's always someone in the living room - Don't have privacy - Feel like I have to give an explanation every time I go out or come home and then every time I answer the phone or open my mail I'm asked "who's that?" or "where's that from?"
I love my parents and I'm so greatful that they let me move home but I can't wait to get back out again! I'd be gone in a shot if I know where my job was taking me - Pretty much in limbo at the moment not knowing if my job is going to be made redundant!!!!

so true, cause before this recession craic I would never have contemplated moving home, I would've rented somewhere but financially it's not an option now with being out of work.
I too appreciate having a home to go to for now but it's not the same as your own space! It totally alters your relationship with your family for the worst.

Tuesday_Girl

Mama's Boys wrote: »

Grow up, everybody!

I'm 36 and back home since I was 34. It's brilliant! Mammy's cooking is the best in the whole wide world, as I gently tell my girlfriend every second day. ; -)

No expenses, just great cooking. And with wireless broadband I can be up here in me seomra codlata all the time writing and reading about the world. Perfect!

Do you not have to give your mother money for rent, food and bills?

Noffles

Would hate to have to move back home and if I did things will have gone VERY wrong for me...!!

But I can see the issue here, parents think as you are in their home they have the right to ask you anything they want... In the real world though they seem to forget that you are an adult and they'll need reminding of this!

Have to remember though that it's their house and you are there because they are letting you, which can be awful at times as they have a tendency to remind you of this in sometimes less than subtle ways!

But the loser who lives at home with his mammy at 36... cop on, get a life!

R.D. aka MR.D

in the same situation myself!

of course its great that i can move back but i'm treated like an inconvience while at the same time every move has to be monitored!! maybe i wouldn't be an inconvince if they ust pretended i wasn't there!

its the simple things like not having the freedom to cook my dinner the way i want without being asked 50 million questions and told how i'm doing everything wrong.

its like they forgot i lived there for 17 yrs so don't need to be told how everything works.

oneminute i'm being treated like a guest (as in being told how to put the heating on!!) and the next i'm being given out to like a child for going for an early morning walk without telling anyone!!

i'm losing my mind and don't know what to do! its hard to stay positive when there is no way out.

mp22

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

in the same situation myself!

of course its great that i can move back but i'm treated like an inconvience while at the same time every move has to be monitored!! maybe i wouldn't be an inconvince if they ust pretended i wasn't there!

its the simple things like not having the freedom to cook my dinner the way i want without being asked 50 million questions and told how i'm doing everything wrong.

its like they forgot i lived there for 17 yrs so don't need to be told how everything works.

oneminute i'm being treated like a guest (as in being told how to put the heating on!!) and the next i'm being given out to like a child for going for an early morning walk without telling anyone!!

i'm losing my mind and don't know what to do! its hard to stay positive when there is no way out.

try behaving like you did at 17 for a while you might find that something can be sorted out (us parents are not used to other adults living in our houses only chrildren) try not cracking up
good luck