Ex-fiancé moved on

LegacyUser

To cut a long story short my ex fiance has started going out with another guy.

I never wanted to end it with her but she fell out of love with me mainly because I was completely selfish and ignorant to her needs (I fully realise it was my fault but it's too late for her to take me back even if I change)

Problem is I'm still madly and deeply in love with her and she is my soul mate and can't stand the though of her being with another man. The very thought of someone just laying beside her in bed holding her is ripping me apart and making me feel sick to my stomach and causing me so much pain.

Like I said it was completely my fault and I know I cant change anything to get her back but I cant move on. I even tried being with another woman recently and not only did I call her my ex's name twice in the space of 5 mins I also couldnt get "hard" when the time came cos all I could do was think of her and how I wished it was her I was holding.

This whole thing has left me feeling incredibly alone, depressed, abandonded and like my soul has been ripped out from me and then I feel even worse cos I think thats exactly how I made her feel during out relationship so I get guilty.

She seems incredibly happy and content with her new guy and as much as it kills me if he makes her that happy the way I couldnt then I wish her all the best despite my wishes of wanting to try one last time. When I try to talk to her or text her she seems VERY uninterested as I'm sure she's more concerned with her new fella.

So how can I move on as even when I tried it just made me worse

LegacyUser

Same thing happened with me and my girlfriend (although the breakup was caused by both of are flaws), she only knew what she lost when she had been going out with her ex for a while. After a while she contacted me and was so upset with what she lost, as was I. At first I was resiliant to move on as I had made so much effort to move forward, but alas we were meant to be so it seems. She's an amazing girl and while it did really hurt me in the way you're describing, I realise it probably did help things for the better. I advise you to move on with your life, and if she comes back to you when things are over, you should have another shot at it.

All you can do by chasing her is make her more uninterested. I know it's hard but you gotta tackle these things in life as they come, good luck.

LegacyUser

OP I don't know you or your story. You could be the biggest p**** around.

You seem to be taking an awful lot of blame on yourself.

Maybe you were a total shiit. But you tried to be a reformed shiit before or at the end of the relationship? After?

Either way, she made her decision and you cannot take responsibility for another persons decision. It takes two to make a relationship and (usually) two to take it apart. Try not to be too down on yourself. You've learned and suffered enough.

The broken heart WILL heal over time.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

She seems incredibly happy and content with her new guy and as much as it kills me if he makes her that happy the way I couldnt then I wish her all the best despite my wishes of wanting to try one last time. When I try to talk to her or text her she seems VERY uninterested as I'm sure she's more concerned with her new fella.

So how can I move on as even when I tried it just made me worse

Are you still friends with her? Do you keep in contact?

Abi

Unregistered wrote: »

She seems incredibly happy and content with her new guy and as much as it kills me if he makes her that happy the way I couldnt then I wish her all the best despite my wishes of wanting to try one last time. When I try to talk to her or text her she seems VERY uninterested as I'm sure she's more concerned with her new fella.

So how can I move on as even when I tried it just made me worse

If she seems uninterested, it's because she has someone new. While she was with you, she probably gave you the same amount of treatment and loyalty. You said you were selfish and arrogant, well thats probably why she isn't keen on hearing from you. The problem is, you didnt know what you had until it was gone. And it is gone. I realise this is not easy for you, but you are going to have to try harder. I dont recommend seeing other women just for now either. Using other women 'to get over' her is not the way forward. It makes you feel worse, and it makes use of other women. You need some time out to get over this.

Try to recall all of the things you enjoyed before you met your ex. You have to fill up the 'empty space' your ex filled, with all the things you enjoy doing. There is no answer here that will really help ease your pain, but to use an old cliché - time is the healer. Do yourself a favour, dont text or call anymore. The result of it is doing you more damage than good. If you find yourself really suffering beyond your coping capabilities, go and have a chat with your doctor.

LegacyUser

my sister was engaged to a lovely guy but met a bit of a charmer at a party. To make a long story she dumped the fiance and started living with the charmer. The fiance's heart was broken, rang me and all my family in bits, we could only apologise for our sister's behaviour. A few months later she's miserable and wants to escape from living with the charmer and her ex fiance is the happiest man around to have escaped from someone so fickle and he's even in a new relationship and getting married soon.
Why do I share the above? Give it time and you'll see why you didn't stay with her and that reason why will make all of your current heartbreak seem so insignificant.