Your co-worker!

Morrisseeee

There I was sitting at my work desk, with my headphones on, listening to (Morrisseeeeeee live) an online training course. Then, all of a sudden I thought I heard something, like a shout, coming from my right, so I glanced over at my co-worker, and there he was, with his index finger........happily gnawing away at his nostril.........aghhh that horrible I thought, but OK as I do it myself, but then.........wait.....he's examining it.....aghhh noooo.......wait for it........I can't look.......no he won't........aghhh yeeeessss.......he's popped in into his mouth......mmmm.......loverly !!
So.......what has your co-worker/(person beside you) been up to lately ?

Danbo!

He annoyingly just sits there and listens to music while posting on those silly web forum things, while I do all the work. I don't even have time for lunch.

TheZohanS

Morrisseeee wrote: »

There I was sitting at my work desk, with my headphones on, listening to (Morrisseeeeeee live) an online training course.

What was Morrisseeeeeeeeeeee training you to do?

nedd

My co-worker has told me how many sh1tes he has had already this morning. And also described the texture of the turd :-) one in detail.

midlandsmissus

nedd wrote: »

My co-worker has told me how many sh1tes he has had already this morning. And also described the texture of the turd :-) on in detail.

Men :rolleyes:

3qsmavrod5twfe

TheZohan wrote: »

What was Morrisseeeeeeeeeeee training you to do?

Be a Charming Man?

deodub

What? You love me telling you all about them. Sure you told me yesterday you had three dumps before lunch...

FlutterinBantam

Tweedy bint beside me just unloaded a midget gem,could see the skirt rippling .
Just lifted up one cheek and eased it out, the fcuking whiff of cabbage:eek:

Dirty cnunt.

bacon?

she's looking like the girl from the berlin video, take my breath away

3qsmavrod5twfe

nedd wrote: »

My co-worker has told me how many sh1tes he has had already this morning. And also described the texture of the turd :-) on in detail.

2, one firm this morning, another at around 11:30 is after the 10:00 cup of coffee kicked in. It had more the texture of Angel delight, or some similar mousse type dessert!:D

You really asked for that one!

bacon?

bacon? wrote: »

she's looking like the girl from the berlin video, take my breath away...

update, not much going on with the one on the other side.

Vim Fuego

Mine is a middle-aged yank who hands in her notice every two weeks or so because she can't take the "pressure" - meanwhile, I'm usually finished the same amount of work and on my way home. Enjoy the tumour!

Puddleduck

I have a few co workers around me. Damned cube farms

I have one behind me who smokes the ends of other peoples smokes as soon as they leave it in the ashtray, and LOUDLY sips his cappacino or some arsey coffee every ten seconds.

The other one hawks the snot back down her throat and tries to kill me with perfume.

The others fuggin talk to me when I have my earphones in.

And then I have my stalker co worker, who tells me he loves me.

Morrisseeee

What was Morrisseeeeeeeeeeee training you to do?

If I told you, I'd have to kill you !

FlutterinBantam

Quite frankly horse, I would rather listen to an online training course that that angst ridden dullard cnunt Morrisseeeee.

lisbon_lions

nedd wrote: »

My co-worker has told me how many sh1tes he has had already this morning. And also described the texture of the turd :-) one in detail.

Definitely an IT worker, flushing the log.

Morrisseeee

Quite frankly horse, I would rather listen to an online training course that that angst ridden dullard cnunt Morrisseeeee.

I agree with you, its a private joke (with some boardsies who know me), they assumed I was a Morrissey fan !

easyeason3

Puddleduck wrote: »

I have a few co workers around me. Damned cube farms

I have one behind me who smokes the ends of other peoples smokes as soon as they leave it in the ashtray, and LOUDLY sips his cappacino or some arsey coffee every ten seconds.

The other one hawks the snot back down her throat and tries to kill me with perfume.

The others fuggin talk to me when I have my earphones in.

And then I have my stalker co worker, who tells me he loves me.

I think you win.
Can I go to work with you some day to observe? I like a bit of freak watching in my spare time

Stark

Mouth breathing
Slurping tea
Regular phone calls from desk
Inviting other noisy co-workers round and offering them a seat on my desk.
Cackle laughter.
Snorting laughter.

Puddleduck

easyeason3 wrote: »

I think you win.
Can I go to work with you some day to observe? I like a bit of freak watching in my spare time

Normally fun..not so much when you have to deal with them on a daily basis. Then again my co workers would say that I talk to myself, swear frequently and sneeze alot (perfume of said co worker, seriously hookers wouldnt wear the stuff)

ibarelycare

I have no co-workers today. Lonely.

ejmaztec

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Quite frankly horse, I would rather listen to an online training course that that angst ridden dullard cnunt Morrisseeeee.

Yes, I'd rather have a finger in each nostril and have a good rake around than listen to that miserable twat. He's been on the longest suicide attempt in history.

mathie

ejmaztec wrote: »

Yes, I'd rather have a finger in each nostril and have a good rake around than listen to that miserable twat. He's been on the longest suicide attempt in history.

Yes but if a ten ton bus crashes into to us to die blah blah blah <bang>

Abi

An ex co-worker of mine used to be the only girl in the office, that was until I came along. She was such a venemous b1tch, and had a face like a well chewed orange. I knew her game straight off, so I put no pass on her. The guys would always chat away with me, but hated her.

Anwhoo, whenever she did speak to me it was about some tripe in weight-watchers (I don't believe in that shyte, if you want to have a nice shape you work out and stop shoving shyte in your face) but she'd go on and on about this crap, and how good she is. I did a favour for one of the guys wives, and he had gotten me some bun thing.. muffin or whatever. He gave it to me out in reception, but it got busy and I left it out there by mistake. Next thing I walk into reception and her she is milling into the bun thing.. I just cracked up laughing and walked back out. She was a farter too

Honey-ec

It's like the Marie Celeste in here today. Funny how Friday afternoons (particularly gloriously sunny ones) are the busiest time for engineer call-outs...

Quandary

Used to work in an IT dept with about 10 other people, 2 of them were constantly loudly whispering/conspiring - it used to drive me mad. Especially when I walked past them they seemed to just stop!!! talk about making some1 paranoid!!!!!:mad:

stovelid

Had to share a cube briefly in the last job with a total twat. He wasn't even in my department, but I had to listen to these interminable phone calls with jargon that has never been heard outside of joke emails about office bullshit bingo. All I could hear for weeks was guff like "going forward" and "ballparks" (I kid you not), all interspersed with these special needs-style chuckles. During the calls, he used to sit with his legs akimbo on the desk and his arm behind head, swiveling on his chair as he spouted this sh*te, as if he was at a boardroom window overlooking Manhattan, instead of staring at the same snot-coloured cubicle partition as me.

Eventually went to my boss and delivered an he goes or I go ultimatum and got him moved to another desk.

Aidric

I have my own office thankfully but the worst I encountered when sharing an open plan was sitting beside a fat ginger with a chronic case of BO. I guess you could say she had a habit of forgetting to wash herself.

the_syco

nedd wrote: »

My co-worker has told me how many sh1tes he has had already this morning. And also described the texture of the turd :-) one in detail.

Do you work in Woodies by any chance? I know someone who works in Woodies, and sounds like your workmate...

=-=

At the moment, the person next to me is keeping an eye on the wind charts, and browsing the internet. It's a quite Friday, so we're counting down to home-time. Can't play games, but allowed to brose these forums.

FlutterinBantam

ejmaztec wrote: »

Yes, I'd rather have a finger in each nostril and have a good rake around than listen to that miserable twat. He's been on the longest suicide attempt in history.

A finger in each nossie and bunting out a ripe sour shíte into a public jacks.

Leave her soaking and attach a pennant "Morrissey was 'ere" 'avin' a great time"


Fcukin jerk.

stovelid

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Quite frankly horse, I would rather listen to an online training course that that angst ridden dullard cnunt Morrisseeeee.

I like the great man, but I never let personal preference spoil my enjoyment of grade-A invective.

rotinaj

I havent got a co-worker, but there is a man asleep in the corner of my office. Or maybe he's dead. /gonna try to wake him now.

Morrisseeee

A finger in each nossie and bunting out a ripe sour shíte into a public jacks.

Leave her soaking and attach a pennant "Morrissey was 'ere" 'avin' a great time"


Fcukin jerk.

Do you work beside him ! You poor sod !
/Otherwise, back on topic/

Davie_m

more a story about me than a co- worker..

i was contracting in an IT company in Dublin 3 years ago
there was three of us in a one row of the office and the rest of the fulltime employees all around us.
we reported to some lad in the uk so no one really bothered us and left us doing our own thing.

benny and myself would listen to music through our headphones while we worked through the morning.. anything to pass the time
the other guy al didnt bother and would just get through his stuff..

one day.. benny forgot his headphones, so i plugged in myself and left him off to get through the morning without listening to anything..
after about half an hour he taps me on the shoulder barely able to hold in the laughter and tells me to shh..
turns out i was singing away to myself while getting through my work.. no idea that i was doing this.

benny turns around to al and asked him if he had noticed and he responded saying sure i did it every day..
after that i have been really conscious when listening to my mp3 player in public..