Contraception FTW!

ibarelycare

I was babysitting my nephews yesterday evening. They're 2 & a half year old twins. They're both being toilet trained at the moment. We were playing this game in the upstairs bedrooms, where they'd pretend one bedroom was Cork and another bedroom was Dublin. In "Cork" they'd pulled all the covers and sheets off the bed to make a wall. Anyway my phone rang downstairs so ran down to answer it and was talking for a few minutes. Hung up and could hear them laughing & playing upstairs and went to get a drink.

Next thing I hear is "Joshy did a poo in Cork!" I went out to the hall and looked up and the two of them were standing on the landing pissing themselves laughing....Josh was holding a piece of sh1t in his hands! I shouted JOSH NOOO but he dropped it down between the banisters! I ran up to him and he was absolutely covered in it. His pants were down but he'd rubbed the brown stuff all into his legs, his hands were obviously covered and it was even on his face! The other guy was just looking at him laughing. I had to grab him (trying not to get sick) and throw him into the bath with whatever clothes he still had on! There was sh1t all over the bannister and little bits dotted all over the landing carpet. The two of them thought this was the most hilarious thing they'd ever seen.

Anyway I got him washed and went into one of the rooms (Cork!) to get a towel....I opened the door and my heart just sank. He had sh1t on the mattress and rubbed it all in, then smeared it all over the cream wallpaper. It was all over the white bedsheets and pillowslips, on the cream carpet, even on the curtains and all over the plug sockets! I obviously had to get the child dried and dressed (and nappied!!) before I could start trying to clean. And jesus, poo dries quick! I had to scoop a big turd off the stairs, pick up pebbles of it all over the landing and bedroom and try and limit the damage to the walls and carpet! The place is destroyed. Can't believe the amount of crap to come out of a kid that small.

During the whole episode I just kept thinking "I'm never having kids!" Ah well, at least it's a good story to embarrass him with at his 21st!

5318008!

Sh1t happens.

funk-you

This is why you should never let them out of the cellar.

-Funk

NoelJ

thats a crap story

liah

Kid did a good job of representing Cork tbh. Artistry like that should be nurtured.

jigglywoo

pics or it never happened

beerbaron

ibarelycare wrote: »

I was babysitting my nephews yesterday evening. They're 2 & a half year old twins. They're both being toilet trained at the moment. We were playing this game in the upstairs bedrooms, where they'd pretend one bedroom was Cork and another bedroom was Dublin. In "Cork" they'd pulled all the covers and sheets off the bed to make a wall. Anyway my phone rang downstairs so ran down to answer it and was talking for a few minutes. Hung up and could hear them laughing & playing upstairs and went to get a drink.

Next thing I hear is "Joshy did a poo in Cork!" I went out to the hall and looked up and the two of them were standing on the landing pissing themselves laughing....Josh was holding a piece of sh1t in his hands! I shouted JOSH NOOO but he dropped it down between the banisters! I ran up to him and he was absolutely covered in it. His pants were down but he'd rubbed the brown stuff all into his legs, his hands were obviously covered and it was even on his face! The other guy was just looking at him laughing. I had to grab him (trying not to get sick) and throw him into the bath with whatever clothes he still had on! There was sh1t all over the bannister and little bits dotted all over the landing carpet. The two of them thought this was the most hilarious thing they'd ever seen.

Anyway I got him washed and went into one of the rooms (Cork!) to get a towel....I opened the door and my heart just sank. He had sh1t on the mattress and rubbed it all in, then smeared it all over the cream wallpaper. It was all over the white bedsheets and pillowslips, on the cream carpet, even on the curtains and all over the plug sockets! I obviously had to get the child dried and dressed (and nappied!!) before I could start trying to clean. And jesus, poo dries quick! I had to scoop a big turd off the stairs, pick up pebbles of it all over the landing and bedroom and try and limit the damage to the walls and carpet! The place is destroyed. Can't believe the amount of crap to come out of a kid that small.

During the whole episode I just kept thinking "I'm never having kids!" Ah well, at least it's a good story to embarrass him with at his 21st!

Now that's what I call a sticky situation !

petes

Wait a minute. How big was this kid? That sounds like an awful amount of ****e!

Da Bounca

Should have stuck his nose in it.

kiffer

watch them like a hawk... Toddlers can get themselves into awful trouble very quickly... In the 'few' minutes that you wandered off to chat on the phone they could have annexed the Sudetenland and invaded Poland.

bronte

Arrghh! Never ever ever reproducing! :eek:
Sooner I get that hysterectomy the better.

Turd Ferguson

I've done that before. My ma told me I plastered it everywhere in my room, under the bed and in drawers and stuff. She said she spent 3 hours cleaning it all up. She still uses it against me when we get in an argument which I think is stupid, I mean it was 8 months ago FFS!

LouOB

Well I have to say a big THANK YOU for putting a smile on my face
Thats the funniest thing I have heard

Am also having a sh*t day in work







* least i have one pahaaaaaaaaa

bushy...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRAPEHxEBzo

banshee_bones

ugh.... reinforces my want to neverrrr have kids.......

Saibh

New babysitter FTW!

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

ibarelycare

Saibh wrote: »

New babysitter FTW!

Noopti

Most of you won't have kids because you won't be able to find anyone who will have sex with you. The sooner you admit that the better, enough of the "I don't want kids" malarkey.

liah

Scien wrote: »

Americans. :rolleyes:

:P

For the record I've never been to Cork. Just going off of others.

bronte

Noopti wrote: »

Most of you won't have kids because you won't be able to find anyone who will have sex with you. The sooner you admit that the better, enough of the "I don't want kids" malarkey.

Yeah, that's why! Kids suck. They drain the life out of you, spend all your money, **** all over your nice cream walls and then turn around and tell you they hate you. Why would you do it to yourself?

RHunce

op that is funny sh!t

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Great story - I had a good laugh at it anyway!

Malari

Noopti wrote: »

Most of you won't have kids because you won't be able to find anyone who will have sex with you who also won't have kids. The sooner you admit that the better, enough of the "I don't want kids" malarkey.

Fixed your post. :P

My boyfriend rang me today in a state of distress. He had been meeting his buddy for lunch and yer man brought along his 3 kids - all boys under the age of 5, who ran wild around the table the whole time. :eek:

January

ibarelycare wrote: »

Anyway I got him washed and went into one of the rooms (Cork!) to get a towel....I opened the door and my heart just sank. He had sh1t on the mattress and rubbed it all in, then smeared it all over the cream wallpaper. It was all over the white bedsheets and pillowslips, on the cream carpet, even on the curtains and all over the plug sockets! I obviously had to get the child dried and dressed (and nappied!!) before I could start trying to clean. And jesus, poo dries quick! I had to scoop a big turd off the stairs, pick up pebbles of it all over the landing and bedroom and try and limit the damage to the walls and carpet! The place is destroyed. Can't believe the amount of crap to come out of a kid that small.

That'll teach your sis/bro never to have cream walls and/or carpet when you have twin boys under the age of three...

pandemonium

Awh man you poor thing! We were visiting my aunt about a year ago when my cousin was about 3,he was playing with blocks and they have an open plan livingroom/kitchen and we were in the kitchen half looking at fabric samples when we hear baby laughing hysterically,looked up to see my cousin smearing his crap over the tv and shoving it in the video machine,he was literally reaching into his pants and pulling it out. So nasty, he was covered,the video machine was ruined, definitely contraception

Tea_Bag

that kid needs a good smack cause he's full of sh1t!:pac:

Busi_Girl08

"Joshy did a poo in Cork!"

Best quote ever!!!!!


I wonder if that's how the "I want to do a poo at Paul's" kid started out....:pac:

Captain-America

ibarelycare wrote: »

And jesus, poo dries quick!

This is my favourite sentence ever.

kelle

I nearly fell off my chair laughing when I read this, though I didn't when it happened on 3 occasions with child no.2! She'd do a poo in her nappy then pull off her clothes and she'd have it slathered on curtains/settee before stamping on it. Cleaning it up was so diofficult while trying to avoid the rotten smell wafting up our noses.

We solved the problem by buying dungarees off eBay, which she couldn't pull off herself.

I feel your pain, but I still laughed.

DapperGent

liah wrote: »

:P

For the record I've never been to Cork. Just going off of others.

Don't, the place is a toilet.

ibarelycare

kelle wrote: »

I nearly fell off my chair laughing when I read this, though I didn't when it happened on 3 occasions with child no.2! She'd do a poo in her nappy then pull off her clothes and she'd have it slathered on curtains/settee before stamping on it. Cleaning it up was so diofficult while trying to avoid the rotten smell wafting up our noses.

We solved the problem by buying dungarees off eBay, which she couldn't pull off herself.

I feel your pain, but I still laughed.

Haha that's brilliant, I can imagine the poor child being strait-jacketed into her dungarees. Same thing happened to a friend of mine's child, she went through a phase of pulling her nappy off everytime she did a poo and hurling it at the nearest wall/couch/carpet. Nasty!

Joey the lips

They are right I would sh1t all over cork as well!

Hagar

Kids are bad, Cork kids are worse.

The Master

Great story OP.

Cheered me up this morning