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Defensive Boyfriend... spin off

  • 28-05-2009 1:47pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    ive recently been told by my GF that im very defensive and it really hit me hard...weve been going out almost 2 months and we had our first real argument during the week...it was stupid and it was all my fault because i let my own problems at home interfere with our relationship and made her feel like it was all her fault that she was upset....im 20 and shes just turning 18 but were both going into 2nd year in college....

    anyways she said that i get very defensive in confrontation...but personally i dont understand this...i mean i know im not perfect and im a really insecure person so i dont wanna do anything wrong and try to be the best i can! what she calls me being defensive, i call me trying to make my point known... for example i said something which turned out being inaccurate and she was right bout it and i just said that i thought i was right but i now know i wasnt...and she claimed that that was me being very defensive, because i was defending that it was only my thought and not necessarily right...

    so would you guys consider that being defensive and passive-aggressive??


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    confusedbf wrote: »
    ive recently been told by my GF that im very defensive and it really hit me hard...weve been going out almost 2 months and we had our first real argument during the week...it was stupid and it was all my fault because i let my own problems at home interfere with our relationship and made her feel like it was all her fault that she was upset....im 20 and shes just turning 18 but were both going into 2nd year in college....

    anyways she said that i get very defensive in confrontation...but personally i dont understand this...i mean i know im not perfect and im a really insecure person so i dont wanna do anything wrong and try to be the best i can! what she calls me being defensive, i call me trying to make my point known... for example i said something which turned out being inaccurate and she was right bout it and i just said that i thought i was right but i now know i wasnt...and she claimed that that was me being very defensive, because i was defending that it was only my thought and not necessarily right...

    so would you guys consider that being defensive and passive-aggressive??

    im very opinionated on a lot of things and i dont want ppl thinking that i think im always right so i try to make it known that im wrong, i was not trying to state a fact and that it was merely just my own opinion..... so what do you think?


  • #3
    Xiney
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,085 ✭✭✭Xiney


    OP I've given you your own thread so as not to derail the other one.

    Ta.

    Xiney


  • #4
    muboop1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭muboop1


    confusedbf wrote: »
    ive recently been told by my GF that im very defensive and it really hit me hard...weve been going out almost 2 months and we had our first real argument during the week...it was stupid and it was all my fault because i let my own problems at home interfere with our relationship and made her feel like it was all her fault that she was upset....im 20 and shes just turning 18 but were both going into 2nd year in college....

    anyways she said that i get very defensive in confrontation...but personally i dont understand this...i mean i know im not perfect and im a really insecure person so i dont wanna do anything wrong and try to be the best i can! what she calls me being defensive, i call me trying to make my point known... for example i said something which turned out being inaccurate and she was right bout it and i just said that i thought i was right but i now know i wasnt...and she claimed that that was me being very defensive, because i was defending that it was only my thought and not necessarily right...

    so would you guys consider that being defensive and passive-aggressive??
    Mate, you sound exactly like me.
    It is being defensive.
    Im happy to let everyone have their point once i get mine across first. It comes across as being terribly defensive. It is.
    I do it to, i speak from experience. I do it in relation to everything! :)

    Just try relax about things. It will be fine like!


    Its not a problem, unless its causing you a problem,

    She with you for a reason. Every now and then when the debate or whatever is irrelevant just step back and let her get her point across first. After al what give you the right to always be first! :pac:

    Youll see if the person is worth talking to they will listen to you after them etc..

    It gets easier, still dont think it ever fully goes do. but u calm down on it.


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