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Advice

  • 28-05-2009 7:34am
    #1
    d1975
    Closed Accounts Posts: 327 ✭✭


    Hia

    I like to ask some advice on something, have been going out with a girl for 6 months, as this is my first relationship for years and I mean years, this girl has started talking about things like "wouldn't be nice if we went down the isle in years to come" or "if you like kids how many do you want" I'm not 100% sure if I can get her pregnant but in saying that I don't want kids, we're both 34,


    She loves me I know I like her but not in love with her, I've spoken to my brothers about the love part and they said it's hard to fall in love,

    we where also talking about going to america next year I know I can't afford it,


    what do I do? I'm not sure if I want to be with her long time, I was enjoying my single life we met up by chance and decided to give it a go


    What do you think

    Thanks in advance


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Next time she brings anything up, say something like woah calm down there, say it in a jokey way so it doesn't make things awkward but it will still get the message across. Also, don't make her comments make you put pressure on yourself, try not to think too far ahead and see how things go. As for the trip, tell her you would sooner do it when you are in a better financial position, then you aren't holding yourself to anything.


  • #3
    Xiney
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,085 ✭✭✭Xiney


    If you're sure you don't want children you owe it to her to tell her that.

    She seems to be thinking about spending a long time with you, but if kids are part of her long term plans and not yours, then she has a right to know that.


  • #4
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Tough one.
    Your relationship is still very young. Maybe too young to be sure you are in love or not. However if you are sure you are not in love and it is not going to happen then I think you need to let her know.
    She seems to have an agenda of marriage and kids - maybe due to your ages, and if this is totally off the cards for you then do the fair thing and let her know so you do not waste her time.

    I was always honest that I do not want kids, did it put the crunch on some relationships? - YUP - but I am now happily married to someone who is likeminded. We did discuss it a few mts into the relationship - glad we did. Better to be honest and happy - than trapped and in despair.

    So be open and talk about the kids thing, but as I said if you know in your heart she is not the one then let her know so she has the chance to find someone who will cherish and love her in return.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I think you owe it to her to tell her how you feel. She is obviously interested in planning a long term future with you and if you are still saying you are only trying this out and reminiscing about your single life, it's really not fair on her. She deserves to know what the score is and then at least she can make up her own mind if she wants to stay with you and see how things go, or move on to find somebody who wants the same things that she wants .


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