Hurt and cheated on

LegacyUser

hi everyone,
I'm not going to get into the ins and outs of what happened as I would be here the whole night typing but basically a girl that I have been seeing on and off for about 2 years, has cheated on me in the past, and led me on to believe that we were actually going somewhere. I feel just completely stupid as I have been nothing but extremely nice to this girl and it seems now that she just simply does not care how much she hurt me. I want now to just move on and forget her, but unfortunatley we both live in the same small town and I will no doubt see her out at the weekend in the arms of another guy and it will kill me. Sorry if I am rambling on a bit, but this is the short version of what happened!

Any advice is welcome, I've only just discovered this site and it seems to be a great place to vent your feelings.

Sephiroth_dude

First of all,delete her number and if she rings you or txts do not txt or answer the phone,no contact is the way you have to go to get over her,secondly if you see her out and about just ignore her pretend she does not exsist,shes not worth your time if shes cheated on you and most importantly keep yourself busy,oh and if she does come up to you in the pub or on the street and tries to have a converstation with you,keep your answers short and sweet,it may seem harsh but at the end of the day its the only way really to get over an ex.best of luck,i know it hurts I was in the same position a 2-3 months back.

Flyboy!!!

Dude, you're hurting now but there will come a day when you won't honestly be able to understand what you saw in her and then you will regret all the time you wasted hurting over the shallow self absorbed little bint. If you do see her, don't bother ignoring her because it looks exactly like what it is, you ignoring her because she hurt your feelings, makes you look like a hurt puppy. Feel free to talk to her but do remember she doesn't deserve any of your respect and that she's a prickteasing heart breaker. If you feel yourself getting nervous, try thinking of something that'll make you annoyed with her but don't get nasty with her, only go so far as taking the mick out of her. If she starts flaunting that the candy is good, by all means feel free, nothing wrong with that between two consenting adults, don't be Mr. Nice Guy but don't do anything she doesn't want, she says stop, you stop, you get dressed and leave, NO apologies. Other than that, feel free, what ever you want to do, do it, put it wherever you want, do anything she'll put up with, hair pulling, spanking, whatever you feel like. She's been a bitch to you, you be a bastard to her. Afterwards, fall asleep, leave, upto you but when you leave, if she's still there you I'll call you sometime, then don't. I mean, you can't seriously respect her after what she's done to you...?

This is pretty humourous but it does hold some weight, check it out:

http://www.laddertheory.com/

togster

OP been there before.

All i can say is you have a choice. You can wallow in it or get on with it. It really is that simple. The best way to get through this is to put yourself first and see her for what she is. If she cheated on you, she really is not worth your thoughts or feelings. Yes she hurt you but do you want what she did to continue to hurt you?

It really is as simple as that. You are better that that!

She is not worth it . Try and get yourself away for the weekend build yourself back up.

LegacyUser

OP here,
Thanks for the responses guys, I am still struggling to be honest. I feel like I really love this girl and that despite what has gone on, my heart won't change. I'm going out on the beer with the lads for the weekend, I guess I should just try and move on and maybe meet someone else.

I guess the main point of this thread, is that it hurts so much to be hurt by someone you feel so strongly for.
Also I feel so stupid for allowing her to hurt me like this.

Wagon

hurt wrote: »

OP here,
Thanks for the responses guys, I am still struggling to be honest. I feel like I really love this girl and that despite what has gone on, my heart won't change. I'm going out on the beer with the lads for the weekend, I guess I should just try and move on and maybe meet someone else.

I guess the main point of this thread, is that it hurts so much to be hurt by someone you feel so strongly for.
Also I feel so stupid for allowing her to hurt me like this.

It can happen to the best of us. I've seen it happen to some good, well informed men who were coincedentially, very nice. It's one of the shíte points of life but look on the bright side: you won't make the same mistake again.

go out with the lads and get hammered. Talk about how man-u got their arses kicked. Have the craic. If you see her with a new man, you'll get hurt but don't let that on to her. Ignore her and don't giver her the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. Delete her from your life and do not agree to be friends when she asks.

LegacyUser

Thanks Wagon, ive every intention of getting hammered this weekend. I just hope if she starts coming on to me I will be strong enough to say no. This girl is really a head wrecker, and shes done this before.

Taltos

Hi OP.

This happens to alot of us - most though pretend it didn't.
The first response you got is pretty much what I tried to do - tried... and failed in spots.

I started taking cheap shots etc - don't go there - all that does is let her know she got to you and can still control you.

One-nighter - I would not go there. As far as I am concerned you are still too raw and no matter what you might think - one night will just put you all the way back to square 1 - and also let her know you still want her.

You need to be strong - smile as much as you can - try to ignore the pain - most esp around her. Do NOT engage in long conversations or rehashes of your relationship or flirting - just yawn - reply yup / nah - and walk away head high.

Do not jump into another relationship either unless you are sure it is right.
When I was cheated on I waited 3 yrs before committing - took me that long to work thru my "new" trust issues....

So go out have fun - and don't let what she did change the core you - ie don't turn into her clone - continue to show the women you date respect and you will meet the right one

weemcd

To the op, I could have very easily written the exact same post myself, because my situation is basically the same. On/off with the girl for a few years, sorted it out steady, think she got back with her ex behind my back and I'm absolutely devastated.

It has got a little easier over the last few weeks ago, think its a gradual process. Only thing I can tell ya is not to mope about the house, do what you are doing and get out and about. And even though it doesn't seem like it, you will meet someone, or even just "meet" and text a few girls to try and get yourself back into the swing of things.

deleting the number is a good idea, though if you are anything like me, over the years you have added it and deleted it from your phonebook that many times, you'll know if off by heart;)

drunk texts are an absolute WEAPON, but you probably know that too!

Most important thing is if you are getting it rough, tell someone, family, mate, even boards here. You arent the only one this has happened too and problem shared etc, etc, before i start rhyming off the clichés ill just tell ya to keep the chin up!

LegacyUser

I'm begnning to get annoyed at myself becuase I still feel so strongly for her, even after what she has done to me. I think I still love her. I'm beginning to feel like some pathetic love sick puppy.
Roll on the long weekend!

Taltos

hurt wrote: »

I'm begnning to get annoyed at myself becuase I still feel so strongly for her, even after what she has done to me.

Only natural - emotions are not like a light switch

hurt wrote: »

I think I still love her.

Again only natural - just because she did the dirt does not negate your feelings or make them any less real

hurt wrote: »

I'm beginning to feel like some pathetic love sick puppy.

This will take time to fade. Just pls listen to the advice above. Everything you are feeling is totally normal and the anger - pain is just part of the healing process. Remember to keep your head though. Don't do what I did - just ends up costing you friends and respect.

hurt wrote: »

Roll on the long weekend!

Oh Yea!!!!!

Look at this weekend as the first great weekend of the rest of your life. You WILL meet someone decent. There are loads of crap folk out there - but there are even more really nice decent folk too. Just look at some of the other threads here if you want proof.
You will most defo meet the right person - might take a while - and you might meet some duds along the way - but first learn to accept what has happened and move past the pain. As above - it took me a long long time to learn to trust again - now married over 9yrs - and even happier than the day we first met (well happier in my marriage - rest of it - well topic for another thread:) )

graham41

cease communication with this girl have nothing more to do with her take time out from r/ships pull your mickey instead for a while
have a nice w/end

af_thefragile

Yup mate, no point killing yourself over her.

I say you should back your bags and go off on a vacation for a while. Then come back positive with a fresh mind and forget she ever existed in your life!

LegacyUser

wish I could afford a vacation!

I have recently learned that one or 2 of her friends were into me not so long ago. Would I be a complete prick if I made a move on either of them at the weekend? Or maybe would that be just using them to get back at her?ou

Wagon

hurt wrote: »

wish I could afford a vacation!

I have recently learned that one or 2 of her friends were into me not so long ago. Would I be a complete prick if I made a move on either of them at the weekend? Or maybe would that be just using them to get back at her?ou

Well, it wouldn't be fair on her friends if you were to go and get stuck into one of them. You'd still be thinking of your ex and be leading them on. Not fair on them. but it's saturday and if you already have, fair play

SarahSassy

hurt wrote: »

wish I could afford a vacation!

I have recently learned that one or 2 of her friends were into me not so long ago. Would I be a complete prick if I made a move on either of them at the weekend? Or maybe would that be just using them to get back at her?ou

Wouldnt be nice carry on and definitely bad karma... Dont use people for revenge... You may not be happy now but its not good to treat people badly full stop - no excuses.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
time for an update. I was on the beer all weekend but did not even get chatting to another girl. Had great craic with my mates tho. I by the way decided against coming on to one of her friends, it was only going to make things more complicated.

However I learned from one of my closest mates that she recently made a move on him. Now I know this mate going back years but he also works in the same office as me. He said he would never do anything with her because of my history with her. However its now on my mind and I can't get it out of my head.

Even dispite her coming on to one of my friends, after what she has done to me in the past, I still want her back so much. I'm really at my wits end.


By the way,doesnt it suck to be back to work with this good weather!

Taltos

Sucks worse sitting in traffic with no A/C - the inhumanity of it.

It will hurt for a while yet - you just need to keep your head down and work thru the pain / loss.

You are lucky in the mates you have - you could so easily be one of those whose bf takes the bait and then you lose a friendship too.
Just keep pretending you don't care - she might try this again - but keep smiling and letting on like you are not bothered - you will be surprised hopefully in a few months of this the emotions you display outside will have seeped inside and you really wil find you are "not bovered"

Good call on her friends by the way. Maybe in a few months when you have your head together something might happen there - if it is meant to. It did for my brother a year after his breakup - similar to yours - he is now 5 or 6 yrs in with the same girl and I have never seen him look so happy.

Keep going out with your mates; have fun - watch the booze - gawd knows what could happen & keep smiling, repeating "not bovered"...

Best of luck with this.

Wagon

hurt wrote: »

However I learned from one of my closest mates that she recently made a move on him. Now I know this mate going back years but he also works in the same office as me. He said he would never do anything with her because of my history with her. However its now on my mind and I can't get it out of my head.

Yep, she sounds like a complete geebag. Know the type well and believe me, you don't want to go back to her.

From what i can see your relationship with her was on and off for two years because she just wanted to use you for emotional stability rather than love. for some people, knowing that someone loves them is a great confidence booster and then they don't need to show any real love back. In her mind, she knows someone cares for her greatly but can easily scrape them off when she feels like it because the world revolves around her. She came onto one of your mates because she wants a reaction from you. she's starting to realise that when you do get over her she won't have that emotional stability that she's been getting from you for the last 2 odd years.

so based on her actions at the weekend and her actions in the past, she'll try every trick in the book to get you to hang around. Here's an example:

One might be her calling you up crying, telling you she made a huge mistake and things your a "great guy". Then if you suggest that you get back together, she'll say she "needs more time" and to take things slowly and see how they go. What will end up happening is she'll keep you hanging on. And then when she is sure she doesn't need you anymore, the conversation drys up and you never hear from her again. when you ask her for a reason, she'll just spout out some bollocks of how you're two diifferent people and it won't work.

I'm not saying she'll do exactly this but this is just an example of what can happen. I've seen it before myself. We can go into detail of why this is so until the cows come home but why bother? The bottom line is she's treated you like ****, and wants that to continue.

So I know it's ridiculously hard at the moment, but keep in mind that what you had was a one way street: you loved her and she loved herself. It's the last thing you want to go back to and will only hurt you further and further.

LegacyUser

Wagon wrote: »

Yep, she sounds like a complete geebag. Know the type well and believe me, you don't want to go back to her.

From what i can see your relationship with her was on and off for two years because she just wanted to use you for emotional stability rather than love. for some people, knowing that someone loves them is a great confidence booster and then they don't need to show any real love back. In her mind, she knows someone cares for her greatly but can easily scrape them off when she feels like it because the world revolves around her. She came onto one of your mates because she wants a reaction from you. she's starting to realise that when you do get over her she won't have that emotional stability that she's been getting from you for the last 2 odd years.

so based on her actions at the weekend and her actions in the past, she'll try every trick in the book to get you to hang around. Here's an example:

One might be her calling you up crying, telling you she made a huge mistake and things your a "great guy". Then if you suggest that you get back together, she'll say she "needs more time" and to take things slowly and see how they go. What will end up happening is she'll keep you hanging on. And then when she is sure she doesn't need you anymore, the conversation drys up and you never hear from her again. when you ask her for a reason, she'll just spout out some bollocks of how you're two diifferent people and it won't work.

I'm not saying she'll do exactly this but this is just an example of what can happen. I've seen it before myself. We can go into detail of why this is so until the cows come home but why bother? The bottom line is she's treated you like ****, and wants that to continue.

So I know it's ridiculously hard at the moment, but keep in mind that what you had was a one way street: you loved her and she loved herself. It's the last thing you want to go back to and will only hurt you further and further.

Wagon,
all I can say I wish I came back to read this post over the past few weeks. You really were spot on with what she would do....only problem was that I fell for it big time. Now i'm straight back to square one again. The worst thing is while this was goiong on I had a little voice in my head telling me to tell her just to F*** off. But I couldn't do it. Now she decided that its over again for reasons not far off from what you said.

Wagon, you were absolutely correct with what you said a few weeks ago....so maybe you may post some more advice, of what to do now. All I know is that I hope I can be strong enough to tell her where to go when she starts sniffing around again. I know if I see her out, all she's going to do is try to make me jelous. I know is going to kill me....:(

LegacyUser

OP here,

I have begun seeing this girl again recently. Maybe some will say I am stupid but I ust can't say no to her. She was the one who iniated things, but it seems as if she does not want to talk about what weent on in the past, I said how she treated me was completely unacceptable and she agreed and apologised. However there are some things that I am still unsure of exactly what happened the last time we were seeing each other. She says we would be better off forgetting about all that. Am I crazy to be taking this girl back? Also she seems to be blowing hot and cold recently, like one day shes all about me, the next day shes doesnt seem to be that into me.

Sorry if I am rambling a bit, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Wagon

hurt wrote: »

Wagon, you were absolutely correct with what you said a few weeks ago....so maybe you may post some more advice, of what to do now. All I know is that I hope I can be strong enough to tell her where to go when she starts sniffing around again. I know if I see her out, all she's going to do is try to make me jelous. I know is going to kill me....:(

fúck mate, only noticed the update today! Sorry bud

hurt wrote: »

OP here,

I have begun seeing this girl again recently. Maybe some will say I am stupid but I ust can't say no to her.

Yes you can. Any man has the ability to say no to any woman.

She was the one who iniated things, but it seems as if she does not want to talk about what weent on in the past, I said how she treated me was completely unacceptable and she agreed and apologised.

She isn't sorry. Not in the slightest. Want some proof?

However there are some things that I am still unsure of exactly what happened the last time we were seeing each other. She says we would be better off forgetting about all that.Am I crazy to be taking this girl back?

Yes, you are completely mad. you got badly hurt by her and she is willing to blow it off as something not worth talking about. It's because it's easier on her and if im honest, she doesn't see you as someone who deseves an explaination. why would you want to take someone who cares that little about you back??

Also she seems to be blowing hot and cold recently, like one day shes all about me, the next day shes doesnt seem to be that into me.

Sorry if I am rambling a bit, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Well, that's what this forum is for

Now look, im going to be honest with you here. you'd be a real fool if you take this woman back. You mean nothing to her. If you did mean something, it wouldn't be an on and off relationship over a few years. It would be a proper one. That fact that it's an on and off relationship says a lot about her: you are simply there to provide stability and "relationship time" when she feels like it but she has no problem telling you to bugger off when she fancies shagging someone else.

From what i can see, she tried it on with someone else but it didn't work out and now she's back to you for a while until she inevatably finds someone new and then breaks up with you and if it doesn't work out with them, she's back to you again saying she's "sorry".

Put the foot down. you are stuck in a loop here and you think this woman is for you because im betting you have given her a lot of support over the years and feel that connection. but she doesn't. she is too selfish to deserve someone like you so you should call her up NOW and tell her on no uncertain terms to go and fúck herself. so what if you see her around your town? just ignore her there too! Get rid of all the phone numbers and all contact details and get her away from you. because this will all this "relationship" will ever amount to. you arent important to her and i know that's a really crappy thing to hear but you know this yourself already. You just have to face up to it. do it now and get it out of the way and i gaurentee you will not regret this.

There are a lot of good women out there and they are hard enough to find wihout some geebag ruining your life. I'm dead serious, get her out of your life. It'll save you nothing but trouble

LegacyUser

OP here again!

Well I couldnt do it, I loved her too much to break up so we kept seeing each other. Thought it was going very well until last weekend when she informed me that she no longer cared for me at all. I was devestated and I still am. Then I was informed by someone she cheated on me last weekend. It appears that she was dumping me for this new guy.

I am absolutely broken up about this. The last year I have been hung up on this girl and my biggest problem is that to be honest I don't want to get over her, I just want to be with her. I don't know what to do but I think I have to accept its over. I feel like i'm back to square one again, if not worse. How can you forget someone that you will bump into at least 2-3 times a week?