Bulling problem in Carlow Primary school

Baby75

I'm fairly new to carlow moved orignally from dublin moved here 4 months back ,but so far we have been thoroughly enjoying it.

I enrolled my lads in school one in juniors and the other in first but my DS 8 in first is having a few problems with bulling. I spoke to the teacher and principal and thought it was sorted till today when i was waiting to collect him he was late out and as soon as I seen him he had big red marks on his neck were while the teacher was talking to another parent 3 lads decided to choke him 2 from his class one from another. (I'm under no illusions my son is an angel) I was shocked couldn't believe how red his neck was, but I went in to speak to the teacher and she asked my son what happened and took their names. so Ill see her tomorrow to have another chat about it. there was a spanish teaching assistant in the room. she did ask them to stop but they ignored her and only stopped when one saw his teacher returning. the spanish girl said nothing about it on till asked but had witnissed it happening.

what I do find very disturbing is while talking to other parents these boys are an on going problem and have been moved out of one class to another when parents complained about bulling and it seem to be the common practice in sorting out problems like this. which in turns move a bully on to his next victim. its happened in other classes. Ild prefer if the bulling was stopped completely with no one else having to suffer. but I'm at a loss on what to do I'm undecided if I should look at moving to another school in carlow or sticking it out complain every day to get it sorted!!

any advice please

shenanigans1982

You will probably get better advice in the parenting section.

KittyeeTrix

I get so bloody mad when I read about this kind of bullying going in primary schools.:mad:
Have four kids myself and have never experienced this going on with my own kids.
I believe personally that it is all tackled too softly softly by some schools,
If it were me I would inform the school that I am giving them no more than two weeks to get to the bottom of it and remove or deal with these bullies.
If it were not sorted by that time I would set myself up out side the school with banners and all sorts drawing attention to their inability to effectively deal with a problem on their premises.
I would set up an info sheet for all the other parents regarding the matter and ask for their support in signing a petition asking the school to sort themselves out. Most parents would be shocked if they knew what was going on in the school their kids are in......

Think about it......

If your kid was at home and you stood back and let him/her be assaulted by someone in your house, you would be prosecuted for neglect.
This should be the case in schools or something should be able to be done about it.
i would tell the school that I would be looking into seeking legal advice to see where I stand in regards to ensuring the protection of my kids whilst under their care at school....
Do not be complacent about this, annoy the hell out of them about it and keep going
Awful sorry to hear what's going on for you OP, can't imagine how distressing it ust be for you and your children

tombull82

I am going to be straight forward and blunt about this, Many people will probably disagree with me but I don't really care as I know it work's.

I was about 8 when a lad started to bully me in school, mainly small name calling but soon turned into physical torment, I went home and told my mother(A country reared woman). She told me to go into school the next day walk up to him and punch him straight in the face. I did, I got told off by the teachers a bit and that was the end of it.

Again a few years ago, my youngest daughter came home from crèche crying, "Honka" has been hitting me in playschool etc. I asked the crèche they said they would keep an eye on it, she came home again 2 days later with the same complaint.
Taking my mothers advice I told her the same as I had been told.
The next day I picked her up from crèche I got told she had been put in the "bold corner" for a little because she walked in that morning, walked up to honka and bowled him over with a Box.
She has never been bullied since.

Rough and Straight to the point, BUT IT WORKS.

I can safely say that was the only time she has ever resorted to this kind of behavior. she is not Now a bully herself as we have brought her up to be a kind loving little girl, her teachers think the world of her and her grades are around top of the class according to all P&T meetings.
So before someone say's it, No this advice did not turn her into a little monster etc Nor did it do the same to me.

KittyeeTrix

tombull82 wrote: »

I am going to be straight forward and blunt about this, Many people will probably disagree with me but I don't really care as I know it work's.

I was about 8 when a lad started to bully me in school, mainly small name calling but soon turned into physical torment, I went home and told my mother(A country reared woman). She told me to go into school the next day walk up to him and punch him straight in the face. I did, I got told off by the teachers a bit and that was the end of it.

Again a few years ago, my youngest daughter came home from crèche crying, "Honka" has been hitting me in playschool etc. I asked the crèche they said they would keep an eye on it, she came home again 2 days later with the same complaint.
Taking my mothers advice I told her the same as I had been told.
The next day I picked her up from crèche I got told she had been put in the "bold corner" for a little because she walked in that morning, walked up to honka and bowled him over with a Box.
She has never been bullied since.

Rough and Straight to the point, BUT IT WORKS.

I can safely say that was the only time she has ever resorted to this kind of behavior. she is not Now a bully herself as we have brought her up to be a kind loving little girl, her teachers think the world of her and her grades are around top of the class according to all P&T meetings.
So before someone say's it, No this advice did not turn her into a little monster etc Nor did it do the same to me.

I have told my oldest son the same thing. He started secondary school 20 miles away from our house and I was worried that he might be a target not being from the area.
I told him to stand up to anyone who would try to pick on him as the bullies only go for the easy targets, that's how they were in my day anyway, luckily, he didn't attract any bullies attention.
It happened to me when I was younger, this particular girl made life hell for a few months before I finally snapped one day and smacked the head off her!!!!!!!!!!!!
She never went near me again after that......
I know it's not the done thing these days but like I said in an earlier post situation is getting out of control with this softy softly approach.

foggy_lad

it falls down to the parents to teach their children hot to behave in society not the schools but many parents are too wrapped up with work or warped up with hash to even care what their little darlings are turning into! and in many cases will support their children that are bullying several others in school and outside too.

punish the parents as well as the children as talking about it like grown-ups with parent or child does not work with little backstards that are out of control! and having a tough life is no excuse! i grew up in the 70's and 80's when we had nothing and was never a bully.

Deliverance

It is worrying that a group of 3 kids have ganged up together like this. The authoritive structure of the school to have allowed this type of thing to happen and even continue would be my main concern. I'd seriously think about moving my child out of there if the school doesn't respond positively to your concerns OP.

I'd agree with tombull in a way. I have dealt with bullies personally at school and helped my younger brothers and sisters to deal with bullies at school and outside school. It all comes down to the same thing really, you have to teach your child to stand up to them. At the same time though I feel that having to deal with 3 at once is a bit much for any kid to deal with and it must be an absolute nightmare to have to go to school fearing being beaten up and humiliated everyday.

Bottom line though is one has to stand up to them first and see how that goes, if it gets worse despite this then further action should definately be taken with the school board. If the school board doesnt act appropriately and it continues then personally I would take my kid out of that school right away and make complaints about them.

I would take my concerns to the board and I would let them know in a matter of fact way that if my kid came home again hurt by these kids one more thime then I would have no other option than to take my child out of the school along with making a report to the schools higher authorities about the lack of action taken despite your concerns being raised. This might make them move their asses and do something hopefully.

byhookorbycrook

OP, you might be identified from your post, just in case this concerns you. All schools should have an anti-bullying policy.I would ask for a copy and I would also be expecting the school to follow it.

As to taking matters into his own hands ,this will probably only serve to get him a) in trouble in school and/or b) may get him hurt, 3 against one. Bullying occurs everywhere, it is how the school deals with it is the critical thing. Moving your children from the school may not be the answer,some children might see this as a punishment on them (the victims), being taken from their friends etc.

Fluffyorganic, it is almost impossible to expell a child ,it is a long drawn out process and even if the school does manage to get a child expelled, the child may be re-instated on appeal. This has happened even where a seriously assaulted a teacher. Rights often seem to be on the side of the wrong-doers .:mad::mad:

Dboy85

Sit him in front of youtube and get him to watch ufc;) Sorted

KittyeeTrix

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

OP, you might be identified from your post, just in case this concerns you. All schools should have an anti-bullying policy.I would ask for a copy and I would also be expecting the school to follow it.

As to taking matters into his own hands ,this will probably only serve to get him a) in trouble in school and/or b) may get him hurt, 3 against one. Bullying occurs everywhere, it is how the school deals with it is the critical thing. Moving your children from the school may not be the answer,some children might see this as a punishment on them (the victims), being taken from their friends etc.

Fluffyorganic, it is almost impossible to expell a child ,it is a long drawn out process and even if the school does manage to get a child expelled, the child may be re-instated on appeal. This has happened even where a seriously assaulted a teacher. Rights often seem to be on the side of the wrong-doers .:mad::mad:

I never mentioned getting a child expelled, you must have mentioned me instead of some other poster:)

Just saw now that i had mentioned removing the problem, I know it's unlikely this would happen but you have to explore every avenue

RealistSpy

I am shocked! I went to primary School in Carlow, in my days the kind of carry on doesn't happen. Its very disgusting, I hope this kids gets punished.

OP have you consider taking your kid out of the school?

byhookorbycrook

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

I believe personally that it is all tackled too softly softly by some schools,
If it were me I would inform the school that I am giving them no more than two weeks to get to the bottom of it and remove or deal with these bullies.
If it were not sorted by that time I would set myself up out side the ......

I took "remove" to mean expulsion? How else would you remove them?
Children can be so cruel and schools need to take a tough line.Sadly the parents of some children are bullies themselves and will do nothing to help.

RealistSpy

Well said

spurious

Bullies don't lick it off the stones. Somewhere at home they have learned that such behaviour is either encouraged (however indirectly) or ignored (more often). There is usually no point dealing with parents who have brought up a child like that.

Get a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy and insist that they follow it through. Under Health and Safety legislation, it is a legal requirement for them to provide as safe an environment as they can for all the children attending the school.

Get the other parents working with you. It might be your child today, but if the culture that allows this is not brought to an end, it will be one of theirs next. The school (as in parents and children, not just the Principal and teachers) needs to tackle it as a group.

xxmarymoxx

The headmaster at my daughters school takes the school rules very seriously.My daughter got bullied by a boy when she was in senior infants he slapped her into the face for no reason i went to the teacher then the headmaster a letter was sent home to the boys parents the boys mother came over after school the next day and apoligised that was the end of it.But that doesnt happen in every school my nephew is being bullied at his school he is only in junior infants a couple of boys keep beating him up the teacher ignores them but like one poster said my sister told him to hit the boys one good slap he did but he teacher caught him and now says hes the bully he did this once but the boys still wont stop my sis even tried talking to the parents she was told to fook off that their angel boys would never bully so its a no win situation the teachers or parents dont seem to care so my sis has no choice but to move him to a new school.

byhookorbycrook

Marymoxx, that is terrible. It's awful to have to move a victim, it's almost like punishing them.

Tell your sister to seek a meeting with the principal. If the bullying still persists and the school do nothing, write to the Board Of Mangaement.
Potential bullies, as I already said , can be in any school, it is how the school deal with it is what matters.

Baby75

Sorry I'm so late in replying back to every one and thank you for your replies but there has been further developments and a very busy few days.

On Thursday afternoon I went in to chat to the teacher and see how her talk with the two mothers who were to come in for a meeting that morning. well surprise surprise they didn't come in, teacher said she would try to ring them. :mad: she spoke to the boys and the whole class as she was a bit worried that they ganged up and left marks on his neck.
I wanted to talk to the principal but they had staff meetings so never got a chance.

then on Friday my sister was collecting my other son from Juniors infants for me only to be sent down to my older sons class to get him as he wasn't feeling well.... because one of the boys who choked him punched him in the stomach he was white as a sheet and very shook up. my sister nearly lost it and we are fuming especially when I have spoken to other mothers and it seems when the school has a problem with a bully in a class room they just move the bully in to another class and they cycle continues FFS they are just moving them on to their next target as far as I'm concerned.

I have been researching on bulling and will be armed with information and demanding they sort this out once and for all. I'm actually contemplating calling the guards and reporting the assault, I know they cant press charges but just may be it might move these parents to actually do something to stop their kids from doing this if they have a guard standing at their door may be ??

MY DH agrees with standing up for your self but 3 against one is a bit much I think.

Deliverance

Thanks for getting back. That is shocking, I hope you are logging everything that is happening. These bullying kids seem 'from what you have said' to be running amok at this school. It seems that you have taken a reasonable course of action and this action hasn't worked.

This sounds that it is more than a case of 'simple' bullying now and has possibly turned into intimidation as well.

Personally I have had recent dealings indirectly with these 'types of people', involved and they do have a 'certain way of life'. I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl about the lengths that they will go to (it's all about intimidation). It is learned way of life for them.

One thing that I will say is that 'these folks' know how to manipulate the law to their own needs, ironically because they have been in trouble so much. The word 'scumbag' springs to mind.

Be v.v. careful how you deal with them. Your initial response of bringing them in to school for a meeting was an immediate threat to them and 'I think they responded as such' by targeting your child and hurting him again as a message. The parents by the sounds of it are not capable of facing people face to face at a school meeting because the parents are extreme bullies themselves and are essentially cowards.

They absolutely need to be dealt with and I really feel that you need to get a solictor who is an expert in this area of bullying involved as soon as possible. Any further direct action against the kids involved without the protective blanket of law will draw them on you further.

On that point I think that you need to try to tackle them anonomously through a solicitor who has experience in this area. I emphasise the word anonomously because you really do not need these people on your doorstep.

I have recently been in contact with a solicitor 'online' who offered free advice on a different type of bullying case. If it might help I'll contact her and ask her advice for you and see if she will talk to you about this case? If your interested let me know.

I feel strongly about this as I have dealt with bullying personally and indirectly. PM me about this if you wish and I'll offer any support that I can.

Baby75

Thanks for that Ill Pm you ild be interested to hear what she says as its an avenue Ild consider if necessary . I dont want these kids moved just so they can do it to some one else I want it stopped my child is my priority but no other child should have to suffer like this

byhookorbycrook

Baby75, this story just gets worse and worse. Did you get a copy of the anti-bullying policy from the school. Where did this second incident occur?If it was in class, why did the teacher not do something?If on yard, what did the supervising teacher(s) do?

Baby75

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Baby75, this story just gets worse and worse. Did you get a copy of the anti-bullying policy from the school. Where did this second incident occur?If it wasd in class, why did the teacher not do something?If on yard, what did the supervising teacher(s) do?

I have a copy of it some were but have read it and it states zero tolerance on bulling.

I'm not a 100% on the detail's as my sister took him home, I Do know it happened on yard as they were lining up to come in from lunch and the boy was reprimanded for it. ill know more tomorrow when we speak to his teacher and the principal

tombull82

Did we get any update on this??

Baby75

Hi sorry i have been meaning to update ...

I spoke to the school and explained if they didn't deal with the bulling, I would be taking it further and they spoke to the parents and explained to them that we were taking it very seriously and so far so good no more developments

my poor son has had a hard time and still says he hates the class and doesn't want to go but I think he is over sensitive and thinks every one is out to get him now, so Ill be watching very closely, its hard I don't want to wrap him in cotton wool but I don't want to miss something serious either.

VaioCruiser

This is a very upsetting issue. Especially for a father.

My son had a few bullying moments in school in Killiney - but the Headmaster there stamped on it right away and it never became a problem. He has a reputation for doing this cinsistently and hence the school has a very good history.
I got to know him quite well from calling in to chat about my son from time to time. I told him that my son had instructions to defend himself and if he was struck, to strike back. This was completely against the school rules, which forbade any physical contact. However I made it clear to the Head and to my son that defense was a perfectly valid action and to be honest he, the Head, accepted this . . . unofficially.

When he went on to a school in Blackrock, however, he experienced a serious amount of psychological bullying and we got absolutely no help from the school management. It went on for months and made my lad so sick he was out of school for three months. We were forced to remove him and transfer him to Newpark Comprehensive, where he found a wonderful atmosphere completely absent of any bullying whatsoever, and a regime that had ZERO tolerence for it. It took him three years to recover.

You must march into the Head's office and demand immediate and effective action. Your boy should know that he has permission to strike back if assaulted and if the Head doesn't act effectively then you have to go to the board and if necessary get him out of the school before he is traumatised.

All the best.

Baby75

VaioCruiser wrote: »

This is a very upsetting issue. Especially for a father.

My son had a few bullying moments in Johnstown school in Killiney - but the Headmaster there stamped on it right away and it never became a problem. He has a reputation for doing this cinsistently and hence the school has a very good history.
I got to know him quite well from calling in to chat about my son from time to time. I told him that my son had instructions to defend himself and if he was struck, to strike back. This was completely against the school rules, which forbade any physical contact. However I made it clear to the Head and to my son that defense was a perfectly valid action and to be honest he, the Head, accepted this . . . unofficially.

When he went on to Clonkeen College in Blackrock, however, he experienced a serious amount of psychological bullying and we got absolutely no help from the school management. It went on for months and made my lad so sick he was out of school for three months. We were forced to remove him and transfer him to Newpark Comprehensive, where he found a wonderful atmosphere completely absent of any bullying whatsoever, and a regime that had ZERO tolerence for it. It took him three years to recover.

You must march into the Head's office and demand immediate and effective action. Your boy should know that he has permission to strike back if assaulted and if the Head doesn't act effectively then you have to go to the board and if necessary get him out of the school before he is traumatised.

All the best.

Thank you, we have already told him that he can defend himself he feels better knowing that he can now. but it is effecting him.im glad he has only two weeks left till summer.

Nevyn

Please do not name schools.

evey

I've had the same problem in a school in Co Carlow I was continually in and out of the school the principal told me a one stage I was causing problems for my son.

It became quite vicious in that the teacher began picking on son I contacted Education welfare officier AnnMarie McCabe (waste of time) SENO officier fabulous women BOM and BOE nobody did a thing.

Eventually after such a long battle I decided to remove my son from that school I now have to drive 40 mins each morning and evening but the difference to our family life in amazing I just can't explain how different but very positive my son recently fell and required surgery he cried because he was going to miss school five weeks ago he would have cut off his own leg rather than go into school.

I am pursing this matter with the BOE and have been told that the amount of complaints they've had with schools is huge and there advice would be to change the child from school once again the government not dealing with problems I believe this is going to be a very serious issue in the coming years but I true believer in what come around goes around.

If you are not getting satisfaction from teacher write to BOM and express concerns

Baby75

evey wrote: »

I've had the same problem in a school in Co Carlow I was continually in and out of the school the principal told me a one stage I was causing problems for my son.

It became quite vicious in that the teacher began picking on son I contacted Education welfare officier AnnMarie McCabe (waste of time) SENO officier fabulous women BOM and BOE nobody did a thing.

Eventually after such a long battle I decided to remove my son from that school I now have to drive 40 mins each morning and evening but the difference to our family life in amazing I just can't explain how different but very positive my son recently fell and required surgery he cried because he was going to miss school five weeks ago he would have cut off his own leg rather than go into school.

I am pursing this matter with the BOE and have been told that the amount of complaints they've had with schools is huge and there advice would be to change the child from school once again the government not dealing with problems I believe this is going to be a very serious issue in the coming years but I true believer in what come around goes around.

If you are not getting satisfaction from teacher write to BOM and express concerns

thankfully you got it sorted, so far so good the teachers are tsaking notice, there is only a few day left so we are playing it by ear till next septemberif the problem still there we are going to move him !! hope that doesnt happen as our other son is so happy in his class