New gf is too religious, should I leave

LegacyUser

My gf (23) is wonderful, I am 24. We are still in the honey moon phase (1 month) I like everything about her... we met in a pub near work, our connection was that we don't drink alcohol, however...

It only recently clicked with me that she is very religious, or spiritual as she calls it, whereas I am, probably, like most here I assume, an a-la-carte catholic, that goes to mass only at Christmas/funerals etc.

While talking about September 11th (it somehow came up) I mentioned muslims, and she then said how they were the "enemy" (of Christians) and how it was terrible that muslim churches were being built in Ireland. Not knowing much I said "live and let live" or something, and then she told me how she "took Jesus into her heart".

Now, as I said I think she is great, and if she wants to meet fellow believers in a church type location such as community hall/hotel conference room every Sunday that is fine, but I fear, that I too might find myself sucked in to that sort of thing, its my personality one of the reasons I don't drink is because I know that once I start doing something enjoyable I have trouble stopping I have no dark past of drinking and giving up, I just never started.

Religion is just not my scene. To call it a cult would be taking it too far, but some of the hallmarks are there. Also on a more practical note, speaking as a man, she believes that we shouldn't have full s*x "for a while" (oral etc. is ok)

My mind is telling me to leave, but my heart is telling me to stay...
Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

Xiney

If her opinions regarding muslims don't bother you (although I'm of the opinion that it should) then there's no reason for you to leave her really. You're not really that likely to get addicted to religion.

Basically, Religion is one of the big incompatibilities that can (sometimes) doom a relationship. If she's willing to accept you as a lapsed Catholic and not nag you to "accept Jesus into your heart" if you don't want to, and you're willing to accept her and her beliefs that muslims are "the enemy" then that's one thing. And until it becomes a problem, it's fine. But this would be a big alarm bell for me in terms of longterm viability of the relationship.

coopersgreen

Dump her. Religious people are stupid.

Xiney

coopersgreen, generalisations like that will not get you far on this forum. I would kindly suggest that you have a read of our charter before posting here again.

Ta.

Xiney

Chucky the tree

if she turned around and said black people are the enemy and we shouldnt allow African food shops etc etc would you be just as happy to go out with her? As soon she said that muslims were the enemy I would of upped and left her bigoted ass.

myusernameis

well if you are doubting at this early stage it aint really that good of a sign. Part of being in a relationship is respecting each views and if you feel that you cannot come to terms with her religious views, there is hardly much point to continue.

Can you actually see yourself with her? If you have to think too hard about it, then maybe you should listen to it? If you think she is really religious she might just want sex till you get married.

Anyway listen to your heart, your gut and if you had to split up tommorrow would you be truely sad?

Xiney

Chucky the tree, less namecalling please.

jimi_t

Well religion in relationships, especially the more orthodox ones, can quickly spell disaster but the fact

OP wrote:

she told me how she "took Jesus into her heart".

...and you're still with her? Are you out of yer fecking mind... I've yet to hear any girl in her early 20s use that phrase outside of the Westboro Baptist Church. I'd say meeting her parents will be a nice shock, nevermind when you sit down to discuss the no sex rule! You're obviously having serious doubts and the fact that you were going out with the girl a month before you copped she was a jesus-looney indicates that she has probably run into trouble before with some of her less socially acceptable beliefs and tries to hide it.

Get well rid before this blows up in your face babylonian style.

prinz

I wouldn't call her too religious. The next time she tells you that Jesus entered her heart, tell her He must have lost his map because He's taken a wrong turn somewhere.

I'd have my doubts about what sort of congregation she has been associating with.

She seems to be doing a bit of the a-la carte thing herself.

coopersgreen

Xiney wrote: »

coopersgreen, generalisations like that will not get you far on this forum. I would kindly suggest that you have a read of our charter before posting here again.

Ta.

Xiney

Fair enough, that could have been more diplomatic, I grant you.

pookie82

To be honest, it sounds like she's well capable of inciting hatred with her "Muslims are the enemy" mantras, and if you're happy to be associated with a racist or a bigot, then fair enough. But i would think long and hard about sticking around someone who uses religion as an excuse to despise anyone based on culture or class or opposing religion, not to mention the fact that she thinks Jesus now hangs out in her inner organs. Alarm bells would have been ringing a long time ago for me.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Liam Byrne

Someone who geniunely had "Jesus in their heart" wouldn't write off a whole bunch of people based on their beliefs.

Nothing wrong with someone having "Jesus in your heart", if that's what you choose....because while society chooses to mock it, it's FAR better than having "bling" or commercialism or vacuous celeb-culture alcohol or crappy attitude in there.

But she doesn't - she has extreme right-wing Catholicism, Bible-belt America in her heart, which is a different thing completely.

Next time she brings this up, ask her how Jesus viewed Mary Magdalene or Judas.....and then ask her how - in her view - any of those generalised murderers are better or worse than the supposedly "Catholic" people* that abused all those kids.

*For the record, I'm not tarring all religious with the one brush; just pointing out that judging people based on their chosen/declared religion is WAY off the mark.

LegacyUser

I'm the OP

Actually I don't think she called Muslims the enemy it was more like "we should pray for them"

If this was any other woman the Jesus angle would have me running, but she is just so wonderful apart from that; cute, a pleasure to be around, funny, we have chemistry, I think about her, look forward to seeing her again, all the usual things you'd want to feel...

I tried telling her openly that while there is nothing wrong with religion its just not my cup of tea, but when the topic is mentioned she becomes a different person, not hostile, just silent, and has a look that makes me feel like the unusual one

I think tomorrow I'll just tell here, openly what I said above, i.e. I like her but I'm just not interested in religion and I can't handle that aspect of her

pikachucheeks

Unregistered wrote: »

she is very religious, or spiritual as she calls it, whereas I am, probably, like most here I assume, an a-la-carte catholic, that goes to mass only at Christmas/funerals etc.

While talking about September 11th (it somehow came up) I mentioned muslims, and she then said how they were the "enemy" (of Christians) and how it was terrible that muslim churches were being built in Ireland...

Now, as I said I think she is great, and if she wants to meet fellow believers in a church type location such as community hall/hotel conference room every Sunday that is fine, but I fear, that I too might find myself sucked in to that sort of thing...Religion is just not my scene.

My mind is telling me to leave, but my heart is telling me to stay...

Hi there,

My feeling is you have some deciding to do - if your girlfriend is a very religious person, and you have no interest ... can it last?

If she's going to encourage you to go to church, or follow her beliefs and you don't want to, will the relationship last, long-term?

It all depends on how big a part religion plays in her life. If she's personal and private about her beliefs, you might be able to sustain the relationship, but if she's very ... out there with it, it might make both of you unhappy ; she might be annoyed you aren't as devoted as her, while you might be angered she's not accepting of your faith-free life.


I'd also like to make a point regarding your girlfriend's belief that Muslims are the "enemy" of Christians.
This isn't the case. I've actually been researching this area for the past few months and have spoken to a number of Christian priests about this - Christians have a "live and let live" attitude, much like the attitude you expressed.
So, your girlfriend's view isn't accurate, according to what a Christian is meant to practice and believe.

Xiney

Unregistered wrote: »

I think tomorrow I'll just tell here, openly what I said above, i.e. I like her but I'm just not interested in religion and I can't handle that aspect of her

Being honest is definitely the best thing to do in this situation. It won't be easy. Good luck

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

prinz

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Someone who geniunely had "Jesus in their heart" wouldn't write off a whole bunch of people based on their beliefs.

+1

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Nothing wrong with someone having "Jesus in your heart", if that's what you choose....because while society chooses to mock it, it's FAR better than having "bling" or commercialism or vacuous celeb-culture alcohol or crappy attitude in there.

+7

Liam Byrne wrote: »

But she doesn't - she has extreme right-wing Catholicism, Bible-belt America in her heart, which is a different thing completely.

Extreme Catholics wouldn't be ok with oral sex and whatnot. And the American Bible-belt is anything but Catholic :eek:.

This girl obviously has issues.It's not the first time I've heard so-called 'spiritual christians' spouting rubbish. I could probably name the group she has been involved with, if my experience is anything to go by, and it is not a mainstream denomination, but as been prevalent as of late in Dublin trying to attract people, particularly young people.

vector

I know that
+1
means you agree with the post
but whats
+7
it that like someone saying 110%? its just that seven seems very specific

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

prinz

vector wrote: »

I know that
+1
means you agree with the post
but whats
+7
it that like someone saying 110%? its just that seven seems very specific

it's like +1 x 7. You think too much :pac:. 110% then if you will. I like specifics me.

Jesus Wept

Ah that's a pity.
Leave.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm the OP

Actually I don't think she called Muslims the enemy it was more like "we should pray for them"

Whoa, that's a huge difference.Huge. tbh just that difference puts a whole different complexion on things IMO.

LegacyUser

I'm the OP

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

after work she's being hanging around the centre where her group of religions friends meet on sunday, and naturally I often drive to or from, she said I should come in and pray

now if a woman asked me if I'd like to pray my mind starts thinking wouldn't that be a funny euphemism for s*x.... but it isin't

so yes donegalfella she wants me to participate in her religion, and while I can talk to here, I think that if I start talking to the others in there I might eventually let my guard down and be convinced to "take jesus into my heart" or something similar, we have all talked to mormans on the doorstep, but imagine talking to such people on their own turf, a good sales man could sell ice to the eskimos if given enough time

LegacyUser

It's a deal breaker for me if someone is religious.

It's not my thing and long term I would see many problems.

A friend of mine is the same and having split up with the mother of his child, he's finding it frustrating that she is raising the child as a Catholic while he is an atheist.

Marshy

I have similar problems with my OH. I found out a while ago he once had intentions of becoming a priest. :eek:

His views can be what I would consider quite extreme (eg. anti-divorce) and although on its own I don't think its detrimental to the relationship it certainly creates a sense of dissonance between us seeing as I'm very much anti-religion, specifically Catholicism.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

vector

Is it possible that your GF was searching for "something"... she found religion (many people do in times of emotional emptiness)... but now that she has found you perhaps she can re-allocate her time away from that and towards you

O'Coonassa

Unregistered wrote: »

My mind is telling me to leave, but my heart is telling me to stay...
Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

That's not your heart speaking it's your penis. Ignore him, he's a gobshíte.

Rev Hellfire

If you can't accept your 'girlfriend' as she is you'll be both better off if you just dump her.

R.D. aka MR.D

You have to be careful. Certainly don't become involved just because thats what shes wants.


You said you didn't challenge her because you didn't know a lot, well heres a warning from personal experience:

A lot of these groups use tactics that could very easily be described as disturbing. What may be new and interesting at the start suddenly turns down a bad road where you think its a good idea to oppress others and look down your nose at people.
Always ask questions of what they are telling you. just because they are saying it doesn't make it true. remember the bible is in a historical context.

Go if YOU want to but make sure you have a grounding of who you are and don't let them mould you for their purposes.

In my experience eventually these people try to convince you of things. have a frank discussion about what you believe and if she chooses to accept you with out trying to change you then it might be okay.