What would you do?

LegacyUser

hey everyone, going to go unreggy for this one! just looking for a few opinions, ill try to keep it as short as possible..

ok...firstly, ive recently split from a boyf of only about 5 months because he has moved to canada for the summer. we got along really well in that time, hes good looking, decent, generous etc, ticks all the boxes BUT the night before he left (friday) we were supposed to meet up, long story short he stood me up and went off clubbing with his friends instead and didnt even tell me. (also, i hadnt seen him since the monday before, ill just add)

i was totally hurt and confused as he wouldnt normally do this sort of thing. i felt totally embarrassed as heres me, sitting in the pub waiting for him to come and say his goodbyes, he doesnt show up.

secondly, my ex boyfriend of two years is desperately trying to get back with me these past fews months. we broke up because he had a drug problem btw.
recently hes made so much effort, gave up the fags, drugs, moved home etc in a bid to get back.

i dont know what to do as the first fella has apoligised and wants us to stay together even though hes in canada,
the ex wants to get bac, whom i get on really well with and wonder could it work out this time.

so, should i stay with canada boy, get back with the ex or forget both?

sorry for the long post, i know people have a lot worse problems than this on here and i know all the info is very general, any thoughts/opinions welcome
x

Gone Fishin

What did Canada boy have to say for himself when he didn't bother his ass turning up on the night in question?? After all this was when you too were to say goodbye for the summer and he preferred going clubbing with his mates? Not that there is anything wrong with going clubbing with your mates but he could have made an effort to involve you or make arrangements for another night. He did do it, so clearly something else was more important than you in the overall scheme of things. Your call.

As for the ex ex, well fair play to himself for trying to pull himself out of the hole he was in. He's got strength of character. It would be no harm to meet up with him and have some dinner or some beers (limit the beers so you don't get stupid), have a good chat and see how far he has come. If there is a spark still there, then maybe its worth considering. Don't get back with your ex ex because Canada boy snubbed you, you will destroy him.

Alternatively, the summer is on its way, get your glad rags on, let the hair down and see what other fish are in the pond.

LegacyUser

thanks for the reply,
o he said the usual, 'i was stupid, i made a mistake give me another chance' etc he wanted to come back to mine after the club but i was so ripping i said no. i agree with you, the least he could have done was stop in to the pub i was in, say bye then go clubbing. he obviously either didnt care that much or has no respect.

i have met up with the ex since and he does seem better. can still be a tad moody though which i always blamed on the drugs. also find it a bit hard to trust him after he lied so much about them when we were going steady.

i dont know, need to go off on hols and forget about both until i come back methinks!?

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

'i was stupid, i made a mistake give me another chance' . he obviously either didnt care that much or has no respect.

How many extra chances do you think he'll need with what he gets up to in Canada? He had a gf for 5 months but stood you up on a night together to go clubbing? Do you really think you or the relationship was that important to him that it will keep him thinking of you while he's abroad?

Unregistered wrote: »

i dont know, need to go off on hols and forget about both until i come back methinks!?

Yes.Good idea.

Gone Fishin

I think the holiday is the best thing for you. I don't know what age you are but I went out with someone from 18-25, a long time. I split up with her on the Wednesday and landed in Ibiza on the Friday. Badly needed. Maybe you need to do the same. Or else just find something else to occupy your mind, a course, new hobby, going to the gym, learn a language, go to some museums.....anything to keep you occupied! I hear there are great boat fishing lessons given out on sunny days in Howth!!! Best of luck whatever path you choose.

LegacyUser

to prinz, yea i know about him doing things when hes away, ive already told him theres no way i could trust him out there after what he did on friday.
i assumed we'd go our seperate ways anyway.

thanks for the advice Gone Fishin!

Brimmy

The guy stood you up one night in favour of his mates because he was going away for the summer and you're freaking out that you can't trust him over it? Bit of an over reaction to be honest. Sure he could have made an attempt to encorporate you into it but ever think that maybe he just wanted to say goodbye to friends he's had for years (possibly, going on an assumption) over a girl he's only been with for 5 months?

At the end of the day though the answer to your question is obvious, who do you like more? You seem to be prepared to forgive a guy who has a drug habit and proven track record of lying to you over a guy who only stood you up once. Seems like you've already made up your mind to me really OP.

LegacyUser

Brimmy wrote: »

The guy stood you up one night in favour of his mates because he was going away for the summer and you're freaking out that you can't trust him over it? Bit of an over reaction to be honest. Sure he could have made an attempt to encorporate you into it but ever think that maybe he just wanted to say goodbye to friends he's had for years (possibly, going on an assumption) over a girl he's only been with for 5 months?

Like Gone Fishin said, there's no problem in him hanging with his friends and that's understandable but to not involve her in the plans? She was his girlfriend of five months not an aquaintance or a small fling. And to not even let her know he wouldn't be making it? Even worse. It's disgraceful, and shows complete disrespect an an utter lack of maturity to just go out on the piss with the lads and leave his girlfriend sitting in the pub alone there. Sounds like he shouldn't be in a relationship with any girl.

As for your ex ex, I'm not saying get back with him, it's up to you and none of us can really tell you what you should do as you're the one who knows him - but definitely forget Canadian boy. He may be a laugh, but he's also a waste of your time.

chopley

Unregistered wrote: »

so, should i stay with canada boy, get back with the ex or forget both?

There's a fourth option you've overlooked: play them both