Moving In Together

LegacyUser

I am with my boyfriend one year and I am ready to move in together in a few months time, I thought he was also ready but as it turns out he is more freaked out than I am, quite normal for men. Having said that, I am upset by this and hurt that he does not want to live with me yet. I am living at home and it makes sense for me to move in with him in a few months time, he already lives out of home.

His opinion is that we have the rest of our lives together so why rush into living together whereas I feel why wait around to move in when we love each other.

What can I do to make him feel comfortable about the possibility?
This is not going to go away for me as I am deadset on it.

Puddleduck

Im sorry OP but you cant force your boyfriends hand on the issue. The harder you push the chances of him packing it in increase.

Yes it makes sense, for you to move out right now. It dosent make sense for him. If he has told you that in the future he will move in with you then you have to trust him. Dont push it. If you want to experience independance then move out on your own.

Wurly

Unregistered wrote: »

This is not going to go away for me as I am deadset on it.

That's grand but what about how he feels? He's told you he's not ready.

Would you prefer him to move in even though he doesn't want to or would you prefer him to move in cos that's what he wants?

You can't force anything here. You'll only force him to never move in with you if you hassle him.

You're only with him a year. Chill out for a bit and see what happens.

kittenkiller

Why would it be ok for you to rush the relationship when he's clearly not ready?

Give him time.
Let things happen naturally, build things on a steady foundation for long term results.

If you want to move out, do it. Don't rely on him to make the move. Be independent. It'll stand to you.

Best of luck.

irlirishkev

Jesus a year? I was with the gf for nearly 4 years before I was 'convinced' to move in together.. Having said that though, I wasn't living at home, I was living in my own gaff, on my own for 5 years. Got pretty comfortable I have to say..

Does he live on his own? Is his place big enough for 2?

He's not ready, try and accept that, and give him time.

"This is not going to go away for me as I am deadset on it." - That's a bit of a scary comment btw..

adamski8

im inclined to side with OP, whats his reasons for not wanting to? the we have the rest of our lives thing sounds a bit wishy washy to me.
are you always staying over with him and wont it save him rent???
makes sense, no?

Gyalist

If you have never lived independently, it would do you a power of good to get a flatshare rather than moving in with your boyfriend straight from living with your parents.

adamski8 wrote: »

im inclined to side with OP, whats his reasons for not wanting to? the we have the rest of our lives thing sounds a bit wishy washy to me.
are you always staying over with him and wont it save him rent???
makes sense, no?

Saving rent should be low on the list of reasons to live with a boyfriend. Your personal freedom and space are worth much more.