Am I just neurotic

LegacyUser

Been with boyf over a year. We get on brill, see each other a couple nights a week, have a great sex life etc. He is a couple years younger than me and can be very giddy. He is a flirt and comments on other women, but swears he would never be unfaithful, as it was done to him in the past. So I put the flirting down to his personality and we get on fine.
But I work nights and we live in different counties and he sometimes goes out when I am in work or not around. He went out last night and I know he had some girls ten years younger than me back at his house with him and his friend, as i saw a post on someones socialnetworking website today

Yet when I spoke to him today, he just said he went for a few quiet pints, never mentioned anyone coming back. I dont know wether he just didn't bother telling me as it was no big deal, or if there is more to it.

I really want to trust this guy, but this isnt the first time there have been little things that have looked suspicious, text messages from another woman, emails etc, but he always says its just harmless chat and is highly offended if I show any jealousy or question him and says he would always trust what I do even if it looked bad. Do I just trust him and stop over analysing, or does it sound like he is a wrong un....

i-digress

Without knowing him it's almost impossible to say, but it doesn't sound great...:(

He doesn't need to tell you everything, so if he just hadn't mentioned that he'd invited a girl back I wouldn't worry too much. It's the fact that he's regularly shifty that would bother me.

drunkmonkey

just trust him, if he starts to think you don't trust him, he'll stop trusting you and it's bye bye relationship..

and stop reading his texts and email, they may mean one thing to him and something different to you...

so trust him and don't think about it again until something proves you different...

LegacyUser

Sounds like my boyfriend, what county is he in?

You obviously don't trust him and have been checking up on him. It's good to be wary. You'll just have to keep your wits about you but if you don't trust him it will eat away at things, I know. You have to literally make a decision whether to trust or not.

Have you confronted him about the texts & emails?

PCPhoto

as a guy ... it sounds like he is a complete flirt and seeks attention from any/every female.

trouble with this is that .... it WILL make you insecure and jealous....and possibly paranoid.
I think you need to try to do more things with him - make him miss you and think about you when you are not together.

as a previous poster said...its impossible to say without knowing him...it does seem like you might be going towards asking some tough questions .... how committed is he to the relationship, what does he want from the relationship, what do you want from the relationship?

where do you see yourself in two years...still with him or in a different place?

LegacyUser

OP here. I never confronted him about texts as I knew I was totally out of order reading them, and they weren't that bad, just some older woman he works with who seemed very over familiar.

He knew I saw the emails as we were on his email together and I asked him about them. He said it was just a silly spam email he had replied to for a laugh, to see how far they would take it.

The emails and texts were ages ago, and I have never looked since as just think I should trust him.

In terms of me and him and how we get on I see a great future. But I dont want my heart to sink every time I see him eying up other women, or hear he has had girls back to his house and not mentioned it! We have discussed it, and he says he is a natural flirt and doesnt see a problem with saying a girl is attractive, that its no reflection on his feeling for me, as I am the one he is with and he would never cheat.

Sorry if I'm going on a bit, and i know its hard to judge when you dont know him, just wanted an outside opinion

legend365

Yea if i was seeing a girl and told her i was going out, i wouldn't be tellin her every little detail that happen. Thats just askin for a fight.

He's probably leavin out things that dont matter to him but could cause you to flip if you know what i mean.

Seein as I dont know him though, I wouldn't trust him.

LegacyUser

But remember he could be going out to pubs and clubs or house parties and talking to girls.....are you going to worry everytime you are not with him about what he is doing? you will drive yourself crazy.

I've been uncomfortable with my boyfriend oggling women and having contact with exes/female friends too. Said it to him last week and it really annoyed him, he said it was nothing. Ok I may not understand the odd text from an ex - but then in same week I got several emails from someone I heavily flirted with online a year ago - to which I made a few replies & a text from another guy I met via dating site (this guy is annoying though, 3rd time had to ask him to leave me alone). I realised that I too was not immune to contact with the opposite sex. Imagine if my boyfriend saw very full on emails from a man wanting to have sex with me if he cared to sneak a peak about...doesn't bear thinking about, how would I convince him it was nothing.
Gave me a new perspective.

Try and relax and trust him as I'm trying to with mine.