BGRH Investigates - The Moustache

Tom Dunne

So, moustaches, eh?

Often associated with medallion-wearing gigolos or 70's porn stars, is it time the moustache made a come back?

Is it a relic of times past, a symbol of a person who can't really decide between a goatee and a beard, a clump of hair that does nothing more than gather crumbs, betray the fact you were drinking Guinness?

Do teh ladies like it, is is the ultimate sign of masculinity or nothing more than an irritation when things get jiggy?

Or, is it the height of sophistication? The fact that a man does in fact have a choice whether to grow hair on his upper lip and can style it in a myriad of different ways?

So, I put it to the assembled masses - should the moustache make a comeback?

smashey

Shiminay

But to counter that very valid point...

Don1

I see that and raise you this;

Doctor DooM

The DooM believes that moustaches are acceptable only in three cases:


a) flashback


b) riding a big ass bike


c) when connected to a beard.

There's a reason for this- I have the afore mentioned beardstache and I find that, if not maintained properly, when drinking beer the 'tache may absorb a small amount. Over time, this will add up to hundreds of pints wasted.

The DooM does not approve of this.

Star Lord

Your moustache is merely saving it. In the event of being beer-less, ie- trapped in a lift/under a mountain of take-away menus, you will be able to tap this beer-reserve to sustain yourself till you can make it to your nearest public house or offie!

Personally, they are just for Movember, or as part of a full goatee or beard.

(Gonna do the whole Movember thing again this year! )

Tom Dunne

SDooM wrote: »

The DooM believes that moustaches are exceptable only in three cases:


a) flashback

To the 70's? A young whippersnapper like you shouldn't be having flashbacks to the 70's.

SDooM wrote: »

b) riding a big ass bike

Oh yeah, baby.

SDooM wrote: »

c) when connected to a beard.

There's a reason for this- I have the afore mentioned beardstache and I find that, if not maintained properly, when drinking beer the 'tache may absorb a small amount. Over time, this will add up to hundreds of pints wasted.

The DooM does not approve of this.

A very valid point. Plus, as I pointed out in my original post, if you are drinking Guinness, it can be a tad unsightly.

Speaking of a tad unsightly:

OldGoat

Sir.
The moustache is a thing of elegance and beauty, pure manish glory. To even suggest that it was ever out of fashion is an afront to any man that has had more then one day between shaves thought I have to admit that the number of hairy lips is sadly not as common a sight as it once was.

To answer some of your pertenant questions:
You seem to be under the impression that being regarded as a gigolo or a retired porn star is a bad thing. I assure you sir that you are mistaken. Many a night I've regaled a womanz with epic (and fraudulant) tales of life in porn movie world, of casting couches and fluffers. Ahhh happy days.

It has been shown in a study that the avarage moustachieod Guinness drinkers traps about two and a half pints in a year. Useful trait, just like a camels hump. But even more important to us Guinness drinkers is the barrier effect. Allow me to expand.
Guinness should be drunk from under the head rather then through the head. Creamy and lovely as the head of the pint appears it is actually quite bitter. Hence you will see real Guinness drinkers hoist their pints high, elbows proudly lifted to shoulder height in order to get the glass correctly raised to mouth level to allow the delicious stout to be sucked from pot with minimal creamy head.

Now you might be jumping ahead of me here and see why moutaches are the ultimate acessory. The daming and blocking of the bitter creamy head alows the tired and weary drinker to keep the bitter taste where it belongs, outside the mouth. Thus moustaches improve the flavour of porters, stouts and extra stouts. For that alone I believe the moustache deserves respect.

Do the ladies like it? Allow me to point out that if they did NOT find the 'tickler' a fun, attractive and stimulating male attachment then I would have shaved mine off 30 years ago.

So, if improving your beer and attracting wiminz was not enough what else does this symbol of manishness offer? What about the possibality of representing your country at an international level in the magnificent country of Norway at the World beard & moustache championships in two years time. Two years to grow, style and sculpt your masterpiece then go international beering in the land of the Vikings.
Hairy link

Doctor DooM

Brother Tom, I am rarely the flasher, more often the flashed. Thus I may be confronted with moustaches of epic proportions!

Nevyn

OldGoat wrote: »

Sir.
The moustache is a thing of elegance and beauty, pure manish glory. To even suggest that it was ever out of fashion is an afront to any man that has had more then one day between shaves thought I have to admit that the number of hairy lips is sadly not as common a sight as it once was.

I would say that is due to the lack of grooming skills which have not been passed on to younger men. The care, tending and trimming seems to be a dying art forum.

OldGoat wrote: »

It has been shown in a study that the avarage moustachieod Guinness drinkers traps about two and a half pints in a year. Useful trait, just like a camels hump. But even more important to us Guinness drinkers is the barrier effect. Allow me to expand.
Guinness should be drunk from under the head rather then through the head. Creamy and lovely as the head of the pint appears it is actually quite bitter. Hence you will see real Guinness drinkers hoist their pints high, elbows proudly lifted to shoulder height in order to get the glass correctly raised to mouth level to allow the delicious stout to be sucked from pot with minimal creamy head.

Are you saying I can not experience Guinness in all it's true glory until I am sporting a mustache? This is heart breaking news, true I do have for a person of the female gender a higher level of testtosserone but but but I can't see myself trying to cultivate a full mustache

Then again maybe I might when I am 80 and have given up on getting kisses from handsome men.

OldGoat

Rest assured dear Thaed that you will enjoy porters to their fullest without having the ability to grow a moustache. As mentioned the trick is in the heft of the pintpot to the correct height. It is only after 9 or 11 pints or so that the arm may suffer a little tiredness and the drinker may be supping too much head. (:rolleyes:)

But an alternative avenue of exploration exists. Cast your mind back to the Movember magnificence. I seem to recollect that there were 'falsies' available. Perhaps, in the privicy of your own home you might slip one on, admire your magnificenct in the mirror for a while, tease it with a comb and then try your falstache with one of those draught can thingies.

Or wear a falsie in public to a Beers resting assured that you will be given the support of friends and you won't be in any way ridiculed, giggled, tittered or jibed at. Much.

Blitzkrieger

OldGoat wrote: »

....Do the ladies like it? Allow me to point out that if they did NOT find the 'tickler' a fun, attractive and stimulating male attachment then I would have shaved mine off 30 years ago.

... attracting wiminz ....

That reminds me of the time I went on a religious retreat in India. The airline lost my luggage with my razor inside, and there must have been some sort of miracle-gro for beards in the food 'cos ten days later I was sporting a beard that was getting more of my food than I was. The amount of attention it got from the local ladies was unreal. I remember being at one popular tourist spot during an Indian holiday and loads of random strangers would just walk up and get their husband to take a picture without even asking me. I can imagine their holiday pictures :

"Here's me at the temple. Here we are at the market. Here's me with a random bearded Irishman….."

Good times.

A recent attempt to recapture the glory of the beard was met with many people commenting that I looked like a member of the traveling community

Nevyn

OldGoat wrote: »

Rest assured dear Thaed that you will enjoy porters to their fullest without having the ability to grow a moustache. As mentioned the trick is in the heft of the pintpot to the correct height. It is only after 9 or 11 pints or so that the arm may suffer a little tiredness and the drinker may be supping too much head. (:rolleyes:)

I can't say that I have ever suffered from any problems from supping too much head, so I conclude that my technique must be pretty good.

OldGoat wrote: »

But an alternative avenue of exploration exists. Cast your mind back to the Movember magnificence. I seem to recollect that there were 'falsies' available. Perhaps, in the privicy of your own home you might slip one on, admire your magnificenct in the mirror for a while, tease it with a comb and then try your falstache with one of those draught can thingies.

:eek:
Excuse me but I do have standards, while they are often differnt from those of others please do not assume I would stoop to the likes of that.

OldGoat wrote: »

Or wear a falsie in public to a Beers resting assured that you will be given the support of friends and you won't be in any way ridiculed, giggled, tittered or jibed at. Much.

hmmmmm I might just, seriously I reckon I may be able to carry such a look off and chasing the Brethren for beardy kisses may be fun.

IanCurtis

Not even Brandon Flowers can make the moustache acceptable

Creamy Goodness

IanCurtis wrote: »

Not even Brandon Flowers can make the moustache acceptable

but brandon flowers is an absolute gob****e.

Nevyn

IanCurtis wrote: »

Not even Brandon Flowers can make the moustache acceptable

Creamy Goodness wrote: »

but brandon flowers is an absolute gob****e.

and he's trying too hard to look like Mr. E



Eels are so much better then the killers.

Tom Dunne

Thaedydal wrote: »

Eels are so much better then the killers.

Wash your mouth out, young lady.

Speaking of which, as a woman of substance, would you find the moustachioed man attractive?

Nevyn

Tom Dunne wrote: »

as a woman of substance,

/places hands on hips

Are you calling me Fat?

Tom Dunne

Thaedydal wrote: »

/places hands on hips

Are you calling me Fat?

No, experienced.

Quit avoiding the question.

OldGoat

Thaedydal wrote: »

hmmmmm I might just, seriously I reckon I may be able to carry such a look off and chasing the Brethren for beardy kisses may be fun.

Interesting expitement too. This would allow brothers to get the firsthand experience of kissing a moustachieoed mouth without having to contemplate or risk an outbrake of ghay.

Blitzkrieger

Thaedydal wrote: »

/places hands on hips

Are you calling me Fat?

Tom Dunne wrote: »

No, experienced.

No, just old :D:D

Tom Dunne

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

No, just old :D:D

And today we mourn the passing of Blitzkrieger, who displayed such potential and for whom we held out such high hopes.

OldGoat

/Sits back, shares popcorn with Tom

Nevyn

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Quit avoiding the question.

Why are you sooo concerned as to my personal preference?
If you start trying to grow a tash don't you dare try and blame it on me.

Tom Dunne wrote: »

No, experienced.

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

No, just old :D:D

Right guess who both just got added to my I refuse to acknowledge their existence list.

OldGoat

Seperated at birth:

Wonder if I'm entitled to discounts?

Doctor DooM

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Wash your mouth out, young lady.

Speaking of which, as a woman of substance, would you find the moustachioed man attractive?

int thaed = respect +1;

int tom = respect - 100;

Seriously! The eels!

EDIT: I feel my face would be naked without the doomtache.

Shiminay

+1 to that - the Killers? Are you for real Tom??? The Eels are infinitely better than that muck.

Like the Doom, my beard would seem incomplete to me without the 'tache like appendage on the top lip.

Blitzkrieger

Thaedydal wrote: »

Right guess who both just got added to my I refuse to acknowledge their existence list.

? For pointing out Tom Dunne implied you were old?




pld Tom....

Nevyn

monkeyfudge

They're actually just €1 each... despite the confusing label.

Here's my vending machine moustache in action:

Shiminay

I'd hit it...

Tom Dunne

monkeyfudge wrote: »

They're actually just €1 each... despite the confusing label.

Here's my vending machine moustache in action:

Impressive. But I think you are missing one key component - the hairy chest. (though kudos for the v-neck top)

I think you can't really have a moustache without a hairy chest.

Gold Medallions are, of course, optional.

monkeyfudge

Strangely enough I think the amount of chest hair I have has almost doubled in the past month for some reason.

But double of f*ck all is still f*ck all.

Tom Dunne

monkeyfudge wrote: »

Strangely enough I think the amount of chest hair I have has almost doubled in the past month for some reason.

I think you might be hitting puberty.

Zaph

Thaedydal wrote: »

Eels are so much better then the killers.

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Wash your mouth out, young lady.

You are dead to me Tom Dunne.

Toto Wolfcastle

Facial hair is only acceptable if it is soft. Harsh facial hair is dangerous.

You lean in for a kiss and....

BANG

beard rash on yore ass.

Just ask Steve.

Blitzkrieger

Beard rash on your ass? What do you get up to in bed? :eek:

Toto Wolfcastle

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

Beard rash on your ass? What do you get up to in bed? :eek:

Nothing to do with me. Steve seems to know a lot about it though.

IanCurtis

Thaedydal wrote: »

and he's trying too hard to look like Mr. E



Eels are so much better then the killers.

Holy Sh1t! The guy who lived beside me in me old student flat was a ringer for that guy. His hair was a bit stragglier though....and he didn't smoke cigars. He smoked his puke mainly.

Gaspode

Long live the tash, how could the wimmens not find it attractive??




PS Eels > Killers. No contest.

Tom Dunne

Gaspode wrote: »

PS Eels > Killers. No contest.

This is not a discussion about some 2nd rate indie has-been band, this is about facial hair.

So get back on topic you lot, or I'll post up some links to Killer's songs.

monkeyfudge

I can totally rock a magician look with a moustache.

Tom Dunne

monkeyfudge wrote: »

I can totally rock a magician look with a moustache.

Why, when I see that picture, do I think of this:

smashey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6be9AIB-ckk

Steve

Janeyooo wrote: »

Facial hair is only acceptable if it is soft. Harsh facial hair is dangerous.

You lean in for a kiss and....

BANG

beard rash on yore ass.

Just ask Steve.

I have no idea what you may or may not be referring to and so I deny any past present or future knowledge of the origins of the said term, provided the term actually existed in the first place which also may or may not be true.

Toto Wolfcastle

Steve wrote: »

I have no idea what you may or may not be referring to and so I deny any past present or future knowledge of the origins of the said term, provided the term actually existed in the first place which also may or may not be true.

Shurrup 'Garry off Eastenders'.

Nevyn