She wants a break, is this bad news.

LegacyUser

Met a fantastic girl over the internet. We constantly sent sms every night, wrote really really long emails and letters every second day. We both agreed it was special and that we liked eachother, and said we would meet up this summer.

Then a couple of weeks ago her grandma passed away. At the same time she started a new job and didn't want to take time off, so she continued working. However, she said things have got worse for her, very stressful things and she is so busy at work that she needs a break from everything.

I totally understand why wants a break, and have no problem with that. I have little experience with relationships, and just wanted to know past experiences from anyone, does time off for a break usually end up as the prelude to two people drifting, or does the majority end up working out?
I never realised how insecure a person I am until now....
Thanks for any help

sarsarsar

i think that maybe you do need to give her some space.

However make it clear to her how special you think she is and that you will be there for her anytime she needs you.

Back off, but dont isolate yourself from her, she probably needs support but she will begin to realise it, and then you can step up and be this support for her.

My two cents anyway. I dont think pushing her to be with you/talk to you, or whining to her will do anyting but push her away and add to her stress.

Best of luck x

Sephiroth_dude

In my experience its bad news.sorry.

Max Power1

from personal experience, its normally the cowards way of ending a relationship without having the courage to do the decent thing and admit it to you, face to face.

zeslim

If she really is dealing with all that stuff at the moment then I don't think you should take it too personally. She obviously enjoyed your conversation enough that she kept texting and writing to you, so that's a good sign. If she wants space, don't fret about giving it to her. Leave it for a week or so and then send her a short email, just saying you hope she's doing well, etc. Tell her a bit about your news and then leave it for her to respond. A break doesn't necessarily spell the end of a relationship - it may just give her a bit of time to miss you in

Gyalist

Abreakabreak wrote: »

Met a fantastic girl over the internet. We constantly sent sms every night, wrote really really long emails and letters every second day. We both agreed it was special and that we liked eachother, and said we would meet up this summer.

Then a couple of weeks ago her grandma passed away. At the same time she started a new job and didn't want to take time off, so she continued working. However, she said things have got worse for her, very stressful things and she is so busy at work that she needs a break from everything.

I totally understand why wants a break, and have no problem with that. I have little experience with relationships, and just wanted to know past experiences from anyone, does time off for a break usually end up as the prelude to two people drifting, or does the majority end up working out?
I never realised how insecure a person I am until now....
Thanks for any help

Look, this girl has probably started a relationship with one of her co-workers. No wonder she's so busy at work. She isn't looking for a "break from everything", just a break from you! Why would she want to waste time writing long emails and letters when she has a real relationship to attend to?

The "break" tends to mean "Give me time to see if things with the other guy work out". If they do, you'll not hear from her again; if they don't, she may be happy to continue playing online games with you.

cournioni

sarsarsar wrote: »

i think that maybe you do need to give her some space.

However make it clear to her how special you think she is and that you will be there for her anytime she needs you.

Back off, but dont isolate yourself from her, she probably needs support but she will begin to realise it, and then you can step up and be this support for her.

My two cents anyway. I dont think pushing her to be with you/talk to you, or whining to her will do anyting but push her away and add to her stress.

Best of luck x

...and what if she doesn't want him back? Chances are that she wants an end to the relationship and this is her way out (very cowardly). He will be left out in the cold until she actually tells him the full story, which could be months down the line. OP needs to know the full story now. What he should do is just ask her straight out, where does he stand? Is the relationship over? etc. etc.

Prolonging this "break" is the worst type of break up in my experience. I've been on the receiving end of it once and it fcuks with your head.

Mr Benevolent

You're not in a relationship until you've met the person face to face and liked each other. Trust me on this. I met someone online a long time ago, we met up after a few months and ended up together (although it ended yonks ago), but at no stage did I consider it a relationship until we'd met and got on well. You can't get to know each other well enough to be in a relationship through the medium of text.

Assume internet friends as fickle and unreliable until you personally meet them in real life.

LegacyUser

it really depends, to be honest.
You might be surprised to see her get back up on her feet again and start writing to you.

However, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, chances are that because she got out and got a job and a more active life, she's meeting a lot of new people and she's busying herself more often.

A break in a lot of cases sort of means "I don't want to lose you, but I'm keeping you on the side for when I want you back, if I want you back".

My advice is move on with your life, and when it gets to the summer, call her back and meet up for a friendly chat, nothing hoplessly romantic as this will probably scare her and make her feel cornered.

Once she and you start getting the spark again, you'll realise the break just made her forget how great it was to be with you and will be refreshing to her.

If you don't get the spark, it's not a bad thing because at least you didn't wait around for nothing!

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the messages, every one of them.
I sent her a supportive message, and I will leave it to whenever she wants to make contact. I'll wait to see.

Sephiroth_dude

Best of luck,hope it works out for ya.

LegacyUser

Abreakabreak wrote: »

Met a fantastic girl over the internet. We constantly sent sms every night, wrote really really long emails and letters every second day. We both agreed it was special and that we liked eachother, and said we would meet up this summer.

Then a couple of weeks ago her grandma passed away. At the same time she started a new job and didn't want to take time off, so she continued working. However, she said things have got worse for her, very stressful things and she is so busy at work that she needs a break from everything.

I totally understand why wants a break, and have no problem with that. I have little experience with relationships, and just wanted to know past experiences from anyone, does time off for a break usually end up as the prelude to two people drifting, or does the majority end up working out?
I never realised how insecure a person I am until now....
Thanks for any help

I can't believe, I have been played. She said she would explain to me in a email, but she didn't. I thought she was too busy and stresses, but i see on the penpalling site she has logged on today, but I have no message.
I've been played like a f**king fool....
I am just lost now..

She Devil

Internet dating is very very tough, there are rules and unless you know them you will get hurt, just like you did!!!

Be dignified and karma will do its own thing.

Sorry to hear about that OP

LegacyUser

She Devil wrote: »

Internet dating is very very tough, there are rules and unless you know them you will get hurt, just like you did!!!

Be dignified and karma will do its own thing.

Sorry to hear about that OP

I am sure I will get over it, the only thing i worry about is that I will shut myself up in future. I am just finding my feet after appearing to come out of my shyness shell that I grew up with. I don't want to not trust people in the future.

SarahSassy

Abreakabreak wrote: »

I am sure I will get over it, the only thing i worry about is that I will shut myself up in future. I am just finding my feet after appearing to come out of my shyness shell that I grew up with. I don't want to not trust people in the future.

which is only punishing yourself in the long term...

Take it on the chin, wish her well (mentally) and move on...

Taltos

Abreakabreak wrote: »

I don't want to not trust people in the future.

Never lose the trust - you will just end up alone.
But be prepared to be hurt - you might end up losing out 9 times out of 10 - but when you meet someone special - all that pain will mean nothing

In fact - through relationships such as the one you just left you will come to really appreciate it when you are in a good - great one.

Just don't give up on meeting someone - but first make sure that you are happy in yourself