Agony Aunts/Uncles: What should I do....Complicated!

El Diablo 101

Hi all..wondering if you guys could help me out....

I am getting involved with a girl at the moment (texting,calling) that lives a bit away from me. This girl has a needy little boyfriend, that lives close by to her. For the past while, she has told me that she only thinks of me,yet she still has this boyfriend who she does have some feelings for (judging by bebo comments / profile picture etc.) She claims to be dumping him over the summer, but they're going away for two weeks?Seriously...He knows her family, and was friends with her for ages before they got with each other.Just a few questions guys..

1) Am I being the bad guy? Maybe Im being the temptation for her?Should I leave that whole thing?

2)Is she being the bad guy, leading me and him on?Is she just a sap?!

3)Should I go with the flow and just see what happens, OR tell her that I refuse to get more involved with her (intimately) unless he leaves the scene? I don't think he will cause they were friends, and lives closer to her than me...

My current thoughts: I should leave that situation, and should they break up...see what happens with her and I.

I hate feeling this way...Im in way over my head as I like her, but I feel like Im the bad guy...

tryu

Jeez let go and don't go there.

LegacyUser

El Diablo 101 wrote: »

My current thoughts: I should leave that situation, and should they break up...see what happens with her and I.

Spot on. Whether she's too soft to break up or she's using you for an ego boost, either way the best plan is to back off & give her some space.

The fact that she lives near her current bf and you live a distance is also not good. It'll be messy. You're better off not being around for that, especially if he pesters her to give it another go (and if he's needy, he will, easily and repeatedly). Tell her to let you know when she's free (you'll see if they delete each other/indicate anotherway (relationship status=single) on Bebo, but stay away from there til she tells you she's free!). In the meantime, live your life. Have fun.

P.S. Going away together for 2 weeks is just a huge red flag to me, on top of the Bebo comments. If I had to guess, I'd go with "ego boost". Sorry.

thee glitz

Breaking up with someone is not usually something that's planned. You become unhappy in a relationship, see if you can work it out, then decide to leave or not.
She sounds very immature tbh

1) Am I being the bad guy?

Sort of, being an accessory.

Maybe Im being the temptation for her?

yes

Should I leave that whole thing?

She doesn't sound very nice and I'd run a mile, find someone who has respect for themself.
You may find yourself in the other guy's position down the line.

2)Is she being the bad guy, leading me and him on?Is she just a sap?!

yes, yes

Should I go with the flow and just see what happens, OR tell her that I refuse to get more involved with her (intimately) unless he leaves the scene?

You shouldn't do anything until she's split up with her bf. I'd be looking elsewhere tbh.

and lives closer to her than me...

LegacyUser

A1 advice Thee Glitz. A1. I agree totally with Thee Glitz.

Wibbs

She could be one of those monkey women*, that won't let go of one branch, the current guy, until she has her hand on the next branch the excuse/exit guy, you. She's trying to have her cake and eat it along with the ego boost. The holiday is another example of that. It's booked so rather than do the right thing and split now, she'll go and enjoy herself. Make no mistake she'll make the funky holiday love with him too and he'll think it's all grand. The bebo guff is just emotional filler to cover herself. She may even convince herself to believe it too, right up to the point where he gets the heave ho.

If I were you, scrape her off. Get someone better. There are enough out there that are, certainly in comparison to this one. Why go for sloppy seconds emotionally as well as physically.



*There are monkey men too, but IMHO it's more common in women to go from one relationship to the next. Simply more options for a start and the social proof need to be in a relationship for many.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

She could be one of those monkey women*, that won't let go of one branch, the current guy, until she has her hand on the next branch the excuse/exit guy, you. She's trying to have her cake and eat it along with the ego boost. The holiday is another example of that. It's booked so rather than do the right thing and split now, she'll go and enjoy herself. Make no mistake she'll make the funky holiday love with him too and he'll think it's all grand. The bebo guff is just emotional filler to cover herself. She may even convince herself to believe it too, right up to the point where he gets the heave ho.

If I were you, scrape her off. Get someone better. There are enough out there that are, certainly in comparison to this one. Why go for sloppy seconds emotionally as well as physically.



*There are monkey men too, but IMHO it's more common in women to go from one relationship to the next. Simply more options for a start and the social proof need to be in a relationship for many.

Wibbs, you speak the truth. You've explained it all really. Insightful.