A great new relationship...then his dad died

flix1

I met a great guy we were mad about each other, we were dating 5 weeks and his father died. He wanted me around for the funeral and needed my help, but 2 weeks later he told me that he couldn't go out with me anymore. He needs space. He is heartbroken (we're both 31,33) he said he just wants to be on his own. I have given him space. Last night I text him and said " I think about you often. I don't want anything from you. I just want you to know I think of you" He replied..."And likewise, everyday"

Where do I go from here...I really miss him (its been 5 weeks since his dad died) 2 weeks since its been off....I want him back...I'd love your advice ladies.

MintyDoris

Good Lord, exactly the same happened to me ... just a week ago :eek:

Sorry I can't add anything helpful Flix but I feel your pain and will be watching this thread with interest

Jules

moved from tLL, you will get much better advice here.

ogriofa

Hay Flix, I have no idea how you must be feeling! Yeuk!

My guess:
I would say just be there for him when he calls. If you start getting in touch you might "croud him" out, and if you don't croud him out, you could risk getting into the friend zone.

One defo thing though - take it really slow

Consideering his dad just died, maybe he would feel guilty about getting back together and being happy too soon. He's grieving.

God, that IS really tough - good luck.

Khannie

That's rough.

I was just kinda broken for a while after my dad died, but I was most glad of having someone to lean on. If you think the relationship is a runner in the medium term I'd suggest trying to just be someone to help just get through it (I think it's just about passing time when you're messed up like that). In terms of opening things back up again; Maybe suggest a bottle of wine and a dvd? I'm sure the ladies will be along with better suggestions.

edit:

ogriofa wrote: »

I would say just be there for him when he calls.

I think a grieving bloke is unlikely to call. Just my 2c. I remember thinking very highly of friends who called me in the weeks after (you know...once all the hullaballo's over).

RossFixxxed

Not to be mean but move on with your own life. Offer to be there for him, take the initiative and give him a call, then lay off, let him come if he wants to.

But I wouldn't wait around pining either, you only know him a few weeks!

But that's just me!

helimachoptor

OP that must be tough, he's going through a whirlwind of emotions at the moment so try not to take it personally. Be there for him but not over bearing. Ask if he wants to go for a coffee and have a chat and maybe see from there

Gyalist

Let him grieve but move on with your own life. Give him a call in about 3 months to see how he's getting on but do not put your life on hold waiting for him.

Noelleieos

Best thing I think would be to let him know you are there for him, maybe give him a text every few weeks to see how he's getting on, be there for him if he needs you but obviously go on with your own life, don't wait around for him because you don't know whats going to happen. Good luck with it and I hope he will be okay.

LegacyUser

Hi Flix. Sorry if this seems negative, but I would agree with the people who say you should be there for him but not put your life on hold. I broke up with someone I'd been seeing for a short time after my mum died, and although we had been getting on well up to that point, I really was not interested in seeing him afterwards. I just felt that he didn't (and couldn't) understand the situation, and I wanted to be around people who had known me longer and who had known my mum. He hadn't done anything wrong - I just felt crowded and under pressure. Now, four years later, we have just got back together. I think you should be a friend to the guy, but definitely don't wait around too long expecting to get back on track as a couple. Just an opinion based on my experience.

TomMc

If you think about it, most of us see our parents every day of our lives from birth and then for a parent to pass on (and knowing you will not see or share good times with them for the rest of your life) is a major shock to the system. Having lost both my parents (@18 & 38), for the next few weeks you have little interest in anything. Just give the person space but be supportive.

___

On the other side of things (and not wishing to go into psychology), but if you are relatively new to each other and at a difficult time, sub-consciously you can get associated with a bad time in a person's life. This negativity can kill the attraction side of things. Been supportive is the proper route, but in moderation or else you will probably end up in the friend zone (albeit a highly regarded one, but no more).

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

flix1

To all of you who have replied...thank you. I'm touched that people would take time out to give their advice and kind wise words....I really appreciate it. The gist of it all...is kinda what I had in my head...the bit I don't like...to get on with my life...but I know its true. thanks all

LegacyUser

send him a text to tell him you'd like to call him for a chat if he's up to it! I think talking in situations like this is always helpful and better than texting. Also remember that even though it may be 5 weeks, he's just gone through the month's mind mass which brings back all the heartache and grief.
In his mind he feels he can't very well introduce you to the family as his new girlfriend, it's too soon for him and them and feels it would be disrespectful to all.

Give him a chance but it may prove to be hard work and a step too far.

LegacyUser

This happened to my friend too! They'd been dating for almost two years, and then suddenly his dad died and everything disintengrated, it was extremely painful for her.

It's good that you're sending him a text message like that and it's clearly acted a cheer-me-up in its own way.
I think that you should let him know that he's not alone, and you'll be there anyday if he needs you.

My friend's boyfriend finally came back to her in the end, so it was a happy ending. Men need some time to get over difficult times like these, and being too persistent it a very bad idea.

I'd try seeing him again the odd time if he feels like it and taking him out to do something that'll take his mind off of things.

This will help not only get over the death a little faster, but it'll make him realise how happy he's capable of being, especially with you. He'll be grateful for your patience in the end, and I'm sure it'll be rewarding on your part too.

Good luck!