Man refusing nookie!!

LegacyUser

Hi all, in a fairly new relationship, couple of months and things seem to be going well, communication is good, eager to spend time together etc. have fun. BF is very positive and attentive etc. sometimes more so than me and talks alot about the future and our plans. However the past couple of weeks he's becoming less interested in being intimate with me. I've initiated things on a couple of occassions and he's making excuses and basically turning down my efforts, which firstly hurt my feelings and makes me question my desirability...(for want of a better word), the first time i just chalked it down to tiredness or not being in the mood, which is totally understandable and i've no problem with that, but when it keeps happening, it's starting to make me question our whole relationship, especially when we are still in the "honeymoon phase" as such and generally the most passionate stage of any relationship. Any advice or similar experience would be appreciated!!

LegacyUser

it seems taking the initiative hasn't worked, so if you're happy there are no fundamental problems at play then why not just ask him what he likes in the auld leaba department?
maybe ask him what his fantasies are, and as long as you're comfortable with them, why not play along with him? Chances are he'll retuturn the favour and much fun will be had by all!

LegacyUser

You will just have to ask him firstly what's up and try and talk to him about it before you can decide what to do.

LegacyUser

P.S. it is not necessarily the most passionate stage of realationship. Everyone is different and you don't know what's wrong till you ask. He could also be one of these men with low libido like my current bf seems to be at times.

hepcat

You need to talk to him OP, if this has only happened in the last few weeks then either there is something bothering him or (hopefully not) he was only making an effort in the beginning and doesn't have much of a sex drive. Either way you'll only find out by talking..

LegacyUser

OP here, i have done as such, asked him about what he likes, open to suggestions etc. in the beginning he was very enthusiastic but it has seriously waned, to the extent that if i try even touch or get him in the mood, he blanks me and it hurts. I'm an open person and have a healthy sex drive, and have no problem even discussing this but i seem to be just getting a vague excuse and nothing else. It's like i could swing from the chandelier nekkid and he wouldn't bat an eyelid, what's a girl to do?? In case anyone is wondering...i'm pretty attractive, or so i've been told anyway, never had this problem before. The passionate side to any relationship is, to me, very important!

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

This is very much like what happened between me and my current bf. At first we were at it like rabbits and then instead of sex just declining, in a natural way as you move on in your relationship, it just stopped. It had the same effect on me, I began becoming insecure and thinking that he wasn't attracted to me anymore. After about 2 weeks of him being too tired etc. I asked him what was up. He was actually going thru and incredible amount of stress at work and his dad was sick (which I knew but didn't think that it was what was up in the bedroom!). We just talked, I didn't put any pressure on him in the bedroom and then a few days later, bang his libido was back! As our relationship had gone on, there have been a few periods like this, its been very frustrating for me but I try to understand and we're found ways to compensation (if ya get me meaning!).

Thats just my experience, but if communication is good as you've mentioned then maybe you should have a chat, it could be just stress, or he has a lower libido than you. Also you don't mention how long your 'dry spell' has been so if its only been a week or so I wouldn't worry too much yet!

hope it helps

LegacyUser

don't be offended by my post, but it could be something as simple as a personal hygiene issue with him or with you. If he has an issue with you then he's damned if he tells you and if it's with himself he's probably too embarassed to tell you. Two simple ways to eliminate this theory, see a dentist and try to initiate things with him after a bath or shower....maybe even ask him to join you!

If I'm incorrect with the above, book a therapy weekend away, it'll help him relax and he'll find his mojo again in no time!