Boy Trouble and Life Itself :(

LegacyUser

K So i have no idea how this works so im just gonna write my proplem and hopefully get some advice and answers.So its quite a long story so im going to tell you long story short.
Im only thirteen now but going through hell so please take the time to read this.And you also find out why i cant tell my parents.

OK so i moved to this estate four years ago,and i met these girls called maura and ruth.They were nice but we soon kept getting in fights,and being bitches to eachother,it was deperate,i mean they would be mean to me just for fun,very childish.So soon after a year of fighting ruth just stopped being friends with us.So me and maura were like best friends,we were inseparble.
So a year had passed with just me and maura and then we started hanging around with the boys on my road.It was fun at first but it all came crumbling down pretty soon.Maura started being a bitch to me in front of the boys just to impress them i assume but it got worse as we got older.So there was this guy i liked called keith and i had liked him for a while,then i found out he liked me back.I felt great.Maura got extremely jelous and tryed to make life harder for me.So evenually it had to stop and me and maura had a huge fight.
So for a while it was just me and the boys and me and keith would hang out alot and we got to know eachother very well.He was the sweetest,most amazing boy i had ever met.So i started hanging with keith's sister laura,she was a year younger than me but that didnt matter much.So it was just me and laura and the boys.So yet another year had passed and it was going great between me and laura and the boys but most importantly keith.It was amazing i felt such a strong connection,like there was actually something there.I thought about everytime i wasnt with him and we texted all the time.But of course my mother didnt approve,she said i was to young and i would agree,i was only 11 but i couldnt help it.So there was this slang word we used for kissing,well more like snogging but we called it meet.
It's ridiculous because a complete stranger could come up and say "Will you meet him" and point to his friend and whats sickest of all,some people agree to.And anyone who was a fridget ment that they never kissed anyone yet.

So when i was 11,it was summer and josh,keiths best friend kept asking me to meet keith and i refused to at first even though i deeply wanted to,i thought if i did,we could be together.We were both fridgets and i soon gave in.So one morning i called for laura (Keiths sister) Keith answered the door and laura came out we walked up to my house and then i saw keith turn the corner and head towards me.He asked if i wanted to meet now and i said yes.I went across the big green and behind the trees were no one could see us.I had a bad feeling and wanted to chicken out but i had agreed and i would be treated badly if i didnt meet him and them leaned in,pressed his lips against mine and well started kissing romanticly.So after two buzzing minutes, he stopped,and said "That enough" and walked of!
I cant believe i let him walk away after that but i just stared at him.Tears streaming down my face.I felt horrible.We were like best friends for nearly two years and it was all a set up.I was told later on by josh (Keiths best friend) that he used me.He knew i liked him and knew i would fess up sometime,it was a sham,everything.My whole world was shattered to pieces and i couldnt even take to anyone because i wouldnt talk about it to a boy and laura was keiths sister so i couldnt say much.Not even my own mam because she would kill me if she ever knew i kisses him in the first place.I was so upset and what really annoys me is i let him get away with it because i loved him.I LOVED HIM.A half a year went by and i still liked keith and we havent even properly talked since,he was a completely different person.I got into a fight with laura because she was just on her brothers side and just because laura was keiths sister,keith went along with her and so the other boys followed.So i had no friends,i couldnt go back to maura because she had turned into a complete slut and was hanging with other slappers drinking and smoking.And ruth,well i was to embarresed.So i stayed in my house and cryed still,over keith.So i decided after half a year that i had enough.I got back friends with ruth and laughed at how stupid we were.Im 13 now and i am still deeply in love with keith that it still makes me cry.Its not fair.Its just me and ruth and nobody else.I didnt mind no boys when i was younger but now everyone thinks were the freaks because we dont plaster on make up and so around half naked just to get wolf wistles of the boys.So why are we getting blamed for everything? Why does the slappers and the boys (keith) have everything when they did wrong.
This is steps of keith in more detail.
1.keith told me he wanted to met me
2.He was so nice to me
3.I met him
4.Josh said he used me
5.Keith never admitted if he did or not,he just stayed quiet.
6.Samual (My close friend but not keiths) said keith didnt use me and was about to tell me the real truth but josh came round and he couldnt.
7.Samual moved two days after so i never found out.
8.*Months later,(after the fight with keith and laura and the boys.)
9.My friend Katie in school,was friends with keith.
10.She said that whenever she brings me up in front of keith,keith says he hates me so much for personal reasons.
11.His MSN tagline said "Heartbroken" and katie asked who he was heartbroken about and he replied "im not telling you because you'll tell Rebecca (My name) but why would i care?

But i have no idea of she's messing or not.
Should i believe her?
Did keith really use me?
Im so confused and even now when we glance into eachothers eyes i still feel something,and it breaks my heart into a million and one pieces.
And i want to get back friends with them sort it out but i dont no how,they dont like me and ruth at all!! Help!!
ANY ADVICE?

themadchef

Unregistered wrote: »

So why are we getting blamed for everything? Why does the slappers and the boys (keith) have everything when they did wrong.

Oh you poor thing. Look, you're really really young. I'm 35, and when i was your age things were very different...yet somehow, oddly the same. You think they have it all, but, they may in fact be as miserable as you are. My advice is, if it's eating you up inside, talk about it. Whatever the problem. Things get worse the more you go over them in your head. Is there no way you can pluck up the courage to speak to Keith?

Unregistered wrote: »

But i have no idea of she's messing or not.
Should i believe her?
Did keith really use me?
Im so confused and even now when we glance into eachothers eyes i still feel something,and it breaks my heart into a million and one pieces.
And i want to get back friends with them sort it out but i dont no how,they dont like me and ruth at all!! Help!!
ANY ADVICE?

You can't make people like you. You sould like a sensible and smart young lady. Remember, you will get through this. Do you really want to be friends with people who treated you so badly? Being so young this must seem like the end of the world... but try not to let people get you down.

My advice, be yourself, be proud of who you are and hold your head up high. Try to find a positive out of this. Over the Summer see if you can join some clubs or get involved with other people socially.

Kirnsy

you'll get plenty of comments saying you are too young to be worried about this etc. and in hindsight you'll look back and agree with those comments.


But let's take a different approach. You think a lot of keith. you have kissed him. but he wasn't exactly Romeo about it. you feel its your fault.
Have you ever heard the term peer pressure? Because that's what I gather from your story. I reckon Keith was very nervous about kissing you perhaps even more so than you. His friends were probably egging him on and then maybe he felt they'd think he's a loser for actually liking you.

Why don't you talk to him about it face to face. That way you can clear the air for once and for all. Because all you are getting now is second hand stories from his and your friends.

good luck with it.

reprazant

To be honest, it sounds like Keith was just as nervous as you and probably also liked you. After you kissed, it was always going to be somewhat awkward and it seems as if it all went very pear shaped due to this.

I would take Kirnsy's adive and try to talk to him.

RossFixxxed

When you're that young (and to be honest the older I get the more I realise people dont' grow up they just get more responsibilities. My dad in his 50's will worry going to a conference or something that he can sit beside someone he knows), these things take on huge weight. As a guy it can be really intimidating and there is an assumption with a lot of boys that the girls are totally in control of these situations. I remember being terrified of girls cos they seemed so mature and totally assured in the 'meeting' department.

He could well be terribly nervous, confused or not that into the whole girls thing yet. His mates may well be pushing this big time so he can be one of the gang! Try talking to the guy and see what he says. Just don't go repeating things if he says personal stuff. You're at an age where a lot of this stuff is relative new and it can take on monumntal importance. I would say relax into these things and take them with a grain of salt. It can seem like the end of the world but these early encounters can teach you a lot in the future.

It has been the dreadful, unfaithful, horrible girlfriends in the past that taught me a lot about being careful, being loyal etc.

Good luck OP, and remember boys at that age are full of confusion, hormones and anxiety around girls... some of us still are!

R