Anxious about moving out for first time!

LegacyUser

Hello,

I am not sure if this is deemed significant enough to be a personal issue.

I am a 30 year old male who has never lived outside of the family home. An opportunity has arisen for me to move into an apartment with a friend. The idea sounds great and I have pondered it on and off over the last couple years. (driven mad at home) I think its something that would be very good experience for me.

As you can imagine, I don't know any different than living at home where I am used to creature comforts, being spoilt, not doing my share of housework and not paying a whole lot on rent. So I guess moving out with be a reality check for me which is much needed.

I am anxious that I might find this 'big move' very difficult. It would be a big step for me (or would it?). My friend has been living independently for years now but I am worried that he might become annoyed or loose patience with me as I learn to adapt to this new life.

I am somebody who suffers from a certain amount of depression and anxiety which is probably a factor in me still being at home. I am hoping that something like this might breath new life into me, that it would be good for my mind and soul.

Am I making too much out of this?

shellyboo

independence wrote: »

Am I making too much out of this?

Yep You should definitely move out, definitely. You'll never know yourself or your own strengths until you have to support yourself day-to-day.

Aside from anything else, how can you expect to maintain a romantic relationship still living at home? You're going to have to move out eventually... so just do it.

It won't be easy, and there are times when you'll hate it... but the independence is worth all of that. I love my parents, but after moving away for college at 17 (I'm 25 now) I just couldn't live with them again. It's a totally different life, and so, so worth it. Do it!

petethebrick

independence wrote: »

I think its something that would be very good experience for me.

You think right - and it wouldn't be just 'a good experience' - it is what you should have done long ago. Most people your age have been living away from home for more than ten years! Despite the fact that you've left it late don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll adapt in no time and wonder why you hadn't moved out sooner. Good luck! - now get off http://boards.ieand onto http://daft.ie !!!

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

Yep You should definitely move out, definitely. You'll never know yourself or your own strengths until you have to support yourself day-to-day.

Aside from anything else, how can you expect to maintain a romantic relationship still living at home? You're going to have to move out eventually... so just do it.

It won't be easy, and there are times when you'll hate it... but the independence is worth all of that. I love my parents, but after moving away for college at 17 (I'm 25 now) I just couldn't live with them again. It's a totally different life, and so, so worth it. Do it!

Thanks for that, I guess you are right! Its just the initial adjusting that I am worried about.

Just as an aside, what is the general rule of thumb with regards splitting the rent. Does it depend on what size the room is or is it just 50/50?

snowy2008

its a fantastic idea, seriously, you wont believe the independance and craic your going to have, imagiane all the girls you can have over and parties you can have, just go for it!

reprazant

Rent is generally split depending on the size of the room.

But then, it depends on the landlord really.

shellyboo

independence wrote: »

Thanks for that, I guess you are right! Its just the initial adjusting that I am worried about.

Just as an aside, what is the general rule of thumb with regards splitting the rent. Does it depend on what size the room is or is it just 50/50?

It depends really... if there's a noticeable difference in the size of the room, or say, one has an ensuite then yeah, you can split it. But if the person is your mate then 50/50 could be the way to go.

I've lived with mates almost all the way through and we alway divided it evenly, bills as well. If you can be relaxed about money it makes life easier renting, tbh! The last thing you want is to fall out with your roommate over something like that. Basically, chat with the fella and see what he thinks. Decide what you're both happy with.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

Some of the places I was looking at online be big double room ensuite and one small single room with barely enough room for the bed itself. It would seem unfair to pay the same rate! But it could be my inexperience aswell.

But that aside. I am little concerned as my friend often has this girl staying over where he is now. It wouldn't be so bad if she was a regular girlfriend but it appears to be just a sex thing. I think I might find it uncomfortable with her being around on weekends. Maybe I wont but its the idea not being comfortable in my own place.

LegacyUser

Just do it!! I reckon if you don't do at 30 you will find it harder to make the change after. The feel good factor and independence will be great for you. Any move regardless of who are will entail some bit of anxiety at the initail stages, so that let that put you off.. As for your mans girlfriend, it will be your new home and not hers. Mark your territory from start off in a passive sort of way.. Good Luck

sunnyside

independence wrote: »

But that aside. I am little concerned as my friend often has this girl staying over where he is now. It wouldn't be so bad if she was a regular girlfriend but it appears to be just a sex thing. I think I might find it uncomfortable with her being around on weekends. Maybe I wont but its the idea not being comfortable in my own place.

Yes it might annoy you, learning to deal with people is one of the many lessons you will learn when you move out of home. You'll be free to bring girls to stay over as well.

shellyboo

independence wrote: »

Some of the places I was looking at online be big double room ensuite and one small single room with barely enough room for the bed itself. It would seem unfair to pay the same rate! But it could be my inexperience aswell.

That'd be unfair, yeah... in a situation like that you'd want to divide it up proportionately.

independence wrote: »

But that aside. I am little concerned as my friend often has this girl staying over where he is now. It wouldn't be so bad if she was a regular girlfriend but it appears to be just a sex thing. I think I might find it uncomfortable with her being around on weekends. Maybe I wont but its the idea not being comfortable in my own place.

Well, sometimes you're going to feel uncomfortable! You'll never be as comfortable living with mates as you are with family... but these are things you have to learn to live with. If you have a TV and such in your room it won't matter, or if they're holed up getting acquainted you'll have the rest of the place to yourself!

tbh

independence wrote: »

But that aside. I am little concerned as my friend often has this girl staying over where he is now. It wouldn't be so bad if she was a regular girlfriend but it appears to be just a sex thing. I think I might find it uncomfortable with her being around on weekends. Maybe I wont but its the idea not being comfortable in my own place.

I think what you are trying to do there is to find reasons to justify why you are feeling scared. If it becomes a problem, then just talk to your mate and explain.

Listen - if you've never lived on your own before, of course you're going to feel anxious, but don't worry. If it was that hard, everyone would live at home forever! I know you have extra factors that might make this a little bit more stressful for you, but I'm pretty sure you'll be fine. And if you're not, you can move back home, figure out what went wrong and try again.

This is a good move for you, it's a very positive step. It is scary, but everything is until you've done it once. Try to enjoy it!

Genghiz Cohen

independence wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

Some of the places I was looking at online be big double room ensuite and one small single room with barely enough room for the bed itself. It would seem unfair to pay the same rate! But it could be my inexperience aswell.

But that aside. I am little concerned as my friend often has this girl staying over where he is now. It wouldn't be so bad if she was a regular girlfriend but it appears to be just a sex thing. I think I might find it uncomfortable with her being around on weekends. Maybe I wont but its the idea not being comfortable in my own place.

Relax, yes having a double room should mean more rent, but it's up to the landlord/ everyone living there. The only thing you can do is voice your concerns and hope for the best.

On the GF issue, also relax, if she like your friend, she will probably like you, you could turn out to be great friends, I get on fine with all my friends other halves.

You are a late bloomer on this issue, but don't worry, it will be fine.
Also, learn to cook! I have a terrible diet because I CBA making anything semi-complex.

petes

+1 on learning to cook if you don't know how already. Try and find an apartment that has rooms of a similar size. If it is just yourself and your mate I would assume 50/50 on rent and bills.

It will take a bit of time to adjust/find your bearings.

Also as you are moving in with a mate it takes a bit of the edge off as you are not moving in with complete strangers.

If it's getting too much stay a night in the family house every so often.

Micilin Muc

I think you're making too much of it, as you said! Just do it!

LegacyUser

independence wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

Some of the places I was looking at online be big double room ensuite and one small single room with barely enough room for the bed itself. It would seem unfair to pay the same rate! But it could be my inexperience aswell.

But that aside. I am little concerned as my friend often has this girl staying over where he is now. It wouldn't be so bad if she was a regular girlfriend but it appears to be just a sex thing. I think I might find it uncomfortable with her being around on weekends. Maybe I wont but its the idea not being comfortable in my own place.

Split rent 50 : 50 if the rooms are of fairly equal size... regarding the f##k buddy I think you are already looking for excuses to stay at home. I have seen this before... " the curtains aren't the right colour, I think I'll stay at home with the folks" You do realise you have misspent the best years of your life by living with mammy? So go and live a little and enjoy it, you will not regret it for a second !

LegacyUser

Me again, thanks again for the replies!

All very positive. I guess I should just bite the bullet and go for it. I am a nervous person by nature and it normally takes a good shove for me to take those little steps in live.

With regard to my friends 'friend' that may visit, I wouldn't mind so much if she was his girlfriend as then we would be socialising together etc and I would get along with her but this girl is just over for some horizontal boogie and the thoughts of getting out of bed and heading to the sitting room on a sunday morning seeing her on the couch is a bit blahhhhh!

But of course, that may not happen and as somebody said earlier its probably just me making excuses.

One other concern, is that the places we are looking at are all in the same area as we are already in. Which isn't a bad thing as its handy for work and transport etc. But do you think as I have lived here 30 years I should be moving somewhere totally different like on the far side of the city where I meeting different people in different social scenes?

LegacyUser

Oh my god DO IT, you're missing out on one of the best experiences in life. Yes you wont be as comfortable as you are when your parents do everything for you but thats what makes it so great. Its a huge learning experience and is so important. You're 30, if you dont do it now you never will!!

LegacyUser

Hi,

I moved out of home at 33. I stayed that long to help my mother look after my ailing father. When he passed I left. I always had a great deal of freedom at home but you definately feel the difference when you go. And yes, its a bit scary at the start, fantastic in the middle and then just becomes the norm. Just the way things are. I've never regretted either staying home so long or moving out. Go for it especially if you have nothing in particular to keep you in the family home. Enjoy !