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Text message cheating

  • 20-05-2009 7:42pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My bf of 3 years and I went thru a bad patch 6 months ago, we didn't break up just it got really bumpy for a bit, we were both really stressed with work and things got tough. So we stayed together and things have been great since.... until I found a phone bill... to cut a long story short he text another girl for 3 months during our bumpy patch. apparently they went out with a group a few time but nothing happened, when they finally went on a date he bottled it and freaked out and said nothing would ever happen. That co-incided with the time we got back on track. Now I dont know what to do... he didn't physically cheat but clearly at a point the intention was there in part.... we are now on a break I said I needed. he is deverstated and say it was his ego and the thrill of the chase but that he has grown up and will never do such a thing again. What would you do? My brain is so muddled I cant make a decision. HELP!!


Comments

  • #2
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    You admit it was a rough patch for both of you, unsurprisingly your bf started to drift during that time period, and in spite of the temptation, and the fact that you obviously had no idea this was going on, (in other words he could have gotten off scott free), and yet he didn't go through with it...

    Seems to me you have you answer there already.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    there were hundred of texts over the period, and he called her at new years not me :-(


  • #4
    Beau x1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 911 ✭✭✭Beau x1


    It's rough but people do that kind of thing on breaks. You probably feel like a right eejit for waiting on the sidelines during the break while he was flirting with this girl.

    See the definition of 'on a break' means different things to different people. To some, it means it's perfectly acceptable to get your hole because you're no longer an official partner of your ex. To others such as myself, it's always meant something along the lines of giving each other time and space to think things through and then discover over time what both parties want.

    Since officially you were no longer 'together' and instead 'on a break', it's safe to say he probably didn't know whether you two were still going to be steady or if he should 'move on' and go for this girl. Tbh while of course it hurts, he did the honourable thing in bottling. At least he still has feelings for you that prevented him from doing that. He's got a conscience.

    I could not tell you how many guys and girls on here that have been break-cheated on wish their partner had the balls not to go through with it in the end. It makes such a difference and says a lot how he actually feels about you.

    I'd probably take him back but I can't possibly put myself in your shoes because emotions towards people are so subjective to the individual. Make sure you two both comprehend how strong you feelings are for each other.

    Good luck.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sorry I dont think I wrote it clearly...we were still very much together at the time.. although he had admited he was having doubts... it was rough cos he was being really grumpy and a bit off and i had just moved city.

    We are on a break now following me finding out about it all :-(


  • #6
    Beau x1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 911 ✭✭✭Beau x1


    Hmm, I see. Well, all I can say is it's your choice if you want back in on the relationship - he obviously does. He bottled on the date so you obviously mean much more to him than any other girl does. Make it clear, and stress the importance of loyalty within the relationship. Tell him if he's ever having doubts again to end it before he unnecessarily hurts you.

    Of course, its up to you though.


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  • #7
    puglover
    Closed Accounts Posts: 442 ✭✭puglover


    OP is it the situation as you've been told it happened that's upsetting you or is it the fact that you don't believe that is all that happened?

    TBH I can understand why you'd have doubts. Hundreds of texts of a 3 month period without even a kiss being exchanged seems a little suspect to me.

    Sorry about New Years, it's those little things that cut the deepest :(


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    yes that is a bit of it... it seems a bit strange... but he swears its really the thrill of the chase that appealed to him and swears they didnt sleep together despite my demands that i need to total brutal truth to have any chance of moving on. am i being naive?


  • #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    yes that is a bit of it... it seems a bit strange... but he swears its really the thrill of the chase that appealed to him and swears they didnt sleep together despite my demands that i need to total brutal truth to have any chance of moving on. am i being naive?

    Sorry to say this, but I do think you are being naive. There is no way that he has been in her company on a number of occassions and only kissed her. A mate of mine has just been caught by his gf chatting online to someone and he told her he only kissed her when in fact he has been having sex with about 50 different other people since they got together.
    To me, this just sounds like the tip of the iceberg.

    Now, this doesn't mean you have to finish things with him. As you say, you were going through a rough patch. If things are great now you might want to consider having a new start with him - creating a new starting line from which the two of you can move forward together....if you think you can.

    Good luck.


  • #10
    puglover
    Closed Accounts Posts: 442 ✭✭puglover


    Unregistered wrote: »
    yes that is a bit of it... it seems a bit strange... but he swears its really the thrill of the chase that appealed to him and swears they didnt sleep together despite my demands that i need to total brutal truth to have any chance of moving on. am i being naive?
    I may be sceptical but it just doesn't ring true to me. Did he say NOTHING happened or just that he didn't sleep with her?
    Would you continue texting a guy for three months and in those volumes if you were getting nowhere? I seriously doubt you or any girl would.
    Sorry to say this, but I do think you are being naive. There is no way that he has been in her company on a number of occassions and only kissed her. A mate of mine has just been caught by his gf chatting online to someone and he told her he only kissed her when in fact he has been having sex with about 50 different other people since they got together.
    To me, this just sounds like the tip of the iceberg.



    Am sorry but why is there no way that they've only kissed? I would also have suspicions about whats gone on but that is a riduculously unfounded assumption. You can't assume that just because your mate carries on like that, that all men do.


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