Nearly cheated - what should i do?

LegacyUser

hi all,

ive been engaged for a couple of months. my oh is the only guy i've ever been with and lately i've been thinking about just, well, having something different. anyways last nite i arranged to meet a guy later this week for sex, as i knew there would be no chance of getting caught.

straight away after arranging it, i immediately felt like **** and called it off. my bf is the most amazing man ever, gorgeous, smart, outstanding in bed (also makes a mean cup of tea and rolls a lovely spliff hehehe)

Basically I feel like **** today for what I nearly did, and I'm not sure what to do - I know I'd never ever be able to cheat, because I know what I have. Do I tell or should I just say nothing and continue on as normal?

Thanks all xxx

newtoboards

Do you have any idea why you did it? Is it a case of cold feet or have you felt like this in the past?

If it's a case of cold feet I think that many people who get engaged get a little freaked out after the who forever thing is mentioned over and over.

cnocbui

You didn't do anything, there's nothing to tell and no reason to.

HugoIrl

I agree wit newtoboards, does sound a bit like cold feet. The fact that you didn't go through wit it says alot.

star-pants

Unregistered wrote: »

hi all,

ive been engaged for a couple of months. my oh is the only guy i've ever been with and lately i've been thinking about just, well, having something different. anyways last nite i arranged to meet a guy later this week for sex, as i knew there would be no chance of getting caught.

straight away after arranging it, i immediately felt like **** and called it off. my bf is the most amazing man ever, gorgeous, smart, outstanding in bed (also makes a mean cup of tea and rolls a lovely spliff hehehe)

Basically I feel like **** today for what I nearly did, and I'm not sure what to do - I know I'd never ever be able to cheat, because I know what I have. Do I tell or should I just say nothing and continue on as normal?

Thanks all xxx

Ok, question is, you went to organise sex with another man purely because you wouldn't be caught. Even though you didn't go through with it, you obviously had enough want to do it.
You know you'll never be able to cheat? You should you know you'll never *want* to cheat based on what you know you have.

Currently you haven't done anything wrong, but put yourself in his shoes, if he'd organised to have sex with a girl and then cancelled, how would you feel? Do you want to re-evaluate your relationship or was it just a sudden panic?

LegacyUser

I agree with the above posters for the most part. Although, I'm just wondering what age you are?

Seems to me like you're NOT ready to commit. Maybe temporarily, but not long term. If you are curious about sex NOW, surely these urges will only worsen as time goes by???

You said you love your partner - I really think it's a case of, you've found the "right one", but why couldn't you have met him a few years from now when you're ready to settle!!

I can see you breaking his heart.. it's only a matter of time!

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

thanks for the posts everyone. I'm 26, and to be honest I would never want to do that again. All I could think about was how all of my friends constantly bitch about their love lives, and how I'm being such a fool looking for 'a bit of strange' when I honestly believe I have the perfect guy. I think it took having temptation right in front of me to show me that I wouldn't want anything else in the world but him.

thanks all.

LegacyUser

if you were my OH i would wan't you to tell me. You haven't done anything wrong, in fact if you just went with one man for life and never had any thoughts in this direction it would probably be wierder.

I would just like to know exactly where my OH's head is at before we make the ultimate commitment

Nevyn

You need to figure out what is wrong with your thinking that you did this,
why? and what are the root issues, what is wrong with where you are in your life and your relationship.

Miss Fluff

Thaedydal wrote: »

You need to figure out what is wrong with your thinking that you did this,
why? and what are the root issues, what is wrong with where you are in your life and your relationship.

+1. Not going through with it is great but that doesn't mean everything is completely rosy in the garden either OP. The fact is you arranged to meet someone for sex and bottled it. To have arranged to have sex in the first place would suggest that there are issues at play here in your relationship that would cause you to explore this as a possibility albeit one you didn't see through.

Who is this person you were going to meet? What is your history with them? Are they playing a role in your life on an ongoing basis?

There is no need to "bare all" to your OH and confess something that (just about) didn't materialise. You need to ne honest with yourself though and examine why you came so close in the first place m'dear.

Beau x1

You did the right thing OP, I think if the guys gonna marry you though he should be told. Unless you want to enter a marriage of guilt and lies, even though you didn't do anything you still did something wrong...it's the intention of it that hurts.

Also, feel free not to answer this, but how does a girl actually arrange to have sex with a lad without the whole conversation being completely awkward not to mention sleazy and creepy? (I'm not trying to get at you by the way).

antiskeptic

Unregistered wrote: »

NEARLY cheated, what should i do

If nothing else, make the engagement a long-ish one. At least until you've;


a) Figured out why you thought to do as you considered doing with another guy

b) Have a reasonable expectation that you won't do as you considered doing with another guy in the future.

You can't get better sex than sex with Mr-Right (a man who you love) - and that's a fact. It's also a fact that you can't love Mr-Right-Now no matter how good the sex is. You can try break the mould and find happiness with Mr Right Now but the world is full of discontented people who've found out otherwise.

If you're confused as to the significance of what engagement means then you might consider kicking it to touch by making it a "longer term thing".

Avoid marriage until you're sure. The world is full of folk who unhappily did otherwise.



(If ever considering getting married then consider doing as I'm doing: tell the other person things of significance (to them) that you have done. Don't bother telling them things you have merely considered doing - things you've considered doing but haven't actually done represent "the irrelevant". We've all considered doing things we shouldn't do at some point. There's no point in beating yourself up over that stuff - given that we'd all be locked up forever if we were ever tried for that which we considered doing.

petethebrick

I think you should finish with him as you're obviously not fully committed to the relationship. It would be one thing if you cheated/ nearly cheated in a spur of the moment type situation but the fact that you soberly organised a seual encounter is far worse. Be honest with yourself and with your OH - for both your sakes