Secondary school

kellsum

I have a dilemma, my daughter is going to secondary school in September and I have chosen a school based on the fact that it is a good school that has for years being high on the league tables (except for this year) plus I have had her name down for years and have committed to going to school paying the deposit €150

the problem is none of her friends from primary school are going, they are all going to another school which happens to be my old secondary school.

I know my daughter really would like to attend the school with her friends. I don't know whether I should try and get her into my old school now but realistically it is is probably too late as it is a popular school and spaces were limited.

Does/Did anyone have similiar issues and how did they deal with them.

LegacyUser

Don't envy you your current dilemma :-)

My tuppence worth is just to caution against paying undue attention to league tables. They're a pretty crude measure of how "good" a school is. Other things like pastoral care/ extra-curricular activities etc are equally important IMO

Hope you get it resolved satisfactorily and that, regardless, your daughter will be happy x

Dizzyblonde

I didn't have the same problem, but I have 2 adult daughters and I'll give you my opinion. I think it's more important for your daughter to be happy in school than it is to send her to a school that is high in the league tables.
One of my daughters loved school, the other hated it, and there's nothing anyone could have done to change either of them. The motivation has to come from themselves - it doesn't matter whether the school is a high achieving one if your child isn't academic. And by the same token if your child is motivated they'll do well wherever they go.

If I were you I'd phone the principal of the other school and see what she can do. The transition to secondary school is difficult enough without the extra stress of knowing nobody.

BroomBurner

I also don't have the same problem, but I've been the child in question and I have to disagree with Dizzyblonde.

I got over moving to a school where I didn't have any pre-established friends, it made me more motivated to break my own circle and find my own friends. It also helped that almost everyone else there were in the same position. (I was a very shy child in primary, would only ever speak to a couple of people).

It could be a very positive thing for her. Especially when it comes to the future, and setting her up for moving to college/new job/etc. where the experience of not knowing people will help a lot.

Also, I would not be inclined to give in to a teenager.

twentysomething

I was in a similar position to your daughter going into secondary school op, and i really think that it's the best decision my mother ever made.
On my first day of secondary school, i knew 3 other people, and i truely believe that being thrown in the deep end a little really helped me to develop and forced me to be more outgoing and get to know new people.
Your daughter will adjust and she will make new friends, and there is nothing to stop her from seeing her old friends after school.
She will broaden her horizons and excel with better teachers.
Encourage her to be involved in an extra curricular activity or two, its a fantastic way to meet some like minded people.
Has she expressed much concern about being seperated from her friends, or is it just something you are worried about yourself?

star-pants

Just our experiences,
myself and my older sister went to the same secondary school. We had friends going to the same school but we didn't get sorted into the same classes, so it ended up we drifted. I and my sister made new friends and I'm still friends with some of them. Including a girl who changed schools after the Junior Cert.
(I'm now 25)
My younger sister (16) is in the same school, and she did have friends going into that school, but since then she's fallen out with all of them and is begging my mother to change schools to another one where she has a friend from scouts. But our arguement is, changing at this late stage (she's just finishing transition year) is silly. Who says she won't hate the other school? Or fall out with that friend?

So.. thing is, it won't be horrible making new friends, but put her where you think is best.

LegacyUser

How is your daughter doing in school at the moment? Is she academic and motivated? If this is the case now then the chances are she will continue with this attitude regardless of the secondary school she goes to.

Do you see a reason to take her away from the friends she currently has in her primary school..do you feel they are a good or bad influence on her?

I do also agree with Broomburner with regards the fact it could be a great learning curve socially for your daughter in opening her up to new people and experiences.

It might be an idea to sit your daughter down, talk your reasons through and ask what she might like to do and why?

kellsum

Thanks for the replies. I have said to her that it's too late to change our mind now but she says how its her friends are saying to her how they wish she was going to their school and I suppose applying pressure to her so that she will ask me which put's me in an awful position.

I'm not the type to fall for teenage pressure but I just feel a little guilty as I have the same friends that I went to primary and then secondary school with, so I think I'm depriving my daughter of this.

My daughter is in a Gaelscoil now and the school that I have committed too is also an Irish school but the school she would probably prefer is an English speaking school.

She is a bright and outgoing girl so I'm not afraid of her meeting new friends. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing by my daughter.

January

I was in a similar situation when I was younger, all of my friends were going to a different school and I was sent to a secondary school in which I knew three people (all in higher years than me). I stomped my feet and shouted (I even said I wasn't going to go to school anymore if I didn't get to go to school with my friends!), but in the end it was the best decision my parents ever made for me. Now the school I went to was in no way the highest on the league tables but it was a far better school than the one I wanted to go to and I realise that now.

I made loads of friends, friends that I'm still in touch with today. It also made me more confident as I had to make those friends for myself, not have other people introduce me to them!

Liquorice

I went to a secondary school by myself, I only knew one other girl and she was in a different primary school, coming in with a number of her schoolfriends. It was also a gaelscoil, and I had been in an English-speaking primary school. I had a fantastic time and I came out of the school with great results and few, if any, bad experiences.

My little sister followed most of her classmates to a fee-paying school. She has had problems since first year with people stealing things, with peer pressure, with bullying. She now wants to leave and my parents regret not sending her to my school.

It's hard to predict how these things will go so it's probably best to let your daughter choose. My mum was from the country so we didn't have the 'go to mum's old school' default option, instead we both picked for ourselves. I wanted the challenge of learning Irish and moving on to new pastures, away from my catty classmates; my sister wanted her mates. It worked out well for me but not for her, but at least she has the option of getting out. Your daughter seems to know what she wants and once you approve of the school she wants to go to, even if it's not your first choice, there shouldn't be a problem. If there are no spaces left, at least you have a place in another good school for her.

Delirium

kellsum wrote: »

I have a dilemma, my daughter is going to secondary school in September and I have chosen a school based on the fact that it is a good school that has for years being high on the league tables (except for this year) plus I have had her name down for years and have committed to going to school paying the deposit €150

the problem is none of her friends from primary school are going, they are all going to another school which happens to be my old secondary school.

I know my daughter really would like to attend the school with her friends. I don't know whether I should try and get her into my old school now but realistically it is is probably too late as it is a popular school and spaces were limited.

Does/Did anyone have similiar issues and how did they deal with them.

I was sent to a secondary school chosen by my dad. Everyone from my national school went to either of the other 2 secondary schools. It was basically the same logic that my dad used for choosing the school, it had a really good reputation as a school.

Personally I was very scared/annoyed that I was going to a different school by myself. However, I made new friends at the school and it was a very good school. Plus I was still able to see my friends after school and at weekends.

mental07

koth wrote: »

However, I made new friends at the school and it was a very good school. Plus I was still able to see my friends after school and at weekends.

Exactly, OP just because your daughter won't be in school with her primary school friends doesn't mean she won't ever be able to see them again. Plus she will make new friends. Chances are if she went to the other school, she'd end up just hanging around with her primary school friendsfor the whole 5/6 years of secondary school and not bother making an effort with new people

Jammyc

I've just graduated from Secondary school.

Tbh I loved primary school. I had so many friends and everything was great.

I'll admit I did go to a school where a good few of my friends were going but out of all the people I would talk to now (or indeed by second year) none of them were the people from Primary.

Im a pretty shy person btw so, I wouldnt worry too much.

I think that if you dont make a big deal of it, shes much less likely to be apprehenisve of it and so will find it easier to fit in.

ironictoaster

I'm my class of 25, there's 9 of them who I went to playschool and primary school with we're still great friends. You're always to meet new friends whatever school you go to.

My parents wanted me to go a school that had a good repetation however, I chose the school where all my friends went to and it was best one of the best decisions I have ever made.

If your daughter enjoys school she'll more than likely be motivated to work hard in my opinion.

LegacyUser

Given that your daughter has a clear preference for where she goes, it might be the best idea to try and facilitate her, as long as you think her chosen school is a reasonably good one.

marie_85

I went to a secondary school with only 1 other person from my primary school.

I vaguely knew some of the others who lived in my area, but I wouldn't have called them friends. Within two weeks, I had a massive group of friends.

Don't underestimate how beneficial it can be to start over in a new environment with new people. I used to be extraordinarily shy, and starting at a new school was so beneficial in overcoming that. The same thing happened with college. The people who went to college with friends from secondary school tended to stick to the same groups. I was able to flit around and make new friends.

rebel girl 15

League tables are not worth much IMO, where I live there are three schools, 1 co-ed, 1 all boys school and 1 all girls school. The single sex schools would have higher reputations and status, and were where all my friends went. I went to the co-ed school, and it was the best decision of my life! I would have been classed as "intelligent" and when I told people to what school I was going, the reaction was along the lines I thought you were intelligent.

the thing I say about league tables, is that you have many people that are highly intelligent according to their leaving cert results (I don't believe that the LC is a realistic exam for student, but that is another topic all together!). The best school is the one that will develop your child in an all round sense, both academically, personally, socially etc. That is the most important thing, the stuff they learn in school isn't worth that much in college!!!! And that I know from experience

RHunce

personally i think you should have sat down with your daughter and had a long chat about what school SHE wanted to go to.

at the end of the day children are more likely to be more productive in a happy environment, she might not work well in a good league table school she is unhappy in and she might work well in a mid table school she is happy in

and like what was said earlier about extra cirricular activities is so true, they are as important as school subjects

LegacyUser

Hi OP

My parents wanted me to go to one school in our local town, I chose another one, an all girls school where all the other girls from my primary school were going to (I was very shy and didnt want to be thrown in the deep end on my own as i would have been the only girl going to this other school). It as one decision that I ended up regretting.

When we did start secondary school my reasons for going to that school in the first place went completely out the window, I wasn't in the same class as most of the other girls from my NS, the ones that were put in my class I didn't get on with and I ended up making friends with a completely different group of girls.

After my JC i moved to the school that my parents wanted me to go to originally, it was a mixed school, and I had a fantastic time there.

There were many reasons why i changed school and for some reasons i don't regret going to the all girls school. All i can say is that its not as simple as choosing a school for its credentials, where everyone else is going to etc. What it does boil down to is choosing the school that is right for both your daughter and you. Don't force her to go where you want her to go, let her choose herself, with careful guidance, even if like me its one that she will later regret. It will help her make better choices in the future. Everything happens for a reason.

strongbluebell

Hi OP, I was in the same situation with two of my kids, a lot of their pals wanted to go to their school but didn't get places ( I had names down since they were 2).
Both have settled in well and made lots of new friends.
I noticed that some of their friends that went in a gang to another school split up anyway and made different friends.
They are all growing up at such different rates at that age that sometimes the friendships they made in primary school don't last. I worried about it at the time but it all worked out in the end.

~nop~

Judging by my own, and my little sisters experience of school, I would say that the better school is probably a better idea, as long as it is actually a better school.
We both started again in secondary school, resulting in us maintaining friendships with both primary and secondary school friends, which is brilliant because you don't have to rely on the one small group of friends, and during the incredibly bitchy teenage years, this is an advantage which can't be underestimated.
I also do know that there is a vast difference between some schools - one school in my area gets top of the league tables where in another they laughed at a girl who said she wanted to do medicine in college - however you should be judging the school based on many factors including extra-curriculars etc, and a gaelscoil is obviously an advantage.
At the end of the day though, if she's very unhappy she can always move, but if she's outgoing like you say you needn't worry about her in either situation

LivingDeadGirl

I was in a similar position to your daughter when I was beginning secondary school. My parents forced me to go to the same secondary school as my sister because my brother had messed up his lc in the local community school. They blamed the school, not the lazy student :rolleyes: So because of his lazniess, I was sent to a school where I knew no one, while everyone from my primary school went to the community school down the road. They tried to console me by saying that everyone would be in the same boat as me, they wouldn't know anyone either, they couldn't have been more wrong. 99% of the girls in my new school had all come from the 3 primary schools local to that area, so everyone had already established strong groups of friends. What's more is that everyone was from the same general area which made it much easier for them to socialise than it was for me(trek up from where I live, irregular bus times etc). I did make a few friends, but not many. I also know very few people my age in my area, and have to travel(at my own expense) to see my friends. I also had to get up at 6.45am to get the bus every morning and didn't get home until 4.50pm every day for 6 years, I also had to get two buses on my way home. If I had gone to the community school I could have rolled out of bed at 8.15! What's more, they sent me to an all girl's school, while the community school was mixed, which I think would've been more beneficial to me as I tend to get on much better with guys.

When I was going into 5th year we had to choose our options. I wanted to do History, Music and Art. The timetable was printed out with our choices and all my choices were on at the same time, which wasn't supposed to happen to anyone, but apparently it was too late to change it as most people were happy. As a result, I had to take Music outside school and spend an hour travelling plus an hour for the class at my Music class every Wednesday, after violin lessons, so no half day for me. I wouldn't have minded but I had a free option in school in 6th year(was forced to keep up a subject I had no interest in all through 5th year by the school) which meant I had five free classes a week. What an enormous waste of time. I did homework in class but other times I had little to do. I found out from an acquaintance that I could have done all the options I wanted in the community school. My dad has apologised to me and admitted that the decision they made about my secondary school was completely wrong, and just made my life more difficult.

All I can say is think about the other effects it could possibly have on your daughter rather than just academic results. I'm a good student who would've done well wherever I went, she sounds the same. Happiness is more important than results, IMO anyway.

LegacyUser

I think you should not change your decision. Your daughter will be better off for it. She will build up great social skills by having to make new friends. She can still keep in touch with her existing friends.

Alicat

I was made go to a secondary school miles away from my home town and my primary school friends. It was a fee-paying school and my parents felt it would be better for me. I bawled my eyes out for ages, insisted that I'd never go and they were cruel for taking me away from my friends, dropping me in the deep end by myself etc etc etc.

Truth be told, after a few months I was well settled, making lots of new friends and ended up loving the school. I rarely speak to my primary school friends now, we just kinda drifted apart. It also gave me a chance to find my own feet, and not be herded into the same category as I was in primary school. People change and a new school with new people might benefit her more.

I can't tell you what you should do as each situation is different but don't be afraid to give your daughter a little push. You can't predict the future, just do what you think is best. If you honestly think the school is better then by all means go with that. If your daughter and her primary school classmates really are the best of friends, they'll still be friends through different schools, and hopefully she'll make a rake of brand new ones too.

LegacyUser

Tbh.... all my friends when to one school (even my 2 best friends at the time) and I went to a differnt school.

I'm glad my parents made the decision for me, because they were THE happiest days of my life. In the long run (ok, you may disagree, but my school has instilled this in me) it's about results. If you think she'd be better off in one school because of results, go with it.

The reality is, people change. Friends change. Just because you were friends with someone in primary school, does NOT mean you'll be friends with them in Secondary.


My parents let me to believe I had a choice, when really I didn't. And if i said thank you to my parents a million times, it wouldn't be enough.

I feel confident enough about the leaving cert, because the shcool they chose is focused on results. But not only am I confident about my results, I've had a great time too.