How to break up?

LegacyUser

I think i better break up with y g/f of 1.5 years. she's great and we really get on but i dont think i love her and dont fancy her much anymore.

She lives in a different county so how should i do it? phone or skype seems such a bad way but so does travelling all the way down there, tellin her its off and then just leaving her there. she doesnt know hardly anybody where she is as she only moved there a few months ago.

also we're supposed to be going on holiday next month and it's all paid for. should i go on that first or break up before hand and ruin the holiday for her too?

I have tons of respect for this girl and really want to avoid hurting her but i just know its not going to work out between us. Plus i know if i broke off with her she'd go travelling which is what she rrally wants to do.

I'm 28 and she's 25

Katgurl

Drive down Sat morning, go for a walk, tell her its over, you're sorry but you don't feel the same.

You could offer she go on the holiday with a friend?

tolteq

tell her out straight.

liger

Unregistered wrote: »

also we're supposed to be going on holiday next month and it's all paid for. should i go on that first or break up before hand and ruin the holiday for her too?

Do not go on that holiday!!!!!!!!!!! only bad things will come out of that.

Gyalist

Katgurl wrote: »

Drive down Sat morning, go for a walk, tell her its over, you're sorry but you don't feel the same.

You could offer she go on the holiday with a friend?

Agreed, except for the going for the walk part. Tell her privately at her house and spare her the indignity of walking back home in floods of tears or spare yourself the hassle of taking her back home while listening to her crying/pleading with you for one more chance. Say what you have to say and leave.

LegacyUser

Op here, unfortunately i dont drive so i would have to get her to pick me up from the bus then tell her and get her to drop me back. disaster. the whole thing seems so cold or something. how do people manage to do this all the time?

StormWarrior

I was in a very similar situation, had a pre-booked holiday with a bf I wanted to dump. In the end I knew I couldn't go on holiday with him. I decided that if he wouldn't go, I would, but that if he still wanted to go I would just change my flight and accommodation so that I didn't have to actually be there with him. Luckily he decided not to go any more and so I went with a friend. Whatever you do, don't go on holiday with her. If she's just been dumped she won't be in a good mood and if she sees you with other girls there might be trouble.
Also it's unfair to continue the relationship for the sake of a holiday knowing you want to dump her, it's using her in a way.

Since you've been together a while and respect her, in theory it would be better to tell her face to face. But if she lives very far away, then I think a phone call is ok.

SarahSassy

Its never ok to use the phone, text, email, fax, morse code or pidgeons. If you can muster the time and energy to go to see her for a weekend then you can do the same to dump her

LegacyUser

Whatever you do, make sure she's there in person! Hard as it seems and as upset as she'll probably be, I can speak from experience that it is horrible to be dumped by text etc.

And make the effort to drive to her, she deserves to be told to her face. And the holiday is a bad idea.

LegacyUser

I was told by text and I have seen and chatted to my ex in passing loads since as he lives 7 miles from me.. but we still never discussed what happened face to face and its 3 years on.. i got the text and cried, and all that, called him, gave out about him, etc... but i think u get better closure face to face..... and dont try be nice to her when ye finish up.. she mite be hanging on in hope then...like i did.. thinking the break up was just a phase that wud pass! let her on with her life and be honest.

legend365

Was in same situation not so long ago. It had to be done as dragging it out would have made it worse.

I let her have the tickets.

catratbat

If ye want her to respect you (again eventually :rolleyes:) fact to face is the only way. Ye could probably pre-empt by ringing and telling her ye wanna meet up to talk as soon as possible. You're gonna hurt her but that's inevitable, keeping her hanging on's worse.

Giving her the tickets is a good idea, she can bring a mate, cry, gat drunk and feel a bit better when she comes back... This is the time to leave her go..

Best of luck.

newtoboards

You're more than likely doing something that she doesn't want so you need to give her a chance to get upset or whatever way she will react to you face to face.

star-pants

Gyalist wrote: »

Agreed, except for the going for the walk part. Tell her privately at her house and spare her the indignity of walking back home in floods of tears or spare yourself the hassle of taking her back home while listening to her crying/pleading with you for one more chance. Say what you have to say and leave.

Yup, I'd a guy come over sit in my room, then take me out for a drive, yapping about random crap, then pull up outside my house and when I went to get out he goes 'actually I came here to talk'. And I had to sob in the car with neighbours/passers by in full view and then eventually get out of the car and walk into my house. Horrible. Not that I'd have wanted him to tell me in my house either tbh, I'd rather not have a memory like that in my room.

I do suggest you do it face to face, it's way more respectful and you get to say goodbye yourself too. Don't go on the holiday pre or after breakup, it will just not work. Can you get the bus and then get a taxi to hers? so she doesn't have to pick you up /drop you back.