Eating Disorder ruining my life

LegacyUser

Hi there, don't really know why im posting here. I have before for something unrelated but im just really at wits end at what to do and really really need advice.

Ive been struggling with eating 'issues' for about 2 yrs now and its gradually gotten worse. So much so now that im basically running on empty, i dont eat and when i do even if its my previous 'safe' foods i cant keep them down out of guilt. I dont binge per se, just normal foods i used 2 be okay with when i was dieting are even out of bounds.
Im horrible and erratic to be around but mainly im effing up my education.
Ive stopped going to school (already missed 55 days this yr) and teachers are getting worried. Im very smart (got 430 in the mocks doing literally nothing) but have just given up. I cant concentrate when the eating disorder is dominating my thoughts all the time. I really want 2 do well in the leaving and go 2 college but the problem is ive sabotaged it all and ive no time left. Its come to the time where we can stay at home or go in for block study in school. Either way is a danger zone for the eating disorder..
What can i do 2 salvage my exams??
I cant exactly 'switch off' my thoughts. But i just dont know what to do.
Please reply thank you

star-pants

I would suggest trying to talk to someone about it, who knows what to do
http://www.bodywhys.ie/ is a good place to start. I'm sorry I don't have any more help.
You still have enough time between now and the leaving to do well btw.

LegacyUser

Hi op,

Stress can make issues worse, just do what ever you can to get through, do not worry about it too much, the worst that can happen is you do not get as many points as you would like and you might repeat or do a different course for nest year...but you may need to take it easy next year and see a therapist to address the emotional reasons you are using food for an addiction.

Just get through the leaving and then tell your family you need help, you need to take the pressure off yourself, try meditation you can you tube how to do it and its really just about having moments to breath in the present moment, the more you can bring the present moment into your life right now the less your mind will rush......

So when your mind rushes non stop, just look around at other things, a bird singing, a ray of sunshine coming in the window, your breath, just try notice things that are in the present moment it really helps to calm the body.


Best of luck Op, Sending the angels to watch over you xx

beks101

Unregistered wrote: »

What can i do 2 salvage my exams??

More to the point, what can you do to salvage your health?

I know you won't believe me OP, but the Leaving Cert is just not important at the moment OP because there's something bigger and far more serious at stake. You can always repeat.

I say this as someone who has been through the mill and lost a close friend to an eating disorder...DO SOMETHING NOW about this.

Do you believe you could actually go along to college and have the time of your life, leaving all your issues behind and 'growing out of' the anguish you are in? Because it doesn't work that way - there's something far more deep rooted here and I'd imagine the exam stress is provoking it - it usually does.

Fair play to you for recognising it, it's a really bloody hard thing to do, but don't dismiss what you are experiencing - I think an appointment with the GP should be your first port of call. There's so much help out there for this but such a stigma surrounding it, you owe it to yourself to make take that first crucial step before it spirals out of control.

And I know it's the last thing you feel like doing, but it REALLY helps to confide in somebody - are you close to your Mum, Dad, brothers or sisters, even a sympathetic teacher at school? Of course they'll be sick with worry, but you don't have to burden this alone.

Best of luck, thinking of you x

rantyface

Even if you don't go up from the mocks you can get into most areas except medicine and law. Even getting the timing in exams better should bump you up a bit- taking exams you finished early a bit slower to think about them, and getting through the ones you didn't finish.
After you get accepted you can defer and take a year out if you need to clear your head. Don't stress, once you get a degree you don't even put your leaving cert on your cv.

Kevster

Hi,

I have had an eating disorder in various guises for the past 4 year now. I gave up trying to battle it, and instead just tried to accept that I have the problem. By accepting it, I was able to move on in my life with the eating disorder in tow. This isn't ideal, but it was the only way (I believe) that I could continue in life. I basically said: 'Right, I have an eating disorder, but i'm not going to let it affect my overall plans anymore'.

Take care,
Kevin

LegacyUser

Kevster wrote: »

Hi,

I have had an eating disorder in various guises for the past 4 year now. I gave up trying to battle it, and instead just tried to accept that I have the problem. By accepting it, I was able to move on in my life with the eating disorder in tow. This isn't ideal, but it was the only way (I believe) that I could continue in life. I basically said: 'Right, I have an eating disorder, but i'm not going to let it affect my overall plans anymore'.

Take care,
Kevin

Well done kevester, i admire your strength here, accepting yourself and loving yourself is the best way to handle it, getting rid of all the negative talk and pressure gives you a chance to move forward, it is great progress, well done!

LegacyUser

Hi Kev,

If I was you I would complete the Leaving cert, I know you only have 2 weeks but try to make a new focus from today and do your best, I would say that with your level of intelligence you are already ahead of many students in your year. Get the lC out of the way and next goal is to firstly speak to family and friends and a professional counsellor and make as much progress as you can over the summer months. If your results are pretty ok, I imagine they will be then you can decide on what you want to do next. Going to college is going to bring about its own anxieties and stress, so try to make sure that your head is in the right place if you know what I mean or your eating disorder could be exacerbated further. I appreciate how difficult this must be for you, but the ball is in your court now, its up to you which direction you take, Very best of Luck, Take Care

LegacyUser

Hey all,

My sister is currently working in an organisation called bodywhys.ie, definitely a good place to call for anyone suffering with any kind of eating disorder, totally charitable organisation and from what she has told me they have had some great successes in the past with a lot of people who had been suffering for years. Definitely worth a shot, hope you guys are doing ok.

Kevster

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Kev,

If I was you I would complete the Leaving cert, I know you only have 2 weeks but try to make a new focus from today and do your best, I would say that with your level of intelligence you are already ahead of many students in your year. Get the lC out of the way and next goal is to firstly speak to family and friends and a professional counsellor and make as much progress as you can over the summer months. If your results are pretty ok, I imagine they will be then you can decide on what you want to do next. Going to college is going to bring about its own anxieties and stress, so try to make sure that your head is in the right place if you know what I mean or your eating disorder could be exacerbated further. I appreciate how difficult this must be for you, but the ball is in your court now, its up to you which direction you take, Very best of Luck, Take Care

Hi,

I'm actually 26 now and only developed an eating disorder in 2004 in my final year of my first degree in Computer Science. Flash forward 5 years, and I'm now on the verge of getting an honours degree in Industrial Biology, having already got an ordinary degree in Biosciences and a Higher Cert in Applied Biology over these years too. i have certs in French and Spanish too, and will be starting a PhD in october.

...I did all that with the eating disorder. There's no way I'm going to let it ruin my life anymore, and I hope you can do the same as I have done, OP.

Kevin

estar

i had your problem right at the same time as you did during my leaving cert year many years ago. i wanted to do well, but wanted to be well. i ended up leaving go controlling the eating problem to focus on study, got very high marks, went to college and collapsed!! i went into a tunnel, left college, couldnt take any pressure as had been living such a regulated life, worked in a supermarket for a year, and when i had time to breathe and had worked on really addressing my problem, slowly got back on track.

what i have learned from hindsight

1. accept your situation. you have an eating disorder and until you deal with that you wont do well in anything else. its like putting the roof on the house with dodgy walls.

2. either you fix this now or you limp along from leaving cert to college like i did, then maybe through your degree in pain and suffering, unable to truly be yourself and enjoy life and make good choices because you are trapped in that downward spiral of counting, special food, hiding your habit from other people, inability to be emotionally honest and open because you are hiding your issues etc etc etc - get the foundations right and the rest will follow.

you could

1. take the foot off the accelerator and drift and get proper help. proper help starts with YOU. not a counsellor, not external sources. YOU. you need to decide to put your health above that voice in your head and the discomfort caused by eating, and attend a dietician on a weekly basis and follow the plan given to the letter. whatever that takes. no excuses. no nothing. just do it. then counselling for the emotional issues. bodywhys are a great place to start.

2. tell your parents, family everyone. confide. let them in. its the only way to really start being honest about what you are doing, how you feel.


i am now very successful and have no problems with eating, except perhaps eating too much. but because i didnt do things the rght way around my points were of no use to me, as i wasnt able to use them, as my mind was in a fog and i just burned out. i got back, but i wish that i had had someone's advice at that time that knew what it was like. i also didnt address my problems properly at that time and developed other issues, but recovered from them also, but thats another story for another time. dont let your eating disorder win. i promise you you will have a far better life
if you take back control and let the light of common sense shine in your life!!!!

final words

- you can completely recover fully
- it does get better when you face it with courage
- you have a great future ahead of you and dont despair.

get back for any further advice or updates on how you are / feel / etc

your health is always the priority and the foundation of any long term success but the longer you go down this road, the harder it is to come back, 2 years is long enough, its time to come back.

LegacyUser

I had eating issues for a long time and tackled them successfully.

It looks like you need to tackle the immediate stuff first and get in shape for your exams.

Believe it or not if you are up to it chocolate is quite a health food for this and you would be surprised how resiliant you can be. Get a few multipacks and keep a few bars with you and you will surprise yourself.

Stress used to bring on that unhealthy type of behaviour with me.


Best of luck with your exams.

beks101

estar wrote: »

proper help starts with YOU. not a counsellor, not external sources. YOU. you need to decide to put your health above that voice in your head

This is so true.

Your food issues are a coping mechanism - you know as well as I do that it's not really about the food - and really, honestly, 100 percent deciding that you are going to find a healthier way of coping is a scary thing. Terrifying, even. It's letting go of what you know and feels like giving up your control, your power.
I had a million false starts because I thought I wanted to get better, but in reality was wasting a lot of my parents' money and people's time because the stubborn part of me couldn't, or wouldn't, face up to it. It's like building a new identity for yourself that isn't based on perfection, and I had to hit rockbottom before waking up to this fact.
My mother used to always tell me to 'push the boat out' and it's such a cliche, but it's what you have to do. Let yourself leave the safety zone because you just don't deserve the agony and pain and unending depression that EDs bring, it's just not worth it.

Another thing I have to say is that my problem never stopped me from achieving anything, quite the opposite if anything - I excelled at school and college, but could not enjoy a second of it because it was just another symptom of what I was going through, another neurotic attempt at perfection, and I went at it as compulsively as I calorie counted and went to the gym. Sure, I achieved stuff, but I hated myself. That's no fun.

It's a little controversial, but I would recommend reading Orbach's 'Fat is a Feminist Issue' - a few of her theories are way out there, but that book really opened my eyes to my behaviour.

lynnsback

OP
I used to have eating issues myself and I eventally discovered that for me my problems were more physiological than psychological. My diet was always healthy but I increased certain macro nutrients and my issues FINALLY got resolved. Many people with eating disorders have naturally low levels of
brain chemicals and certain supplements or vitamin and mineral supplementations can help with that. If you like reading, Julia Ross's book The Diet Cure and Kathleen Des Maisons Potatoes not Prozac are both great.