Am I the stupidest person ever??

LegacyUser · 20-05-2009 12:00am #1

I have just moved in with my boyfriend, we have been together 1 1/2 years (long distance before i moved over to him). I checked his phone the other day, and saw he was sending texts to another girl, randy one, and also sent a pic of his penis!! These were sent three months ago, and i moved in 2 weeks ago.
Ok, this is so wrong, he insists he never met her, which i do believe. he sent them after we had a massive row, it was a really bad patch, and i had told him i didnt know if i wanted to be with him or not.
So now this pic and text message has surfaced, and i have been feeling so crap about things. I told him that this was very wrong,and that i was leaving, i was bawling crying, he was crying like a girl, begging me to stay, telling me he loves me, and that i was the only one, i have never seen him so upset. He said he sent those texts out of anger towards me, and back then he wanted to hurt me.
He says we are together now, and things have been great. We have been inseperable since i moved, and i doubt this will change, therefore it would be impossible for him to cheat.

I agreed to start afresh, but i am so paranoid now, all that keeps going around in my head is those texts and that pic. But i love him so much, that i would find it very very hard to leave

I have done a very stupid thing by agreeing to stay....havent i?

Karen_* · 20-05-2009 9:21am

If I'm angry with someone I don't send naked pics of myself to the men on my phone OP. Yes I think you are mad to stay, you'll get what you put up with to be honest.

Katgurl · 20-05-2009 9:27am

oh please leave now before you're anymore involved

Tea Spoon · 20-05-2009 9:29am

If you felt the need to check his phone in the first place then that should tell you there is little if no trust and it's a non-runner.

Speaking as a bloke the majority of us are not inclined to send pics of our weeners around contrary to popular belief! My advice is to bail and quick! Good luck.

Kimia · 20-05-2009 9:53am

So he was angry at you, and so he sent a pic of his penis to another girl who he had been flirting with.

Ridiculous. This is just a pathetic excuse. What a loser.

And i don't get fellas sending pics of their penises to women. Do they actually think that we are going to swoon over their beauty?

More like the girl would have a laugh and show it to her friends. Pathetic.

Barracudaincork · 20-05-2009 9:58am

You havent done the most stupid thing ever, but if you do stay with him you're borderline close to it.

Trust is one of the most important things in any relationship even friendship, when trust is broken its hard to fix. You checking his phone suggests you dont trust him at all and also shows he cant trust you either. You have no right to look at his phone and he should be annoyed with you for that too.

However the greater issue is the fact he sent pics of his "little man" to a girl, tasteless, stupid, out of order are some of the expressions that come to mind. I find it hard to believe that there was no texts/pics between him and this girl beforehand, as i doubt you guys argued and he found someone "new" straight away to send these too.

AND he said it was after an arguement and he wanted to hurt you, the fact he wants to hurt you when you guys argue would concern me heaps! But im curious how did he think you would find out about the pics to therefore be hurt by them????? Sounds like someone is making excuses up after they have been caught!!!!

You know what you need to do and i hope you find the strength to do it!

AARRRGH · 20-05-2009 10:13am

I don't believe his excuses, but I think it's ok to fogive him and give him a second chance, IF you believe you will be able to trust him again.

Difficult one though.

Dizzyblonde · 20-05-2009 10:49am

If you decide to stay then you'd better not make him angry again because who knows what he'd do next time

Seriously, I'd get out now.

Gyalist · 20-05-2009 1:04pm

Unregistered wrote: »

So now this pic and text message has surfaced, and i have been feeling so crap about things. I told him that this was very wrong,and that i was leaving, i was bawling crying, he was crying like a girl, begging me to stay, telling me he loves me, and that i was the only one, i have never seen him so upset. He said he sent those texts out of anger towards me, and back then he wanted to hurt me.

If that's true, which I doubt, why would he send the photo and not tell the person he wanted to hurt? How was something you never knew about supposed to hurt you?

More importantly, what was the reason for you checking his phone? Has he given you reasons in the past for you to not trust him now?

He says we are together now, and things have been great. We have been inseperable since i moved, and i doubt this will change, therefore it would be impossible for him to cheat.

If the only guarantee of his fidelity to you is that he hasn't had the opportunity to cheat, that means that there is absolutely no trust in the relationship. You've only been cohabiting for two weeks, do you plan to be inseparable forever?

I agreed to start afresh, but i am so paranoid now, all that keeps going around in my head is those texts and that pic. But i love him so much, that i would find it very very hard to leave

I have done a very stupid thing by agreeing to stay....havent i?

That's hard to tell but would you have come to a different decision if you were on your home turf?

StormWarrior · 20-05-2009 1:15pm

So what happens the next time you have an argument, what will he do then?

SarahSassy · 20-05-2009 1:30pm

I know all about it and was in your position a number of years ago... All I have to say was that he said it was 'only a once off' but in reality when I went looking it was only the tip of the iceberg....

It, naturally enough, broke us up and messed me up for a few years so imho dont listen to his BS. There is no reasonable excuse for sending a pic like that to someone who is not your gf. Its boardering infedility and he is making a total fool of you (and himself).

Get rid and sooner rather than later.

barbie princess · 20-05-2009 1:43pm

everyone can make a stupid mistake... if u were to leave him after this mistake you'll always wonder was he the one ... although hav to say this happened me before(sending texts not pictures) and your always left with that paranoya that creeps back in and haunts you every once and a while..:(

SarahSassy · 20-05-2009 1:48pm

barbie princess wrote: »

although hav to say this happened me before(sending texts not pictures) and your always left with that paranoya that creeps back in and haunts you every once and a while..:(

And life is too short to live like that. A text is not as bad as a photo of his weener in my book.

maxxie · 20-05-2009 1:53pm

typical female responses! weopens

sounds to me he is fairly genuine!

LegacyUser · 20-05-2009 2:04pm

it doesnt matter what anyone else says on this... do what u feel is right. if u can't see your self living ur life without him and really love him then forgive him...he sent a picture? so what.. if thats all he did and u no that for a fact then forgive hm. if u are completely repulsed by what he did and cant handle it then dont put urself through the torment.. i no id forgive him if i really loved him.. humans make mistakes... and men will be men.. as long as hes your man , who loves you and only you. its life! good luck

tbh · 20-05-2009 2:24pm

he wanted to send the pic of his knob, and he would have done it anyway. He's using the angry thing as an excuse. If I was angry, the only person I'd be sending a picture of my penis to would be the person I was angry with.

Mind you, maybe he was drifting, and this has given him the wake-up call he needs?

LegacyUser · 22-05-2009 2:23pm

HI OP here

Thanks everyone for their views.
Maybe i didnt explain myself properly. We has split up at the time the pic was sent. This girl he sent it too was someone he used to text (when he felt a bit frisky) and he had told me about her before, they had never met.
I found the pic, cos i was looking for something else, he knows i look at his phone on reg basis (for pics of family reletives), so i think deep down he wanted me to see them, so i would feel hurt....it worked!!
I think we were drifting very very far apart at the time, the distance got too much, and it didnt really feel like a proper relationship.
THings have been good since we moved in together. I still am giving him a hard time about the texts, just so he knows that i can't be walked all over. I suppose for the next few months i have to be extra vigilant, but hopefully the trust will get back to how it was.
I was home for a few days last week, and had a long hard think about things, i rang him and told him i had to break up with him, he spent ages trying to convince me otherwise (which isnt really him), and i realised that i loved him too much. But if one more thing happens im gone, and he knows that.

Anyways, yes i think i am the most stupidest girl alive, but i know he has never phyically cheated on me (i have a very good gut feeling - and its telling me he hasn't), so if some couples can get over cheating, then surely we can get past this.

Oh, and when i said we are always together, i dont mean that i have to be with him so he wont cheat, i just meant that is how we are, so it would be impossible that an ongoing affair has been going on.

We are now living together, and we have started afresh, almost like a new relationship, so hopefully it will work out,

Thanks again

)

Am I the stupidest person ever??

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