Will someone write a bestman speech for me please!

Daithi07

I have to give a bestman speech at my older brothers wedding next and i have not got a clue what to say! Boo-Hoo...sob, sob! Could anyone please help me write a speech about my stingey, tight brother of mine! Thanks in advance. I'm such a hopeless case!:(:(:(

Saint_Mel

Depending on how well known your bro is for stingyness, and how well the in laws to be can take a joke, why not start with something like:

"When Jim (whoever) told me about the wedding I couldnt tell if he was more excited about marrying Mary (whoever) or the fact that her parents would be paying for the day"

A fella I kinda know, a bit mad at times, was best man for his brother a few years ago. He opened with ...
"Ray hasnt really told me much about the honeymoon but I presume they're going to North Wales cos
he would only tell me that he's going to Bangor for 2 weeks"!
Apparently half the room nearly choked with laughter ... while the other half nearly choked!

seamus

The funniest speeches contain true stories and not jokes you pulled off the internet and just inserted names into. The hardest part is getting structure. Once you've done that, it's easy to hang your words off of.

I'm better at writing out stuff than winging it, and not great at memorising stuff, so I had it written down, word-for-word, so there was no way I could be stuck for words if I forgot what came next, even though I didn't read directly off the cards, just referred to them.

The structure of mine basically was (and it went down well):

• Short intro about your inspiration for the speech or your reaction at being asked to be best man
• Talk about the type of man your brother is. Describe his most obvious traits in a light-hearted way and use these as lead-in points to tell stories about him. When telling stories about him, try to include stories from each "era" of his life, and avoid telling a lot of drunken stories, as this just makes him look like a pisshead. 3 - 5 short, snappy, funny stories should be more then enough.
• Talk about your relationship with your brother
• Talk about how they met, and maybe describe it from your POV, including the things the lads down the pub take the piss out of him about
• Talk about the bride, how beautiful she looks (even if she doesn't) and how happy you are to now be related to her. Under no circumstances do you make fun of the bride.
• Formally welcome the bride to your family. Be as drippy as you like.
• Talk about how you expect their relationship to be great, don't be afraid to add in a joke about the groom having to get rid of the rent book now, or something
• Toast the bride and groom

..And you're done.

The whole thing should be between 5 and 10 minutes. Suit it to your crowd - sometimes a very smutty and risqué speech will go down well, other times you'll need to tone it down a bit and just be quippy and clever. There's nothing worse than seeing a best man go for the jugular, tell the dirtiest jokes and stories he could think of and watch him crash and burn.

Golden Rules:
As above, never ever take the piss out of the bride.
Never, ever bring up ex-girlfriends, fights or break-ups between the couple, or that hooker that the groom ended up in bed with in Amsterdam.
Money is usually a risky topic. Only talk about it if you're totally sure that both the bride and groom and both sets of parents will laugh.

And remember, you will never get a more receptive audience. Your speech is last. They'll be half-pissed and in good spirits and every single person in that room *wants* to laugh. There won't be a single person there who's in a critical mood or who wants you to fail. You will also get ample mic time beforehand as the MC. Take it from me that simply doing stuff like introducing people will help you relax immensely.

sweetie

Daithi07 wrote: »

I have to give a bestman speech at my older brothers wedding next and i have not got a clue what to say! Boo-Hoo...sob, sob! Could anyone please help me write a speech about my stingey, tight brother of mine! Thanks in advance. I'm such a hopeless case!:(:(:(

It's an honour to be best man and you should try and put a bit of effort in.
I know it's difficult but there's plenty of sites on the web with jokes and if
you work in some funny stories and complement the bride, bridesmaids and mothers of the bride and groom and thank whoever is paying and the priest
you should be fine. I've djed at a lot of weddings and one of the best beginnings of a speech I've heard was:

Bestman - "Fornication......for an occasion such as this it was an honour to be asked to be best man for.."

cheers

seamus

sweetie wrote: »

complement the bride, bridesmaids and mothers of the bride and groom and thank whoever is paying and the priest
you should be fine.

Just to clarify, thanking people is generally done by the groom. The best man shouldn't really have to thank anyone because he's the MC, not the host, and the host is the guy who thanks people. Generally though, that is. There are no hard-and-fast rules, but you should try not to overlap stuff in speeches.

I would also strongly recommend that you get it done very early - a week or two before the wedding. Putting it off and doing it the morning of the wedding will only make you stress out and you won't get enough time to consider it. Having it done and dusted two weeks beforehand is a massive relief, believe me. Practice the speech, out loud in front of your other half or your mother or whatever and ask them to be critical of both the content and the presentation. Practice it a number of times out loud, either in front of someone or one your own, so you can get your timing right and while you read it, new ideas will pop into your head.

The things that most people miss out on are speed and diction. Read it slowly, don't read it/say it at the same speed you would read it in your head. The easiest way to control speed is to be a little dramatic. Do a Captain Kirk on it.
So read every line. Like this. As if you are very relaxed. And every single statement. Has equal importance.

Diction generally comes with speed and having someone else to listen to tell you when you're muddling a word is very useful. But try and listen for it yourself - places where you skip or flatten a syllable in a word. Generally for Irish people this happens with "th", s and f. Avoid mumbling - hold your head up straight and say every word as if you're trying to reach the guy at the back of the room, even when you have a mic.